Why aren't you with me. Cheng Xiaoshi...
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Why aren't you with me. Cheng Xiaoshi...
Clean ver. and ref under cut.
“ what are you doing up? it’s 3:30”
“natalie is everything ok? it’s four in the morning..”
the implication that diana was talking to gabe for at least a half hour is so sad to me- and her telling dan that she was talking to herself as well tells us as the audience that she is internally ashamed of her illness which is equally as sad !
i love the writing in next to normal, because the lyrics are filled with the smallest little details that add to the story on another level
“ i’m almost eighteen mom, you’ve gotta let go..” — “are you snorting coke?!” this line also seems insignificant if we don’t know the full story of the goodmans and the larger picture of next to normal, but its heartbreaking to essentially think that diana is battling her self conscious on gabriel.
on one hand, she knows it’s bad- her delusions and manifestation of gabriel is even telling her to let go, her mind is telling her to let go, she knows it’s wrong enough to lie to dan about it but she can’t let go of him - diana interrupts gabe to not think to deeply upon the fact that her son is turning eighteen and she can’t let go
i love this story so much and i often hear little moments in the lyricism that further strengthen the tragedy of this story :,)
"The aftermath..." I am not okay hahaha
MINMAXED RPG PROPAGANDA!
mainly directed at the Bannerfall fandom because I think you guys would like it! it's a bit similar, in that this is a DnD campaign, and a very entertaining one!
the party of six are all weapon-youtubers which means they actually understand how the mechanics work! and they're also all trying to be maximum menace to their DM, Mateo Tater the Bard. all of the characters are very silly and there is already plenty of chaos and drama in the first episode, which released today as of me writing this.
a quick rundown of the players:
Clark Sellsword Arts
playing a champion fighter
one of the 3 people under the Sellsword Arts channel
weeb
sword lover of all varieties, has a magic bag of Way Too Many Swords
really wants to collect more cool swords
recurring catchphrase for whenever he accomplishes something that should be basically impossible, or something that he doesn't really understand how to do, through sheer luck: "clarkin' it"
getting clowned on for being in bright pink and blue, but also has plate armour so relatively well protected from attacks.
unfortunately plate armour will not protect him from his own recklessness
David Sellsword Arts
playing a swashbuckler rogue
second of the 3 people from Sellsword Arts. also, has the same real name as Blumineck. usually, we refer to the Sellsword Arts guy as David and Blumineck by his online username.
really hates reverse grip
main weapon used in the first episode is throwing knives, but his character also uses rapier and dagger.
constantly trying to invoke sneak attack after learning what it is
bit of a menace, as expected.
"goblin David": although his character is human, there is a running joke about goblin/gremlin David because he's short (5'5.5), fierce, and chaotic.
Megan Sellsword Arts
playing a pact of the tome hex blade warlock
third member of the Sellsword Arts trio. designated spellcaster of the group as she's their editor manager and newer to the weapon stuff.
from booktok, hence pact of the tome
reasonable/rational one of the Sellsword Arts trio, trying to contain Clark and David's chaos.
honestly not a lot much i know about her? mainly because again she is kinda new.
Jack ze Whipper
playing a bard, i think the subclass is college of dance? it’s glamour actually.
his character's name is Jacques Moineau.
he was forced to be the bard of the group by DM Tater, so he will be as much of a menace as possible to get back at him for it. down to parodying Tater's video format while describing his methods for doing such.
18 charisma, +11 to deception and persuasion. Tater had to install safeguards around major persuasion-related plot points so that Jack couldn't take the plot off the rails.
ren fair whip performer. has a word record for something whip related. most bullwhip cracks in one minute.
it's ep1 and his character is already in an affair with an NPC. said affair is literally his means of introduction. also jokes about being familiar with peoples' mothers. yeah he goes the furthest on the sillies of the flirty variety- though that does not mean the others don't say sus things, Jack just says them more often and often with a greater degree of sus.
making Tater regret making all doors have the keyhole as a peephole by default, because it just means Jack will use it as an excuse to cast line of sight spells from the next room over since he can still see the other room through the peephole!
also for those of you who like acting: he's doing a character voice!
Instructor Bensei
playing a kensei monk.
made his character's name Sensai Bensai purely to screw with everyone. did not correct people about it before filming so he could constantly correct them about it during filming.
meteor hammer/general "thing on rope" guy.
seems to be the most lawful and moral of the characters so far.
that does not mean he is not chaotic though. he is a menace in his own right as well. remember, he changed his name a little bit just to screw with everyone else.
very much a studious and curious type of guy. has traits of the typical “peace-seeking martial arts instructor”. we’ll see how that goes for his character, as there is already a lot of troublemaking and lawbreaking going on around him!
i didn't watch his content before minmaxed so there's not as much i can fill out on him. hopefully that will change as minmaxed goes on for longer!
