Things Can Only Get Better

|| Sam || 28 years old || Chronically ill, Neurodivergent, generally fucked up|| Wannabe Accountant || Obsessed with Bands and TV Shows and Games || Absolute Nerd ||

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

chinese mantou (steamd bread) be like

[ceekari]

the oranges holy shit

[morallygreyginger]

rating actual medieval names i have found as a medieval studies student but they get progressively more unhinged:

William de Appeltrefeld: 8/10 bc appeltrefeld sounds like a nice place to live. who wouldnt want to live in a field full of apple trees? points deducted cause there are like fifty bajillion williams in england

Luke de Luka, merchant of Luca: 6/10. ur parents really werent creative huh

Hugh de Wlonkeslowe: 7/10. looks like a straight person trying to keyboard smash. *laughs in english place names*

Roger Smert: 10/10 absolute banger of a name. does it make any sense? absolutely not! but you guys. i dont think you understand. smert!!

John de la Bro: 7/10. when ur such a bro that its literally ur name and 800 years in the future its all people know of u

Hugh Sad: 7/10. weve all been there buddy

Gaylarde de la Mote: 10/10. slay. i bet this guys mote was the gayest mote youve ever seen

Hugh de la Penne: 9/10. we stan a pasta man

Richard de Astlegh: 10/10. verily, he shall ne'er give thee up, ne'er let thee down, nor shall he run with great haste and desert thee, he shall ne'er cause thee to weep, ne'er bid you farewell, ne'er shall he speak wicked falshoods in thine ear or cause thee harm

Bindo Hug: 8/10. who is this man a hobbit???

Eudo la Zusche: 6/10. deadass sounds like something youd see in a really bad fantasy novel

William crisp: 7/10. w h a t.

Asser son of Licoriz: 7/10 there is so much going on here i dont even know what to tell you

Baldwin Panik: 10/10 cause this is a heckin mood

Richard Cok, aka Dick Cok: 69/10. nice.

[lesbiansnoopy]

Me at my cat after putting her in a funny hat: 

[darlingsterns]

i’m watching an art theft documentary and they’re interviewing this art history professor from new york who was asked to go with the fbi to authenticate a rubens that had been stolen but it was a sting operation so they had to pretend like they weren’t the fbi, that they were some private buyer about to pay $3.5 million for it, and the fbi was like “this is a VERY delicate operation because you never know how they will react to what you have to say so let the agent do all of the talking, don’t say a word to anyone just nod if it’s the rubens, the last operation we did the guy in your position got shot because things went wrong in a second” and then it cuts to the professor’s interview and he says “i wasn’t going to fly down to miami to be a part of an undercover fbi sting operation to handle what could be rubens’s aurora and just NOT say anything. i was gonna have to ad lib a little” and then he tells the interviewer that when he & the fbi agent got to the hotel while he was examining the painting he started lecturing the other people, first on how badly they had wrapped it, and then about like how it had been painted, the history of it, what the subject was and what she was doing, etc etc, and he was like “i hadn’t taught a class on rubens in 15 years, so for me it was like being back in the classroom except my students couldn’t leave” 

[darlingsterns]

at one point during the deal the professor turned to the woman selling it and he said “isn’t this just the most beautiful rubens you’ve ever seen outside of a museum?” (because the fbi had told him earlier that this piece had been stolen from a museum) and THEN he said “where on earth did you get it from?” and the group of people the woman had with her was like taxidermy-fox.png but the woman was like “inheritance” can you IMAGINE the fbi agent about to have a fucking aneurysm when this random guy you’ve brought in just to nod if it’s the right painting not only starts giving an impromptu lecture but then he asks how they got it

[truereset-deactivated20190602]

some of you have never treated a cat with enough love and kindness to experience their adoration and trust and it shows

[birdschoolforbirds]

million dollar idea: instead of spending thousands of dollars on steady-cam equipment, filmmakers should just attach a camera to the head of a chicken and carry the chicken around as you film.

[birdschoolforbirds]

[ob2komario-blog]

Fact:

They actually did that.

[the-emef]

cannot. stop. laughing.

[the-grand-elusa]

Lizzy.

[saranel]

When the ending sucked, but fan artists and fic writers got your back

[transpondster]

[kylesbogusjourney]

I have this really bad habit of sending two unrelated texts back to back but bridging them with an “also”

So it’ll be like “hey have you seen this funny tweet” quickly followed by “also the news said polio is back”

[clownsaliens]

[thecommonchick]

sees cat being naughty and scoops him up: This is a disciplinary hug. Do not derive joy from it.

naughty cat: purrs loudly

[unshrink]

me every morning:

[overheard-at-hogwarts]

Lockhart: Beauty is in the eye of whoever is looking at me.

[zinogre]

gangnam style came on the radio again

[kawaiisquad]

this sounds like a post apocalyptic diary entry

[amnhnyc]

At first glance you might think this critter is a worm, but it’s actually a snake! Known as the worm snake (Carphophis amoenus), it’s native to the eastern United States, where it grows to 23 centimeters (9 inches) in length, on average. Like its namesake, it prefers to live under rocks or in loose soil and leaf litter on the forest floor; and it’s brown on top and pink on the bottom. But the similarities end there. The worm snake is a vertebrate, and it has scales! Coincidentally, one of its favorite snacks is…the earthworm. Photo: M Hedin

[rustandruin]

I’m LIVING.

[nocontextgoodplace]