you can't heal completely if you're still waiting for them...
i kept seeing the quote that says, "no closure is already a closure". but maybe until now, i'm still hoping for that slightest chance of apology or last conversation from him. at the back of my head i wanted to hear him say, "i'm sorry, i fell out of love" or even a few words that would recognize the genuine love that was once there. it has been a few months and here i am, still hoping that one day he'd wake up and see the love i was offering, the love that waited patiently until he include me in his priorities, while settling for tiny bits of his attention and convincing myself that it was enough. maybe it's the constant longing for affection that haunts me, the treatment and reassurance that would make me feel like i'm not asking for too much — something that i never really felt before. am i hard to love? how can someone enter your life so easily and eventually leave you hanging in confusion? how can someone just not be there anymore? do i really deserve this amount of pain just to be loved in the right way? tonight, i know i'll see us in my dreams again. the lingering memories that are greater than all the agony. the memories that won't love me back, reminding me that a piece of my heart wants to hold on while the grief that comes in the morning tells me it's time to let go. it's like wanting to give him the space he needed, but also knowing that we can't force connections and wait for people to come back anymore.
