Thoughts, and Tøp |-/

[samcaaa]

I JUST STARE AT BLANK WALLS AND LISTEN TO THE SAME DAMN SONG IN HOPE I GUESS TO FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED BUT IT'S POINTLESS BECAUSE ALL I SEE IS A BLANK WALL AND ALL I HEAR IS THE SAME DAMN SONG.

Depletive // instagram // 

[samcaaa]

There are mean and dark parts of you that you constantly have to swallow down. You constantly have to clench your fists, quench the anger, shush yourself, and dim yourself down. You are a volcano always at the brink of erupting, but never allowing yourself that release because you know the ash will be suffocating, the aftermath devastating. And so magma turns to blood and ash to dust. And here you are sitting there in the dark, swallowing it all down, telling yourself that a few deep breaths are the remedy to every ounce of pain that's holding you under. Breathe in. Smell the flowers that your ash has not blanketed. Breathe out. Blow out the forest fires you are envisioning in your head. Ignore the flames lapping at your skin, dancing around your feet, ignore the thunder rattling your bones, ignore the heavy heart, and ignore the ache to implode. Keep it down. Keep collected. Keep that smile on your face because if you don't, you will obliterate everything in your path and you are not destructive. You are a field of flowers gently blowing in the breeze, you are the sun tickling children's cheeks, you are the ocean gently kissing the shore, you are the stars twinkling and illuminating the night sky. Don't let the cruel world turn you into a dangerous being, don't let the raging water erode you and turn you into the Grand Canyon. You are no canyon, no empty being, and no cruel sight. You are gentle. You are kind. You are okay.

~L // instagram // 

[samcaaa]

There was a time when I thought the moon was cheese - a great lump of gooey, cheesy goodness floating around the emptiness of space, a luminous being that followed you in the car on late nights as you looked sleepily out the vehicle window just a little too high for your head. There was a time when I believed it shone all by itself, driven by an inner light that made the dark of the night more bearable, and it’s face gazed upon the earth fondly - lonely save for the company of a few twinkling stars that were faded in the haze of city smog. But no one is a child forever, and as I learned that the moon is but a lump of olivine, orthopyroxene and clinopyroxene coated rock, illuminated only by the wondrous rays of sun that shoot through the veil of the night and reflect off it’s pocked, scarred, imperfect, endlessly flawed surface, I realized that maybe the moon and I are somewhat alike. Now, when I look into the night sky, I see the moon for what she is. I see that her diamond-like friends of the night are in fact thousands of light years away - perhaps forever unreachable - and she is all but clutching to the earth for purpose and direction, basking in the sun’s glory as her only source of hope and light to break up the cold, emptiness of the Infinite Sea. Like the Moon, I do not want to be another lump of rock aimlessly wandering the Universe. The blackness is harsh and cruel and endless, and you are the only beacon of light that I can see in this mess of stardust right now. You leave me awestruck, and I will remain the Moon for as long as you are the Sun, for my loyalty to you exceed the laws of time and space and bends into another dimension of love and serenity. I know I go through phases, just as the Moon does, where we aren’t close, when I can’t see you, and I’m almost entirely engulfed by the blackness. I’m sorry for those times I am cold, and distant, and bleak. But you see, the Moon cannot shine without the Sun, and I struggle to make it through days with no contact with you. To you I may be next to nothing, but to me? To me, you are my all and my everything. Sincerely, This Fucking Loser

Excerpt From A Book I Will Never Write #192 // via  (down-in-smoke-and-ash)// instagram 

[samcaaa]

In English class my teacher asked me to define the difference between love and hate, and I swear to god I almost said your fucking name.

11/06/14 //depletive//

[samcaaa]

Listen, If you're going to leave, that's fine. And I know you promised you wouldn't seven months ago while I was crying into your neck but I also know that sometimes it rains even when it's not supposed to, and sometimes boys kiss girls they shouldn't, and we tear flowers out of the ground just to watch them die and things change, so I undersand if you're done. But please, when you're packing all your old sweaters and books, don't forget to take all your three a.m. phone calls, and photographs where we're smiling so wide it looks like we've never known that feeling in the pit of your stomach when someone screams "I don't love you anymore." Take back every kiss, every night you fell asleep next to me, every poem I wrote you, every song you sang to me, every "I love you more" fight, every shock I felt in my skin when you brushed against me. I was never scared of ghosts until you left but now I see you everywhere and god if you're going to kill me please just do it quickly because I see you in everything and it's making it hard to breathe.

