I've recently discovered the music artist Ayesha Erotica and I usually don't like listening to trashy pop cause the lyrics are shit and the music is bland but idk she has such a vibe to her. Maybe it's the synths, these other rappers don't have cool enough synths. I like how confident she is, honestly has made me feel a lot better about being built like a door cause she's proud and sexy despite being an A cup too (although that's moreso cause she's trans but my point still stands). Songs can definitely be a bit hit or miss for me but I like the hollywood dream one the best. Does make me wonder how viable this persona is though in the long run considering like 95% of her songs are about sex and partying.
thinking about toriel trying to encourage kris out of the house this day. and carol calling before hand, confirming noelle is going to go. thinking about how this isn’t the first time carol has had this horrible phone call
An important aspect of the weird route is that the destructive ideas presented were always part of noelle.
Her desire to escape, to be released from the person she is "supposed to be" and do "something crazy"
The main difference is in how that desire is framed. With Susie, its about compassion, to encourage her to break out of the mold and be her authentic self to everyone, no matter the consequences. But in the weird route, its to depersonalize herself, to the point of becoming the willing tool of a greater force.
The fact that you cant stop her anymore is a great twist. The player manipulation was so effective, that even we lost control over what we created. Noelle become nothing but to drive to break out of the boundaries that are holding everyone captive and we have no choice but to go along with it.
Yeah, the violence is something we impose on her. Her response to it usually is to tune it out, which is probably how she responds to trauma.
What she wants is to be free from being herself, or rather the version of her that she feel forced into. There the one scene where she comment about how unfair it feels that nobody knows how weird she really is, while kris gets to be themselves, which i feel is itself a misunderstanding as my perception of kris was that they are themselves very repressed and either unable or unwilling to express and be true to themselves.
Its still a bit unclear why this is happening with kris, through my best guess is that its related to their guilt and self-hatred.
After all, Noelle does say in the weird route "you did it, you found a way to stop being kris" It gives me the impression that this was a feeling the two shared and talked about when they were young.
You know you might have a slight problem when the autism gets so bad that you start depersonalisating in favour of living life as a video game character being controlled by some external force, and gladly accepting that as your fate cause it's easier than having to actually think. Is it realistic? Well...it sure feels like it. I look in the mirror nowadays and that autistic eye contact alarm sets off cause there's no way I'm that pretty girl in the reflection. I was unsatisfied with myself so I put more effort into my appearance and dressing for myself and now I feel like a well designed video game character.
I suppose the whole internet thing isn't helping either cause is this like me but with a different name? Is this an alter ego? A whole other character? It's confusing. It's also 1 am so maybe that explains things.
I like to draw myself but I don't see my drawings as a cartoony rendition of myself, it's like I'm drawing the actual character and I'm just an actor or an elaborate cosplayer. Can't let anyone irl know this though cause that'll be very cringe.
I should stop playing deltarune, I don't think being obsessed with it is helping my brain lol
DVD is a format that's reaching it's 30th birthday this November and I think it's had a good run. Most people have HD TVs nowadays and I've noticed that trying to find new DVDs (at least in Britain) is starting to become a lot harder. Supermarkets almost all sell blu-rays in the film section nowadays and so does HMV, although you can buy new films on DVD via the website for £5 cheaper than the blu-ray counterpart (some older films, the blu-ray costs the same as the dvd), it's clear that DVD is starting to be phased out. It's served it's purpose but it's only really sticking around because blu-ray players are still quite pricey and not everyone has a PS4 laying around, also things like childrens' hospitals or just aspiring collectors who have recently cancelled their netflix subscription and have dug out their old DVD player from the storage. DVDs are dirt cheap to collect and are littered throughout charity shops everywhere, but I think it's time for blu-ray to take it's place.
