After a year Iām deciding to delete all of my Gil posts from here. Tumblr wonāt let me password protect this blog and I have content here and on secondary blogs I want to keep.Ā
Iām really tired of people taking my edits and content. Of Fate fandom in particular outside a few close Fate friends and yumejoshi.Ā
If you see a post that has a lot of notes on another blog, Iāve deleted it, not because Iām ashamed of it, but because I no longer wish for my original writing and thoughts to be available to people. I still stand by Nasuās canon intentions and explanations of who Gil is and his likes.Ā
This is why I will never fit into FGO/Fate spaces.
Almost a year ago, I posted that I was tired of people making fun of Gilgamesh by calling his outfits gay. As a bisexual person, I have actually experienced stereotyping in the past with how Iāve dressed.
>Lesbians wear this. You must be a lesbian.
>Straight people wear that.Ā
>You shouldnāt wear that. Itās pretty gay (as in ugly).
>This flamboyant clothing must be gay, because all homosexuals are flamboyant and frivolous.Ā
That and the fact that gendering clothing runs the same way. Itās based off pretty shitty stereotypes.
And I asserted that in canon Gilgamesh has only expressed INTEREST IN WOMEN. That there is nothing in canon that shows anything outside this. HOWEVER, THIS DOES NOT EXCLUDE HIM FROM BEING BISEXUAL, ITāS JUST THERE IS NOT ANY CONCRETE CANON EXAMPLES, THE EPIC NOT COUNTING BECAUSE OF HOW FATE CHANGES IT.
Iām not going to get into this explanation again.
Unfortunately, it seems most of FGO fandom lacks reading comprehension and took this as me being gung-ho about saying Gilgamesh is straight. Which I neverĀ did. I never ever once did. And suddenly, people are behind my back saying Iām homophobic (Iāve dated women before??? How am I homophobic???).
Like what the fuck.
To make matters worse, Iāve seen the sameĀ ārebuttalā, the picture of the parodyĀ manga posted to Discord. Meaning that some Fate/FGO or Gilgamesh server had spread this around.
Like, Gilgamesh means a lot to me as a character and I canāt even interact with 80-90% of his fans. I donāt care about shipping, I just care about him, who he is, as a character. If it so happens to be a part of a ship or dynamic, sure thatās fun. Itās enough that god knows how much Iāve spent on merch ($20,000 at this rate) and I donāt even want to share my insights or merch anymore if people are constantly going to be horribleĀ like this in fandom.
The constant stealing of my content, whether itās memes, graphics, my PowerPoints, my gushes...now being made fun of because some people just want to fight their lack of reading comprehension since being queer irl is apparently less of an issue than a fictional characterās queerness, even as a joke. I was posted to a cringe forumĀ with my art reposted and everything despite my TOS, because of self-shipping. This person stalkedĀ me with url changes, saying I was fat, must be a CNA even though Iām an RN because Iām a degenerate with no hobbies. Just because I like Gil and self-shipped. I had people be rude and awful on DailyGil twitter.
All Iāve done is my rant above and posted memes and other content. Or merch. If fandom is going to do this, if me posting content is just going to backlash against me. Why...even do it at all except for those I trust?Ā
I canāt do this anymore. I honestly canāt believe people are like this all because of a stupid fandom and their ships. Because I focus on Gilgameshās Fate lore more than fandom. That the feelings of LGBTQA+ people are lesser than ships, and that theft/reposting is okay to do.
I toned it back and stopped posting longer gushes, and just some merch, some things here and there. But no more. Literally. No. More.
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āoh but we never get to SEE them be friendsā you people can squeeze romance out of a rock, but you canāt extrapolate the platonic devotion and motivation behind an action or character arc? okay.
very cheap second hand copy of masonās gilgamesh arrived today and it had annotations from a previous owner that are probably better than the text itself
If anyone ever tells me again that Iām not concentrating hard enough or Iām not focusing hard enough on doing my tasks or work or whatever, here watch this. No brain is the same and our ADHD brain looks different when focusing/concentrating!!!
This is a SPECT, S-P-E-C-T of my husbandās brain. This is his brain during focus of aāat a task that takes concentration. This is showing blood flow to the different areas of his brain when he has to focus and concentrate.
And thisā¦is mine.
When I have to focus and concentrate on something I find boring, my brain literally goes to sleep.
Okay, when I was having that test, I knew I was being tested. So I was concentrating as hard as I possibly could. I was trying to focus, and thatās what happens in the brain of someone with ADHD.
