Hi, I'm just a silly little guy
But sometimes I'm a sad lil guy
This is a blog where I talk about being a sad lil guy without worrying my friends
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@sadcupoftea122
Hi, I'm just a silly little guy
But sometimes I'm a sad lil guy
This is a blog where I talk about being a sad lil guy without worrying my friends
When you project your trauma onto one of your blorbos and you realise your trauma is a lot worse now that you're on the outside looking in.
Thinking about this again because like what am I supposed to do now? But also I’m not even sure if it is incest like I looked it up and I identified with a bunch of things that it said but I feel like it might be conformation bias or something.
I don’t usually vent to my friends about stuff but I think I might have to just to get any kind of second opinion
“All dreams have meanings”
Ok so what does it mean if I have a dream where I’m in some sort of tense situation and I escape into some scaffolding, where I find my dog. Expect he’s been taxidermied. And then my mum shows up and explains that she did it and did it because she couldn’t stand the thought of him dying so she’s made him last forever. I argue back that he had years left to live so why kill him now? And then she says I don’t get it and I should just be happy that he can’t die now and tries to cheer me up by waving his paw at me and putting on this voice she does and tells me to come over and play with him and then I ran away. Other stuff that I don’t remember happens and then I wake up.
What the fuck is that even supposed to mean????
I have unresolved mummy issues? yeah I already knew that brain YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO LET ME KNOW LIKE THAT!
When you project your trauma onto one of your blorbos and you realise your trauma is a lot worse now that you're on the outside looking in.
I feel like this keeps happening and I don't quite know the correlation but whenever it starts to get hotter and nearer to a full heatwave my mental gets worse and I keep leaning more and more onto SH. I thinking about it rn but I was basically fine last week while it was cooler.
I need to get to my volunteer job but I'm already ten minutes late and I haven't left the house yet and I don't know how to explain to my manager that I'm not avoiding work because I'm being lazy I actually just can't get myself out of the door rn 😭
Like the heat isn't helping but the thought of going out is making me sweat and makes me feel slightly light headed
I know I dramatic as shit but like I just can't even get my hand on the door rn
I needed some background noise while I was drawing so I looked through my recommended to find the longest video I could and it was a true crime story. It was fucked up but didn't get to me that bad so I clicked on the next recommended one.
I think I'm now a different person than who I was over two hours ago
I don't think I have it in me to actually type out all the things from this that are fucking me up so bad (I've been crying just thinking about them) but I do wanna just mention this. I'm mentally disabled, technically only diagnosed with dyslexia but there's definitely other shit going on in here and all of it has affected me my whole life. And that fact has just immediately made me feel like a kinship between those men. Like the way this guy was describing their personalities and how their disabilities affected them it was like, I got them yk. I don't know exactly what they were like obviously but it was like I could see their line of thinking because it's similar to how I think sometimes it's like, I don't how tf to explain it.
But also o don't think I can ever read a story about being snowed into a cabin ever again cuz I'll just be thinking about Ted and Gary. And how Ted was literally freezing to death but Gary couldnt keep him warm because Ted was afraid of fire so all they had was blankets and how Gary was desperately trying to keep him alive while his medicine not only was wearing off but he was probably going through withdrawal and all he had where notebooks that he'd write affirmations in like he leaned in therapy. But also the video mainly focuses on Gary in that aspect but Ted basically couldnt move because of how frost bitten he was and he was relying on a man who without his medication had a history of being dangerous and violent. (I'm by no means suggesting that all people with any form of schizophrenia are inherently dangerous, I'm just referring to his history and how with him being possibly up to 12 weeks (I don't remember the exact amount of time) without his medication he could've potentially become a dangerous person to be around let alone rely on (again NOT his fault he had to go so long switch out his medication and it was clear he was holding out for as long as he could but like..)
But also the fact that the police were told to check up there to see if any of the boys were in there and they didn't do it. The fact that that happened while those two were trapped in there just waiting for help after watching three of their closest friends all die. And the police DIDNT CHECK UP THERE! THEY COULDVE LIVED, THEY COULDVE GIVEN THE OTHER BOYS FAMILIES CLOSURE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED BUT THEY DIDNT BECAUSE THE POLICE DIDNT WANT TO GO CHECK THE CABINS!
