Roshni's Corner @roshroshbgosh - Tumblr Blog

“you’re only watching it because it’s gay”

You’re in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself.

kittenwiskers

Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous.

I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years, and then she wasn’t scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters… I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte’s bed. Across the room underneath Daniel’s crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again. “I’m not afraid of you monster!” She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and… She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. “Move. Over!” Charlotte hisses at me. I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn’t afraid of any of my monsters; she’s afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. “What the…” I cut Francis’s next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. “If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity.” I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. “I’ll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling.” Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed.

bi-est-witch-of-middleearth

WELL GODAMN, WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNER

gabbyzvolt25

Holy shit I’m gonna cry that’s beautiful.

writing-prompt-s

I almost can’t believe that big Tumblr blogs such as @ruinedchildhood, @dutchster and @smosh reblogged this post. Thanks for writing this beautiful story @kittenwiskers.

477

hungryjokerr

ishipitlikeups

Savage

lesbianeurydices

Things overheard in my ap classes:

“Dude. I’m going to get so hammered this weekend.”

“I have to read crime and punishment by Monday- I’ll just do it all Sunday night"

“If you could get full ride to any college by killing a man, would you do it?” “In a second.”

[A guy showing a girl how to put notes into a calculator in order to cheat on the AP calc BC test] “My morals have crashed like the Russian economy after the collapse of the USSR.”

“What class is this?” “AP FIGHT CLUB”

“What if we all just didn’t show up for graduation?”

“It is my unalienable right to not be here right now. I’m entitled to the pursuit of happiness and this isn’t it.”

“I’ll pay you $15 to do my physics homework.” “Shit, I’ll do it for free if you do my lit homework.”

[1st hour AP Human Geo: A girl pours a bottle of mountain dew and a can of monster into a thermos, shakes it up, and drinks it in one go.] “I have tests in every hour today and I got 15 minutes of sleep. Desperate times, ya know?”

“But if you’re valedictorian, and she’s salutoriain, and the six of us are top 2%, then who’s driving the bus?”

“so. did anyone do the calc homework?” *chorus of no’s* “you know, i don’t know why I even asked.”

“maybe if we all pretend we don’t know what we’re doing, he’ll move the calculus test.” “Honey, I don’t even need to pretend.”

checked

Zoé - Arrullo De Estrellas (2014)

sw-or-gtfo-deactivated20211219

my bf has many interesting stories and observations from his new job as a 911 operator

my favorite is how meandering people are, even in the midst of a terrible emergency

they respond to “what is the emergency” with “well, the thing is, four weeks ago–”

and then he’s like “WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY RIGHT NOW”

and they’re like “so what happened this morning was, i said to my wife, i said–”

“WHAT IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING AT THIS MOMENT”

“oh i’m having a heart attack”

my second favorite is how specific he has to get sometimes

like, “what is your emergency?”

“i’m sitting in a pool of blood.”

“… is it… your blood?”

“yes i think so”

“do you know where it’s coming from?”

“probably the stab wound”

“have you been stabbed?”

“oh yah definitely”

lizawithazed

In all fairness shock is a hell of a drug

falsedetective

my grandparents have to lock their car doors when they go to sunday mass because people have been breaking in to unlocked cars and leaving entire piles of zucchini

falsedetective

i feel like i should’ve added more context when i posted this. my grandparents live in a rural area where farmers and casual gardeners alike are, at this point in the year, suddenly being hit with unexpectedly abundant zucchini crops. there aren’t just some random vandals leaving zucchinis in people’s cars for the hell of it, this is the work of some very exasperated, probably very elderly, folks who have more zucchini than they know what to do with

thegreenwolf

Yep. You can also expect to find a bag of zucchini on your porch.

abwatt

My grandfather once found his neighbor stealing his tomatoes out of his garden at three in the morning. Red-handed, with a basket of the nearly-ripened ones. He thought he was going to find gophers or something, but no, here’s Henry, taking his tomatoes. The best ones.

There was a long pause between them.

My grandfather (allegedly) said, “Henry… it’s OK. You can take some tomatoes if you want them.”

Henry sighed in relief.

“But,” my grandfather said, “you have to take two zucchini for every tomato.”

There was another long silence. “That’s a harsh bargain, John,” said Henry. “But I accept. I’ll tell Joe up the street, too.”

