losing brain cells. looking for donations.

Chaotic neutral. bi. writer. The (b)log of everything that catches my magpie-ish fancy. How many fandom references in your bio is too many?

[tearose2481]

I'm sitting here thinking about how Troy got all of Ilya's empathy while Shane got none. Thinking about Ilya cozying up to a former racist homophobe and expecting Shane to be okay with it- chalking his negative reaction up to jealousy instead of the fact that Shane would have been a target of his for years. Mr. "I know the dark side of hockey" BRINGING THE DARK SIDE INTO SHANE'S SAFE SPACE (the cottage).

And all of this is treated as No Big Deal. Because Shane isn't allowed to do anything but what Ilya wants. Isn't allowed to feel anything but love for this man who resents and mistreats him, and anger at himself for his own perceived selfishness. Not one time is he given space by the narrative to push back on Ilya's behavior- instead he turns it back onto himself. Which, gee, sounds AN AWFUL LOT like what someone in an abusive relationship would do, by the way.

His own parents don't even appear to give a fuck about him. All we get is Yuna asking who accused him of tripping. All of the anxiety and pressure and pain that he endures through this book, and the only time he gets this weak-ass show of support is when it's directly related to hockey (I may be wrong on this point- I haven't reread TLG in ages).

"Shane has so much support!"

Does he?????

[poprocksromance]

Mark my words if the same things that happened to Shane in TLG happened to a female protagonist in a romance with her shadow daddy BF everyone would be rolling their eyes and accusing fans of swooning over a toxic abusive character. But because it’s their favorite white man with 90% of the POV time, it’s just Fine and Normal.

[salty-cracker-scientist]

Please I feel like sometimes Shane's fears, which were valid and true, was completely dismissed.

Every single fear of his came true.

Even Yuna asked him if he ever threw a game for Ilya??? Like ma'am that's your son???

Every time people read TLG , they seem to spontaneously forget that Shane was the one who told Ilya he liked him? Invited him to the cottage? Made long term plans for them to be together? My boy was working overtime.

I wish we had one scene where his team's response and the fallout was actually discussed. That people around him get righteously angry that Mr.Hockey himself was suspected of throwing games for his partner.

I wish that we were shown other teams trying to outbid each other to get Shane on their team and him making a conscious choice to sign with Ottawa.

I wish unrivaled shows that he's unstoppable, the best player of this generation, that he's Shane MF Holländer to you, actually.

[skylarbrooks104]

I think it's so interesting the Shane and Ilya have almost opposite arcs between their books. In HR, Shane wants to end his situationship with Ilya basically as soon as it starts so he can move on (even if that's not what he calls it) and settle down with a woman to live a "normal" life (normal in quotes bc that's how he views it, nothing about his situation is necessarily "normal" in his brain). Once he realizes he actually does have feelings for Ilya in the tuna meltdown, he leaves and does exactly that, even if unintentionally: he stops messaging Ilya, meets Rose, and starts dating her to try to have a "normal" relationship with a woman like many of his teammates do. After Rose breaks up with him and basically tells him that he's gay, he finally accepts his feelings for Ilya and goes to Tampa Bay to win his man back (not knowing Ilya was miserable without him) and continues to realize just how much he cares about Ilya in the following months.

Meanwhile, Ilya is immediately infatuated with Shane in Saskatchewan (the freckles, the handshakes, the compliments, etc) and goes on to push down his feelings and claim what they have is purely casual despite how much he quickly cares for Shane. He also knows their situation isn't normal, but he's able to rationalize it in a different way from Shane by claiming it's simple and nothing more than sex. Until he's miserable without Shane after the tuna meltdown, where even if he doesn't admit it's why it's in such a bad mood, he's immediately worried about what Shane's situation once they meet again in Tampa Bay. And once they do reunite, he is completely content in only having Shane back as a fuck buddy and then is jumpscared by Shane with a conversation about their feelings. Ilya goes on to realize just how deeply he cares for Shane, and goes the opposite way: he feels the need to end their relationship. I do think it's more out of self-preservation and believing he doesn't deserve Shane in many ways, but the point still stands that he is set on ending their situation until the Skip kiss makes him realize theirs a very slim chance he and Shane can work. The fact that these shifts happen because of the same events, namely the tuna meltdown and the Tampa Bay conversation, is honestly pretty insane.

There's not as much of a case for this happening in TLG, but I do think it's worth talking about that Ilya's depression is somewhat enhanced by having to hide his relationship with Shane and the plane crash makes him once again content with just having Shane at all, while Shane wants to keep their relationship hidden until the plane crash and shifts their plans of marriage and coming out much sooner to "prove" his love for Ilya (again in quotes because that's likely how he views it, he doesn't need to prove his love for Ilya at this point). The conversation with Crowell really exemplifies their stance changes, with Ilya knowing that Crowell is offering a pretty good out for them and being willing to deal with if Shane is. However, Shane immediately shuts down the out and chooses Ilya. Again, it's not as prominent of opposite arcs as in HR, but there are seeds for it that I thought were worth mentioning (and could be expanded on in Unrivaled, if I had to make any kind of predictions about that book).

