Sam and Himself

This is just me going though life, living with myself. I'm sure you can relate.

[samandhimself-blog]

Battery Jokes

I work at a battery store so in usual Sam style, I came up with battery jokes.

(Oh, dear God no. Stop. Don’t do this. I do not approve!!!)

What do you call a battery that just got out of jail?

(*exhale* What?)

Discharged!

(They’re already worse than I thought)

What did the doctor say to the battery?

(What?You’re already dead?)

“I’m sorry, but it’s Terminal”!!! Though yours is good too.

(Oh... thanks... *blush*)

Why did Mr. Battery have a heart attack?

(Why?)

Because Mrs. Battery came back positive!

(That was the worse one yet)

Alright, last one...

(Thank God)

What do you call a little battery with a quick fuse?

(Just get it over with)

“Short Circuit”!!!!!!

(...)

(Nope, I’m done, good luck without me.)

[samandhimself-blog]

My bike is evil

My bike is the definition of evil

(What are you going on about now?)

My bike tried to kill me today.

(I wish it succeeded)

It hates me and wants me to die

(Or it’s 8 years old and it’s just sick of your shit and the fact that you have never taken care of it or done any maintenance on it ever!)

Nope, the bike is definitely sentient and evil.

[samandhimself-blog]

Wizards

I but wizards don't have to untangle their headphones...

(This is someone else's joke)

*pouts*That doesn’t make it less funny

(Also, they do have to untangle their headphones.)

Really?

(Yes, but they’re better at it than you are)

*The pouting intensifies*

[samandhimself-blog]

Roommate

I might be getting a new roommate in the start of May and I have a serious crush on him...

(No.)

What?

(I said no, you will not try to date your new roommate.)

But, but...

(No buts.)

Please?...

(HE’S NOT EVEN GAY!!!)

So?...

(How can you not see the problem?)

*Pouts*

[eldestdaughters]

someone: all girls are beautiful and wonderful

me: yes absolutely

me: *remembers I am a girl*

me: with one unfortunate exception

[samandhimself-blog]

Someone: All guys should be rugged and tough.

Absolutely Not!

(Seconded)

Reject the status quo! Beat down our opposers! Over throw the government!

(Absolutely not.)

VIVA LA RESISTANCE!!!

[samandhimself-blog]

Me and my Demon of a Computer

computer: *makes error noise*

me: *repeats error noise sarcastically*

(Very mature)

[samandhimself-blog]

Ramen, the breakfast of champions.

(I approve of your actions)

Really?

(No)

[samandhimself-blog]

YouTube?

Considering starting a YouTube channel no one will watch, just like this blog that no one will read...

(I can’t even find a way to correct you, you’re spot on, no one cares what we think. But that's ok, it actually makes this better because there’s no pressure on delivering to nonexistent followers)

We’re still doing the Soylent challenge though right?

(Knock yourself out)

[samandhimself-blog]

Intelligent People All Have One Thing In Common: They Stay Up Later Than You

elitedaily.com

Oh good, and here I thought I was just a narcoleptic insomniac. Guess I'm just a genius.

(You are taking this article way out of context)

Don’t care! Not listening!

(Yep, definitely a genius)

LALALALALA!!!!

(*roles metaphoric eyes*)

[samandhimself-blog]

Search Engine Blues

Gah!! The intetweb is impossible!!!!!

(Use your words)

All I want is some really fast music, is that too difficult of a task for Google and Bing? Why don't they just hug it out and make “Boogle” or “Ging” so we can finally have the search engine we deserve!

(Those were the worst ship names ever. I think I threw up a little in my mouth)

Anyway... I was looking around and found this stuff called “Soylent” (like the movie Soylent Green, neat) total meal replacement, sounds like the coolest thing I've ever seen!

(You do not SEE sound Sam)

Gah! Shut up brain!!!! I think I might try the “Soylent 30 day challenge”. It sounds like fun and a month of Soylent is way cheaper than how much I spend in groceries each month.

(This post is exhausting, wrap it up already.)

Bye!

[samandhimself-blog]

Ok, I know that this is a terrible first post and this probably isn’t the first time you've seen this but OH MY GOD! I almost woke my neighbor I laughed so hard!

(You create a tumblr and this is the first thing you put up?)

I said it was terrible...

(That doesn't excuse it)