Then, the land was attacked by a bunch of nordics (the Swedes). And they were defeated but after that they changed some things, like making the rulers rule less, and making the rulers more like France’s rulers, which is are rulers that rule less.
“Hi France,” they said.
“Hi potatoes,” said France.
“Can you call us something else, other than potatoes?” said Germany.
“Like what?” said France.
♫♪"How about zum Volk gehörig? “♪♫ (Teutonen) said Germany.
And they stole France’s democracy and wrote a constitution. For themselves! And then they made lots of poetry and art and had the industrial revolution.
♫♪ It’s time for World War I ♪♫
The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Germany has been enjoying invading a bunch of African countries and wants MOOOOOOREE and the next thing on their list is to invade all the countries and also all the stuff.
None of that stuff currently belongs to Germany which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, who was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Err, actually, he shot him in the head. So you know what that means, duhhh.
♫♪ Germany should shoot some people. ♪♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they sort of called everyone douche-noodles on all the media to sort of let them know, and then they did it! And they also helped Austria here and there with some errands and stuff. *bell rings*
Now the war is over, and congratulations Germany, you totally lost it which means you don’t get to sit at the negotiating table, with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. And you also don’t get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫♪ the League of Nations ♪♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world.
The Great Depression is bad, and Germany’s economy is now crappy. So they start printing a shit ton of money, which makes everything worse. So they plan on taking over the world again. And everyone is like ♪"No don’t do that even if you’re not in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to try to take over the world.“♪
And Germany said, ♫♪ How bout I do, anyway? ♪♫ And Germany invaded more and more and more of Europe, and was planning to invade the entire World.
[You’ve sent mail.]
It’s to Japan, from the new leader of Germany, he has a cool mustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common.
♫♪ It’s time for World War II ♪♫
Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors’ neighbors, then, the neighbor’s neighbors’ neighbors, who happen to be Britain, said “Holy shiiit” and the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫♪ good friends ♪♫ and continued not helping Germany because ♫♪” Their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invaaading the entire world.“♪♫
The Nazis are also working on killing all, every single one of the Jews. All of them, ever. Just in case (Racism). But they are still fighting the war, which they are losing, and the United States is really starting to also fight in the war.
And they haven’t used all of the bombs yet, and are curious to see how many it takes, so they drop a few. They actually drop a lot. And the US help the gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also chase Japan back into Japan.
Now that the entire country was not at war with all the other countries, it was divided into two parts. The government parted, a fence was built, a wall was built, everyone learned to say goodbye, constitutions were published. There was protests, heartbreak, wall-climbing, and socialism studies. The East started to study Russian socialism from orders they were given from the Soviet Union. We’re talking Planwirtschaft, Stasi, Zensur, and maybe even Folter.
Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow do-
*impending doom music*
Knock knock. It’s West Germany. With a free market. With democracy. Free democracy.
“Open East Germany. Stop. Having it be closed” said West Germany.
*music ends*
There was really nothing they could do, so they destroyed the wall so everyone could leave anytime they want.
Some people hated this. “That sucks!” they said. “This sucks!!!”
But with almost very little outside help, (from money) they reunited the country. And somehow made the Germans German again, and moved the capital to Berlin, which they didn’t rename. They made a new government, which was a lot more democratic. And they made a new constitution, which was.. pretty democratic. And a military that was… pretty democratic (small).
The new Germany installed a new constitution, inspired their other constitutions, with just the right ingredients for a ♫♪ post-war economic miracle ♪♫ and Germany starts making steel, machines, automobiles, and beer as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. But then some right-wing twats get popular again. But everything’s still pretty cool I guess. ♪♫ Tschüss. ♫♪
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