PointlessPerfection

The reason why you hate me is cause you're secretly obsessed with me. Dare not under estimate me for you have no idea what you're in for. A girl that's just tryin' to get it right.

[sandystones]

Keep you by yours truly.

I’m not gonna lie, I think you broke me a little.

It's not because I fell in love with you, or maybe just not yet.

But I did fall in love with the stranger that I met.

I loved how you made me feel.

You made me feel alive after so long.

But what I do love the most is the me that I was with you.

I loved getting to know the you that not a lot of people get to see.

I loved getting to know the demons in your head, looking through the darkness of your soul.

I loved floating in the deepness of your eyes and basking in the comfort of your lips.

And most of all, I loved being able to feel the  gentle tenderness of your touch and genuine energy of your tainted heart.

The same way that I love how you've awaken something inside me, a side of me I didn't even know existed.

Uncertainty covers the decision now of whether it must die along with the us that could have been.

I think that's why it hurt a little.

Knowing that we owned each other, even when we didn't.

Knowing that we had each other even, thought we couldn't.

Knowing it was you and me even, though it wasn't.

For what it’s worth, I did love you.

I'm the type that feels too much, and yes, so soon.

Because that is what happens after you've found a friend.

You free your soul, even if it aims for the moon. 

What I Ioved was the being that was you.

Because even if for one microsecond in time, we were exactly what each other needed.

That even for a quick cosmic milisecond in the galaxy, the universe aligned for us.

And even for one universal second of this uncertain existence, we found peace in each other in the chaos we created. 

It isn't the romantic kind of love, or maybe just not yet.

But that's probably what cuts deep.

The unadulterated, uninhibited vulnerability.

And that's what I wanted to keep.

To others, this might sound so dark, but to me it was was so beautiful.

The connection was beautiful.

The unknown was beautiful.

Whatever it was was beautiful.

You're definitely one of the few chosen ones, my boo.

And that is why I'm willing to keep you.

[sandystones]

Let’s…

Go on late-night drives and discover new places. Go on a road trip, sleep and eat in the car while we travel to our favorite destinations. Stop to admire the view, walk around an unfamiliar street, or try a local bar where we get to meet new people —or not because we could just spend more time together. Visit museums and try out local street food. Camp on a beach or in an island and cuddle next to a bonfire. Jump off a cliff and enjoy the cool blue waters. Chase sunsets, and then welcome sunrises. Spend hours lying in the sand while enjoying the freshest tropical fruits. Listen to the waves as we lay under the palm trees and feel the ocean breeze. Run through a forest, and chase fog. Watch the night sky while enjoying the sound of the sea. Climb mountains, and watch the clouds. Sleep in a tent or at the back of a pickup, or in a treehouse surrounded by nature. Get drunk with laughter and indulge in bliss.

Take pictures —both nice and silly ones— and make beautiful memories.

Live in the moment and just be…

[sandystones]

…and just like that you made me lose my #breath.

The taste of your lips — I can’t #recall. The scent of your perfume that I liked — but cannot remember. I could still smell you on my shirt that night when I went #home, but alas, I, too, cannot #remember. This #longing, it’s like a #paradox. The #feeling of something #different, the rush when you were with me. The #adrenaline, not knowing what lies ahead. The #chase. It’s #addicting. You’re #addictive. But there’s no #memory there. Not even of your face. Just your lips and how you kissed mine. Because just like you, everything fades away. Like the smoke I breathe out, I get a hint of flavour. A bit of taste but that‘s about it. And then I go for another one hoping it lasts a bit longer. But that, too, just disappears. It’s only there for a moment and then the second it’s out, it’s gone. The #moment has passed and then it’s lost. Just like you, #gone forever.

[sandystones]

The difference... 02/24/2020

Sometimes being #alone is a good thing. Even if it's just for a few minutes, or just a #moment in time. ⏳

It gives you a chance to think. It allows you to reflect. It allows you to release your #inhibitions and just take #photos of yourself. Lol. 📸

When you're #young, you can do anything and go anywhere almost at an instant. You're allowed to be #reckless.

