I ONLY ACT LIKE I KNOW EVERYTHING

BLACK WIDOW. Ex-Russian, Ex-S.H.I.E.L.D.-Agent and part time Avenger. Compromised. A child at prayer. MCU Nat, AU after Captain America 2; (Indie RP blog, Muse and Mun +21, NSFW)

[tabbyrp]

[StarkIPM]Hey, Tabs... Did you find him? How bad is it? I've spoken to our doc here, she's ready to go wherever I tell her. She's okay, she won't talk. I'd come too, but... He doesn't like me there in these kinds of nights. It's you he needs right now. Just... tell me, okay?

[PM] Found him. Send doc ASAP. Address the one you sent me. Tell her to bring lots of… everything to patch him up.

[russianchildatprayer]

The answer was short, troubled and gruesomely clear, but coherent enough to confirm Natasha’s decision not to drive there herself. She had tried that. They had gone through this a dozen times, and finally she had given it up. Clint always seemed to be better for months, sometimes a year, after his little visits to this very special kind of hell, and who was she to tell someone how to cope with things? Maybe Tabby could do what she herself had never been able to achieve. Clint knew far too much about her for that. She had become a spectator in all this and could only hope now.

Cho had stayed up in her lab, though Natasha had told her to go back to bed, that maybe they wouldn’t need her, and in spite of her former words, Natasha was relieved. The woman had put back together more than one team member in the last months, she knew what she was doing. And her calm, professional, reserved mentality was assurance enough to trust her with this. This wasn’t to go to the files, never.

Natasha had patched Clint up often enough after these nights to tell Cho exactly what she had to bring, so it was a short conversation. She saw the woman off to the garage and hacked one of Tony’s bigger cars for her. Cho’s mini wouldn't do to get Clint home without doing even more damage.

“I can’t promise that I won’t have to get him here”, Cho warned her when she entered. “You know, the others would understand, right? You’re all coming from the same place.”

“No. They wouldn’t.” Natasha slammed the car door for her to cut to stop the useless discussion and watched the car leave with her arms folded tightly, heavy goose-bumps marking her arms.

It was possible indeed she’d see the doctor return in company soon, and as much as she dreaded it, if it was necessary, Clint’s life and health were way more important than keeping his stupidity a secret. But she really hoped it wouldn’t come to that. For him.

And maybe, a little for herself. She didn’t know if she could stand seeing him like that one more time.

[clintbartonhawk-blog]

From Bollywood to Hollywood

[russianchildatprayer]

clintbartonhawk:

There really was no forcing the smile to his face, exhaustion be damned, when Clint spotted Natasha. He dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around her with a content sigh, feeling calmness settle over him. They were fine, Nat and Ky. Not that he exactly doubted her, but every time he wasn’t around he still worried. Because so many things could happen and when he was halfway around the world, there was no way he could help. 

Just being back home, seeing that everything was still standing, let the anxiety pass.

"Hey gorgeous," he breathed happily, dropping a kiss on her hair. For a minute he just held her and leached off her warmth. 

"How’s Ky?" were the next words out of his mouth and he couldn’t help glancing in the direction of his daughters room. He’d missed her so much. The way her face scrunched up when she tried to concentrate and the little garbled sounds she made when he tickled her tummy. She was warm and small and so amazingly beautiful. God, he loved his kid.

"Has she been good? Sleep any more regular? Did she grow a lot? Still addicted to that awful rice-peach paste stuff? How’s the teething going?"

Once he’d started, he couldn’t help asking questions. Because if she was asleep now he wouldn’t be able to hold her for a while and needed to get his fix elsewhere.

"I brought her a kangeroo thing," he grinned, letting go of Natasha to reach down and rummage in his bag to find it. "It’s got like, the softest fur and has this cute button eyes and I kinda had to get it."

"She'll love it."

Natasha eyed the furry thing carefully from all sides, a natural instinct not easily to be turned off, though of course Clint would already have checked on it. It was really soft, and kind of sweet, and she couldn't stop grinning. Ky was too young to understand, sure, but she did always seem happy when they brought her something after a long mission. Maybe it could make up a little for all these times when one of them had to leave her alone.

There was no making up for them, though, nothing that could give back the lost weeks and months of not seeing her, not holding her, not watching her grow. So she didn't bother with all of Clint's questions, she simply gave him back the toy, took his hand and pulled him to the baby's room.

"Look for yourself, hotshot. She'll be happy to see you. Not sleeping through yet, so it's okay if she wakes up."

Maybe she wanted the two of them to reunite for a little selfish reason too... Namely that romper she might or not have put on her daughter for the night, the one she had bought last week. The one with the huge arrow in the front.

[rpmemes-andstuff-blog]

Our museds are camping! Send me a ^ for something that happens while camping.

1-20 Some angsty, some may be triggering (Snakes, wasp/bee/hornet) (Murder), Some fluffy, some may be NSFW. Feel free to re-roll if you land on one that you’re uncomfortable with.

Roasting marshmallows and one catches fire.

