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almost home
#extradirty
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@sadiekaisinthecorner
Intro Post!
hi! i'm sadieka, but you can call me kitten, bunny, or little girl
they/she/it and shy, but asks and dms are open
into other feminine people irl, but into men for the kink
kinks
-embarrassment and humiliation
-spanking and cornertime
#project university log
Emotional Flashback Management
When people think of PTSD and “flashbacks”, they often think of someone re-experiencing a traumatic experience like combat: seeing and hearing the traumatic experience almost like a hallucination. But Complex PTSD often involves a kind of flashback known as an “emotional flashback”. These flashbacks do not have a visual or memory component to them: they are simply a sudden flood of negative emotions like shame, fear, anger, sadness, helplessness, and hopelessness. People with C-PTSD therefore often don’t realize that they’re having a flashback, or even that they have PTSD. One of the key parts of C-PTSD recovery is learning to recognize and manage these flashbacks to traumatic childhood experiences.
The best source I’ve found so far on emotional flashbacks is Pete Walker’s book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. In this book and on his website, Walker suggests the following steps for emotional flashback management:
MANAGING EMOTIONAL FLASHBACKS
1. Say to yourself: “I am having a flashback.” Flashbacks take us into a timeless part of the psyche that feels as helpless, hopeless and surrounded by danger as we were in childhood. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are past memories that cannot hurt you now.
2. Remind yourself: “I feel afraid but I am not in danger! I am safe now, here in the present.” Remember you are now in the safety of the present, far from the danger of the past.
3. Own your right/need to have boundaries. Remind yourself that you do not have to allow anyone to mistreat you; you are free to leave dangerous situations and protest unfair behavior.
4. Speak reassuringly to your Inner Child. The child needs to know that you love her unconditionally– that she can come to you for comfort and protection when she feels lost and scared.
5. Deconstruct eternity thinking. In childhood, fear and abandonment felt endless—a safer future was unimaginable. Remember the flashback will pass as it has many times before.
6. Remind yourself that you are in an adult body with allies, skills and resources to protect you that you never had as a child. (Feeling small and little is a sure sign of a flashback.)
7. Ease back into your body. Fear launches us into “heady” worrying, or numbing and spacing out.
Gently ask your body to relax. Feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. (Tightened musculature sends unnecessary danger signals to the brain.)
Breathe deeply and slowly. (Holding the breath also signals danger.)
Slow down. Rushing presses the psyche’s panic button.
Find a safe place to unwind and soothe yourself: wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a stuffed animal, lie down in a closet or a bath, take a nap.
Feel the fear in your body without reacting to it. Fear is just an energy in your body that cannot hurt you if you do not run from it or react self-destructively to it.
8. Resist the Inner Critic’s catastrophizing. (a) Use thought-stopping to halt its exaggeration of danger and need to control the uncontrollable. Refuse to shame, hate or abandon yourself. Channel the anger of self-attack into saying no to unfair self-criticism. (b) Use thought-substitution to replace negative thinking with a memorized list of your qualities and accomplishments.
9. Allow yourself to grieve. Flashbacks are opportunities to release old, unexpressed feelings of fear, hurt, and abandonment, and to validate—and then soothe—the child’s past experience of helplessness and hopelessness. Healthy grieving can turn our tears into self-compassion and our anger into self-protection.
10. Cultivate safe relationships and seek support. Take time alone when you need it, but don’t let shame isolate you. Feeling shame doesn’t mean you are shameful. Educate those close to you about flashbacks and ask them to help you talk and feel your way through them.
11. Learn to identify the types of triggers that lead to flashbacks. Avoid unsafe people, places, activities and triggering mental processes. Practice preventive maintenance with these steps when triggering situations are unavoidable.
12. Figure out what you are flashing back to. Flashbacks are opportunities to discover, validate and heal our wounds from past abuse and abandonment. They also point to our still-unmet developmental needs and can provide motivation to get them met.
13. Be patient with a slow recovery process. It takes time in the present to become un-adrenalized, and considerable time in the future to gradually decrease the intensity, duration and frequency of flashbacks. Real recovery is a gradual process—often two steps forward, one step back. Don’t beat yourself up for having a flashback.
I think dudes who say shit like “I couldn’t love a child that wasn’t mine” shouldn’t have kids
“I could never be a stepdad because I could never love another man’s child” another man’s child? not your hypothetical wife’s child? you look at a kid and see another man’s fuck trophy instead of seeing a human being? I’m not sure you could successfully be a parent to your own biological child
How to talk to children
This is based on decades of experience as an uncle and as an older brother.
