I've been in this greek mythology sphere since a long time. I've been a silent liker supported my favorite art tumblrs in any possible way, got to know a lot about greek myths. They help me yknow, they really do. Idk why I'm doing this today. Maybe it might seem like I'm asking for sympathy. But I'm really exhausted today. Never in my life have I ever talked about this, cause I don't want people to know but I also want someone to listen to me. And what better place to share than to a community that I feel the most comfortable in ig. So here goes nothing.
From an early age I've always felt very scared of something, someone, idk but I felt scared. There would always be this weird panicky sensation in my chest, my hands and feet would get super cold. I kept it to myself cause I thought well maybe it's because of my academics. But no, it just increased. I felt scared all of the time, while watching movies, or showering, or talking to anybody, or when I'm laying in my bed. Since I was super young, I always made up scenarios in my head and i used to speak to the characters, make myself a character, but i knew it wasn't reality. I still do this and lemme tell you, its so addictive and fun haha. It has a name tho, maladaptive daydreaming thingy. I've also been terribly lonely my entire life. My parents are super busy so I barely get 7 mins to talk to em, dont have that many friends cause idk why haha. I dont have siblings. I go to many apps so that I can speak to somebody, anybody but they just leave me on read once they find out I'm from India. I think I am not likeable, I think there's something in me which is inherently bad ig. My college mates love talking to me tho cause I make em laugh. I generally crack jokes about myself, cause by doing so I finally made friends in college. I'm really lonely guys, I cry a lot because of this. I wanna leave tbh just run away somewhere.
I'm a psychology student, so maybe I'm overthinking. But idk I wanna leave, I don't want to live like this. I need people.