It's 2026 after all: the kinds of people collecting physical films are people who care about things like compression and 480p just doesn't fit modern films. 2000s animated films have a certain vibe on DVD that I love. I think it's a combination of the dated CGI combined with the computery-ness of the compression that really adds to the charm. I wouldn't have films from 10 years ago and later on DVD though because in my eyes that's when the HD era started (ie when my parents bought a 1080p TV) so it would be giving off pirate streaming site vibes instead. That and older films, like 80s kind of old, don't feel right when compressed due to the film grain. 80s films personally feel the most at home on VHS, but I also don't want to have to deal with the nightmare that is tapes so a nice HD remaster is a good substitute (also the earlier equivalents would be getting a film reel and playing it cinema style and that's just getting ridiculous). I don't own any blu-rays as of writing this because I'm broke and they're harder to find second hand (and DVDs are practically being given away with some of their prices) but it would be nice to have films I like on blu-ray because I'm one of those people who will re-watch a film if I like it and I don't understand people who don't.
I'm worried though that tabloid slop papers will start going on about DVDs being phased out and treat it like all physical films are when no, blu-ray isn't going any time soon. The cinephiles would have a fit if they had to settle with streaming compression and a lack of a bookcase, and you do not want to mess with angry cinephiles. These companies probably make considerable chunks of their profit off autistic collectors who want their ultra fancy exclusive ultimate anniversary collectors edition for their fancy 4K TV, especially for franchises where they can charge for a box set. Seriously, look up some collectors sets, they can get pretty wild...I'm not even sure if the average person even knows what blu-ray is. I see people say that blu-ray was a failure and DVD won the war, but blu-rays are targeting a more niche audience due to the rise being alongside digital buying and then later streaming, so normies never really collected blu-rays like they did with DVDs. I'd say blu-ray is on the cusp of a golden era with all these people moving away from streaming. When you hear about the physical release of new films, it's always the blu-ray that gets brought up, which is why I was surprised that HMV still sells new DVDs, and even more surprised when I realised South Park went and made the first 25 seasons into HD widescreen remastered blu-ray box sets AND their paramount + exclusive specials (although I think the 3 or 4 banned episodes are still stuck on DVD). If blu-ray players went down in price (or if everyone just bought a PS4 instead cause that has a built in blu-ray player and is pretty cheap nowadays) then I think DVDs will finally kick the bucket and go the way of VHS.
Fuck those modern animated disney releases though where everything is a "classic" even if it came out 6 months ago and the box art is always really boring. Support your local HMV, fuck streaming, embrace the bookcase. DVD players are dirt cheap now just like pick one up and pick up a few films/tv shows you like from your local CEX and once the disc spins, you'll realise just how lame streaming is.
Thinking about how with autism when it comes to social conflict, unless you're dealing with someone who regularly makes their feelings clear at the moment it happened, often you will have situations where you say the wrong thing or someone reads your tone wrong and you will have no idea. Like there are people that'll just decide they no longer want to talk to you, and you'll just be sat there going "huh the group chat has gotten quiet lately" as people chat there less and less because one person decided you were annoying enough to move all their conversations somewhere else that excludes you. And the thing is you can't even really do productive self reflection over what it is that you did because it could have been ages between what caused them to avoid you and when you finally notice, so after enough times of this happening you just end up having to scrutinize every little thing you do. Of course neurotypical people will see this behavior and think that you have some kind of self confidence problem so I have to ask: how can you expect someone to feel confident in doing something that they repeatedly fail at, do not know what they are doing wrong, and are rarely ever given a chance to learn from their mistakes?
Oh it's easy: just become overly critical of every little thing you say and assume the worst if somebody reacts even a little negatively! I'm sure this won't lead to any long term mental health consequences!
Yup that's exactly how it goes in my experience, and the most frustrating part is so often when you try to get help dealing with this a lot of therapists will just focus on fixing your self esteem. It really baffles me how it doesn't occur to them to help with the source of the low self esteem 🤔
I just avoid therapists like the plague. I have no faith in the mental health system for them to properly understand me, especially because I am absolutely terrible at expressing personal things. I've had people (mostly teachers) try to accommodate my autism but it doesn't end up working because my handful of traits aren't the common ones you find listed on all those "what is autism?" articles so it just comes off as annoying.
That being said, what kind of things do they say? Is it like those "be confident! you're worth it"" posters you see in school nurses' offices?
