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letaot-ze-magniv

הדחף הגברי לצייר על עצמי את הקעקועים שאני רוצה

achisraeli

"המורה אם הצלחת לחנך את [הערס הכיתתי] תצליחי לחנך דור שלם"

מי הלשין?

נראה ש ynet.

אוקיי🥲

אבל רק אולי

Yeah idk how you can call yourself Jewish and an atheist. It’s pretty obvious you’re just claiming it for clout.

1) I never said I’m an atheist. I do believe in some sort of higher power just not necessarily one that is like, humanoid? (Not the right word but I can’t think of one) (more of a force than a being)

2) lots of Jews are atheists.

tikkunolamorgtfo

Being Jewish on this website is like having a Sisyphean punishment, only instead of rolling a boulder up a hill, we have to repeatedly explain to ignorant goyim that atheism and agnosticism are not incompatible with Judaism.

leonardo-nierman

tikkunolamorgtfo

This is the only editing of my work that I will openly accept.

letaot-ze-magniv

היי כולם עשיתי יוקוויז

baal-zvuv

סליחה??? אני??? דרמטית?? אנייייי??!!

zot-ima-shelcha

אהבתי שיש: גליל, צפון , ליד תל אביב, תל אביב ואז נגב. כל הדרום והשפלה יכולים לקפוץ לי.

בכל מקרה שאלון מאוד מדוייק. אני לא בטוחה מאיפה רוב הציטוטים בהתחלה. זיהיתי שמה כמה של שוגר זאזא אבל חוץ מזה אין לי מושג

letaot-ze-magniv

הציטוטים הם ברובם חברים שלי הם פשוט עד כדי כך אייקוניים

#pyjama pants by cavetown

baal-zvuv

i cannot believe this isn’t a headline from the onion

baal-zvuv

and the plot thickens

baal-zvuv

חייבים להביא אותו לפה, האיש הזה הוא אוצר לאומי!

homochadensis

ITS REAL LMAO

achisraeli

"אף אחד לא מושלם למה את מושלמת?"

"אני כן אבל אני לא אף אחד"

שיחה בין סבא וסבתא שלי

momowho34

Christians (specifically Protestants): we have little versions of our sacred text that we carry around in our pockets to pull out if we encounter something and want guidance. The version used during sermons and in church are the same ones that we carry with us

Jews: you can read the torah and Tanakh in a normal book if you want. But if you want a torah you can use as a congregation? *cracks knuckles* you must prepare paper made from the skin of a kosher animal and special ink and a quill made from a turkey feather and you must use no metal in the preparation process because metal is used in the creation of weapons for war and before you even think about actually started to write you must take The Holy Bath to purify yourself and ritually blot out the name of Amalek, the sworn enemy of the Jewish people and every time you write the name of god on the scroll you must say it out loud and recite a special prayer and if you mess up one letter you have to start over and when the scroll is finished you must wrap it in tapestries and pretty cloth and shit and then put little crowns on the end and then put it in a Super Special Box in the synagogue so every time it’s time to read it you can open the Super Special Box and everyone can gawk at the Ultra Big Boy Important Text and the words of god within the scroll. this entire process takes about a year to complete and is done by special sofer’s that devote their lives to making Torah’s specifically and when you read from the torah you must use a little tiny pointer in the shape of a hand so your hands don’t mess up the paper. Oh, you think I kid? You think I jest?

Think again.

(rb encouraged for everyone. Share the sacred baby hands with the goyim. Everyone deserves to know about the sacred baby hands)

msaprildaniels

Judaism gets so fucking hardcore about this shit, I love it.

ninjakittenarmy

Some further questions:

I need to know more about this Kosher Leather Paper. How does one make paper of animal hide? I understand it’s not quite the same as paper made from plant fibers, but what is it like? Is it like a really thin leather or is there a process in which it becomes more like conventional paper.

When Amalalek’s name is blotted, is it first written down by the one preparing the scroll, or by a separate person?

Since Turkeys are native to North America, I have questions as to the origins of the use of their feathers as quills for this ritual. Was a different bird used previously, or is Turkey referring to a different bird? I have heard that the name for the bird originates from the sale of similar birds from Guinea by Turkish merchants.

The box containing the Torah, is it the Arc? I’ve heard that it’s called that (symbolizing the arc of the covenant), but I want to confirm.

I’d appreciate any information and/or resources on the subject.

terulakimban

With the caveat that I am neither a sofer (trained religious scribe) or a rabbi:

It’s parchment (or sometimes vellum but that is a distinction for people who understand this subject way better than me). We call it a klaf for most littler things and a gevil for Torah scrolls (except for those people who use klaf for sifrei Torah which is a thing except when it’s not (sorry. Like I said, really not a scribe)). The skin is tanned, soaked, stretched, dried, ironed, and sanded. Texture-wise... it’s between cardstock and resume paper. It’s really smooth, thicker than normal printer paper, kinda stiff, and sturdier than it looks, but still pretty easy to tear. It’s definitely closer to paper than leather -at least, any leather I’ve encountered. It’s usually flexible enough to roll easily, although really old scrolls or ones that have been through stuff can be stiffer.

By the person writing the scroll. The sofer writes the name once before starting the scroll and then blots it out.

It’s referring to the bird you think it is. The quill is called a kulmus. Some communities use a reed pen, and there’s historical reference to no longer using metal pens, so that must have been a thing at some point. As for why the turkey -it’s not always a turkey. It’s from a large bird; it can also be a goose or a swan. There’s debate about whether the bird has to be kosher -turkeys are weird there because while most communities generally accept them as kosher, there was a bit of a debate about that centuries ago.

Yes. There’s always a light in front of them, and the most common inscription overtop is “know before whom you stand.” It often has doors and curtains.

Useful terms to google have been italicized.

correspondingnerd

Why was there debate about whether turkeys are kosher?

(sorry this is off topic from the original post)

prismatic-bell

I see a well-meaning goy has entered the conversation.

Honey, there is Jewish debate about EVERYTHING. I could probably find you a pair of rabbis arguing over whether I’m allowed to tie my shoes on the sabbath, and if they said “tying and untying is forbidden by Torah” and I said “yes, but my house is in two parts with an open tiled hallway between and to leave my bedroom I must walk down the hallway, which has tiles that are dangerously hot due to the sun, so I need to know if I can tie my shoes so as to not get burned” IT BECOMES A TOTALLY DIFFERENT QUESTION. The answer to “why is there debate” 99% of the time is “two people read it differently and now there’s an argument.” And I guarantee you if I threw that hypothetical hot tile floor at a group of rabbis the argument would go on for DAYS, if not weeks.

In this particular case, it has to do with how the laws for kosher birds are written down. There has to be a determination made every time a new bird is discovered, because rather than a helpful set of determinants like we got for fish (must have fins and scales) and land animals (must have split hooves and chew cud), we got a list of birds we could eat. Which includes many, many birds whose names we no longer understand, and also groups whose names we may not classify in the same way as our ancient counterparts because we go on DNA and they went on observation.

But yeah.

It’s because we’re Jews.

terulakimban

For the goyim:

That isn’t a joke. Tying stuff is actually forbidden on Shabbat. This is not hypothetical. This is a literal discussion that the rabbis actually had. For the record, it was decided that the tying/untying of shoelaces is fine as long as it’s not done in a professional way because they’re not permanent knots, and that since it is permitted to tie them, it is also permitted to untie them -these are two separate categories of action that needed to be discussed separately. However, if @prismatic-bell were a cobbler or a shoemaker, as a professional adder-of-knots-and-straps-to-shoes -or knew the knotwork used in those professions, they would not be allowed to tie their own shoes on Shabbat because then the work becomes crafting instead of tying, which is where the hot floor and foot protection question becomes relevant because the rabbis were pretty big on safety and preventing harm.

