hunted by agony @rxxsjx - Tumblr Blog

And there you sit. Stuck in a crowded place that feels lonelier than the pit of the earth. Emptier than the void of nothingness. You can hear them, you can see them, but you have never been lonelier. The act you played hid the brewing pain, kept it down. But now the curtains close. It's over. The storm is coming.

#loneliness #depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #autistic #adhd #audhd

I'm trying but I'm so fucking sick of trying

Fuck, it's back

Like, who am I? I don't even know myself properly.

Entering my second life crisis and it feels different but kind of the same

#actuallyadhd #actuallyidk #therapy #autism #autistic #actuallydepressed #actuallymentallyill #actuallyautistic #actuallydepression #anxiety #midlife crisis #life crisis

Getting the help I need feels relieving, but also scary, yk?

I feel like I'm faking it all the time. I'm pretending to be social, and to be an adult, but I am not. I'm so tired. I want to escape it all, be myself, cry it out, be careless.

#actuallyadhd #actuallyidk #therapy #adhd #asd #actuallydepressed #actuallymentallyill #actuallyautistic #autistic #autism #actually asd #depression #depressed #sad #generalized anxiety disorder #anxious #anxiety attack #anxiety #alone

I can't do school anymore. I'm burned out. School just doesn't feel priority one anymore. But I can't stop now. I will let people down, especially people I work with on a project. But what good help am I when I'm constantly burned out. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to tell. My parents will just say I have to keep going. My best friend will listen to me but she has stuff of her own to deal with. My psychiatrist isn't here for talking, only medication. Thanks to waiting lists I temporarily don't have a therapist. My teachers will tell me to stop, but then I have to do it all over again next year. I'm so stuck. I'm so stressed. I'm panicking.

#stuck #burned out #alone #lonely #school #stressed #stress #asd #adhd #add #depression #sadness #sad #anxiety #generalized anxiety disorder #panick attack #panick #anxious

I feel like I'm always trying to keep me from falling apart. I'm like a house of cards. I want to finish the house but it's so damn difficult. But each time a card falls down, I pick it up again. I try again. I try everytime, but the cards never stay in place. Sometimes the whole house falls apart and I have to start over again. I don't know if I want to do that anymore.

#depression #depressed #sad #metaphor #therapy #hopeless

This search for the right medications is a fucking nightmare, and it hasn't even properly started yet.

#methylphenidate #olanzapine #antipsychotics #stimulants #fluoxetine #antidepressants #prozac

I want myself dead again and I don't think that is part of the healing process

vibemasterlex-deactivated202203

Me everyday at 8 PM fighting the urge to sleep

I hate people

I'm so done

And there I sit. Seeing all these people busy with making their passion a reality, seeing them feeling passionate about working and socializing. And there I sit. Constantly trying to keep myself sane. Masking the reality with getting good grades so no one sees that the only thing I care about right now is just keeping myself fucking sane. And not knowing how long I will manage to do that. And it's so tiring. It's so fucking tiring.

'Just keep going,' is what they all say to me when I get the courage to display my feelings, my sadness, my hopelessness. But 'keeping going' is what I'm doing my whole life, and look at me now, nothing's changed. I'm still aching while living life. I'm still scared of everything. I'm still not happy. I'm still not content. And I don't know what to do. I don't know if someone will get me one day. I just don't know anymore.

xannerz

“so how you doin’?”

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