Thinking about how with autism when it comes to social conflict, unless you're dealing with someone who regularly makes their feelings clear at the moment it happened, often you will have situations where you say the wrong thing or someone reads your tone wrong and you will have no idea. Like there are people that'll just decide they no longer want to talk to you, and you'll just be sat there going "huh the group chat has gotten quiet lately" as people chat there less and less because one person decided you were annoying enough to move all their conversations somewhere else that excludes you. And the thing is you can't even really do productive self reflection over what it is that you did because it could have been ages between what caused them to avoid you and when you finally notice, so after enough times of this happening you just end up having to scrutinize every little thing you do. Of course neurotypical people will see this behavior and think that you have some kind of self confidence problem so I have to ask: how can you expect someone to feel confident in doing something that they repeatedly fail at, do not know what they are doing wrong, and are rarely ever given a chance to learn from their mistakes?
Oh it's easy: just become overly critical of every little thing you say and assume the worst if somebody reacts even a little negatively! I'm sure this won't lead to any long term mental health consequences!
I wonder who my favourite deltarune character is...
Y'know, for my favourite game, I really don't have that much fanart of it. I think I've drawn more Yandere Simulator fan art than Deltarune art, so I should fix that. I'm terrible at drawing furries so I think that's why I naturally gravitated towards the humans in Undertale/Deltarune. That and they're really interesting to me, Kris especially. It's so cool seeing them go against the player and doing their own thing. That vent thing in chapter 4 was so cool when I first played it a year ago. Anyway something I like about Undertale/Deltarune is how certain designs can be adjusted to fit interpretations, especially the humans. Hell, Frisk's design is inconsistent with the official stuff like merch and promotional art. I like the hoodie kris interpretation. I wanted an excuse to redraw some of the sprites (mostly the chapter 5 school uniform one cause they look badass in a skirt) so I did this sticker thing.
Trigger warning for blood and corspes in some of those artworks!
Also content warning for suggestive content of 1980s magazine covers! (Yes, I worked on them too)
This is a continuation of my previous post on the stuff I made for Yandere Simulator (2022-2023), once again, drawn in discontinued Sony Sketch (and also some editing in Ibis Paint too).
This one covers Save Challenges icons and also some miscellaneous stuff like 1980s magazines or original Ichiko's postcard art for example!
And also even a bit of unused content too!
Gonna start with Challenges icons you can see, whenever you want to get some challenge in your game, like No Laugh, Only Knife, No Info-chan/Yakuza and all of this stuff.
Honestly, these are the one I'm proudest of, even though they already showing the age and how I was drawing back then, but I still love those artworks (even kinda inspired me for my own stuff).
But, I actually was planning them to be colorful at first, since I used black-white-red color scheme for sketches only, but when YandereDev asked me about it, it made me think that it would be actually better to be them in this rather than with colors - and I really loved the result! But, I did have a trouble with sketching them at first.
Gonna begin with the first one:
No Friends
The top images are sketches (with mouths and no mouth), the bottom are finished images (with the crowd and without one).
This one was insanely close to final one (and that's a thing with most of them with one exception), aside from no mouths, since YandereDev asked me to remove it. But, this one was and still one of my favourites pieces I have worked on at all, love the vibes of it a lot, since I waw inspired a lot by those images of people being alone in the crowd, so I thought that it would be nice to do it with Ayano, especially considering her story too.
2. Only Rivals
Top and middle are sketches (had a struggle with making Osana stand out, and yes, that's Osana), first one is the one I made, and others two I made with corrections from the Dev in mind, since he said that the rival was blending into background while those blank students were standing out, so I changed that. Bottom is final version.
i like this one as well, even though I had a struggle to make her stand out at the time, based on YandereDev's idea of a rival standing out (with the video example he provided back then)
3) No Laugh
Top are sketches (first one is completely different, second the one close to final one)
Why is the first sketch so different? Because I had an idea of Ayano getting scolded for laughing and it would be like "No laughing like this!", though YandereDev said that he couldn't understand the icon, and yeah, he was right about it, so he suggested to be with her having X on her mouth, showing her with covered mouth. So that's why it was redrawn into the final one.
4) Only Knife
Right is sketch and left is final
Not much to say, since there's been barely any changes to it aside from clean-up, but I did have some trouble with a hand at first, so I was using my own hand for reference.
5) No Gaming Club
First two are sketches and final art!
I had this funny idea for this icon in specific, where instead of usual 🚫 for other icons, I decided to make this, where the gamepad would be thrown to this trash can and be like "Screw Gaming! Screw Gaming Club! Hyah!". He did like that icon, but suggested to zoom it in, so it wouldn't be too far away like in that first sketch.
