the allure of a long lost prophet
lowkey featuring kidnapper!lottie
word count is 9,424
honestly not totally sure what this is, after episode four of the new season i was kind of struck with inspiration and this was the result
lottie matthews x reader, past and present timelines, mild hints at reader having a bit of a thing for praise but no smut, hurt/comfort kinda?, other canon typical warnings but there’s honestly nothing too crazy, i feel like i’ve written everything pretty mild but i wanted to add the warnings just in case!
if anyone reads, pls PLS be gentle, this is my first time posting anything i’ve written and i’m honestly rlly nervous about it lol
also fair warning i don’t have anyone to edit so it was just me rereading and trying to fix any errors i came across. sorry if there are any lingering mistakes!
sorry for the long intro, here it is!!
Autumn (2021) Present Day
Your unconscious mind is hazy, showing you flashes of memories you’d long since buried. The crash, the wilderness, the cold of that first winter… the hunger. Things you wish would stay hidden in the recesses of your brain.
You remember running, the hunter turned prey. Always running, desperately fleeing your imminent demise.
Consciousness dawns slowly and as you wake up, several things register at once. First: the unfamiliar environment. You’re in a room not your own, sparsely furnished and rather foreboding. Second: the blinding headache, as if your very skull was splitting open. And third, and perhaps most importantly: your wrists are bound behind you. You’re sat in a chair, body aching in protest. Not necessarily at the position itself that you’re seated in, but the fact that you’ve mostly likely been here for quite some time. At least an hour or two if you had to guess, given the numbness setting into your extremities.
“Well, fuck.” You don’t even register that you’ve spoken out loud. Kidnapped, you think. Just your luck. As the reality of the situation begins to set in so does the fear of what’s to come.
In a crazed frenzy you tug and pull at the ropes to no avail, only succeeding in scraping your wrists raw. You refuse to cry out for help, wary of who might answer. With a huff you give up on that particular venture, taking deep breathes in an attempt to calm yourself and form a useful and coherent thought. Thankfully one comes in the form of a helpful realization. Those idiots who kidnapped you didn’t think to check your pockets. You’re able to shimmy one hand into your back pocket and grab your pocket knife. You grimace, remembering the day your father gave it to you. He wasn’t good for much but he did have the occasional fatherly win. This was one of them.
You open it, bending and twisting uncomfortably to saw through the restraints binding you. Once free, you assess the damage done to your wrists, grimacing at the reddened skin. You spot a few places where the skin has broken open but decide to ignore it for now in favor of escaping.
As tempted as you are to examine the room for clues at to who might’ve taken you and what they might want, you need to leave. The next problem on your list: the fucking door is locked because of course it is. Easily solved by… you contemplate, looking around. Your eyes lock in on the pair of windows to your left. An attempt at opening them is fruitless but you had anticipated that much. You wonder if jumping through one of the windows could work. Your captors may have thought to lock them but they certainly wouldn’t expect you to pull something like this. Be it panic or sheer idiocy, you brace yourself and dive through the glass and onto the porch outside. With surprisingly minimal damage from the shattered glass you scoff slightly, not expecting that to have worked out nearly as well as it did. A quick look around reveals absolutely zero sign of familiar scenery. Dense forest seemingly surrounds you at every angle and it is at this moment that the panic that had been brewing inside of you fully takes hold. With little thought you break into a run, truly aimless in direction with one goal in mind: escape.
As you run, you can feel branches snagging on your clothes and scraping at your skin. While you pass other cabins similar to the one you were locked in, you hear distant shouts and various voices calling out to each other. The panic worsens and you fear being caught at any moment.
Winter (1996)
You’re running… faster than you thought possible, absolutely frantic in your efforts to get away. It chose. You can feel the weight of that damned necklace resting on your collarbone. Thoughts of Jackie surface and you sob. You can’t share her fate. You have to find a way to survive… no matter what.
Present Day
Running faster, you heave for breath, panting in exertion. You curse the universe for giving you asthma as you begin to feel an attack coming on. Wheezing sets in and you eventually have to stop to catch your breath. The forest goes quiet. All that can be heard is your breathing and a primal, ice cold fear shoots down your spine as you feel a presence behind you. You turn slowly, shaking slightly. Lottie fucking Matthews in all her glory approaches and opens her arms out wide. For a moment you’re tempted to fall into her embrace like you did all those years ago in the wilderness. Instead, you turn on your heels and bolt in the opposite direction once more. Just when you think you’ve lost her, fate in her infinite humor causes you to trip. You land harshly on the ground and manage to get the wind knocked out of you. Through gasping breaths you get back up, ready to run again but she’s already there in front of you.
“Please, don’t hurt me”, You whimper, “I just wanna go home.”
“Hurt you?” She frowns, “Darling, I’m here to protect you. You’re mine, remember? My sweet little dove. I would never ever hurt you.” You can feel it then, the pull towards her, like it never went away. “You’re meant to be here… can’t you feel it?” You let out a confused whining sound, tears falling from your eyes. “Shhh, hush now, love. You’re alright.” She comes close and wipes your tears as they fall. “I’ll take care of you, like I did before, you just have to let me.”
“L-Lottie, I— I don’t understand, please…” That all consuming panic returns, clouding your mind.
“It’s okay, calm yourself, dove. You are exactly where you need to be.”
“N-no, I— I don’t belong here, I need to go…” Breathing properly becomes a near impossible task and you begin to hyperventilate.