Here is the source (don’t worry, there’s translation), because I am aware that this sounds bizarre.

prismatic-bell

*points up*

I know I have a lot of goyim who follow me and find this stuff interesting, and are also used to me using hyperbole for comedy, so:

I’M NOT JOKING ON THIS ONE AND HERE’S MY PROOF.

lucario2012

This is amazing to read, I get the feeling I could sit down with a bag of popcorn and a book of Jewish Arguments About The Torah's Contents and get a few hours of enjoyment at least.

athingofvikings

Here's the compiled Talmud, with commentary, and accompanying English translation. While the English translation and commentary expands it out a bit, the core canonized Gemara text is 2,711 pages long. There is a daily regimen of study called Daf Yomi (lit. "Page of the Day") that takes seven years to go through the whole thing from start to finish. :)

And those books are all about Jewish arguments on the Torah's contents. Literally.

And this is just one of our core texts.

One of these pages a day, layers upon layers of commentary; the Mishnah (codified Oral Tradition, written down ~1800 years ago when the Romans were actively hunting Rabbis and trying to break the chain of transmission) is at the center top. Below it is the Gemara, which is the expanded analysis of the Mishnah as explained by rabbis debating on it. Next to it is Rashi, 11th century French rabbi and commentator/analyst. Opposite Rashi is Tosefot, who were other medieval commentators. And then still more comments around the margins.

Two thousand, seven hundred and eleven pages of this :)

And that's even before we get to the modern commentators and English translations.

progressivejudaism

Today is a great day to remind your queer Jewish friends that you love them!

ahava-suggestion

Jewish lgbt pride flags at pride marches 💖🧡💛💚💙✡️

#jewish tag #happy pride my yehudim

greenandhazy

I love Jewish jokes

baal-zvuv

איזה סדרות וסרטים ישראלים את אוהבת והם פחות מוכרים?

סדרות: השיר שלנו 1-2 (יס) - יצירת מופת לא מספיק מוערכת שהקדימה את זמנה הנפילים (יס) - ראיתי את זה לפני מיליון שנה אבל זוכרת אותה כסדרה טובה מתחילים מאפס (כאן11) - דוקו-ריאליטי חמוד בטירוף [יוטיוב] מנאייכ (כאן11) - לא מדהים אבל עשוי טוב [יוטיוב] דוקו פשע: המניע (יס) צל של אמת: רוצח כביש החוף (הוט) צל כבד: סיפורה של א"ק (כאן11) [יוטיוב] קצה חוט (כאן11) - 3 פרקים על מקרים שפוצחו באמצעות ממצאים [יוטיוב] השיחה האחרונה (כאן11) [יוטיוב] זמן אמת: ארץ הילדים האבודים (כאן11) [יוטיוב] סרטים: (לא כל כך רואה אבל ממה שכן ראיתי במשך השנים) מי מפחד מהזאב הרע המשגיחים מכתוב הערת שוליים

picrewpirate

Picrew!

Use this to make yourself, and tag a friend!

letaot-ze-magniv

פאק איט ישראבלר אנחנו עושים את זה

@sweetlittleoreo @shiur-lo-chashuv @eshcolit-sgula @bapina-bahoshech @cynogf @becky-srs @catboy-doofenshmirtz @haomnamu

וכל מי שרוצה. בלי לחץ, אתם ממש לא חייבים😅

itsthebeckyzone

I DID IT

תנקיו על הטאג לטאות

@israeli-stuff @bamba-adooma @tenulegdolbesheket @hi-hell-0 @magavonim @mizranmizron @shiur-lo-chashuv @corgicupcake @nhav2004 @illmamnimh לכו על זה ברצונכם וזמנכם החופשי

corgicupcake

אני לא רואה הרבה פיקרו בישראבלר, והאחד הזה ממש חמוד! הנה ניסיון רנדומלי להכין את עצמי

תודה על התיוג, היה ממש כיף לנסות את זה!! אני אוסיף פה כמה אנשים שנראה לי שיהנו מזה גם, ואם אתם לא מתוייגים פה, מוזמנים להצטרף בכל זאת ולפרסם בפוסט הזה!! תמיד כיף לראות את העיצובים השונים

@pugi-bepita @thisisthejellyfish @baal-zvuv @israelunimaffin @tzipor-ktana @another-shibolet @derechashalom

baal-zvuv