I just think this aspect of the books(which I know not everyone has read but I assume many have) is a really fascinating one and I've seen no one talk about it.

[salty-cracker-scientist]

Why can I comment? Bestie this is my favourite literary analysis. Both times it's them being brave for trying what the other person wants, and realizing that in turn, it makes them happy.

[salty-cracker-scientist]

Hi everyone,

I have been debating whether to post this or not.

I wanted to share something personal that I've been dealing with over the past few months. Due to a combination of funding gaps and unexpected financial strain during my PhD, I'm currently working to close out some loan obligations and stabilize my situation.

I do have a plan in place and expect things to improve in the coming months, but right now I'm in a temporary gap where even small amounts of support can make a meaningful difference in helping reduce immediate pressure and avoid escalation.

If anyone is in a position to help, I would be deeply grateful for any amount. There is absolutely no expectation - your presence and support here already mean a lot to me.

If you'd like to contribute, you can do so here: [Paypal:

Mutual Aid

Regardless, thank you for reading, and for being part of a space that has always meant a lot to me. I hope to be back in the future in a position to give back.

[theineffablewitchesroad]

I will be posting a list of actors to boycott because they are doing the HP audio books

Hugh Laurie

Michelle Gomez

Sacha Dhawan

There are so many more but I don't know them

[salty-cracker-scientist]

Keira Knightly also

[cav-core]

I am of two minds on comparing the Met Gala to the Capitol. Aesthetically true, morally false

[elierlick]

Yet another new study debunked the basis for the anti-trans sports bans. It was never about sports but for creating legal avenues for exclusion and abjection. This is one of the largest analyses ever conducted, involving 52 studies and 6,485 trans people. Read the study here.

[salty-cracker-scientist]

I know, I just KNOW that after the Hollanov wedding, people everywhere pull Ilya aside to speak with him. Shane thinks of course, they're sad Ilya is married, when in reality they're asking how TF ™️ did he manage to lock Shane Mr.Hockey Hollander down, they've been trying so hard and he never even spared a glance at them????? Tell me your secrets????

And as always, Ilya is a huge loving peacocking menace about it.

[notahungrywish]

Has anyone made a beat for beat Ilya POV of their first time? I want cocky Ilya going in ready to blow this kids mind. He’s smart enough to assume based on thier interactions so far that Shane is probably “straight” or at least really uncomfortable with his sexuality, assumes he’s going to need to convince him to do anything, will need to teach him anything he is willing to do. Lots of ego soothing. There’s a nonzero chance the guys going to freak out and call him a slur and just kick him out.

Plus general hookup culture where you need to stay pretty aloof and impersonal and gtfo within like four minutes max of finishing.

He can almost certainly talk him into receiving head because that’s “less gay” and everyone loves to get their dick sucked. Probably not giving any. Maybe some hand stuff. There’s no chance in hell of getting ass unless he’s way misread this situation and he maybe shouldn’t mention it if he doesn’t want him running scared.

It’ll be fun because the guy is hot and a hockey player and it’s forbidden but it’s not going to actually be good sex.

Only to be met with Shane Hollander, hockey prodigy, literally so earnestly desperate to be dommed and topped he’s insane with it.

Two minutes in he’s dropping to his knees giving the most passionate and clearly virginal blowjob on the planet and Ilya can’t believe the guy he’s been so fucking jealous of with his perfect family and Canadian good-boy shtick and professional accomplishments is just unabashedly gagging for it despite also having no idea what’s going on.

He’s polite he’s sweet he’s apologizing for coming in his mouth. He doesn’t get a chance to kick Ilya out.

Ilya pretends he isn’t thinking about this encounter nonstop. The next time he shows up it’s the same deal but not only does he not balk at bottoming, he’s been fucking preparing. He still sucks dick like it’s the meaning of life. He still gets giant wet eyes just getting to touch Ilya. When Ilya orders him to his knees he DROPS, not a second of hesitation. Ilya does not know what’s going on and cannot believe his good fortune.

He’s convinced he’s never actually going to get to hit that. It’s been two years, and two years as a wildly successful professional athlete to boot. There’s no way that guys still a virgin. There’s no way Ilya’s actually going to talk his way into his pants after this long.