The tent catches fire.

It starts to rain

Our mused go fishing, and mine gets pulled in by fish on their line.

Our muses go hiking, and spot a wild animal. (Roll 1-2 to see if it attacks. 1-it just keeps walking 2- it attacks.)

It’s too dry to have a campfire but our muses do anyways

They get lost trying to find wood for the campfire

A bear comes to their campsite and starts taking their food. (Does not attack)

My muse is stung by a bee/wasp/hornet.

One of our muses is bitten by a snake and must get to the hospital. (Roll 1-2. 1-my muse 2- your muse.)

Our muses go skinny dipping

They count the stars

While hiking one of our muses twists their ankle.

Our muses go canoeing.

Our muses build a make-shift swing on one of the trees

They forgot to bring a tent, and now must either sleep under the stars, or build a shelter.

Our muses brought an RV packed full of stuff to make it just like home.

My muse forgot to bring the marshmallows.

Crazy axe murderer attacks.

The tent falls down on them while they are asleep.

[russianchildatprayer]

Mixed List of One-Liners

"Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?"

"I don't like your clothes, take them off."

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list."

"Stop making me question my heterosexuality."

"He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise."

"Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014."

"I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"

"If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."

"I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?"

"You texted all our friends a picture of me with the caption 'I'm going to tap that'."

"I think it's about time you come out of the closet."

"You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning."

"Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me"

"Fair warning, I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week."

"I invited him in for 'coffee', and at an unexpected turn of events we actually had coffee."

"Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak."

[clintbartonhawk-blog]

Well … yes. *takes Ky* Because you, m’lady, know how to treat your daddy, don’t you? *blows a rasberry on her tummy* And just because you poop like the devil does not mean Mommy the ol’ bint gets to be all high and mighty. Bit of spinach on the wall. We like spinach on walls, don’t we, Ky? Because weeee know what’s cool and Mommy is just a boooring old shoe.

*settles Kyla on his chest and grins at Nat*

But even for an old shoe we kinda like her a lot, don’t we Ky?

[russianchildatprayer]

*tries hard to smile* *tries harder* *fails miserably* *gets out some cleaning stuff and turns away not to smile* *smiles more*

You know what? *throws stuff into the corner and herself on the sofa right next to you* I think, cleaning can wait for tomorrow. Right, peanut? *reaches out to cradle the two of you*

[clintbartonhawk-blog]

No chocolate pudding for you today, Missy.

[russianchildatprayer]

Chocolate against this delightful moment I'm seeing on my phone right now... Good deal.

[clintbartonhawk-blog]

Who says I haven’t already?

And I gotta admit, she’s way a more captivated audience.

[russianchildatprayer]

Hey, JARVIS, be a babe and transfer today's baby room feed to my phone, will you?

[clintbartonhawk-blog]

Oh come on, Nat. I’m like … hurting here. Look at my toe, it’s all red, might fall off if I do too much now …

Also, uhm. The spinach looks kinda cool on the wall, doesn’t it? Like we killed a Chitauri right next to the fridge.

[russianchildatprayer]

Yep, and you know what? You give it a few weeks, and there'll be some new intelligent life form evolving from it.

Alright, hotshot. You go put your poor swollen foot up. Since your hands are working just fine, you can use the time to change diapers and feed the peanut. Night comes, I might just be done with this. And then we'll settle this over a round of Mario Kart. At length.

[clintbartonhawk-blog]

No.

You’re mean, Tasha. A mean old … binty … bint.

[russianchildatprayer]

I could be convinced to let go off that picture ... Iiiiif you do your best bunny impersonation for Ky.

[russianchildatprayer]

clintbartonhawk:

Well I didn’t fall. I just … kinda. Tripped and … spilled?

Weeeell I do hope you realize who'll be cleaning up this mess ...

Unless your ... falling activities aren't finished yet and include it?

[russianchildatprayer]

"Well, you know, they were kind of there when I went to get the milk and … so OK, I kinda forgot to tie my shoes and thenmaybe knocked over the table with the PJ’s on it and …"

"I like bunnies, OK?"

Tell me more about it. Or on second thought, let me get my phone for a picture.

[russianchildatprayer]

“Accidents happen.”

So you wanna tell me, you tripped and fell?

[rp-ask-box-memes-blog-blog-blog]

AU RP starter prompts – send a word if you would like to RP one of these and we will plan a starter.

[Many of these have drawn ideas from other memes, various novels, tv shows, games, movies, and many other things so please do not give me credit!]

Full Moon: One of our muses sustains a werewolf bite, and full moon is approaching. They must take precautions together.

Jekyll&Hyde: One of our muses randomly blacks out and their dark side takes over during that time. The other eventually becomes their target.

Shadow: Something kills one of our muses and they become a ghost. The other muse and the ghost try to cope with this.

Mind: One of our muses has trouble dealing with their own mind. The other muse travels into the world their subconscious has created to solve this.

Dark Times: Our muses are living in the medieval times and one of them gets denounced as a witch.