-I won't say I miss you, but I think my mother knows anyways (via extrasad // instagram)

[samcaaa]

1. Stop worrying so much about who likes you or doesn't like you. 2. Quit stressing about prom. You'll go with the guy you dated on and off, and even though you hate his guts right now, you'll look back on those pictures years later and smile. 3. College isn't as terrifying as you think. 4. You will fall in love again, more than once. And each time it will be terrifying and beautiful and nothing like what you imagined. 5. You will be broken way more than you've ever felt before. Your world will shift upside-down and you won't know exactly how to get back up, but you will. You always do. 6. You are stronger than you realize, even now. 7. Social media isn't everything, and won't be everything. 8. Yes, eventually you will get rid of that terribly ugly car. But sometimes you will miss it and the memories. 9. You will learn how to forgive. This is a blessing. 10. There are far bigger plans for you than what you can imagine right now. 11. You and your mom will still fight, but you will start to understand a little more of why. (And as much as you'll hate this, it's because you're more similar than you think.) 12. You will watch people you love go through terrible things. Sometimes you'll know what to say, and your words will fill pages, but sometimes you won't. And this is okay. Just be a comfort. Just be there. That's all you can do. 13. You can't change people. Not then, not in the future. They have to change for themselves. 14. You will lose friends, but you will also make friends that you never thought you would, friends that understand you on the deepest levels, that make you laugh and cry and love yourself. 15. You will love your family, want to kill your family, then realize that they are the most wonderful people you will ever have. 16. You will grow into your own skin and discover who you really are. And then you will own that identity. 17. You will be okay. And you are okay. Right where you are, right now. So breathe, keep doing your best, and enjoy just being.

Things I Wish I Could Say To My 18 Year-Old Self, Marisa Donnelly |

[rosespell]

[rainvisions]

[samcaaa]

How beautiful is it that someone could make your heart beat so fast when you don’t want it to beat at all.

//brokensouls.xx// #him #vodkathoughts #thingsillneversay

[youareoutofmymind]

My name is Tyler, and I wanted to start a band, so I picked a name, a logo, and wrote and recorded songs in my basement. I really had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that music did something to me. What I DID know was that I needed help bringing the songs to life on stage. Then I met Josh, a kid with no plan B. He lived and breathed plan A: music. And I liked that he beat the crap out of his instrument. Then we played shows, all kinds of shows. It never really was discussed, we just knew we had no choice but to play with as much conviction for 5 people as we would for 5,000. We wanted our shows to be more about others than about ourselves, creating an unpredictable but always beautiful dance with the people in the crowd. Honesty and authenticity works, and, as it turns out, people wanna be a part of that. 9,765. Turns out it doesn’t take a million likes to get the music industry’s attention. On November 19th, 2011, we played in front of a sold out hometown for 1700 of our most dedicated fans in Columbus, Ohio. A few years of hard work materialized into one night, our fans were the first local fan base to ever sell the place out to that capacity. I don’t know exactly how it happened, but after that night people from 'the industry’ started asking the question, ‘What’s going on in Ohio?’ The next 3 months were the craziest months of our lives. Out of nowhere, we had a dozen labels interested in our small local band, taking us completely off guard. We had questions: Would we lose creative control? Would we be turned into something we are not? Can we keep doing what we are doing, the way we were doing it? Are we selling out? Encouraged by the answers to those questions, we signed a record deal called Fueled By Ramen. A record deal! Tonight, 5 months later, we are back in Columbus to explain the incredible news to the people who deserve to hear it first. But it’s just the beginning. We cannot wait to see what the future holds for us and our fans. And to them we say: We never got a big break. You created our big break. Thank you. So if you are pursuing your dreams, pursuing what it is you are passionate about, I hope this story encourages you. And if you know someone who is, encourage them with this: Don’t give up. Push through the droughts. Channel the inevitable disappointments back into your craft. Break molds. Think. Create. But most importantly: Stay alive. And in the meantime, make it about others. That seems to work. Stay strong, live on, and power to the local dreamer.

