Cruising but Barely

[totearup]

After the wedding (and all of Ilya’s citizenship paperwork is secure so that a name change won't fuck everything up) their legal names are Hollander-Rozanov but they keep them the same for hockey to avoid confusion.

However, Ilya starts this bit where whenever someone at practice or at an event calls for Hollander he acts like he thought they were calling for him, usually saying something like "you said Hollander! I am a Hollander!" And it's so stupid but Shane is charmed and amused every time, and he starts doing the same thing when people say Rozanov.

Eventually the team just starts using their numbers to refer to them, and Ilya follows one time when Wiebe calls for "24" because "I am a 24 by marriage!" And the whole team groans at them and someone throws a ball of tape at Ilya's head.

[madeinrome]

Hudson and his team vs the fandom today

[rozanovscurls]

make it less obvious tho please. People won't buy it but atleast make them consider the item being sold 😭

[hr-rep]

Shane getting criticized for not using pride tape and he’s caught on a mic later that week saying I didn’t realize it wasn’t the sucking dick that made me gay but the rainbow . Which is how he comes out.

[krox1]

no idea if anyone has written a fic about this but imagine if cliff ever confronted ilya about hearing a girl moaning in his room after the all-stars game (post hollanov getting married) because "you were apparently dating hollander at the time bro 😠" and ilya dying of laughter so shane has to awkwardly admit that he was the girl moaning in the hotel room 😔

[shanebuffys]

Was thinking about time I found out my best friend was a seeing a guy that we knew that I really really dn’t like. And then I had the realization that I’m Hayden Pike. Oh no.

[argillaforma]

ilya and svetlana having their weekly gossip night either in person or over the phone and shane is like what are you talking about and ilya says i complain about you ,she is only person who will listen to me complain about you and one day shane asks svetlana does he complain about me a lot?☹️ and svetlana is like ? who told you that he literally just talks about how much he loves you all the time it’s quite exhausting honestly

[assignedilyaoftheday]

well yes, of course your assigned ilya of the day isn't above competing with children also

[lookatthe-stars13]

ilya rozanov is the type of guy to fall for game ads, so when one of the pike kids asks “you got games on your phone?” he unlocks his phone like a man showing off the inner pockets of his trench coat to reveal pages and pages of candy crush, toon blast, homescapes, gardenscapes, mahjong, solitaire, you name the ad he has the game

and it’s crazy because he is at an absurdly high level on each of them, i mean IR81 is topping the in-game leaderboards

and that’s how hayden and shane find the pike kids, in awe, huddled around ilya on his phone playing cooking fever like a madman

[military-newsboys]

Ilya, joking: Hey would you still love me if i was a worm Shane, completely serious: I would die for you in any form.

[dumbass-writer]

“I stand with my cancelled wife” and it’s Shane Hollander talking about ilya being cancelled on twitter every 2-3 business days

[military-newsboys]

Yuna: Congratulations. The two of you have just won gold and silver in the Moron Olympics.

Shane:

Ilya:

Shane: Who won gold?

[tinylilhollander]

Ilya has such a boring!Shane/domesticity kink that I genuinely think if he ever saw Shane in an apron he'd get black-out horny and only really come back online after sucking Shane dry.

[accurateangel666]

As a child Ilya did’t talk much. He was a very quiet kid. He observed the world with his sharp blue eyes, noticing things that others normally overlooked. But he stayed quiet.

Shane on the other hand talked a mile a minute. He was always babbling and bubbling about one thing or another. He was a yapper.

As they got older, Ilya realised that it’s simpler to hide in the spot light and that it’s easier to get away with things when he’s loud. It’s whole another kind of invisibility, hiding in plain sight, everyone sees him, believes they know him, but they only know the parts he allows them to see.

Shane became quiet. He figured out that people didn’t want to listen. He understood people find him more likabke when he’s quiet. So he keeps his thoughts to himself, doesn’t talk, doesn’t make people uncomfortable by having too much information to share and not knowing when to shut up.

Fast forward to the cottage. They’re sitting on the couch, Shane’s legs in Ilya’s lap as he waves in arms around, talking excitedly about something. And Ilya, Ilya just listens. He doesn’t interrupt him, doesn’t tell him to stop talking. He enjoys not having to be the one talking for once, actually. There’s a small smile dancing across his lips as he listens to his boyfriend (boyfriend!!!) yap about beavers, their importance for the ecosystem and how they became the national animal of Canada.

It’s a beautiful day.

[argillaforma]

ilya doing some kind of commercial that requires him to shave literally everything and shane finds out when ilya waltzes shirtless into the kitchen without his chest hair and with no happy trail and shane’s like no no this can’t be happening and before he knows it he’s on his knees in front of ilya trying to undo the button on his pants and ilya smirks because he thinks something sexy is going to happen but in reality shane just needs to make sure his pubes aren’t completely gone…which he finds out they are and shane sinks to the ground in defeat and ilya is so confused when shane looks up at him with sad eyes. but shane clings on to the last piece of hope he has, prays to every god he doesn’t believe in. please. please. but then ilya raises his arm to scratch the back of his head and…his armpits are naked. completely shaved. not a single hair left and shane walks into their bedroom without saying anything and stares at the wall for 30 minutes

later ilya gets a text from yuna that says why did shane tell me you don’t want to work with this company again? i thought you said you liked them?

[hrsocials]

.one hundred and seven? VAUGHNY INTERLUDE BC THATS MY GOAT

[flyora]

Happy Anniversary

[hr-rep]

Drunk Shane nearly in tears after being told by Ilya that he can’t sit in his Ilya’s lap while he’s driving. Last time Ilya got drunk, he did this to Shane. This pattern will continue.