Mirror Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? (exercise)
What will your closest people say about you?
The things they won't say out loud
They wont be brutal in their judgement of you until you ask
You asked for the honesty, don't get mad, learn from it
What would you say about me?
I was speaking with a friend, someone who has known me for quite some time.we were having a very honest conversation about the things that make us unique, be that behaviour, mind set, lifestyle etc.
Most of the time, the way we view ourselves is not the same way others view us. now, there are pro’s and con’s to this as with everything, its all up to you and how you take it. Yes, when we look in the mirror we most often times see what we want to see, the ideals we have of ourselves, the way we perceive ourselves, thus affecting how we present ourselves to the world.
You can ask your mum, dad, boyfriend, best friend or anyone else that you trust not to get offended and who also wont be offended by you asking them such a question (not everyone may be comfortable being so blunt for fear of hurting your feelings). An individual who cares about your personal development will always be honest with you.
My Friend gave me 7 responses (in their opinion), which we then thought about. This is an exercise you should only do, if you are ready to handle the truth and are confident in who you are enough to take whatever your trusted friend says as constructive criticism. I will then give you my opinion based on my observations & reasoning because i believe every behaviour is either Natured or nurtured, so can always change. We all born as a blank canvas of DNA ready to be nurtured into self actualising humans.
Positive person - Very good energy resonates from you
Optimistic - Always pushing for a solution/better/more
Don’t care what people think of you - You are free in yourself, few people’s opinions move you
Extremely pushful - You are always pushing for success or pushing others for it
Bad mouthing People a.k.a. Telling my side of whatever story when someone hurts me - Its not pleasant, sometimes funny, but its not a good thing (in their opinion).
Self Absorbed - I see it as confidence it as confidence but others may see this is you being self Absorbed.
Extremely Competitive - You are always out to win.
Now, based on the qualities highlighted above, an analysis is important. What you do with the information determines if you heal or remain in denial (often the case when we are told about ourselves).
Positive person - This is a choice as much as it is real. Every day we have a choice to have a good day, bad day or a fantastic day - whichever one we choose is the vibe that will be given off
Optimistic -Similarly to positive vibes, Optimism is an essential part of a happy life. However, don't get lost in optimism to the point where you are unable to face reality/get over the bump in your perfect mirror world.
Don’t care what people think of you - Growing up very conservative, there was always a manoeuvre to dealing with what people say about. Most often a facade of perfection is applied and you behave a certain way because since birth you have been raised as such. However, true freedom comes from not caring what people think. It comes from being able to hear words about yourself and not feel the need to get defensive, aggressive or react in a negative way. There is always a lesson to be learnt from someone else. However, It may be a good thing to care about what people think, just not everybody. Learn to distinguish between people worth caring for (family, loved ones, close friends) and people who don't affect your life in any way shape or form.
Extremely pushful - This is a good thing often times because this is the spirit that leads me. I definitely think this is probably my deciding trait. It keeps me motivated, on track and away from trouble. It may be a bad thing because this comes from a selfish place. Selfishness is helpful at a time when you need to focus on yourself & make sure your needs are met, however, beyond this it could be a bad thing when you transfer this to others who do not have the same vested interest as you because quite frankly it is not their business to! This also creates unhealthy expectations that will benefit neither party in due time. I also think i inherited this from my Father (whom i love dearly for pushing me & continuing to encourage me daily, randomly & sweetly).
Bad mouthing People a.k.a. Telling my side of whatever story -You know when someone actually tells you something about yourself that you feel embarrassed about? This is a trait i developed, unsure when, but it took precedence until it was pointed out in the strangest but most relevant ways. Let me give you an example of why this is negative for me. A while ago, i confided in a friend after i took offence to something they said and proceeded to express to her my feelings of upset & disappointment, exactly the same way i had done in the past when other people had offended me. So, very bluntly, i told her exactly why i was upset and what she did. To my surprise she responded in a way i never saw coming. She said i was guilt tripping her. i know, i was as surprised as you. I thought about what she said and decided to analyse our friendship to find out what characteristics of mine would lead someone to see me that way (because thats the last thing i am). I realised that i confided in her too openly about my innermost feelings when others had hurt me and no matter how genuine your intentions, people will not always see this and will come to their own conclusions. i looked back and realised that she’d seen my opening up as a negative & there is nothing to be done about that. The only positive option here, is to keep your opinions of others to yourself, words are binding and karma is not playing.
So, Just stop talking or keep a diary.
Self Absorbed- This one i would put side by side with being Extremely pushful. Most people see selfishness as a negative and they will not hesitate to point it out. rightly so, its the truth, because it often affects people in a negative way. Self-Absorbed people are in their own world, they are preoccupied with their own interests & most importantly, they don't pay the world too much mind, because their happiness depends on that. However, this is a trait that i have seen work in extremely positive ways for me. whenever we speak on the phone, my Dad and i talk about similar topics, we talk of his hopes and dreams, his story and how he and of course, I came to be. we went through some extremely turbulent years after the birth of my youngest sister, everything had gone belly up and i’d never seen my father so defeated for a period of time, however, he picked himself right back up, he did not allow himself to develop any stress related illnesses because he always knew deep down within himself, that everything will be alright, he will overcome. At that point, his sheer denial of the world just gave him more faith in himself and his abilities. He said i’ve done it before, i’ll do it again. Because of his selfishness, he was able to keep his priorities straight, all he had left was his health which he knew was the only thing he had control over, his reaction. by not letting stress get to him (thats not to say he was not stressed out or bugged down), but he was adamant that as long as he is around, we will always be fine.
Extremely Competitive - Learn that it is not every battle you must win. We all have varying degrees of competitiveness so its not all the time jump down people’s throats. This may also cause you not to see where you have made mistakes enough to correct them. worse, it may hurt the ones dear to you, if you competitiveness comes at a cost to their happiness. take it easy, relax & choose when/where you wish you express your competitive spirit.
As fun as this exercise was, it was a hard pill to swallow especially when you’re used to thinking you’re little miss perfect. It was also a step, in telling it as it is. something I've been working on for a couple of months now. The journey doesn't end, it has just begun.
Thank you for following my journey to self.
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