David Blumineck
playing a fey wanderer ranger.
his character's name is Bloom.
his character is the only non-human, being a wood elf an eladrin (fae-based wood-elf-like something). this is due to recurring jokes on Blumineck's channel about him being a wood elf in disguise, as his content involves a lot of archery in a forest.
archer of the group. also a pole dancer.
he's British. the rest of the cast is American. there were some inside jokes during the early stages of development where people joked that he would have to "swim across the ocean" if the fundraiser goals weren't met (in reality, the fundraiser exceeded the goals by several times).
the most "rational" of the group in that he has a relatively in-depth understanding of DnD and isn't actively trying to menace the DM in every way possible (which is Jack).
however, that does not mean he is not chaotic! his vague attempts at reining in the shenanigans of David and Clark lead to a lot of silliness. he also does shenanigans of his own at times. he will put those pole dancing acrobatic skills to use hanging from chandeliers and such.
method acting by going almost everywhere barefoot. even though MinMaxed is filmed in a concrete-floored warehouse in January/February, this guy still be walking around everywhere "with the dogs out". hence, recurring "autumnal dogs" jokes due to his character's autumn leaves motifs.
there are no separate POVs, instead everything is uploaded in one on a shared MinMaxed RPG Youtube Channel. The first episode is ~2 hours long, and a new episode airs every two weeks. Due to the budget being greater than expected, further seasons are in planning.
please watch MinMaxed, it's amazing. super funny and chaotic, but there's also lots of plot and action brewing.
I will always love how Next to Normal somehow managed to give so much personality to Gabe and yet he still remained a non-character with no wants, no needs, and no personal meaningful relationship. Everything he does, everything he has, it speaks more to Diana and the Goodman's family grief rather than himself. Gabe Goodman is nothing more than a plot device, a puppet, an amplifier, a scapegoat and that's a good thing, in this essay I will-
So I wrote some stuff about Gabe/Diana's hoodie here and it got me thinking on why people like hoodie or tee Gabe, so here's a list of reasons.
Why we like Wyndham's hoodie!Gabe:
he looks like a soft teenage boy
very mama's boy
it keeps him warm
How could I ever forget? Outside the morning was cold and wet, He had such chills but still he lay there so still, And just eight months old, So cold
Why we like Donmar's tee!Gabe:
he looks like a teenage little shit
very sultry son
it keeps him cold
And the morning sun is stunning, Birds are singing, things are growing, There's a world out there, Where the sun shines each day
So I wrote some stuff about Gabe/Diana's hoodie here and it got me thinking on why people like hoodie or tee Gabe, so here's a list of reasons.
Why we like Wyndham's hoodie!Gabe:
he looks like a soft teenage boy
very mama's boy
it keeps him warm
How could I ever forget? Outside the morning was cold and wet, He had such chills but still he lay there so still, And just eight months old, So cold
Why we like Donmar's tee!Gabe:
he looks like a teenage little shit
very sultry son
it keeps him cold
And the morning sun is stunning, Birds are singing, things are growing, There's a world out there, Where the sun shines each day
I understand why some n2n enjoys donmar's jacket-less Gabe, because yknow, arms, I get it.
But I also want to point out how in the pro-shot, Gabe's jacket isn't just any random jacket. It's Diana's jacket, the one from her youth when she got pregnant with him. And I think that, the way Gabe dressed is a significant thing. In the pro-shot he's almost always dressed in monochrome, black-white-and-greys. The only exception being his bright red bag and the stripes of his sweater, even that is still mainly black.
You know who else dresses in monochrome? Diana.
His color choice reflects Diana, and that includes her giving/imagining him with her jacket.
And you know what else is interesting? His clothes is always plain. Compare that to the other kids, Natalie uses band tees and graphic elmo tees. Even Henry who dresses more plainly than Natalie has that graphic tee during Wish I Were Here. That's not a random choice, they're kids, of course they have the most random t-shirts in their wardrobe. It shows their personality. Yet all of Gabe's clothes are plain. No pattern, no cartoon, no crazy pattern, nothing.
Because he's not real. He doesn't have a favorite band, he doesn't coo over cartoons, and he doesn't enjoy crazy patterns. His clothes stay plain, just like Diana's and the other adults on this stage. Because he's no longer a kid, he's just a piece of Diana, taking the shape of a child, desperately clinging on to her.
Do people NOT like how Gabe has Di’s hoodie cause I’ve always adored that 😭😭😭
It's less like people doesn't like hoodie!Gabe, it's more like people likes Donmar's tee!Gabe more (or at least are more vocal about it, could be bcs Donmar clips rarity yknow?)
Sometimes I think of Just Another Day lyrics where Natalie was reffered to as Sister for the first and- I'm pretty sure, the- only time in the entire show. Every other time, she was reffered to as a Daughter, from Superboy and The Invisable Girl, to dr. Madden asking about her during Diana's session.
Which shouldn't be weird, because well, the Goodman Family had 2 kids, right? So they would be sibling, hence making Natalie, a sister.
Maybe it's the non-native speaker in me overthinking, but that's not quite right. And this is gonna sound weird but bear with me. You become a Wife or a Husband, because you have a partner to call you so. You become a Mother, because you have a child to call you so. You become a Brother or Sister, because you have a sibling to call you so.