“You’re safe here, darling. This is all for your own good.” Your breaths come faster and faster, your head growing fuzzy and light. She puts a hand on your chest, guiding you to slow your breathing. You fight it at first, the panic too strong but eventually you calm, sagging into her. She holds you in a strong embrace, rocking you slowly from side to side. “That’s it.” She coos. “Good girl.” Your chest warms at the praise. As much as you hate to admit it, you missed this, you missed her.
“Lottie why am I here?” You murmur into her shoulder.
“You tell me. I searched for years only to find you like this… broken, alone, a shell of your former self. I couldn’t leave you like that, not after everything we’ve been through together.”
You tremble as she refers to the wilderness. The things that occurred over 25 years ago still fresh in your mind, haunting you despite many (albeit futile) attempts to move on.
“You feel it too, don’t you?” She continues, “The pull. It wants this, us… together again.” You step away despite her trying to keep you close in her arms. “There’s no use denying it, no use fighting. It’s still in us, it never left and you know as well as I do that it has a way of getting what it wants.”
“No.” You shake your head. “No, Lottie I— I can’t do this, not again. Please…” You cut yourself off, bringing a hand to your mouth and holding your other arm around your stomach. The very thought of your gruesome survival and the things you had to do back then bring a wave of nausea over you. You had barely made it out alive and even then, the guilt was enough to make you wish you hadn’t. “I— I won’t.”
She stills, stone faced. “Oh really?” You nod, trying your best to stay resolute and ignore the damn near magnetic allure of her words. It’s difficult, Lottie is as captivating as ever. She hums at your insistence. “Somehow I doubt that. You’re strong, my love, but at some point you must realize you can’t do this alone.” You falter, recognizing the truth in her words. “It’s okay to rely on others, to rely on me, just like you used to. I’ll protect you. I’ll keep you safe and help you heal. You never have to be alone again.” Your heart stutters in your chest. As much as you’d hate to admit it out loud, she’s having an effect on you.
“Come here.” She’s stern, commanding. You balk at the audacity… and yet you can’t help but obey. She brings you into her arms once again. “See darling? How easy that was?”
“Lottie…”
“You’re going to stay here, at Camp Green Pine, and I am going to help you. I’m afraid I won’t take no for an answer.”
You give in and at long last your racing thoughts quiet. It’s safe here, in Lottie’s arms. It always has been. You relax into her hold.
“There you go, good girl.” Burying your face into her shoulder you catch a whiff of her perfume. It’s different from what she wore when she was young but somehow still familiar and so very Lottie. “Come, I’ll take you back to your cabin and we can get you settled for the night.” She begins leading you back through the forest, a guiding hand on the small of your back. As backwards as it sounds, giving up control is rather freeing. And when it’s Lottie? Giving up control comes to you as easily as breathing does.
As you walk, you distractedly rub at your scraped wrists, the soreness from the rope burn setting in. She notices your movements and frowns.
“I am sorry about the circumstances of your arrival here, I had hoped to at least be there when you woke to ease you into things.”
“Yeah, well…” You trail off with a shrug. She stops walking and turns to you.
“May I see?” You nod wordlessly and allow her to take your wrists into her hands. They’re smooth and warm, soothing to the newly formed scrapes and bruises. She tuts, a crease in her brow. “You must’ve put up quite the struggle to cause such injuries. We’ll get you some first aid and then it’ll be off to bed with you.”
Her tone is chiding, motherly. She continues walking, leading you to a cabin in the distance. Autumn leaves crunch under your feet and you find it nice to focus on something other than your current predicament. You shiver as a particular frigid breeze blows through. You’re certainly not dressed for the weather, only in a long sleeve t-shirt and jeans. She pulls you closer, rubbing a hand up and down your arm. “We’re nearly there, the nurses station is just over this way.”
“You have a whole nurses station here?” You question, deeply confused.
“It’s just a precaution, I’d much rather have it just in case as opposed to being caught unprepared. Plus, it’s much easier than driving all the way into town for a minor illness or injury.”
“Right…” You mumble. A thought comes to mind. “You are pretty secluded all the way out here, is that intentional?”
“Many people find it quite healing to be this far away from the rest of society, myself included.” You don’t have time to ponder the ramifications of that sentence because she stops suddenly at the door of a building.
“Here we are.” She pulls out a set of keys and unlocks the door, bringing you through and reaching to flip on a nearby light switch. What meets your eye is a room not unlike the school nurse’s office you frequented in your youth. You stand awkwardly in place as Lottie rummages around, gathering various medical supplies. “Sit.” She gestures to the bed. You hesitate briefly but a stern look from Lottie has you moving to do as she says. You wring your hands together nervously, always one to be uncomfortable in any medical situation, even one as unconventional as this. You think back to the weeks after your rescue. Each and every one of your surviving teammates had to stay in that hospital. You tense at the thought of it. She lays a gentle hand over yours. “It’s alright, I’m just going to clean your scrapes and bandage them up.”
“Right, sorry.” Your hands still and you fight the urge to fidget in another way to compensate. You settle on chewing at your bottom lip. Lottie is quick and precise as she takes some kind of antibacterial wipe and gently cleans your wounded skin. She rubs some antibiotic ointment over the worst of the scrapes and then carefully wraps some gauze around each wrist, securing them with a bit of medical tape.
“There, see? All better.”
“Thanks, Lottie.” She hums in acknowledgement and reaches a hand out. You take it instinctively, almost scoffing at your own compliance but following her regardless. The two of you walk in silence, both lost in thought. Eventually you come upon a seemingly random cabin, only distinguishable from the others by the number on the door. 296.
