I never realised how hard studying actually is until I wen into uni.
So yeah. All throughout high school I really didn't have a hard time passing my subjects. They weren't exactly easy to me but I wasn't as challenged as I could have been.
My actual learning journey began in uni.
I went to uni at 18 and now I'm finishing at 25. What exactly happened? Normally careers in Spain last only 4 years, and this is just one of those stories that really bring ut the bad in the system...
I began studying in a degree I wasn't really interested in, but I did it out of obligation and pressure from my parents. Being an immigrant one just wants the best for their children and the best in my case was university, but the way my parents transmitted this didn't help me understand why I had to do it. I wanted out from the very beginning, and even though I changed career the next year to Statistics (because I enjoyed it) I never really wanted to remain in uni because it was too stressful and didn't really see an end to it.
In Statistics I enjoyed my time there, but didn't find a future in it. I wanted to do something I actually enjoyed, but by the time I was at uni I didn't really know well just what exactly I wanted to do. The map without an x to mark the spot gave me anxiety. Around this time, I got real serious with God, I had an intense encounter with Jesus and it changed my life. Around springtime, in my second year of Stats, I found myself very frustrated and depressed because I didn't want to go to class anymore, even if I understood why. It was an afertoon that I came crying to Jesus asking just what should I do? I never had a clear path in regards to my career... I had to go to work giving classes to a child to help him study. I always had fun with him, and loved helping him understand his subjects when he needed it. And all of the sudden it clicked. I had spent all day in bed and went to help him, sad and depressed and all. My heart said for once "Yes, here". I'm not saying to follow your heart, but to be aware of what your body and mind are trying to tell you. For years I kept ignoring my own self and this was one of the firsts I had listening to myself. Once I made the decision I went ahead and changed. Now I'm studying to be a teacher, like I was to that one kid. (I even remember saying that I would do it for free if I could)
When I started in my new degree I made a promise to God and myself to finish it.
AND MAN WAS IT HARD TO KEEP!!!
All I can say is that I didn't keep it with my own strength, but God through His Holy Spirit was strengthening me. The instances where I wanted to quit were all challenging me, but not academically it was mostly character-wise. I am FAAAAAAAR from perfect (it's one of my most difficults truths to digest) and this one degree challenged me to be wiser, to be humble, meek, kinder, and the worst of all, patient. I hadn't realised how IMPATIENT I was until I started this journey. I kept complaining all the way because of how late I was going to finish and that my life wasn't where it needed to be (according to me), and that my teachers kept trying me (because they ask for stupid homework)... I really had it out with God. I had to learn, and still am, to be patient and ultimately stop complaining, because as much as i complained I just HAD to write that assignment.
At this point the thing which I'm most happy about is that I'm close to finishing and it was all thanks to the Holy Spirit really doing the extra work. What I saw mostly was that as much as I was super smart (I'm sincerly not saying this in a conceited way, I really am), I still needed the Holy Spirit beside me to pass my most difficult parts of my career. One of these dificult parts was attendance. Where people struggle to understand things I had no problem, but where people just found it easy to go to class and sit my hyperactive self could not sit through a boring class without acting up or playing games to distract myself. And sadly 50% of my grade was that, attendance. It became a battle of character, and when I got my attendance almost perfectly all I could do was cry because WE (God and I) made it like so. It was at that moment when I really grasped how dependent on God I had to be just to get this ONE SIMPLE thing down!!!
So yeah, I learned a lot about myself with this one career choice. I learned things I never really thought of until then. The academics I had down, but what about me? How could I sustain a classroom if I couldn't really maintain myself? The fire trial really works.
Don't fret in your journey with God, He knows what He's doing.
