screaming into the void

random thoughts

[sadgirlrants]

I have hope this year will be better. I listed so many things I wanted to do and habits I wanted to start when the new year arrived and guess what? It's already last week of January and all those habits died one by one and so is my hope.

[sadgirlrants]

Spotify Wrapped

Yeah, that sounds about right. I love listening to classical music when I write, and I became obsessed with Aimer and jpop this year.

...

[angelagiarratanna]

happy pride month to asexuals and aromantics and everything in between. i want each and everyone of you to know that you are loved and cherished by the community even though there are some who try to diminish us. you are a valued, important, and valid part of the lgbtqia+ community. thank you for simply existing this pride 🏳️‍🌈🖤🤍💜🖤🤍💚

[makaylajade-author]

Problems only writers understand

Having very chaotic notes on your phone

Having secret files that you will NEVER let anyone ever see

WHAT THAT WORD THAT MEANS THAT THING????

Why cant I think of a name?

Writing 10k words in a day then never again

[sadgirlrants]

Once again, I'm reminded why I hate Twitter.

[sadgirlrants]

This is a bit late but I just have to say...

The best thing that happened to me during the pandemic is discovering TwoSet Violin.

[ritikajyala]

I was a gifted child. Until I wasn't. I was the golden girl. Until I couldn't burn anymore.

My parents expected me to build wings of gold and fly further than anyone could ever try. I don't blame them, having a child to raise is like sculpting a clay pot, you can shape it the way you like, paint it the colour you fancy. To raise a child is to play God. To raise a child is to be God.

But to be a child is to fall, to make mistakes, to fail. The thing about being too bright at an early age means you burn out by the time you're 16 and suddenly the world around you becomes more gray and terribly, terribly lonely. The fire is never warm enough, nothing is ever enough. And one day you find yourself begging to a godless sky, begging for a new spark.

I was a gifted child once. I was the golden girl. And one day, I burned out.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

[ao3commentoftheday]

on perfectionism

There's a difference between striving for self-improvement and being a perfectionist. Working hard to do a good job or to be a better person is laudable. Being a perfectionist makes those things harder to accomplish.

The goal of being "perfect" isn't to improve, it's to avoid shame. If you're aiming for "perfect" instead of "better" then you're probably full of self-doubt and constantly worried about disappointing yourself and/or others. These negative emotions make it harder to take risks and try new things. They make it harder to experiment or to reach beyond your current skill level.

Perfectionists also spend their time focused on the end result. This means that they lose a lot of learning during the process or journey they took on their way to finishing. It also means they can fall into a trap of procrastination. If it's never finished then they'll never be judged for doing a bad job.

If you have perfectionist tendencies, you probably learned them from those around you. Either they are perfectionists and expect you to be one too or their actions pressured you into trying to be perfect in order to escape some form of pain.

Are you constantly being told that you're not good enough? That the things you do aren't done well enough? Are you punished severely for every mistake that you make? Are people always comparing you to someone else who's "better" than you are and asking why you aren't like them?

Perfectionism is a way of protecting yourself from those kinds of attacks and the way they make you feel.

Getting out of the loop of perfectionism takes a lot of time and practice and might also require the help of a therapist. But there are some things you can try to help you ease out of it, at least a little bit.

Give yourself the positive feedback you aren't getting from others. Positive self-talk and encouragement can counter some of the negativity you're otherwise being exposed to.

Allow yourself to make mistakes in areas of your life where those negative people aren't involved. Perhaps even do it in complete privacy at first. Make a mistake and feel the shame and disappointment, but follow that up with positive self-talk. Congratulate yourself on taking a step away from perfectionism. Find something beautiful or funny in the mistake. Realize that you're still okay, even though you aren't perfect.

And above all, remind yourself that your value doesn't come from being perfect. It doesn't come from the things you produce or the actions you do to support others. Your value is inherent and immutable. You're worthy because you exist. You are here and you are wonderful and you are loved. ❤️

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass.”

— Daniell Koepke

[sadgirlrants]

Is everything not going as you thought it would be? Does everything seem messed up? Try this website -- it makes everything okay... and it's free 🙂

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

7 Things to Stop Worrying About

1. Other peoples’ expectations for you. At the end of the day, it’s your life not theirs - so just be yourself, and set your own personal goals.

2. What other people say and do. It’s not up to us to control other people, or to change how they act, or to influence their decisions.

3. Aiming for perfection. It’s unrealistic to aim for perfection. You’ll likely be frustrated and discouraged all the time.

4. Getting it wrong. We all make mistakes in our journey through this life. That’s just part of learning, and part of being human.

5. Fitting in. Although social skills matter, and it’s good to fit in, you need to be yourself - a unique and special person. Also, conformity can kill individuality.

6. Being right. This is highly over-rated and can cause a lot of stress. If you’re confident and real you don’t need to prove you’re right!

7. Life being out of control. At the end of the day, there’s not much we can control – except our own reactions and our attitudes to life. So change what you can change – and then enjoy your life.

[defineyourgrind]

You are good enough.

[kalpico]

i hate that i’m so absent as a person. i don’t start conversations. i can barely maintain them. i’m so weary and spaced out all the time to the point where i can’t even keep up small talk and i’m just so disappointed in myself

[sadgirlrants]

I thought I would find a new friend in a new place. I never thought that people I could vibe with unpretentiously only come once in a while and I might never meet people like them again.

[sadgirlrants]

Beginnings

I've been on Tumblr for so long, and I've also replaced my account numerous times. I don't know why, maybe because I get easily sick of it?

That's actually one of my less desirable traits. I easily get sick of things. I would start something, but it's very hard for me to maintain it or finish it.

I'm a chronic procrastinator. I easily let go of things when I get tired, without any thought of consequences.

That's one of the things I want to change about myself. I want to have some direction. I want to be decisive and do my best with the things I started.

Anyways, I started this blog as an open page for my random thoughts.

Like they've said, "Beginning is always the hardest part." Would I be able to maintain it?