Madness: People disappear from the town our muses are living in. They eventually discover a horrible cult demanding sacrifices.

Barren: Our muses try to fend for themselves in a post-apocalyptic world. There are endless deserts, and only small packets of people survive.

Storybook: Our muses are on a journey with a quest to achieve. Perhaps it is a rescue mission, or perhaps they are looking for something that could save the world.

Big Brother: Our muses are living in a dystopian society. High-level technology is used for mind control and the secret police. The high ruler seeks total power. But perhaps there is a way for escape?

The Other Side: One of our muse’s soul is lost from their body, and is wandering in a dangerous dimension between life and death. The other muse must save the soul to revive the body.

Hero: Costumes and powers… Yes, our muses are superhoroes. Or supervillains. Whichever that is more fitting.

Flipped: If our muses are friends, in this universe they are mortal enemies. If they are enemies, they are now best buds.

On the Road: Our muses have problems at home and they run away together.

Beast: Our muses both turn into animals and they try to look for a cure.

Clock: Our muses are sent to a timeline that is at least fifty years before the present. They try to adjust to the new environments – or come back to their correct time.

Adolescent: Our muses enroll in highschool together.

Absence: Our muses wake up in town to find it completely deserted. The produce is still fresh in the stores, the cars remain in the garage. Everything is as it was, but there is no one but themselves.

Kidnapped: Our muses have been captured by traffickers.

Luxury: One of our muses is the owner of a manor, and the other is their servant.

Descent: One of our muses is inflicted with a disease that is corrupting their soul and body, turning them into a demonic form. They must seek for a cure before it is too late.

Free Choice: Send a fandom with the universe you would like for an AU RP.

[rp-ask-box-memes-blog-blog-blog]

Threaten my muse with one of the following;

"I know who you love."

"I’ll beat you within an inch of your life!"

"I know what you’re scared of."

"I’ll tickle you until you’re blue in the face!"

"I’ll turn you into shoes!"

"Wouldn’t it be a shame if they found out your secret?"

"I’ll tie you up, get you hot, and leave you there, begging for more."

"You’re more helpless than you think. I know that."

"I’m going to have to take a look at your pancreas."

[rp-ask-box-memes-blog-blog-blog]

Send my muse one of the following to see how they react! (Fluffy)

"You. Me. Cuddle. Now."

"Don’t move, I just got comfy."

"I’m scared, hold me!"

"I bit my lip. Will you kiss it better?"

"Tickle war has been declared!"

"Bunny pyjamas, really?"

"I’ve never seen so many kittens in one place."

"Come on, just one bite."

"How do you accidentally buy sixty birthday cakes?”

"I never imagined you were so… ticklish."

"You’re so huggable."

"You’re under arrest for being too cute. Put your hands where I can hold them."

"Have you fallen asleep on me?"

[rp-ask-box-memes-blog-blog-blog]

Sentences from Commercials Starters

"Go ahead. Ask the internet."

"Are you crying?"

"Hello pants."

"It sounds better in Italian.”

“Are we still doing the whisper thing?”

“Excuse me, ma’am, I’ve got this.”

“Take a look what you’ve done!”

“I think I broke my spleen.” 

“I just made like $700 on Craigslist.” 

“The bacon is really, really good.”

“Ten years is a long time.”

“I cannot believe that just happened!” 

“I’d snuggle up with me.”

“Don’t call me babe! We’re not together!”

“Are we there yet?”

“We need a babysitter.”

“We cannot be afraid to fail.”

“This is a game-changer.” 

“I will try not to take offense to that.”

“Where are we exactly?”

“I have no idea what you’re saying. But count me in!”

“They say you get what you pay for.”

“Sounds like a slam dunk.”

“I’m a grown-up.”

“Accidents happen.” 

“We’re so dead.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“How do you do it?!”

“Let’s do this!”

“Breathe, baby, breathe.” 

“You’re not helping.”

“Don’t pick her. Pick me.” 

“You look amazing!”

“I didn’t invite him. He just shows up.”

“Looks like you’ve got everything under control.” 

“You ever find your pants?”

“Whatever’s ahead, we’ll be there for each other.” 

“When in Rome!”

“Yes, I am rich.” 

“That was close.”

[russianchildatprayer]

☑

☑ - A fact about the character

Natasha is the worst gamer you ever want to have in your LAN-party. She’s perfectly fine when she plays stuff all by herself until her controller explodes and she’s reached whatever high score is possible. Even if it takes all night.

But don’t you ever fucking give her someone to play with. She’ll play every dirty trick possible on you to win. She won’t shy away from unplugging your controller, tickle you with her foot or feign a nuclear attack outside. She’ll blueshell you until you weep and will power out every last life until her character is bleeding out on the ground just to tear yours down with her. Don’t fear the big boss, fear Natasha.

Also, she knows how to curse in 17 different languages, and you’ll be educated in several linguistic versions of how to fuck a camel and suck goat dick, if you’ll still manage to win in spite of all her efforts.