“I trust you’ll be alright until morning without further incident?” You nod sheepishly. “Good… sleep well, darling. If you need anything before then, my cabin is just over that way.” She gestured vaguely to your left but in the dark it’s hard to make out anything in the distance. “Number 320.” She brings a hand up to cup your cheek briefly before nodding once and turning to leave. You stand there on the porch, dumbfounded for a moment, before shaking your head and begrudgingly deciding to go in and at least try to get some rest.
As you enter the space you take notice of the fact that it looks overall much nicer than the one you initially woke up in. It’s fully furnished and decorated nicely. There seems to be a living area, a bedroom, a bathroom and a small kitchen as well. Maybe, you decide, living here for a bit won’t be too bad. You look in the closet, hoping for a change of clothes before you resign yourself to sleeping either in jeans or without pants. To your surprise it’s stocked. A monochrome wardrobe of purple. You shrug, thinking you’ll take what you can get and pick out something to sleep in. Once you’re changed you flop bonelessly into the bed, sighing deeply at the mess of a day you’ve had. Exhaustion hits you hard and you damn near immediately fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.
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The morning rays of sun peek through the curtains of your room, shining on your face. You wake slowly, not yet fully processing where exactly you are. Blinking blearily, you rub the sleep from your eyes. A groan escapes you as the events of last night fully register in your tired brain. You lay there for a moment, palm to forehead before giving yourself a mental pep talk. ‘It’s going to be fine. There’s nothing weird going on, just a friendly group of… purple people. Totally not a cult run by an ex.’
With a yawn you haul yourself out of bed, mentally preparing yourself for the day ahead. You take off the bandages on your wrists and inspect the damage. The bruises look worse but the scrapes have scabbed over and you think you can leave them uncovered as they finish healing. You eventually decide to shower before facing whatever fresh hell Lottie has cooked up and search around for towels. You find them in a hall closet, more purple. You shrug, it’s definitely not the weirdest thing about this place. Taking one from the stack you make your way to the bathroom. You start the water and undress while waiting for it to heat up. Avoiding your reflection in the mirror, you step under the stream. You sigh, standing motionless under the falling water for a moment before mechanically going through your shower routine. Thankfully like the closet, the shower is stocked with anything one might need and you gladly use the products provided. Once finished, you turn off the water and step out, drying off with your towel. You grab another set of clothing from the closet and get dressed, only slightly perturbed at the fact that everything seems to be in your size. Once ready, you approach the door, taking one last deep breath before stepping outside.
Despite the urge to stay hidden away in your cabin, you want to walk around and get a feel for the general layout of the ‘intentional community’ Lottie has created here. As you walk, a few people pass you by, all dressed in purple and donning friendly smiles. It’s almost unsettling, how happy everyone seems.
“Y/n?” A voice behind you causes you to startle slightly. You turn and are met with the sight of a girl maybe a few years younger than you sporting a nervous looking smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you! My name is Lisa, Charlotte wanted me to find you and give you a tour.”
“Right… listen, I appreciate it but there’s really no need, I’m not planning on staying long.” Lisa frowns, fidgeting with her hands.
“She insisted.” You fight the urge to roll your eyes, deciding to put the poor girl out of her misery and agree to the damn tour. “Great! We’ll start with the common area…” Minutes pass as she leads you through the compound and despite feeling slightly bad about it, you tune out most of what Lisa is saying in favor of wondering what the hell you’re doing here and why you haven’t just left yet. Your thoughts are halted as you realize Lisa is looking at you expectantly, as if waiting for an answer to a question. You nod, hoping it was a yes or no. She sighs. “You haven’t been listening, have you?” Your initial instinct is to deny it but honestly you don’t have the energy for that today.
“I’m sorry, I…”
“It’s okay, it’s a big adjustment, I get that.”
“You do?” You ask, a bit shocked if you’re honest.
“Of course I do. Becoming almost completely cut off from the rest of the world like this isn’t easy. We try to ease people into things, make the transition as smooth as possible but in your case I’m sure it’s been a rough adjustment. For the first week or so you’ll have a chance to settle in and get used to how we operate here, you won’t have many mandatory groups until later on.”
“Pause…” You pinch the space between your brows. “Mandatory what?” You hope to god you didn’t hear what you think you did. She looks sheepish and you brace yourself for her answer.
“Right, I guess no one’s really filled you in yet.” She takes a breath, “Here at Camp Green Pine we focus on healing through community. That includes mandatory group therapy and recreation. You’ll be given a schedule at some point later today, I’m sure.”
You can’t help but feel a bit indignant. Not only have you been essentially kidnapped but now you’re also being forced to confront your problems in a group setting?? What kind of fuckass cult have you gotten yourself roped into? Lottie has a lot of explaining to do.
“Yeah… it’s definitely gonna be a no on the group therapy thing for me, I’ve been through enough counseling to last a lifetime.” Your mind involuntarily flashes back to the months after you were first rescued. How after the hospital, everyone’s parents made them go through therapy to process everything that had happened. The thing is, no one even really knew what it was you were all supposed to be processing. Sure, the trauma of the crash itself and the deaths that came with it but everything that followed? That was the real horror. The group made a pact of silence. No one was to share any details of what happened out there. You were all well aware of the agreed upon consequences that would befall whoever spoke up. Vague generalizations were fine, lies were encouraged. Anything to keep the truth a secret.
“Y/n?” Lisa’s hesitant voice snaps you back into the present.