My grandfather said, “Tell Joe he needs to take three.”

ladypandacat

a friend of my dad’s came by in the middle of the night, he seemed very nervous when my dad answered the door. he wouldn’t come inside but he leaned in and whispered to my dad in spanish, “i have some fresh grapes for you.” and then this happened:

the melon was a special bonus.

angeliccelestine-deactivated201

MY DREAM

dragoneyes

A friend of mine lives in a rural area and he has been surrounded by zucchini for most of May, June, and July.

At one point he was so done with the whole zucchini madness that he came to classes actively begging people to “Please please please!! Take some my family’s damned zucchini!! I’ve been eating zucchini for weeks!! I’m going insane!!!”

kynthaworld

Having grown up in a rural area and having come home to zucchini on the front step or in the mailbox, i find it highly amusing the OP had to clarify. I’m sitting here nodding “yup.”

deathtrapnest

this should be a fanfiction AU trope

criticalbread

this is my family but with green beans. u can run. u can hide. but there’s still gonna be a publix bag of green beans waiting for u, dropped over your back fence by my dad’s friendly farmer-tanned hand as he smiles he’s warm, well-meaning, devious gap-toothed grin.

madamebadger

My mother stopped planting zucchini when she realized that she was going to get as much zucchini as she ever wanted and then more without tending a single plant.

What she has is plums.

There’s only one plum tree in her yard. But it produces more plums than you could possibly imagine, and they all seem to ripen during the exact same 2-week period. Buckets and baskets and bags of plums, ripening as fast as she can pick them.

SO MANY PLUMS.

She eats some and freezes some and cans some. She makes a delightful plum-ginger jam, and a savory plum sauce with five-spice powder. I don’t think she would abandon them on the doorsteps of neighbors. But… I do think that sometimes she shows up to church with bags of plums and a slightly manic grin, trying to pawn them off on anyone.

judeoceltische

Marge Piercy wrote a poem about this:

And thus the people every year in the valley of humid July did sacrifice themselves to the long green phallic god and eat and eat and eat. They’re coming, they’re on us, the long striped gourds, the silky babies, the hairy adolescents, the lumpy vast adults like the trunks of green elephants. Recite fifty zucchini recipes!

Zucchini tempura; creamed soup; sauté with olive oil and cumin, tomatoes, onion; frittata; casserole of lamb; baked topped with cheese; marinated; stuffed; stewed; driven through the heart like a stake. Get rid of old friends: they too have gardens and full trunks. Look for newcomers: befriend them in the post office, unload on them and run. Stop tourists in the street. Take truckloads to Boston. Give to your Red Cross. Beg on the highway: please take my zucchini, I have a crippled mother at home with heartburn.

Sneak out before dawn to drop them in other people’s gardens, in baby buggies at churchdoors. Shot, smuggling zucchini into mailboxes, a federal offense. With a suave reptilian glitter you bask among your raspy fronds sudden and huge as alligators. You give and give too much, like summer days limp with heat, thunderstorms bursting their bags on our heads, as we salt and freeze and pickle for the too little to come.

scholarlou

be like elle woods °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

emigration

View this post on Instagram

i love this lol

note-a-bear

This is so calming

fvlani

My ass would of cut off my whole arm

mysharona1987

necclibrary

YES.

towardsmorning

I once saw someone point out something I hadn’t really considered before- libraries are one of the only places that are warm and dry where you can stay for long periods of time if you have no money. If you’re someone with nowhere to go during the daytime, they provide a safe environment in which to keep a roof over your head for a while- and all while you can access information.

So yes. This.

edwardspoonhands

It’s weird…libraries almost feel /wrong/ now. It’s like I walk in and think “This is great…where do I put my money?”

standbyyourmantis-deactivated20

I used to work on a campus library and if you want someplace to put your money, so to speak, make sure you put books back in the designated areas. I know you think you’re being helpful by reshelving, but even if you pull something out to read a couple paragraphs just stick it in the basket for things you didn’t want. I don’t care if you know EXACTLY where you are. In academic libraries (at least in Texas) our funding was determined by how many books people looked at. So we got additional funding based on books not being reshelved. If there’s a designated shelf/basket for things you don’t want, stick things in it!