So when we say our brains work differently, we literallyā¦
girl help im in the 5th floor of the ooku and kamaās clones keep trying to sex me up i tried to ward them off by explaining soulsborne lore at them but it only made it worse girl helpĀ
My favorite bit of Kiara lore is that shes one of the most skilled hackers on the planet in her time, and is apparently a lowkey supergenius with technology. You ever think in Chaldea someones computer freezes for whatever reason and the IT person they send is the lady who tried to fuck the planet
I ran Daily_Gil for a few months and gilsqueen (my main personal twitter).
I started Daily_Gil because I thought itād be fun to post some official pictures Iāve taken or collected over the last 4+ years. I had it planned down the line to post pictures of uncommon merch that had specific designs etc.Ā
Gilsqueen was where I original uploaded pictures of my hauls, my art, as well as my introspection about Gil if it wasnāt here on tumblr. I started to become more comfortable about myĀ āself-shippingā too.
Between what has happened with being screencapped, having the things Iāve personally made be stolen, being personally attackedĀ on here for something really stupid I never said, people retweeting and posting raunchy and horrible things onto Daily_Gil...
Then of course, I already had to deal with the off characterizations I see in fandom.Ā
Iām tired. Iām done with Western FGO fandom. Itās been one thing after the other to the point Iām having to block r/grandorder bot and other big FGO/Fate social media hubs.
Look, I tried to overlook things for 4+ years. I wanted to spread my love for Gil to other fans and those who appreciated him as a character. It was to the point I was totally fine with overlooking if people shipped things I didnāt. Because thatās just common courtesy? If someone ships something I donāt, Iām not going to take it personally. If it was so far out there, then I would block people. But, I really extended courtesy to people who I agreed to disagree with on twitter, as long as you didnāt interact with me trying to fight me to begin with.Ā
I even overlooked a lot of things that made me uncomfortable as people just having fun, but if it gets to the point of being attacked, walked over, stolen from, or being sent horrible things, Iām not going to do it anymore. Itās not worth it for me to put in effort into something that people are going to do this for. Iāve definitely made some friends through this but I donāt want to deal with the other side of it any longer.Ā
Some people have reached out to me about wanting me to continue writing, drawing, making silly charts or memes. I appreciate this but I canāt keep doing this anymore if sharing it means that Iām just going to get hurt. I already have to deal with transitioning into a real full-time nurse and I donāt want what I love to add onto that stress. Honestly, I donāt deserve that treatment. Nobody does. Writing, discussing, sharing Gilgamesh related things was quite literally from my heart. Thereās a lot of things I donāt feel comfortable in explaining why I feel this way, but it was something fun and enjoyable that took a ton of stress off my shoulders. When people do/did this to me, it added stress onto me that was supposed to go away. I donāt want my hobbies, likes, etc to do that to me when I need everything the most in my life.
Iām hope this makes sense. Iām frustrated, angry, and not happy with Western FGO fandom. This behavior on top of the art reposts such as people posting all of Miss Wadaās fan artbooks on twitter, stealing fan art and original content, lack of etiquette with retweets on non-English artists or even Western ones, is just the tip of the iceberg why Iām so done. Iāve had to contact websites to take stolen Gilgamesh fanart down because I saw Western people buying it. Itās going to happen on the Internet, but it feels like many should know better.
I dunno how I feel browsing tumblr and then suddenly seeing screencaps of my twitter here lmao. Glad people can relate to this though lol
Edit: Okay, I might not be very happy about seeing this reposted. Please do not screencap my twitter and repost it somewhere. I understand that you (and those who reblogged it) relate to it and Iām glad you at least kept my @ username, but it still leaves me no credit for my thoughts. At least ask before you do this or link back to my tumblr. My twitter links to my listography that has links to my tumblr here as well as all my social media.
My twitter is very small, less than 100 followers, and I put a lot of love and thought into it whenever I tweet about Gilgamesh or make silly memes, art etc. I donāt tweet for popularity or anything of the sort. Compared to this post that has gotten over 50 notes, my original tweet got 1 like, which was from a close friend of mine.
I know itās a silly thing to get upset over, but this keeps happening where I have shared my insights, thoughts, and creations about Gilgamesh, only to see it reposted without credit somewhere. It makes me not want to share anything at all anymore if someone is going to lurk on my twitter (I dunno if OP does follow me or not) and screencap me.
Iām not taking it personally, but I will be putting a notice on my twitter about this and have locked. I may or may not write or share my Gilgamesh-related content in the future on any form of social media.
