Hi.

My name is Megan. I like to collect cardigans and pet cats. 

[rosesinthe-disarray]

I date people to fix them

[zodiacupdates-blog]

Always messes up the conversation by saying something stupid when they talk to someone pretty Squad

GEMINI, Cancer, Capricorn, Sagittarius, Pisces

[drinkpisspissblood]

The someone pretty: Taurus, Libra, Virgo, Aquarius, Leo, Aries, Scorpio

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I got a tattoo of Casper the friendly ghost on my thigh. When I would slap it, he’d whisper the answers to my math test to me. If anyone else tried to slap it, Casper would say “not so friendly now, huh?” and then proceed to choke them.

[queerasflux]

man, paying attention to who’s posting these makes a huge difference

[jennyhoelzer-deactivated2016120]

Life isn’t always candy ! Sometimes it’s a mouthful of sand! You just have to keep putting things in your mouth!!!

[disabilityhealth]

This sounds like it was written by my dog

[objectdreams]

1-star yelp review of laguardia airport

written using a predictive text interface

source: all 1-star yelp reviews of laguardia airport

transcript:

Keep reading

[staff]

Have pleasant holiday travels, Tumblr.

[averagefairy]

cleaning with a mr clean magic eraser is such a sensual experience like the mess just goes away it’s so easy…… i just cleaned the fridge and i was turned on the whole time. mr clean owns my ass

[notlostonanadventure]

This is the weirdest viral marketing campaign ever

[averagefairy]

ITS NOT SPONSORED IM JUST A FREAK FOR QUALITY CLEANING SUPPLIES

[epic-humor]

[trolltina]

[rosesinthe-disarray]

Me, your roommate back in Boulder: what the fuck?

[brucebocchi]

[illogical-vulcan-deactivated201]

millennial dreams: to have enough money for a 1 bedroom apartment, bills, and groceries. 

[awwww-cute]

The moment my dog (and husband) realized I was in the car beside him

[setheverman]

Your dog and husband look so happy. Who the hell is that guy with glasses tho?

[pussiesaregod]

the reason i like staying up late so much is because between the hours of 1am-5am, the world is quiet and no one expects anything from me. i could stare at my wall for 4 hours and there would be no consequences. it’s so silent and calm. i love it

[donesparce-deactivated20160928]

[luumia]

Me: Can my game PLEASE stop lagging and stuttering for the love of god I’ve cleaned out my mods folder, the cache and everything possi-

My game:

[mitski-miyawakis]

the fact that this person edited the gif to lag

[xxxtictacion]

I honestly thought it was my awful Internet doing that

[ithelpstodream]

[alexander]

i choked reading this