sure "it gets better" might be categorically false but the way better "it gets weirder" is true and proven by living every day.
(much longer monologue about this under here.)
you know how at the end of sitcoms when everyone's been flanderized to hell and back and they are unrecognizable to their season 1 counterparts? absolutely true of reality. sure, that's often an effect of lazy writing and marketing becoming a character's whole schtick, but it happens to your friends and family. they don't get reduced like fictional characters do, but the longer you know people, the more weird stuff you find out about them!! and the stranger you get in return!! and it's absolutely fascinating!!!
i've found in growing up and getting older that the more completely okay i am with living the normal quiet life that i so often cursed and criticized growing up. i wanted to be a big shot, a star, a person that people saw and went 'wow! what a cool guy!'. but as i've gotten older and lived more and seen more and experienced more bullshit and weird happenings and seen the way my friends and family have changed alongside me... the more i've come to appreciate the ways in which life can be completely ordinary.
some people (my younger self most definitely included) see the ordinary and think of conformity. i disagree completely to be honest. because i truly don't think i've met one normal person in my entire life. there are people i don't understand, definitely, and they are weird to me. when i think about the "popular" ones, the ones who went off to school to major in business and nursing and engineering etc (instead of. theatre. lmao) i think about the limited interactions i've had with each and every one of them. none of them are like. completely normal or without some quirk of some sort.
i feel like there's a constant stream of commentary about people who do xyz in pursuit of creating a divide, calling them soulless and NPCs and etc etc. I think many of us get into our bubbles of existence where we find some sort of collective enjoyment out of being different and strange and i think it's beautiful that we all are weird and strange.
life gets weird. its super weird. unexpected stuff happens and sometimes you just have to live with it. i felt like my life was in some sort of weird fever dream for the longest time but accepting this strange existence and seeing the way that things change is the weirdest thing ever.
my friends and even the people i've come to dislike keep evolving and changing. sometimes switching sides!! i decided to see how long it would take for a long time friend to walk up to me and initiate a conversation. we haven't spoken in a year. one of my college roommates did a musical with the girl who was my best friend until she blew up our friendship. my girlfriend and i have been together five years and i've lived with the same guy in college for three and a half of them. he smokes cigarettes and whittles now. the other day we went to go climb rocks and look at the river. there's a guy who's been coming over to my apartment for weeks now and i genuinely have no idea when he started hanging out with us or who in my apartment he's friends with. the other day my friend and neighbor (who saved my life and drove me to the hospital when i nearly died) came over to my apartment and took his own food out of my freezer and had lunch. he lives like two floors above us why is his food in my freezer??
all of these are recent examples. life is. so fucking strange. but it's amazing. and it's worth living because when you find yourself having these amazing and happy moments you find yourself feeling this tiny little prick of sadness, but with the weird things? you go. huh. that's pretty weird. and it's one of my favorite parts of living. the world works in pretty mysterious ways. my girlfriend's two best friends are two girls i met in completely different places in different ways years before she knew them. and it's weird. and it's awesome. and life will continue getting weird. and the people i know i'll know more and they'll change too. i've know i've changed.
i've been playing it for like. god knows over a decade but i never had a time where i played it long enough or wasnt just building stuff in creative that i actually wanted to go through with beating the game.
but tonight i beat it. and for the first time, reading through that end poem, i broke down into tears. i've seen it many times and loved it and all but seeing it after actually beating the game was different. it has been a while since i actually read it though, but it just resonated with me tonight.
and the universe said i love you because you are love.
it's wonderful. it's everything. it means so much to me.
hi i saw i got like 5 (real?) followers this morning (not bots. i checked. they were pretty convincing) so hi everyone who followed me i do not post here that often anymore but occasionally i'll drop some of my thoughts ok buebye š„¹
areudirty
izzy806
stormborns
romaincrisis
titsay
ellievsbear
vaporwave
gummygunk