“Right, I appreciate the tour but I think I’m good to explore the rest on my own.” You feel a bit bad brushing her off like this, especially when she makes a face not unlike a sad puppy but you stay firm in your decision.
“Oh, okay, um… I— I guess I’ll see you later? You missed breakfast but lunch will be in about half an hour in the dining hall.”
“Got it, good to know.” You make a note to avoid the dining hall at all costs in approximately thirty minutes and go on your way.
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As you explore, you take notice of the fact that surrounding area that seemed so vast and daunting in the dark is actually quite beautiful during the daytime. You wander around for a while, admiring the nature around you. Eventually you find a stream. Thinking it must connect to the lake you saw near the dining hall you decide to follow it back in the direction you came from as you’ve surely succeeded in skipping lunch with everyone by now. You head to the kitchens to grab some food and then sneak back to your cabin, keen on continuing to avoid the frankly creepy cult members Lottie has acquired.
Once back in your cabin you rummage around and find a pen and a notebook, thinking it might be a good idea to do some journaling. It’s something you picked up from Shauna in the wilderness and despite the two of you having some issues, you never quite shook the habit. Amidst the words you doodle mindlessly, adding in some sketches here and there. Time slips away and you don’t even notice until the sun begins to fade, darkening the room you’re in. Fatigue hits you like a truck and you can’t help but crawl into bed. You’re on the verge of sleep when you hear a timid knocking at the door to your cabin. You ignore it, hoping whoever it is will take the hint and fuck off but after a few seconds it becomes clear that that hope is futile when the knocking sounds again. You groan and pry yourself out of bed, shuffling tiredly towards the door. Opening it, you find Lisa. She sports a concerned frown as she takes in the sight of you.
“Hey, is everything okay? I noticed you weren’t at lunch… or dinner.” You sag a bit, your previous anger at her for keeping you from falling asleep fading.
“Yeah, I’m alright, I— I don’t know, I didn’t really feel like eating with everyone.” She furrows her brow.
“I know it can be intimidating but I promise everyone is super welcoming. It’s important to start building on your relationships here.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” An awkward pause follows, neither of you really sure what to say. You break the silence. “I appreciate you checking in but I’m doing fine.”
She unfortunately sees right through you. “It’s okay if you’re not, you know. Everyone here is a work in progress, we all have our days.” She laughs lightly. “I mean god, when I first got here? I was in a pretty rough spot and it showed. I was probably a total nightmare to deal with.”
“Why did you come? Did Lottie snatch you up too?”
She thinks for a second. “I had tried the traditional route of therapy and meds but… nothing had ever really made much of a difference.” She crosses her arms and takes a breathe. “To be honest I was running out of options. I heard of Camp Green Pine from people in town talking about Sunshine Honey and managed to track them down at the street market. We got to talking and… I don’t know, I guess something just resonated. I felt truly hopeful again for the first time in years and I joined not long after.”
You hesitate, “And you… like it here? You think it’s helping you?”
“You don’t have to sound so skeptical, Charlotte’s done a great job with this place. It’s really making a difference and helping people heal.”
“Somehow I doubt it’s that simple.”
She makes a face, as if trying to figure out how far to push you. “You and Charlotte… there seems to be a bit of history there.”
You huff, “That’s certainly one way of putting it.” A beat passes. “Is there a question?” You can’t help but be a bit defensive.
“Sorry.” She backs down, “I guess it’s not really my place.” You hum in acknowledgment. “Well, um… I guess I’ll let you get some rest. See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
She frowns at your noncommittal response. “Goodnight, Y/n”
“Night.” You close the door and go back to bed, all but collapsing into it. Sleep comes quickly and you’re out like a light.
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You struggle to have a moment of peace, even in your sleep. Ever since the plane crash you’ve had recurring nightmares. In the wilderness you would wake up sobbing so often that the group eventually had you sleep alone in the attic to avoid waking everyone else. It was Lottie who eventually figured out how best to calm you down from that state. She would sleep next to you and take it upon herself to help soothe you whenever you had nightmares. Even once the cabin burned down, you and Lottie shared a hut, growing inseparable. After your rescue you were a mess. Lottie had been sent off to god knows where and you were left hopeless and alone. Things got so bad that your parents eventually sent you away to an institution where you spent years of your life in various therapies in the hopes to “cure” you. Over time you learned how to better compartmentalize and shove certain memories down in your mind where you could no longer reach them. The nightmares stopped with your trauma successfully locked away. It was better like this, your parents were happy and everyone assumed you were back to your normal self. You were fine. Until tonight that is.
Winter (1996)
You’re running. You have to get away because if you don’t they’ll catch you. You won’t survive, you’re way outnumbered. If you fight one of them, though— maybe there’s a chance. You heave for breath as you run, the gold around your neck feels suffocating and you fight the urge to rip it off. The wilderness chose you, but maybe… maybe you can make it reconsider. If it spared Nat’s life then who’s to say things can’t work out for you as well. You pause, hiding for a brief moment. It’s freezing outside and the wind bites at your exposed skin. You contemplate, your mind working faster than ever. Fighting won’t work, even if you manage to corner one of them alone then what? Kill them? You can’t, not directly at least. If brute force won’t work you’ll have to figure out a way to outsmart them, you weren’t a straight A student for nothing. A trap, you decide, that’s the only way you’ll make it out of this alive. The sounds of the pack grow closer, shouts morph into animalistic howls and you cover your mouth to keep from sobbing audibly.