Natalie is well aware of Gabe, maybe not as a person but she is definitely aware of him and his history in this family. Hence Gabe is a brother, he is Natalie's brother, she even refers to him as a brother when Henry asked.
But Gabe doesn't know who Natalie is. Gabe isn't even slightly affected by Natalie's existance, he never met Natalie, Natalie wasn't even a thougt during his short life. Gabe, as far as he knows, didn't have a sister. Hence Natalie, is not a sister.
And I'm talking about baby Gabe, not Diana's Gabe. Which adds to my point actually, because the person who refers to Natalie as Sister during Just Another Day is none other than Diana. Diana who hallucinates Gabe surviving and growing up along side Natalie, his sister.
So yeah, everytime that line comes up, I always wonder if it's Diana, who conciously decided to have Natalie as a replacement, unconciously trying to reach out and connect to her daughter, via her subconcious-made son. Giving Natalie someone to call her a sister.
That specific lyric, Gabe's Good morning sunshine!, Gabe spying and commenting on Natalie's dating life with Diana, Gabe being the one who corrected Dan when he said Harry instead of Henry. Gabe, and by extension Diana's subconcious, has always been reaching out to Natalie.
I wonder, if from the very beginning Diana was subconciously slowly trying to let go of Gabe, by making him a bridge between her and the family she still have. Afterall, in Make Up Your Mind/Catch Me I'm Falling (Reprise), when Diana remembered her loss and was falling into grief yet again, Gabe was the one telling her to make up her mind on how to handle it. And Diana did, she let go of Gabe, she decided that accepting her grief, her loss, falling, isn't so bad afterall. Against her previous thoughts, she made it, somehow surviving. And that's when she started to properly connect with Natalie, without her Gabe bridging the gap, in Maybe (Next to Normal).
I understand why some n2n enjoys donmar's jacket-less Gabe, because yknow, arms, I get it.
But I also want to point out how in the pro-shot, Gabe's jacket isn't just any random jacket. It's Diana's jacket, the one from her youth when she got pregnant with him. And I think that, the way Gabe dressed is a significant thing. In the pro-shot he's almost always dressed in monochrome, black-white-and-greys. The only exception being his bright red bag and the stripes of his sweater, even that is still mainly black.
You know who else dresses in monochrome? Diana.
His color choice reflects Diana, and that includes her giving/imagining him with her jacket.
And you know what else is interesting? His clothes is always plain. Compare that to the other kids, Natalie uses band tees and graphic elmo tees. Even Henry who dresses more plainly than Natalie has that graphic tee during Wish I Were Here. That's not a random choice, they're kids, of course they have the most random t-shirts in their wardrobe. It shows their personality. Yet all of Gabe's clothes are plain. No pattern, no cartoon, no crazy pattern, nothing.
Because he's not real. He doesn't have a favorite band, he doesn't coo over cartoons, and he doesn't enjoy crazy patterns. His clothes stay plain, just like Diana's and the other adults on this stage. Because he's no longer a kid, he's just a piece of Diana, taking the shape of a child, desperately clinging on to her.
bastille were right. i just keep talking about it but i do nothing about it
trying to stay positive bcs eventhough ao3 claims its undergoing maintenance for the next 15 hours, ao3 tends to overestimate their maintenance time
also, bcs i forgot, got slapped with the maintenance page in the middle of work, and as much as i wanna, i cant lose my (few) dignity and cry in the middle of work)
Why is it always about Orpheus turning back foolishly and never about Eurydice following him out of the Underworld, likely knowing she was doomed. That Orpheus went all this way, singing the story of their love, hopeful that he will return her to the surface and finally build their life together— but they will not. She knows her Orpheus will turn back. And yet she still follows him, all the way to the top, because the simple pleasure of seeing his back again is enough for her. Isn’t that a foolish thing to do for love?
Haha nice
-Something Great-
Color takes Killer to Killer's universe since Killer wanted to start fixing things but had cold feet.
so so confused by this culture of amanormativity. i was describing the love i have for my best friend the other day, and someone said "so you love them romantically. that's how it works" and no. no, that's not how it works. at all. intense and profound and overwhelming feelings of friendship and affection and adoration don't automatically tick over into romantic once they reach a certain level. my love for my best friend is deep and strong, and it hits me like a tidal wave sometimes. but it's not romantic
i think the worst part of the "everyone thinks i'm dating my best friend" bit is the amount of people that ask "well if she was gay too you'd want to date her right?" and like no. i'm not attracted to her like that. i'm not settling for best friendship because she likes men. this isn't a second choice. the shape of my love for her is profound and bone deep and wholly platonic. she's not my best friend because girlfriend wasn't an option, she's my best friend because that's how i love her. how i want to and how i choose to love her. day in and day out it's an active and wanted choice, never a concession. with a bond so deep it aches to see her hurt, and it fills my heart endlessly to see her happy, and not once have i ever had a romantic thought for her.
falling asleep on the couch // falling asleep at the desk
big brother chase will always be a big brother