Not to mention how, snd im glad he only showed one real example because I know I'd be even more upset if I saw more, the news abd police at the time where basically framing it as "oh a bunch of r------ just went up to the mountains and got lost because they're stupid r------" THEY WOULDNT HAVE GONE UP THERE WOTHOUT CAUSE. MOST OF THEM HATED THE WILDERNESS AND WOULDNT HAVE BEEN UP THERE IF IT WASN'T FOR THE THEORY THAT SOMEONE WAS FORCING THEM UP THERE. I have to say theory because we'll never know why they went up there but like they weren't stupid. they knew what they were doing with car, if they were just stuck they would've known to push it out the only reason it was still stuck was because something forced them out of the car and forced them to run. And another thing did they reallly think that Jack M, the guy who loved his car more than anything, did all the mechanics for it, always kept it perfectly clean. Did they really think that guy would just leave his prized car with window down and the doors unlocked for no reason. (That's another thing that's fucked me up about this he loved his car so much that even after he had to abandon it he still took the keys. He still felt like he needed to take part the car with him. And he died with those keys next to his best friend, frozen in the snow together.)
I'm gonna stop now cuz I'm getting upset but yeah
Rest in peace Jack Huett, Ted Weiher, Jack Madruga, Bill Sterling and Gary Mathias
None of deserved to go out in such a cruel way.
self isolating to cope is great until you look up one day and years have passed and you realise no one knew you when you were 18 or 19 or 20 or 21 and now they never will
Imagine you take your kids on holiday without your ex husband. While on this trip you act like a 3 year old the entire time and traumatise your kids into never wanting to be alone with you for that long again. You're then surprised when neither of them want to go and do that again but are willing to go with you're ex husband whose mature enough to know to stop being abusive.
Congratulations you know know what it's like to be my mum
I do feel bad cuz from her perspective she's too up her own ass to actually realise how much she hurts me and my sister and so this must feel like a betrayal/favouritism. In mine and my sister's defence tho first of all I'm not going back to spending a week away with only her and my sister. Second of all, my dad just kinda said "we're doing this." Like not a discussion or anything like that just "yep we're going away for a two days. Be ready." And just left it at that.
It's so annoying that I see where she's coming from but you don't get to give us one of the most traumatic weeks of our lives and expect us to be willing to go and do it again just to appease her
I don’t get dysphoric that often but when I do that’s a big sign that things upstairs are getting bad
I already knew things were getting bad but this is a sign and not a good one 🫠
I know your mouth is supposed to adjust to braces over like a few days but omg just existing is like torture rn. "Oh but they've only been in less then 24 hours" yeah and I'm already so sick of them I can't help but cry. And I don't cry easily but brushing hurt so much that I just don't think I can handle doing it for another day. And I'm supposed to do that three times a day. I barely touched them and they hurt so badly. And this fucking website was like "oh just push through the discomfort because it's important to keep your mouth clean" that wasn't discomfort that was just pain.
//TW SUICIDAL
This is bad but I was going through it and the thought that if I did it everyone would have moved on in a couple years got to me
Bomb fire night would literally be the perfect time to put an attack on the uk because no one would even notice
I mean when they did that test alarm thingy a whole ago and half the people didn't even get it most of us wouldn't know what was happening if someone started bombing us most of us wouldn't here about it
So my mum may have overheard me and my sister back talking her, she definitely saw me leaving my sisters room after I finished talking to her (my mum) but like in my defence she's been such a pain in all the worst ways and the only way I can keep my sanity is with me and my sister being able to vent about it with each other.
Like all week she's been talking about how nobody loves her and how we prefer our dad and she's just been a nightmare to even be around and I'm so tired of having to deal with this. Like she's convinced everyone hates her but instead of trying to deal with her emotional issues she's just taking it out on her children.
Plus I thought she was going to stay downstairs and sulk like she always does when she's upset like this not come up and stroke the dog who's she's already mad at for being scared of the dark.
Honestly I do feel bad about it because she was never meant to find out about this and I know this is going to make to her feel even worse about everything
I don't think she's gone get because I can still hear her down stairs but I don't know what she's doing and it's stressing me out. Plus I to see her on Friday for my grans birthday and if she's heard me bad mouthing her it's gonna be so bad I might just kms /hj
So my mum may have overheard me and my sister back talking her, she definitely saw me leaving my sisters room after I finished talking to her (my mum) but like in my defence she's been such a pain in all the worst ways and the only way I can keep my sanity is with me and my sister being able to vent about it with each other.
Like all week she's been talking about how nobody loves her and how we prefer our dad and she's just been a nightmare to even be around and I'm so tired of having to deal with this. Like she's convinced everyone hates her but instead of trying to deal with her emotional issues she's just taking it out on her children.
Plus I thought she was going to stay downstairs and sulk like she always does when she's upset like this not come up and stroke the dog who's she's already mad at for being scared of the dark.
Honestly I do feel bad about it because she was never meant to find out about this and I know this is going to make to her feel even worse about everything
I am going to find whoever came up with ideas of carriers fair and bash there head into a wall
Genuinely I hate them so much
There's not even a real reason. Like the noise and talking to people is bad and everything but there's something else about it that I just hate so much I'm gonna cry