You're allowed to be #free. 🦅

Your biggest issue is probably #money. But then again, even that's not an #excuse to seeing the world. 🌏 

I remember my first travel to #Palawan. #Kidnapped by friends. Everything was set. 

I was so lucky. 🍀

I was  #depressed and couldn't figure out where to go and what to do with my life. Just living #young and taking advantage of my #freedom which is why I also just went. I was highly ”kidnappable” and I'm very #thankful that happened in my life. 🥰 I'm forever grateful. 🙏

Years later, here I am. In the same #island. In a different place —literally and figuratively. Still trying to get things right. 😑

I'm no longer reckless. I can't be, I'm a #mom now. 👩‍👦But time, #traveling with my hard earned money. 👩🏻‍💻Realizing how much #time has passed and it's all different now. Life is different now.

I didn't plan this. I still dont know where I'm going with my life and that's okay. But here I am, doing something for myself. #Independently.💪🏻

And so, as I look back, I think and say to myself; ”Congratulations, you're still here.” 🥳

[sandystones]

What do you see when you look at yourself?

02/12/2019

What do you see when you look at yourself?

Do you see the beauty that surrounds you or just the fate that awaits you?

When you look around and see what's in front of you, 

do you see the colors at an eye’s view or the shadows within you?

Take a breath.

Smell the roses. 

Do you smell the fresh fragrance or do you just think of the bruises?

Feel.

For a moment, leave all your thoughts.

Does this vision that you see feel real?

What do you use when you say that you see?

Is it the eyes that see or do you see through me?

The thorns, they exist and yet our hearts beat,

and the flame enclosed in your tight-shut eyes,

it burns so deep, even when you weep.

The tears, they flow and they’re not sweet,

along with every blood and feat.

And though our dreams, our inspiration churns, we know underneath, our heart, it mourns.

The waiting game is on as we hope to glow,

for if we were seeds would we even grow?

Motivation, time and heart, just to hear another no.

Is this really the world we know?

Just waiting for another show?

Our hearts on each stroke, on each note and every color,

Why do you think that the world is in our favor?

To most, our art is nothing but a tremor,

can’t we just say it depends on the flavor?

If we were the seeds that emerged from the soil, do we bloom like roses or do we just go?

If we were the heart that beats for a soul,

do we push even further when its time to say no?

How do we live in a world we’re meant to see, when we breathe just to feel and we fear not to breathe?

How do you show all the world what there is, when the words, they don’t speak and the eyes don’t see real?

Is it worth every tube, every song, and every sheet when you try to exhibit, the world will just steal?

Have you ever wondered about it all?

Is this the life we all wish to recall?

Is it really called living when we define it as to constantly breathe?

Does the air show you more than you should?

Does it make anything matter more or maybe less

Speak of the truth, what makes you so special?

The paint, or the picture, or the tangibleness?

If you seek the answer to what makes us humane, the answer isn’t found in the tip of your fingers.

The wisdom you seek is not in the cloud and it lingers.

The answer is also in a world we can’t touch and it's not as eternal as we read much.

Look through the eyes, through the eyes with the flames, and you shall uncover makes us truly human.

It is not just the thorns and the sweat, blood, and fire, but the impermanence of everything we have and we are.

We may all exist but a few make their mark.

With every piece of art, another journey we embark.

What do you see when you look at your self?

The beauty in front of you or the fate that awaits you?

[sandystones]

07/23/2018

Rain

Falling down on my head

It feels like I’m in slow motion

Sinking to my soul

Wind

Feel the breeze on my shoulder

Looking for that warm feeling

I self implode

I keep singing all the blues it never feels right 

Doesn’t feel like home without your love

Ever since you’ve gone it’s just so empty, will I,

Will I ever feel your warmth again?

Where to begin?

Where to begin?

I’m feeling so much pain, I miss your love

How do I live?

How do I breathe?