A moment passes and you decide it’s now or never. You bolt from behind the tree and sprint as hard as your legs will allow. A solid force tackles you from the side. You look up and of course it’s Shauna. Fuck. Any of the others you could’ve potentially handled but Shauna? You’re fucked. She swings the knife towards your neck and you block it with your arm. It slices deep into your flesh and you cry out as blood gushes from the wound. Shauna takes advantage of your distraction by pinning you down and holding the knife to your neck. The look in her eyes is borderline feral and you’re sure that if you manage to make it out of this alive it will haunt you for the rest of your life.
“Shauna, please…” You whisper, desperate to get through to her without alerting the others.
“Shut up!”, She practically growls, pressing the knife further into you. The noises from the others surround the two of you, closing in. She repositions the knife in her hands, holding it above her head. The fact that you can no longer see even small hints of the girl you once knew is devastating. Except… there! A slight hesitation, for just a split second she falters. In that moment you manage to free one of your hands and swing at her as hard as you can. The hit lands square on her cheekbone and you twist, forcing her off of you while she’s distracted.
Present
You wake with a start, jolting up in bed. You pant heavily, realizing that you’re dripping with sweat. Your heart feels like it’s beating out of your chest and you tremble violently. It takes several minutes to stave off the impending panic attack that typically hits you after a nightmare as vivid as this one. Almost subconsciously, you hold your arm close to your chest. The jagged scar running up it is a testament to your near miss with death that day. A quick check of the alarm clock on the nightstand confirms your suspicions. It’s nearly 5 in the morning and you won’t be getting any more sleep tonight.
As much as it pains you to do so, you can’t help but remember the events from your dream in excruciating detail. Despite your best efforts to keep things buried, every once in a while they resurface. Not completely of course, but just enough to leave you reeling each time. Journaling, you think, might help to lock things back up where they’re meant to be. To you it feels as if you’re extracting the memories straight from your mind and forcing them onto the paper where they can no longer torment you. You write until your hand cramps and the words blur on the page. Putting your pen and notebook to the side you flop back down in bed. The sun has only just begun to rise. You wonder if it might be best to go back to sleep now and skip what you can of the day. At least it would save you the effort of avoiding people. And hey, maybe if you keep this up you’ll never have to confront the fact that you’re essentially being held captive at a wilderness retreat run by Lottie Matthews of all people.
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The next few days pass with little incident. You follow the same routine of minimal participation and if possible all out avoidance. To your honest and absolute shock, there’s been no word from Lottie since your first night at the compound. You’re… not really sure what to do with that. Lisa is still making an effort to include you which while nice of her is making things more complicated. What you really want is to disappear… just for a little while. But if that were really true, you suppose you would’ve left day one instead of sticking around. You see, the real truth is that you’re lost. You’ve been lost for years, maybe even since the wilderness. So instead of running for the hills like usual, you stay and observe.
Of course that doesn’t keep you from getting fed up every once in a while. For instance, the group session you’re in today. You decided to show up to avoid suspicion but it’s of a lecture than anything and you find it to be extremely irritating. A pale, middle aged man drones on and on about how he believes there are no truly bad experiences in life. How everything we go through as humans shapes us into who we are, therefore making pain necessary. While you agree to some extent you can’t help but scoff loudly, rolling your eyes and shaking your head, storming off into the woods. What you don’t notice is Lottie watching from the corner of the room with a frown on her face. Unbeknownst to you, she follows.
You make your way to a recently discovered spot in the woods. It’s a bit of a ways away and secluded, with a nice big rock to sit on and watch the stream go by. You pace, feeling anxious and restless while trying to keep creeping thoughts of the wilderness at bay. It’s become harder lately to ignore them. You don’t even notice the fact that you’re chewing on your bottom lip until you taste the familiar tang of blood in your mouth. You hear the snap of a twig behind you and turn sharply, startled. Lottie stands there, looking uncharacteristically timid.
“What are you doing here?” You ask, unintentionally accusatory.
She hums, “I could ask you the same question seeing as you’re supposed to be in the midst of one of our riveting wellness groups right now.”
“Riveting is certainly one way of putting it.” You grumble.
She chuckles lightly, moving closer and for a moment you’re struck by how little has changed when it comes to your attraction to her. You can’t help but feel entranced by her, just like you always were. If she catches you staring, she’s kind enough not to mention it, instead switching the subject. “How are you finding it here, Y/n, be honest.”
“It’s… fine. Different.” You keep your answer intentionally short. She sees right through it.
“After all of these years you’d think you would’ve gotten a bit better at lying, my darling.” You shuffle uncomfortably at being called out. Before you can come up with a retort she speaks again, catching you off guard. “I’m sorry.” The apology confuses you.
“For what?” You cross your arms, trying to keep your defenses up.
“I had assumed, given our history, it would be easier for you to settle in than the others. I’m sorry I misjudged.” Lottie reaches both hands out and strokes up and down your arms
“I’m not sure I understand…”
“You’re clearly struggling, my love. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”
“But…” You try to interject but she cuts you off.
“I have my ways of keeping tabs on people here, especially when they’re old friends of mine.”
“Friends.” You scoff, “Is that what we are?”
Lottie hums, smiling. “No… I suppose not.” She tilts her head and her hands go still, resting on your shoulders. “In fact, I’d say you and I are much more than friends, wouldn’t you?” You can’t help the heat that rises to your face at her words. You look down, avoiding her eyes, but she lifts a hand to your chin and tilts your head back up to meet her gaze. Her thumb strokes your cheek and you sigh. She takes a breath before speaking again. “Aren’t you tired of running, Y/n?” You can’t help but close your eyes, your face crumpling slightly. You take a shaky breath before speaking.
