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@ruthyrejectz
Charity: Hey Severus?
Severus: Yeah?
Charity: Truth or dare?
Severus: Dare
Charity: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.
Severus, looking at Lucius: Hey Lu?
Lucius, frowning: yeah?
Severus: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Mulciber
Lucius: oh THANK FUCK
Charity: Oh, fiddlesticks.
Severus: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language
Mulciber: Dom or sub?
Wilhelm: I guess Domino's, since I don't go to Subway that much. Don't see why you'd put them in the same category though.
Severus, to Lucius: Merlin, could he be any more blind?
Lucius: I'm so fucking bored, there's nothing to do.
Severus: You could do the dishes like I asked you to.
Lucius, pulling out a book: I'm not bored anymore.
Severus: Close your eyes.
Mulciber: [Closes his eyes]
Severus: What do you see?
Mulciber: Nothing.
Severus: That's the amount of problems I'd have if you stopped doing dumb shit.
Narcissa: Wow, Lucius always looks so calm during missions. I wonder how he does it.
Lucius, internally: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-
Mulciber: You f**kers don't know about my knife-stick. It's a knife taped to a stick and it's the ultimate weapons!!
Severus: A spear?
Mulciber: BLOCKED.
Lucius: You know what I’ve realized?
Severus: Some thoughts are better left unsaid?
Lucius: Nice try, anyways-
Mulciber: You must've known that wouldn't work.
Severus: Oh shut up.
Severus: You're giving me a sticker?
Narcissa: Not just a sticker. This is a sticker of a kitty saying “me- wow!”
Severus: I'm not a preschooler.
Narcissa: Fine, I'll take it back
Severus: I earned this, back off!
Mulciber: Here's some advice
Severus: I didn't ask for any
Mulciber: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me
Severus: Good morning.
Narcissa: Good morning.
Charity: Good morning.
Lucius: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a little bit.
Mulciber: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS
Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.
Lucius, with Mulciber and Snape behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!
Police: Yes…three.
Severus: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?
Police: Wha-
Mulciber: WILHELM FUCKING FELL OFF!
Severus: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.
Lucius: Did Mulciber say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'?
Severus: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–
Lucius, yelling at the top of his lungs: Just remember, if you ever feel safe
Lucius: ...know that i'm out there, looking for you.
Severus: oh how scary
Mulciber: really shaking in my boots
Severus: Who ate my sandwich?
Narcissa: The pigeons.
Severus: Very funny, Cissa.
Narcissa: I'm not joking. As soon as you left Mulciber, Lucius, and Charity took it outside and fed it to the pigeons.
Charity, walking back in holding a pigeon: We kept it as a pet!
Severus: Didn't you die??
Mulciber: Dude, that was weeks ago. Get with the times.
Severus, to The Marauders: You guys don't want to mess with me.
Mulciber, beside him: Yeah. He will just start crying, like full on sobbing.
Severus: exac-
Severus: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT??