✵ can't force me to be a normie ✵ @sad-m0nster07 - Tumblr Blog

★ a boy / 𝔞𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔢 / ʇsoן / † / 𝔞𝔣𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔡 / still here ★

dni: creeps, adult content, *glorifying* sh/ed

tobacco companies should get sued for false advertising. "smoking kills" my ass--this shit isn't working at all.

what do yall think of my new shirt?

tryin to hit that sweet spot between being rested and too tired, being sober and too drunk, between feeling sad and too sad so that i can finally release that peak creativity and write some shit

#writing #creative writing #writing inspiration

awsten drinking from the beaker 😂

#awsten knight #waterparks #michael clifford #fanfic

you're too good for me, i'm too bad to keep, i'm too sad, lonely, i want you only, you're too good for me

~~~

I miss you tonight. My life's fucked up, but you were there for me. I didn't know all the words to say, but you didn't need them. We didn't have much time together, but you were my light in the darkness. So I told you how I felt, and you told me it wasn't just me. I told you, even though I knew what would come next, even though I knew it would mean having to say goodbye. And so that's what happened.

I loved you from the moment I met you, from the moment you said 'hi,' from the moment we looked each other in the eyes. I walked home that day and I felt my knees getting weak. I didn't know that was a real thing, something that could actually happen, but it did. I missed you already, and I knew that would mean a world of trouble, because you were you, and I was me, and you and I just never could be 'we.'

I miss you tonight. It's been four months now since I had so say goodbye, since I wrote you the letter. I only ever wanted the best for you, and the best for you just isn't me. But I miss you still.

I saw you last week, and you saw me. It hurt me more than I was prepared for. Fuck, why does it have to be this way. I miss you still. I thank God for all the moments we had together. I miss you still.

#love #depressing shit #feelings #i love you #relationship #feeling alone #i miss you #Spotify

hold me close, don't let go

~~~

So I went to see my psychologist again after considering whether it would even be worth it. I'm not getting anything done, including some very important things, and all of my coping mechanisms basically amount to killing myself in slow motion. Plus she is genuinely nice and I was happy to have found her. It's just that despite all this, I will always feel like such a waste of her time, always thinking "others are probably doing way worse and now she has to deal with my stupid stories that don't make any sense.."

But I did go and told her everything without lying or omitting anything bc I know that is pointless so wth. The social difficulties, the procrastinating, all of my destructive tendencies, the thoughts of ending it, and just being so fucking tired of everything all the time.

After all this, she told me she would probably not be able to help me any further, that she would not want to find out next time she had to call me, that I would no longer be around, and that it would be better to have someone who would be reachable 24/7 and perhaps more specialised. She reassured me she was not just going to drop me and would help me find someone, but I can't help but feel a bit hopeless about it. Really did not see this coming at all.

The thought of having to talk to someone new *again,* hoping I would feel comfortable with that person, even just having to put in the effort to arrange for all this... Kinda fucking sucks.

On the other hand it did sort of feel validating. To know that I wasn't just wasting her time whining about bs, that she did actually seem concerned about me. That she didn't just tell me to try some mindfulness and write a letter to a friend. But then having to say goodbye to her--I feel so alone.

She gave me the number of the svicide hotline and will let me know more on Wednesday. Well, I'm still here, but not looking forward to this at all tbh.

God help me.

#mental health #therapy #psychology #depressing shit #kms #feeling alone #please help me #social anxiety #im so tired #Spotify

areallyuniquename

#autism #be yourself #neurodivergent #neurospicy

i got it i got it i finally got the shirt 🤩 do we fw it?

#mcr #mcrmy #emo scene #2000s nostalgia #scenemo #alternative #emo boy #emo

think im gonna fade out

~~~

Is it normal being ok with feeling this way? I’m just so tired, and the truth is I don’t even want to feel better anymore. Even if it does go away, I know it’ll only be a matter of time before these feelings return. What is even the point in fighting anymore? It’s part of who I am and always have been, and I’m ok with that now.

I can talk to my therapist again and pretend to want things to get better, but in truth I am just tired—and I don’t. I already know what she’ll say, I already know how all this works because I’ve been here so many times before. I’d only be wasting her time and besides, I don’t think I could do it anymore anyway, even if I wanted to.

I really have tried but I don’t want to anymore. Just let me go now—it’s ok.