“I…” Your voice cracks. “What other choice do I have?” Once you start, the rest spills out. All of your doubts, your worries, everything you’ve been holding in. “If I stop, it’ll get me, I know it will and I can’t— I can’t let it… I’ll be consumed in one way or another and a part of me thinks it was always going to happen. I drew the queen that day. It was supposed to be me who died.” A tear falls from your eyes and Lottie wipes it away with her thumb. “Lottie, I don’t think I was meant to survive that.”
She hushes you gently. “How could you say such a thing? It was the wilderness that spared you, saved you. It saved all of us who survived.”
“Did it?” You interject. “Because it didn’t feel that way.” You prepare yourself to confess something you’ve never told anyone. “I set a trap, Lot. I outsmarted Gen and she died in my place. I killed her. The Wilderness didn’t spare me, I killed someone to save myself.” The words feel sour on your tongue but the relief of finally telling someone is immense.
She smiles tearfully. “You think I didn’t know that? I knew you would find a way to stay alive that day, I willed it to be so. And besides, it wouldn’t let you die, it liked you too much. You were one of the few people who knew how to listen but the others were suspicious. They thought I was favoring you, protecting you from the draw in some way. The wilderness did what needed to be done to cement your place at my side while preventing a rebellion. You were never in any real danger.”
“Well I sure as shit thought I was!” You yell, exasperated. “What about Shauna?? Did the wilderness plan on her taking a knife to my fucking neck? She was going to kill me, Lottie!”
“But she didn’t. Have you never wondered why?”
“Of course I’ve wondered. But what good does that do me? Shauna having one single moment of hesitation could mean absolutely nothing.”
“Or… it could mean everything. It could mean the wilderness gave you a chance to escape. To live.” She seems so resolute in her belief that it makes you doubt your version of events.
“So if it doesn’t want me dead, then what? Another draw? Another sacrifice? You know as well as I do it won’t stop there. In fact it sounds to me like the only way it’ll ever be satisfied is if all of us die. Almost like we were never meant to make it out in the first place.”
“What are you saying?”
You sigh deeply, losing steam. “I don’t know.” You pull back, moving just enough to be out of her reach. “I can’t hear it anymore, Lottie. I know it’s there— I feel it. But I can’t listen the way I did before.”
She furrows her brow before seemingly coming to a decision. “Close your eyes.”
“What? No, I…”
“Close them.” You hesitate for a moment. Realistically you could walk away, go back to your cabin or leave altogether. Return to your semi normal life. No wilderness, no weird purple cult… no Lottie. You close your eyes. “Good. Now, tell me…. what do you hear?”
You take some deep breaths, centering yourself. “I hear the water from the stream, I hear the wind rustling through the trees, I hear my voice.”
“What do you feel?”
“I feel the ground beneath my feet, I feel the sun warming my skin.” She steps closer to you.
“Keep your eyes closed… what do you see?”
“I see… the team playing soccer. I see Jackie scoring the winning goal. I see myself packing for nationals.” Your voice grows shaky and hesitant.
“Keep going, you’re doing a good job.”
“I see the plane, we’re flying… no. We’re falling.” You continue, picking up speed, not even fully aware of the words leaving your mouth. “It’s crashing, down down down, into the trees. I see fire, the lake, the cabin. It’s there, it’s with us.” You’re frantic, now. “More fire, it doesn’t want us to leave. And then, and then the cold. But the wilderness provides a feast. It’s still hungry, it wants more, it wants— blood. A hunt.” You open your eyes, shaking violently. “It wants a hunt.” Tears run down your face and Lottie pulls you into a hug.
“It’s okay, you’re alright.”
You shake your head in disagreement. “None of this is alright. I— Lottie I’m scared.”
“I’ll keep you safe, love, you don’t have to worry.”
You pull back, looking her in the eyes. “It’s not me I’m scared for.” You say softly, your face scrunched up.
She tilts her head. “What do you mean?”
You try to brush it off and hope she lets it go. “I just have a bad feeling, that’s all.”
“Maybe that’s all it is; a feeling.” She attempts to reassure you.
“Yeah, maybe.” You feel completely wrung out, having forgotten how much energy it takes to tap into the wilderness like that. Lottie can clearly sense that there’s something else weighing on you but seeing how exhausted you look, she decides to leave it be for now.
“Come, it’s nearly time for dinner and I know you haven’t been eating as much as you should be.” Damn her. She turns, holding out a hand for you to take. The two of you walk hand-in-hand back to the main area of the compound but when you move towards the dining hall she gently tugs you past it to her own cabin.
When you step inside her cabin you’re taken aback at how every inch of it is so very Lottie. From the tapestries on the walls to the beaded curtains separating rooms it all has a unique touch to it, like every corner was filled with intention and care. Parts of it remind you of her childhood bedroom and it makes you want to cry a little bit, the fact that so little has changed. You stand frozen near the entrance as she rummages around in the kitchen, gathering ingredients. Lottie seemingly knows her way around a kitchen which is only a slight bit surprising to you. Cooking almost seemed beneath Lottie and you honestly would’ve assumed that she had someone to do things like that for her. But here she was, whipping up a meal from scratch, partly due to the fact that you haven’t eaten yet. She must catch sight of you still standing motionless out of the corner of her eye because she pauses to guide you to a seat before resuming meal preparations. You watch on in awe as she seemingly effortlessly whips up a full meal for the two of you. She hums the occasional mindless tune while cooking and you can’t help but fall a little bit further for her. It’s hard to know where you stand with Lottie but you can only hope that things work out— for both of you.
