I needed some background noise while I was drawing so I looked through my recommended to find the longest video I could and it was a true crime story. It was fucked up but didn't get to me that bad so I clicked on the next recommended one.
I think I'm now a different person than who I was over two hours ago
I don't think I have it in me to actually type out all the things from this that are fucking me up so bad (I've been crying just thinking about them) but I do wanna just mention this. I'm mentally disabled, technically only diagnosed with dyslexia but there's definitely other shit going on in here and all of it has affected me my whole life. And that fact has just immediately made me feel like a kinship between those men. Like the way this guy was describing their personalities and how their disabilities affected them it was like, I got them yk. I don't know exactly what they were like obviously but it was like I could see their line of thinking because it's similar to how I think sometimes it's like, I don't how tf to explain it.
But also o don't think I can ever read a story about being snowed into a cabin ever again cuz I'll just be thinking about Ted and Gary. And how Ted was literally freezing to death but Gary couldnt keep him warm because Ted was afraid of fire so all they had was blankets and how Gary was desperately trying to keep him alive while his medicine not only was wearing off but he was probably going through withdrawal and all he had where notebooks that he'd write affirmations in like he leaned in therapy. But also the video mainly focuses on Gary in that aspect but Ted basically couldnt move because of how frost bitten he was and he was relying on a man who without his medication had a history of being dangerous and violent. (I'm by no means suggesting that all people with any form of schizophrenia are inherently dangerous, I'm just referring to his history and how with him being possibly up to 12 weeks (I don't remember the exact amount of time) without his medication he could've potentially become a dangerous person to be around let alone rely on (again NOT his fault he had to go so long switch out his medication and it was clear he was holding out for as long as he could but like..)
But also the fact that the police were told to check up there to see if any of the boys were in there and they didn't do it. The fact that that happened while those two were trapped in there just waiting for help after watching three of their closest friends all die. And the police DIDNT CHECK UP THERE! THEY COULDVE LIVED, THEY COULDVE GIVEN THE OTHER BOYS FAMILIES CLOSURE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED BUT THEY DIDNT BECAUSE THE POLICE DIDNT WANT TO GO CHECK THE CABINS!
Not to mention how, snd im glad he only showed one real example because I know I'd be even more upset if I saw more, the news abd police at the time where basically framing it as "oh a bunch of r------ just went up to the mountains and got lost because they're stupid r------" THEY WOULDNT HAVE GONE UP THERE WOTHOUT CAUSE. MOST OF THEM HATED THE WILDERNESS AND WOULDNT HAVE BEEN UP THERE IF IT WASN'T FOR THE THEORY THAT SOMEONE WAS FORCING THEM UP THERE. I have to say theory because we'll never know why they went up there but like they weren't stupid. they knew what they were doing with car, if they were just stuck they would've known to push it out the only reason it was still stuck was because something forced them out of the car and forced them to run. And another thing did they reallly think that Jack M, the guy who loved his car more than anything, did all the mechanics for it, always kept it perfectly clean. Did they really think that guy would just leave his prized car with window down and the doors unlocked for no reason. (That's another thing that's fucked me up about this he loved his car so much that even after he had to abandon it he still took the keys. He still felt like he needed to take part the car with him. And he died with those keys next to his best friend, frozen in the snow together.)
I'm gonna stop now cuz I'm getting upset but yeah
Rest in peace Jack Huett, Ted Weiher, Jack Madruga, Bill Sterling and Gary Mathias
None of deserved to go out in such a cruel way.
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