It just isn’t life without the one who makes me whole

Rain

Dripping down from my hair

I’m feeling so much emotion

Staring to my self

You

You used to be around my shoulder

Missing all that warm feeling

I’d just rather be in your arms again 

(c) Sandy Stones

[sandystones]

Notes from the past... 04/19/2019

Sometimes we lose track of what really matters, #ourselves.

We #work so hard to achieve the things that we want in #life, trying to get through our #financial #struggles, doing something we’re really #passionate about, winning at #parenthood and juggling with our other #responsibilities that we tend to forget to think about our #selfworth.

Sometimes you find yourself in situations where you realise that you’re no longer giving yourself the #value that you #deserve.

You’re no longer getting the same #motivation and you no longer work with the #strong #drive you once always had.

It’s easy to get lost in the #rush of things and it’s a #sad #fact that some people will definitely take #advantage of your #desire to be better.

They will advantage of your #reliability and #manipulate you into thinking that the things you do or should do will help you #forward yourself.

People will take advantage of you in #disguise of #help.

...and then you lose sleep for how many nights realising at 3am that you’re #worth so much more than that.

You deserve more than that.

The struggle kicks in.

Do you fight for what you’re worth or do you let this one slip just like the last one?

Do you burn the bridge or stuck with the #vicious toxic #cycle of realizing you deserve more when you’ve already got one foot #stuck on the quicksand and it’s a little too late because you’re starting to #sink?

Life is made of hard #choices.

Choose to #value yourself.

Know your worth and #believe in it.

(c) Sandy Stones

[sandystones]

She misses you...another note from the past. 01/20/2018

She misses you.

At night when you lay next to her. You don’t hug her anymore.

At random times. You don’t take nice photos of her...with her. Not anymore.

At the first sight of light. You don’t kiss her and say good morning anymore.

On social media. She used to always be there. Covers. Comments. Posts. Wallpapers. Photo stream. No. She doesn’t seem to exist anymore.

On a bad day. You don’t comfort her anymore.

On a good day. You don’t compliment or rejoice with her or for her.

You don’t bring her nice things and special treats anymore.

You don’t carry her or even hold her anymore.

You don’t surprise or celebrate special things anymore.

What she wants. You don’t do them anymore. You don’t seem to care.

What she hates, you don’t fix anymore.

What she needs...tender love and affection... you don’t give anymore.

The long text messages or random tagging to things you dream about.

The unexpected hugs and sweetness.

The small simple things that made her love you.

Those simple things that matter.

Those things that made her feel you loved her.

Those that should not have changed ever.

You don’t need money for all that. You just need love. You just need you. 

(c) Sandy Stones

[sandystones]

Sometimes I wonder if happiness really is a thing. Like will you ever become the person you once used to be? The one you have loved so much because no matter how hard times were, you were happy, free and "alive"? Once you've lost who you were, is it possible to go back to that same old colorful person? Well, sadly no. Even if you try, you will never be the same. Never that one same person. Never again.

Is it possible to be in love? Is it possible to be in love with life and all the small things? Is it possible to be happy? To be genuinely happy with who you are and maybe even with someone you've found or in some cases, with someone who has found you? Life gives you so many roads to take, so many lefts and rights and turns and all that, and you are left always wondering if you're at the right path. When will you ever know? When it feels right? But so many of our mistakes felt so right.

A note from the past... 3/11/2017

[limcarmenxo]

[sandystones]

This could have been us but I got pregnant and you’re fat. 🙄

[itallstartedwithakiss]

[asnn-7]

it’s attractive when you get the same effort you give

[sandystones]

How can you miss someone who was never really yours? Life is cruel that way, huh?

[qvotable]

“How amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”

— Nina LaCour // Hold Still

[sandystones]

When I dream about you, that’s when everythings alright. Because maybe the first one never really dies. And you miss the love. But that’s about it. You can do nothing but miss...

[2am-spilledink]

“Here I am trying to think of a million beautiful ways to say that I am lonely— but this is not beautiful . This is pain, and suffering, and sadness, and loss. This is loneliness.”

— 2am

[2am-spilledink]

“And so I drink, I drink until the bottle is emptier than I am.”

— 2am