lena

formerly softsofia have a wonderful day 💌

[rosyglowgirl]

secrets scurry from the tip of my tongue
as my lips unfurl to welcome you-
a worn red carpet for all your unflinching eminence,
once familiar with your affections;
the distinct disparities of your metamorphosis disturb me
and i turn away from your visage
am i so incapable of adjusting 
to your persona’s amendments? 
and so my discomfort denies us each other’s company:
i blindly follow my past patterns of withdrawing from conversation at the slightest sign of rejection,
and find myself ruefully resenting your ability to grow
after all, i am always irreversibly rooted in 
the same places i regret allowing into my system 
the same way i always lose myself in the memories of people 
i am no longer capable of loving.

Resentment Remains My Refuge (May 25th)

[rosyglowgirl]

your hands; a slow burn under my stomach growing unbearable uncomfortably warm, it itches but my hands are tied up in yours and you did make me feel beautiful you said it over and over spitting the murmurs out like sugar pills until I started to sink into the words taking them as gospel from the lips of a goddess I crave feeling needed and it seemed like you really required the warmth of my breath and the iciness that always accompanies my fingertips to bring your own heart to beating but I should have seen how soundly you slept without me you were my sunshine you were my golden everything that coated the world in a rosy hue and promised only the best times ahead you were heaven to behold and I was luckless Lucifer but I no longer see myself as helpless nor you as the savior I waited for for you are a storm, a poison to my system wrapped up in the sweetest of smiles and for the toxins we carried on our tongues and fed each other quietly the only antidote is time

See, Someday I Won’t Belong to You (December 20th)

[rosyglowgirl]

loving you meant losing you meant feeling you slipping away ‘cause you were thunderstorms and boiling water and it hurts to try and pin you down but I’d rather burn myself than watch you fade loving you meant losing you and twelve am missed calls and the emptiness I associate with your absence is never quite worth your warmth but I’ll still wait up for you and wish you were here loving you meant losing you but I was too dumb to pull the trigger to cut you loose before my fingers turned dark and numb suffocating under your clueless thumb to try and spare both of us the pain of separation from someone you’re still living for

I Lost You But I Couldn’t Let Go (December 4th)

[rosyglowgirl]

remember how softly you kissed me? remember the way your hands smooth and supple glided beneath my shirt and up my back, a sailboat on a sea of calm and the last light on in a cramped apartment choked by smoke and the undying light of the city it’s 3 in the morning somewhere remember how swiftly time passed? I’d rather it lasted forever, but hours with you couldn’t tick by quickly enough, and vanished into mere moments hidden under the folds of our comforter and the pads of your fingertips on my shivering skin days with you felt like the blink of a dilated eye a feeling you never let go of remember the way you said, ‘I love you’? the husky timbre of your words leading me along a wooded path to paradise and the way your nails graze my cheek when I smile and your lips curve into sunshine when I make you laugh carving your name into my head all I can feel is your skin against mine, and your grin against the ravenous retreat that is my mouth remember the pressure in your chest? a sensation of security no one can say no to the uncomfortable knowledge I would die for you your heartbeat is racing against mine the winner walks away with all organs intact, common sense, and a sort of self-worth the second-place prize is a broken heart and nowhere to hide it from view

My Love For You Feels Like A Memory (November 27th)

[rosyglowgirl]

she is my spring. heartbreak found me in fall, followed me through winter and I felt a chill down my spine, slipped in through cracks in my walls. I cried at art I did not understand and searched endlessly for someone’s hand to hold and in the darkest part of night, my 12:15, just before the moon comes round my house and offers me a cold light until morning, I saw her standing there. she has the kind of beauty she doesn’t realize, my personal opinion is that her loveliness is too much for the possessor to process and so she blushes and looks away when I stare oh my god, she makes me feel so loved- it is a strange and unnerving find, to be made to feel beautiful when you are accustomed to tearing yourself down I cannot tear my gaze from her and when she looks down upon me- close enough for noses to graze, her dark hair a barrier hiding our minds from the outer, other world- I think I have found my peace and how could I ever leave?

I Think I’ve Found Her (October 18th)