But somehow he does? And Shane is somehow even more desperate and sweet than when they started if that’s even possible? He literally cries when Ilya touches him. He’s braced to be turned down when they get down to it since it’s the first time and he might need to stop or be sore pretty quickly but not this guy noooo he’s He’s making noises like a porn star if the porn star was the sexiest hockey player alive. He’s letting Ilya bend him in half like a fucking pretzel, staring into his fucking eyes, losing his mind. Ilya would be concerned for this guy fucking anyone else who might take advantage of all this because he’s so impossibly sweet and innocent but apparently no one else is touching him? Like at all? He’s pretty proud of himself honestly for keeping his shit together and making this a good first time and not scaring the guy off or coming too quick except Shane decides to finish off potentially the best sex Ilya’s ever had by coming completely hands free on his dick?? Ilya is legitimately SHOCKED he’s never made any guy do that before, he wasn’t even sure how possible that was irl, and Shane doesn’t even appear to realize anything out of the ordinary has happened. Ilya comes harder than he ever has in his life and is SHOOK this is not good no no no forehead kisses fucks like a porn star literally a virgin an hour ago Shane Hollander is DANGEROUS and must be avoided at all costs.

Just, something that really gets into Ilya being dumb and young and his shock when Shane actually drops to his knees to the first time or comes hands free please and thank you all recs welcome.

[thatonekimgirl]

Heated Rivalry || the 1x06 sex scene without music

[salty-cracker-scientist]

Hi everyone,

I have been debating whether to post this or not.

I wanted to share something personal that I've been dealing with over the past few months. Due to a combination of funding gaps and unexpected financial strain during my PhD, I'm currently working to close out some loan obligations and stabilize my situation.

I do have a plan in place and expect things to improve in the coming months, but right now I'm in a temporary gap where even small amounts of support can make a meaningful difference in helping reduce immediate pressure and avoid escalation.

If anyone is in a position to help, I would be deeply grateful for any amount. There is absolutely no expectation - your presence and support here already mean a lot to me.

If you'd like to contribute, you can do so here: [Paypal:

Mutual Aid

Regardless, thank you for reading, and for being part of a space that has always meant a lot to me. I hope to be back in the future in a position to give back.

[sprinkledsalt]

Some women will never want children in their life in any meaningful capacity. They don't want to give birth. They don't want to adopt. They don't want to be the fun auntie. They don't want to be a godmother. They don't want to work in a field with children. They will never change a child's diaper and don't believe their lack of childcare skills is a problem that needs fixing, because childcare is not a crucial part of the human experience, with billions of people on the planet. They go about their day while only seeing kids out at the grocery store or at the park, and nothing is missing from their lives.

The refusal to accept this is driving a global right-wing backlash movement.

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

This fandom truly is the gift that keeps on giving lololololol

[salty-cracker-scientist]

My boy is a yapper y'all. Not the most sociable who???

[pookietsunoda]

Just realizing rn that Taylor Swift's "Fate of Ophelia" and Emerald Fennell's "Wuthering Heights" have the exact same energy and I mean this in the most derogatory way possible

(vibes/ pinterest-aesthetic based adaptations that fundamentally misunderstand the themes and plot of their source material, partially because the creator wants to use it as a self insert vehicle; also made by rich blonde women whose artistic work has lowkey fallen off)

[salty-cracker-scientist]

Bars, OP

[scorpionlafemme]

[salty-cracker-scientist]

Right now, this is more valid for me than ever.

[slab-o-meat]

crabs are so gentle, they can be so kind. their claws? precise little things, so careful in the sand, so careful with food. they do what they must to live and wave their claws to express their joy to the world for giving so much to them, for giving such kindness to these creatures known as crabs. please be gentle to crabs

[slab-o-meat]

i was on. a new sleep medication last night

[salty-cracker-scientist]

Well there IS a reason things keep evolving into crabs. Your sleep meds opened your 3rd eye OP

[hellomyblr]

drew gooden has the most rewatchable youtube videos of all time. only man who could make me listen to him complain for 40min about a show i’ve never seen (and watch it 10 times)

[salty-cracker-scientist]

The bagel video is LEGENDARY!!!

[fern-calls-out-congress-86-47]

Don’t stop taking about the Epstein files. You can, and should, talk about Minneapolis, ICE, Sudan, Congo, the Rohingya people in Ethiopia, Ugyhur Muslims in China, Greenland, Cuba, Somalia, Iran, Palestine, Yemen, Syria, Canada, Venezuela, and Nigeria also, you can bring attention to more than one important thing at a time. Don’t let the Epstein Files be forgotten. It’s what they’re relying on. U.S law doesn’t really exist anymore at the moment, but don’t let them forget that they casually broke the law by not releasing them. Even if they hadn’t, it doesn’t matter. Release them anyways NOW!

[salty-cracker-scientist]

Every issue with the world needs to be spoken about. Change isn't a serial process, but a parallel one.