gingerjab

What @standbyyourmantis said about not reshelving is true for public libraries, too. Our funding is dictated largely by how ‘used’ we are, so we scan all the items that are laying about as In House Use. That, tied with Reference Count and Door Counter numbers (we have to manually put in the time we take for references) to prove we’re providing a needed service. We also have to count the number of people who come for our programs, which not only helps funding but shows that the programming/services are needed, as well. So, basically, if you want to feel like you’re making sure we’re getting paid and staying around, keep these in mind.

queenquong

I didn’t know that’s why you’re not supposed to reshelf!

rosalarian

Wow! That’s astounding!

davidhuyck

LIBRARIES!!!

citylightscomebackinjune

I’ve lost how many times I get asked about how much it costs to get a library card. It’s free. Everything is free unless it’s late or you lose an item. Free. Free. Free. Free.

katiebishop

thepsychoticfuckingbiotic

WHHHHAAAAATTTT

#whenyourhelloismemorable #iconic #beendoingthisforyears

lesbianvenom

in fifteen minutes I’m going to tell you the story about how my dumb lesbian ass willingly went into a dorm with four bros

lesbianvenom

it’s been more than fifteen minutes I know but you will get the full scoop on this (also I’m okay)

lesbianvenom

Okay STORY TIME

so I was walking back from work around nineish and my neighbor/seminar classmate is in the hallway talking to his girlfriend. he sees me and he’s like “hey!! hey classmate whose name I don’t know” so I turned around and was like “it’s Hayley.”

and he apologized for not knowing (I didn’t know his name either so I wasn’t mad) and asked if I’d started my first paper for seminar. he asked me what it was on so I told him and he was like “I’m so stuck I have no idea what to do,” so clearly the natural response for my stupid ass to make is to offer him help – I told him to knock on our door and ask for me if he needed help.

maybe I did this because I was still in tutor mode from work. maybe I did it because no one takes those offers up anyway, right?

wrong! a half an hour later, as I’m getting ready to shower, he knocks for the door and asks for me, and all my roommates don’t believe him bc he’s this dude bro who clearly works out and is wearing a johnny cash tshirt. like how fake deep is that. i would never associate with a dude bro

so he invites me back to his place and as I’m walking there I’m like “this could very possibly be a bad idea,” but I go anyway bc I’m a dumbass with no sense of self preservation.

he lets me into his apartment and I’m immediately hit with the bro-ness of it all: a sports illustrated poster on the wall, protein powder EVERYWHERE, posters of beer, snap backs, flasks, and a guitar because of course there is.

his room is no better, and alarm bells are just fucking going off and I’m trying to think of a quick exit. then he tries to close his damn door to his own room and I’m like “hold up that stays open” and he was like “oh yeah I’m sorry I didn’t think about that,” which was….considerate.

two hours, two cigarette breaks later, one opening paragraph later, and one of his roommates trying to hit on me later, he starts talking about intersectionality and my mind goes ?????????????? and we legit talked about rape culture and trump and how fucked we all are. eventually we started talking about the law and feminism so then I tell him I’m gay and his immediate response is “do you get those stupid microagressions from guys who say they can turn you straight?” and it took me a minute to respond bc the fact he even knew that word was so bizarre it was like worlds colliding.

he then tells me he thinks his little sister might be gay because he thinks she told him while he was drunk one night but he couldn’t remember so he asks for advice because he doesn’t want to upset her because, in his words, “I’m not gay so you know I don’t understand it like you do.”

then, because the night of course could get weirder, he tells me he writes poetry but doesn’t tell anyone because he’ll get shit for it bc he’s supposed to be a “tough guy” and masculine and shit and I just feel Jesus sending me a message through this kid that I shouldn’t judge all dude bros by the bro-ness of their looks but I also wanna stay sexy and not get murdered so I’m gonna keep doing that. sorry jesus.

finally I left because I was tired and also I had to wash the smell of bad cologne off of me but guys this was an experience please believe me. i was standing in the shower before just letting the water wash over me as the whole two hour ordeal played over in my head because we laughed, we talked. he told me something about himself no one else knows, we exchanged political ideas and fist bumps. we bonded over the stress of a seminar paper and now we are forever changed by this event.

so that was how my dumb lesbian ass willingly walked into a room with four dudebros in it.