Tyler Joseph, after being signed by Fueled by Ramen with Josh Dun. (via youareoutofmymind)

[happinesswitheverybite]

IT REALLY SUCKS THAT NO ONE THINKS YOU’RE STRUGGLING UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE DYING ON THE OUTSIDE.

[thegoodvybe]

Once, there was a girl who vowed she would save everyone in the world, but forgot herself.

Holly Black, The Darkest Part of the Forest (via thegoodvybe)

[thenamesjocelyn]

[jatel0-deactivated20150421]

For The Masses:

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http://forums.mvgroup.org

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More Here

[keomoto-deactivated20141214]

no one coulda reblogged this a month ago when i spent 500

[kreativegeenius]

momentsbymarcus

[trappunzelll]

Look at KB coming through

[kimreesesdaughter]

Every time you see this, reblog it. There is always someone in college that will see this.

[samcaaa]

Heart Heavy As A Fist,

March 14, 2013

In the black light of the kitchen, the fridge is empty except for half

of a sanguinella blood orange, rotting slowly in its tupperware container

on the top shelf. Two weeks ago I asked why he hadn’t bought the pasta,

linguine with mint basil, like I told him to, and his fist slammed me

in the solar plexus so hard I thought a black hole had opened up inside

my stomach. This feeling is like drowning, like rising slowly from the bottom

of the water to the cool skin of the surface, trying to break through,

a hand at the top reaching down through the thick layer of ice,

the fingers grasping feebly for one another but never meeting.

I become an expert at applying concealer in ten minutes or less;

CoverGirl always knows exactly what shade will hide black eyes.

Once he slammed me up against the door until the grain

burned across my back like sandpaper; even now you can still see

the pattern on my spine. My mother asks where I got the new bracelet.

No, mom, those are bruises that are encircling my wrist.

They cost more than any 50-carat diamond.

And there are always chrysanthemums afterward, wrapped in foil

just the way I like them, slurred phone calls in the middle of work

full of stuttering apologies. They always include the words never again.

I thought about leaving, once.

But the map of our neighborhood, his copy, was already circled in red

for all the places I could possibly go.

[samcaaa]

That was what was so crazy about him. He didn’t even see it. He didn’t see how crazy she was about him. He didn’t see how her eyes glazed over when he spoke. He didn’t see her fixing her hair when he approached or her biting her lip when she saw him. Her stomach flipped at the sound of his name. He was her hamartia, her fatal flaw. She ached for his touch and craved his presence. She was content just to be in the same room as him, to breathe the same air. All she wanted was to see him every day for the rest of her life. Because that’s what love was to her – a consistent North Star in the changing tides of her life. She was a sailor, and he was her guiding light.

Somewhere on instagram // 

[samcaaa]

For those who call brown eyes boring,

You know how when you mix a bunch of different colours together and it turns brown? Like paint or pencils. I guess the darkness of brown eyes is just a mixture of all that someone has to offer to the world, and all that someone has received from the world. In a metaphorical sense that is. Like all of the stories; the laughs, and the potential in someone, it all shows through in those brown eyes. All the moments that make someone love like, or question it, all of this, shines through those deep brown pools. I promise you, brown eyes aren’t boring.

-somewhere on instagram //

[samcaaa]

“Have you ever fallen in love?” I asked her, crushing the remaining ashes of my cigarette against the side of the worn brick building. She opened her mouth like she was about to say something, then shut it again and sighed. She kicked some of the rocks away from the sidewalk. It seemed like hours went by before she finally decided to speak. “Once,” she finally replied, “But it didn’t work out. It never does.” “Why not?” She looked out to the train tracks, “Because once you’ve fallen, you know you’re fucked.

trashedsociety // instagram