As she adds the final touches to the meal you admire how peaceful she looks. Confident, too. Completely in her element in ways you never would’ve expected. Evidently you become lost in thought because when you blink back to reality, Lottie is looking at you with an exasperated fondness.
You clear your throat. “Sorry?”
“I said I hope you like pasta, I’m a little low on groceries at the moment and the next shipment won’t be until tomorrow.”
“Oh, yes. Pasta. Love it.” You stammer awkwardly before gathering your thoughts. “Honestly, it smells amazing Lottie.” She absolutely beams at the compliment and you damn near swoon. She brings over two plates and sits next to you.
You both eat in comfortable silence, basking in each other’s presence. As much as you would absolutely deny it if asked you’ve always found comfort in Lottie, even before everything happened. You remember the first time you saw her. You had moved to Wiskayok midway through your sophomore year of high school, making it a rather difficult adjustment. You had been there a week and still hadn’t really connected with anyone or formed any new friendships due to your shy nature. You were at your locker one day while she was walking down the hall with Taissa, coaching her through asking out a crush— some redhead. It was as if subconsciously you could feel her approaching because just as she passed by, you turned and accidentally made eye contact. She was the most beautiful girl you’d ever seen and you knew right away that would mean trouble. It was honestly pure coincidence that you tried out for the same sport. You’d played a lot of soccer all throughout your childhood and hoped for that same sense of community and teamwork. You and Lottie both made the varsity team and the rest was history. Junior year you had several classes together and decided to become study buddies to help each other pass the harder courses. Growing closer over the years did absolutely nothing to curb your crush but you hid it to the best of your ability.
And then the crash.
It felt like everything— your whole life, collapsed in on itself. There was so much emotion the first few days that you barely spoke a word to anyone. It wasn’t until that day at the lake that you managed to talk a bit with Lottie about everything that was going on. She was your rock out there. So when she started having visions you were the first to take her word for it. You would follow her anywhere and do anything for her, she just had to say the word. And then, be it psychosis or spiritual awakening, you heard it too. You became Lottie’s right hand in the wilderness, worshipping those hungry spirits. You never faltered, never had even a single moment of doubt in your faith.
With rescue came devastation and in turn left you a broken shell of your former self. You spent years trying to convince yourself it was all in your head, that you were desperate for some form of hope to cling onto so you created a religion of false gods that demanded you do terrible things to survive. It only worked to a certain extent but it was enough to convince your family you were back to your normal (if not heavily traumatized) self.
Lottie clears her throat and you realize you’ve been staring into space instead of eating. “You alright, Y/n?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.” You sigh, picking up your fork and finally tasting the food she made. You bite back a moan as the flavors melt on your tongue. She looks pleased at your reaction for a moment before her face clouds over with an expression of worry.
“When’s the last time you had a proper meal?” Her question catches you by surprise and you struggle to come up with a believable lie to soothe her concern. “If you have to think about it, it’s been too long.” She says sternly. Unable to think of a decent response you shrug, curling in on yourself a bit and tucking back into your meal. “You need to take better care of yourself… I worry about you.”
“I’m sorry.” You sag, feeling like you’ve disappointed her in some way. “It’s just— I don’t know, it’s hard sometimes.”
“To eat?”
“To do anything. I just feel so… heavy sometimes. Like the weight of everything—everything we went through, everything we did, is just… holding me down.”
“Sweetheart… come here.” She pulls you towards her, guiding you to lean your head on her shoulder. She strokes your hair, speaking softly. “I can help you, you know. If you let me in, I can help you.”
You nod, giving in. “Okay.” You finish the rest of the meal with Lottie’s arm around you. It all feels rather domestic and you can’t help but wish for more nights like this with her. When you’re both done eating you make a move to clear the dishes and wash everything in the sink but Lottie stops you.
“You don’t have to do that, let me.” She chides gently.
“I want to.” You reassure. “And besides, it’s only fair after you cooked such an amazing meal.” She smiles, her face flushing slightly. It’s reminiscent of your youth and your chest aches fiercely with affection for her. The truth of the matter is that all of the things you felt for Lottie back then still exist within you. You don’t think you could get rid of them if you tried. So instead, you decide to embrace them. “Here, we can do them together. I’ll wash, you dry.” She acquiesces with a nod and you find a rhythm washing the dishes together.
You finish up, drying your hands on a towel and leaning against the counter as Lottie puts the last of dishes away. “I’ve missed you, you know that?” The words slip out before you can stop them. She looks at you thoughtfully.
“I’ve missed you too, love.”
“So uh, what next? What does this mean for us?”
“I’ve never been one to feel the need for labels, I find them constricting.” Your mix of confusion and slight disappointment must show on your face because she elaborates. “Call it what you want, girlfriends, partners, lovers, as long as you know that you’re mine… just as much as I am yours in return.”
“Really? You mean that?”
“Of course I do.” She assures. You pull her into a hug, clutching onto her tightly. She holds you, swaying gently while you cling to her. It’s comfortable, familiar. You really had missed her. She was always so caring towards you, in ways you had never experienced before Lottie. “It’s late, darling…” You pull away, suddenly feeling like you’ve overstayed your welcome.
“Of course, sorry, I’ll get out of your hair.”
“Don’t do that, don’t pull away again, I wasn’t finished.” She brings you in close again, her hands on your waist. “I was going to suggest you borrow something to sleep in and stay here for the night.”