6) No Info-chan
Left is sketch and right is final art.
This one was also quite simple and I took Info-chan's profile picture as a reference for this icon!
As you can notice, most of those icons were pretty straightforward from get-go, so I mostly did polishing and changing small details!
These were first 6 icons I made for it originally, before YandereDev asked me to make additional icons, like No Alerts, No Yakuza, No Bag and No Newspaper Club! These icons were made later on, so you can see that in this blog post with placeholder icons for No Alerts (with generic alert icon), No Yakuza (NY) and No Newspaper Club (NN).
So, let's continue with other icons I made back then!
7) No Bag
The "No Bag" icon was the most polished one I made, even as a sketch, since I was so committed to replicate that bag as faithfully as possible, hahah.
Also it was made because YandereDev wanted to test out a thing with the bag to limit it, since he felt like it was too overpowering, but he wanted to try out by making it as a challenge instead of outright changing it, since it would be controversial change back then.
And as you can see, that's where we started to think if 🚫 should be big one and cover the whole thing or just be on top of it. But later on it was decided, that it will be on top of a thing it would forbid.
Though in hindsight, I wish I placed that bag a bit more on the centre, since it looks a bit off-centered.
8) No Alerts
Right is sketch and left is final art.
Like with other icons, this one was also pretty straightforward too!
I had this comedic idea, where this student would be FLABBERGASTED at seeing bloody Ayano with all of this evidence in front of them, as she just committed a murder and then Ayano being like "oh crap".
9) No Yakuza
First two are sketches and third one is final art!
I did like to make silhouette for this guy, even tho had some problem with his hair at first!
Also the dot on his sketch was supposed to be an eye, but it was later removed and it looked better this way.
10) No Newspaper Club
Right is sketch and left is final art!
And another straightforward one! Though this one also had different placement of 🚫, but gonna show it in the reblog because of Tumblr's image limit :(
And that's all Save Challenges icons I made for the game back in 2023!
And...
It's time for bonus content!
Some of things I also worked on is on those adult magazines that you can find in 1980s mode in the zen garden as for replacement modern ones for Story Mode (2020s). These magazines were placed as a joke about some students sneaking out those magazines to the school, as Yandev explained to me, it's for both modes as I remember.
YandereDev suggested that I could either could draw those for this joke, or could just make generic ones for the period, and I decided to give it a try and went for former, since I was mostly doing cutesy art and I wanted to do something else at the time.
Back then I tried to draw them in 80s anime art style back then, thought looking back at them now - I'm not a fan of how I made them, so I want to redo them completely.
I remember I did lots of research on that matter, when I was looking for those Japanese adult magazines, but also used text from other magazines as well, so that's why one of them as "Ice Cube" text, since it was in one of adult magazines I saw back then and I found it pretty funny amongst more steamy text in it.
Also I tone down a bit some of more explicit text, as I kept age rating for this game in mind, since lots of them mentioned "sex" for example, so I toned down to less explicit text.
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And the last thing I did for the game, that also was right before the controversy happened, since it wasn't added to the game.
What is this? That's Ichiko's postcard from 1988!
It was based on those Japanese postcards, which are vertical instead of horizontal ones. I didn't know it was supposed to be from Ichiko, since YandereDev said that was establishing that Ryoba "was with friends with someone from Saikou family".
Why it wasn't added to the game, you may ask? Well, because it was one of last things I did for the game before the controversy happened, YandereDev's original Discord account got nuked due to what happened, and I presume that since he didn't save my files - it wasn't added to the game. He didn't reach me out either about the artwork to get files for it, so it just went unused.
So, when the update came in with "Happy Ending" for 1980s mode, it used to have an AI placeholder art for a while, before it got an actual art in it.
Was I upset about it, when I discovered that by watching the update video on YanSim? Not really...
I was more amused than upset by it, when I saw this at first and then I moved on with my life. And I didn't want to cause any scandal with it anyway, so yeah.
But that's all for now! But if someone is curious about this content - I can answer questions, whenever I will be free in that time, since I got a job with master degree and other things like commisions needs to be finished as well.
Rosie Ultraviolett @rosieuv - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
