A tightness in his chest, pulsing with his hearts, felt more like being squeezed in a press than held in her arms. He knew well enough that she was in the middle of her dimension jumps. That she had so much more to go. That the universe hinged on her completing her task. Guilt, the taste of copper on the tongue and a sour turn in the stomach, was a sensation he knew well. It would be a disservice to her to let her think her job was done.Â
âItâs alright. Iâm here. Youâre here.âÂ
Releasing her waist only to bring that hand to the back of her head, he let out a shuddering sound. Fingers traced through those soft, blonde locks. She was real. She deserved the truth. A softness came over his voice, gently murmured against her temple.
âOh, Rose. Iâve missed you, too.â
He shifted her in his arms so he could look her in the eyes. A soft brush of fingers across her cheeks wiped away her tears. His own smile wavered with unspoken emotion. He swallowed hard, feeling the itch of stretching timelines. All he wanted was a little more time and he could get it just this once. This time she would know the truth.
âThing is, our timelines are out of sync. So this is borrowed time. Your journey isnât over yet but you will find me in time. I know it because itâs already happened for me. You were brilliant!â His smile widened, bright and radiant of his faith in her. âThis little bit of time here, now, can be ours. If you want it.â
But. There was a but. And, just as quick as her joy had whirled within her body, a freezing feeling took over her whole, carried away by his string of rapid stings of a truth she had not wanted to consider when she saw his face after such a long yearning.
Her face fell along with her heart. His words were slowly replaced by an all-encompassing high pitch, mind becoming static and body completely slack. She didnât quite listen to him as he kept talking, explaining her error --- it was so logical, so expectable, that she even made room to feel stupid and naĂŻve. Stupid bloody ape who thought jumping through dimensions was anything other than impossible to get right; every universe ran on its own speed, every jump damaged the fabric of the universes, every place carried its own life separate from this girl who thought she could get the upper hand with jumping and a puny cannon.
One stupid last tear escaped her eye and she quickly brushed it off with the back of her sleeve --- and stepped away from the Doctorâs embrace. Her heart was now racing in frustration at her own failure, rushing blood continued with the pitch that deafened her ears, and she bit her lower lip into her mouth to stop herself from screaming all of that out.
How long had it even been for him? She kept asking herself that question every morning, but having met him drove her blind. It felt like nothing mattered, like a literal balm of relief over so many worries and loneliness... but it did. It always did. So? How long? She couldnât bring herself to look at him anymore, couldnât ask him herself. How many other people had come and gone for him? Or how alone had he become on his own choice? Was the TARDIS still around? Was someone following him and would they come crashing through the door in a moment? Had he forgotten the feel of her hand? Had he stopped thinking about her? Was she the only one whose last and first thought was him every night and morning?
Bits and pieces of his last admissions came back to her and she put them together as best as she could. So she would find him, or whatever, thatâs bloody fantastic. All the more reason to ask why she wasnât there beside him to begin with, right? That would answered her questions better than any words would, didnât it? Rose crossed her arms over her chest --- in desperate need for a hug right about now --- and sniffed the remainings of her tears, keeping them and herself at bay.
âWhere am I, though? In your future? âCos, if I made it anâ all, I wouldnâtâve left you, anâ I donât see a future me runninâ behind you.â
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