Never forget that children are just as much people as adults are.
Kids 10 years or younger (and sometimes older than that) don’t get sarcasm or irony, so don’t use them.
If a child has difficulty pronouncing a word, don’t copy their misprounciation when speaking to them. They can hear the word just fine. It could sound to them like you’re making fun of them.
(Yes, this means no babytalk)
Don’t be dismissive.
Listen to what they’re saying.
To get on the same eye-level, don’t bend over or squat: it seems condescending. Kneeling or sitting are better.
It should go without saying that you should respect children’s body autonomy. Don’t force affection on them.
Respect children’s emotional autonomy as well. Let them be angry. Let them be sad. Don’t force them to be happy.
Let children like things. Don’t run down the things they like just because you find them cringy.
Don’t think that you know better.
To children, adults are giants. Be a big friendly giant.
Don’t stifle children’s curiosity.
Don’t stifle children’s enthusiasm.
To quote Sondheim, “Be careful the words you say, children will listen.”
Don’t look down on children.
When I worked at the before and after school program, I had all elementary school ages and this list is perfectly defined how to talk to kids.
One thing I want to add is: let kids just play. Let them use their imagination. If they’re running too fast but they think they’re sonic the hedgehog, just tell them “be a slower sonic so you don’t fall down.”
Non-Sexual Pet Play
Platonic pet play can be one of most intimate, wholesome and healing acts you can do with a partner, and I will literally die on this hill.
I know it seems like a very Out-There kink for some, but it's honestly the most beautiful act of submission. It's the highest form of trust you can put into your partner, knowing that they'll take care of you when you're in that headspace; knowing that your Domme cherishes every moment of it; knowing that they're going to take such good fucking care of you; knowing that you're safe and owned.
It's the best form of non-sexual submission for me because all I want is to have my pretty pets sink into that headspace where their mind is all floaty and hazy, just let themselves drift off so they don't actually have to think or feel or talk or plan or do anything at all; they just have to be. All they have to do is exist and let go, and I'm going to be there to hold them steady when they're drifting off.
Pretty little puppies on their knees for me, their head resting on my lap while I give them scritches and tell them they're doing so well, they're so perfect like this. Gorgeous little kittens splayed out on the couch, preening for me while I pamper them and fuss over them, going on and on about how lovely they look. Beautiful bunny babies burying their head into my chest, their eyes glazed over as I cup their cheeks and whisper sweetly that they're being so good for me, letting me take care of them so well~
Pet play doesn't have to be sexual at all, it's just a headspace where my subs feel safe enough to give up control, and I feel safe enough to surround them with attention, affection and praise.
I wouldve realized a lot sooner that i wanted to start hrt but unfortunately i wasnt aware of trans people up until i was 19 or something. If only there was an institution that couldve told me about that when i was younger
The first yuri manga about a chaser
~just another boy at the beach~
what i don't understand about the egg cracking/prime directive/let feminine men be feminine men stuff is what do you think the femboy is gonna do when he notices he's aging as a man
exactly, same. turns out that boy and man are different genders after all
My girlfriend got lippy with me while I was just starting to relax. I think I set her straight.
i love casual cornertime
"Shark teeth are for WHAT??"
i wish i went to a school where i could be punished like this
Normalise sexist behaviour
Make it normal and acceptable to talk disparagingly about girls in an objectifying manner. Belittle them and make fun of them if they take offence. Humiliate them publicly. Use terms such as “cunts” when talking about them, preferably when in company with other girls. Make them understand you view them as nothing but dumb little things, or eye candy at best. Talk to them, not with them. Yawn openly and often if they get carried away or try to come off as “intellectual.” Look at their tits, not their eyes. Compare their physical attributes to other girls, openly and publicly, and if you’re not impressed let them know. Compliment their attributes and not their “personality” or wit. Grab girls’ ass and tits.
Deep down it’s how you want to be treated 🌸💗
"I know the penis is the most godly part of a man."
―Constance Chatterley in D.H. Lawrence's John Thomas and Lady Jane
thats why i kneel in its presence
im grateful to porn
porn introduced me to all my favorite kinks
porn helped me come out to myself
porn provides me with so much pleasure
i am so, so thankful that porn exists