“Oh…” Your face heats up in embarrassment, you have a habit of jumping to conclusions.
“Would that be alright with you, love?”
The look she gives you has any excuse you could’ve come up with dying on your tongue. You nod, letting her lead the way to her bedroom. She opens her closet and you balk, the amount of silk dresses and flowing kaftans is absolutely absurd. She slides them to the side searches for something you can borrow. She eventually settles on a matching satin set of pants and a tank top and hands them to you, her eyes searching for your approval.
“These are perfect, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. There’s a bathroom through there if you would like to change privately. There should also be a spare toothbrush under the sink and you’re more than welcome to use any of the skincare products.”
You go to the bathroom, changing your clothes first. The pants are a bit long but comfortable enough that you don’t care. You find the spare toothbrush and brush your teeth, washing your face with one of Lottie’s fancy cleansers afterwards. You moisturize and decide that’s good enough, at least for tonight. Leaving the bathroom, you go back to the bedroom. You freeze when you see her. She’s now wearing a satin nightgown that falls to around her mid thigh. You drink in the sight of her, feeling rather like a blushing teen. She must sense your presence because she turns, smiling at the sight of you in her clothes. She always was a bit possessive.
“Did you find everything okay?”
“I did, yeah. Thanks.” She pulls back the covers and crawls into the bed. You shuffle, only just now realizing she intends for you to share.
“Come, it’s late and I know you’re more tired than you’re letting on.”
And who are you to argue? You walk around to the other side and follow suit, making yourself comfortable. Lottie turns off the bedside lamp, casting the room into darkness. Slight hints of moonlight peak through the curtains, illuminating her face just enough for you to make out her expressions. She looks unsettled, maybe a bit restless. You move a bit closer to her and reach out, taking one of her hands in yours.
“Goodnight, Lottie.”
“Goodnight.”
You fall asleep, still clutching her hand.
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Lottie looks at you, admiring how peaceful you seem. She thinks over what you said. A hunt. Well that’s not an option— not again… not when she isn’t sure the two of you would be protected in the same ways you were before. She wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t favor you or protect you from the draw, both you and Lottie were the only ones that could hear the wilderness back then and as such had its favor. But circumstances had changed. You’d both left it, abandoned it and she was worried it might come back to bite you. She knows what she must do.
Slipping out of the bed, she gently removes her hand from yours and smiles gently as you curl up, hugging a pillow. She finds a pair of shoes and a knife, leaving the cabin and walking the familiar path to an old tree stump in the woods. There are several old candles in a circle around it and next to it is a pack of matches. She carefully strikes a match and lights each candle one by one. She takes a deep breath, centering herself. Approaching the makeshift alter, Lottie takes a knife to her non-dominant hand. “Please let this be enough.” She begs, slicing into her palm. Barely noticing the sting, she squeezes her hand, letting the blood drip onto the tree stump below.
When you wake up, you’re not immediately sure why. As you gain a sense of your surroundings you realize you’re alone. You reach towards where Lottie was when you fell asleep, feeling the cold sheets. She must’ve left not long after you fell asleep, you frown. Something is wrong, you’re sure of it.
You throw on a jacket and some shoes, preparing yourself to find her. Eventually, while searching the nearby area of forest you see a thinner path that looks less frequented. You follow it, letting your intuition lead you. It’s there that you find Lottie, knelt on the ground as the last hours of darkness bleed into morning. Her cheeks are stained with dried tear tracks and her hand sports a deep cut straight across the center of her palm. The blood crusted around the wound hints at how long she’s been there and you approach her quietly, careful not to startle her. You crouch down beside her and lay a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“Lottie…” The concern bleeds into your tone and when she looks up you can’t help but sigh softly at how lost she seems.
“This has to be enough— blood, it wanted blood, that’s what you said. I gave it what it wants.” It sounds like she’s trying to convince herself. You and her both know it doesn’t work like that but you hope, just this once, it can be satisfied with a bit of spilled blood rather than a full on draw.
You help her up, supporting some of her weight as you bring her to the nurse’s station. You’re both silent as you walk. She seems shaken and you can’t really blame her. You feel absolutely awful that you had a hand in making her spiral like this. The things you said yesterday after what you saw? They were clearly bound to affect her in some way and the fact that you were too blinded by your own feelings to notice makes you feel slightly sick to your stomach. You wish she would’ve opened up to you instead of putting up a front and helping you to her own detriment. The two of you used to be so in tune but now? It’s evident that the years of separation have done damage to your ability to communicate with each other.
You open the door to the nurses station and shuffle Lottie inside, sitting her down and grabbing supplies. The thought that it was not long ago that she was doing this for you strikes you. It feels like so much has changed since that first night at the compound. You gather similar supplies, gauze, tape, antiseptic, and antibiotic ointment. She hisses at the sting of the antiseptic and you breathe a sigh of relief as she seems to have regained awareness.
“I’m sorry, it’s almost done.” You slather on some of the antibiotic ointment and tape a bit of gauze to her palm, securing it with a small roll of cloth wrapped around her hand. “There, all better…” You hold her bandaged hand between two of yours, wishing you could do more to help her.
“Thank you, Y/n.” She says solemnly. You hum in acknowledgment, bringing her hand up to press a kiss against it. You’ll be okay, you think. Both of you… eventually.
You hope.
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Author’s note:
so uhh that’s it! please let me know if you like it, i have plans for a second part that i’ll continue to work on :)
