sanjay

a fellow empath, struggling their way to make a mark in the world.

[sanjweech]

ok what has life become really OMG? it's been so many years since I was last on this app. I am going to try to use it as my diary now lol because why not?

Major updates, I'm shifting to a new apartment now. I got a job. I made some really good friends along the way and I am at my happiest point in life (pls don't spoil it, i believe in nazar).

I am on Testosterone finally!! And it's been 5 months. I have legally changed my name and gender on all my government documents and I am so proud of myself for making it till here. It has always just been a dream, something I would think of as an escape from real life - an authentic life where i would t have to hide who I was. And here I am today. Alive and living that dream.

I am going to therapy and my therapist is one of my biggest allies. She's a very kind person and I couldn't have asked for a better therapist. I'm going to tell her about coming back to Tumblr again lol.

In my therapy sessions we learned that I have a lot of trauma related to self identity and relationships (shocker) so my therapist asked me to write poems about my feelings (because i genuinely enjoy writing poetry and other creative forms of written art) so here's one that I wrote recently:

The Boy at the Coffee Shop

I went to a coffee shop today,

Sipping slow, lost in the day.

Calm and quiet, thoughts collected,

When something new became detected.

A little boy caught my eye,

In the corner, trying not to cry.

His eyes were wet, his face turned low,

A silent ache he didn’t show.

I glanced around to find who came

Perhaps the parents? Felt the same?

They sat beside him, unaware,

Blind to the pain that lingered there.

With tissue in hand, I knelt by his side,

“Why are you crying?” I softly tried.

He didn’t speak, just stared ahead,

Out the window, tears unsaid.

I asked again, my voice still kind:

“Why are you crying? What’s on your mind?”

He finally whispered, soft and slight,

“Because I cannot breathe at night.”

My chest grew tight, my breath turned rough,

The air around me felt too tough.

I gripped the table, knuckles white,

A wave of pain, a silent fight.

“Do you feel it too?” he said.

And I could only bow my head.

No words, just gasps I couldn’t hide,

Watching the waves outside collide.

But then it stopped, the choking air,

When I saw the mother smile and stare.

A scent of coffee filled my chest,

My lungs returned to peaceful rest.

But he- he hadn’t felt it yet.

Still holding pain, his brow was wet.

He clutched his chest, his lips were pale,

And tears from me began to trail.

I pulled him close into my arms,

Whispered safety, offered calm.

“It’s going to be okay,” I said.

He held me like the world might break,

He huffed and puffed, his cheeks went red.

As if his soul was still awake.

“Promise?” he asked, his voice so small.

“Promise,” I said, and felt it all,

The weight, the hope, the choice to stay,

And knew I’m going to be okay.

-SK

Yeah...that was heavy but it is also one of my most favourite poems I've ever penned. There is also one called "The Wise Man and the Fool" that I absolutely love. It's a very long one and honestly, I don't even remember the inspiration for that. It just came to me.

With that, I would like to go to bed because I'm moving tomorrow and it's going to be a hectic day.

I've been obsessed w this song lately so here's for y'all!

[sanjweech]

SOOOO IM BACK!

it has been a rough couple of months honestly and idek what to do with this Tumblr. I can't tell my cishet friends to follow me here cuz for some reason I want to keep this a secret. So i created another tumblr just today and yeah its going good.

I graduated college recently!! So yayy. I was genuinely giving up at several points but i pulled it together and finally at the end line. But now the real struggle starts. I have to look for universities, prepare for entrance exams, move out? I hope i move out i mean, i want to move out but if i don't get into a good university then i probably won't move out so there's that.

And another thing, i have started earning. I got an internship to write stories. Though I'm not getting paid too well, i don't wanna complain. I mean i do wanna complain cuz I'm working really hard and i deserve more but hey, i don't wanna come off rude and lose this great opportunity ykwim?

I started therapy and i haven't been happier. Things are somewhat getting into a better shape but there's a lot of ambiguity and curve ahead of me and i have to embrace myself for a very uncertain ride. But then again, that life right? I want to Live. Laugh. Love. Be better. I want to see the world and experience life and culture at its best. I know i can't go on a world tour but hey, a person can hope.

I think I will keep posting about the books I'm reading idk man. Idk what to do. Posting here makes me feel like I'm a celebrity or something. Main character vibes yk? I know almost nobody reads what I'm writing but does that stop me from posting random crap? No.

Okay then! bye for now <3

[sanjweech]

I AM GOING TO FAIL TOMORROW :(

Lol update a long future, i didn't fail. I graduated!!

[sanjweech]

IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY 2 DAYS AGO

and I got no gifts :)

[sanjweech]

So… I don’t know what’s going on with me anymore. Like I was 100% sure I was non binary genderfluid but- lately I’m having second thoughts.

Is it okay to re-question your identity? I feel embarrassed for not being so sure about it. I’m literally going through gender crisis AGAIN 😭😭

I don’t even know if I want to identify with one gender, even if it’s non binary. I just don’t know anymore. The one thing I am like very sure about is that I’m Pansexual. But my gender omg this is so frustrating. I’m so exhausted feeling this unknown feeling. I literally want to scream my guts out and like, just not have a body at all, but unfortunately I can’t do either of those and so, I have to suffer in silence.

But man, is it okay to not identify with something you thought you identified with? What if I am not non binary and it was a phase or a wrong understanding?

Please someone help me.

[sanjweech]

I HATE MY GRANDPAAAAA

He’s so dominant and does not respect my grandma or other women in the family. I HATE HIM SO MUCHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

[sanjweech]

Book update

I’m reading The Great Gatsby. I have it in my academic subject but I’ve always wanted to read it so, found an excuse now. I thought it would be nice if I tried to annotate and tab this book as I read. I’ve never annotated or tabbed any book up until now; and honestly, I’m really enjoying the process. Especially tabbing. I am pretty sure I’m not doing either of them in the right way but meh, who cares! In a few years I’ll look at this copy of my The Great Gatsby and laugh at how stupid and cute my annotations were 😂🧿

[sanjweech]

LIFE SUCKS!!!

[sanjweech]

Looking too good today?

Yes!

[reveszn-deactivated20231017]

the mental diet: beneficial to your manifestation journey

what is a mental diet?

a mental diet is essentially replacing your negative thoughts with positive thoughts. flipping the negative thought with the opposite, positive thought. do not think of this as a chore or some special routine. it is a way of redirecting/teaching your mind to create positivity. they are the thoughts you think to yourself, the scenarios you play out in your head, et cetera.

why are mental diets important?

they dictate how you manifest. they are an amazing way to improve your self concept. (note that changing your self concept is also very easy, but going on a mental diet can help improve it. again, this should not feel like a chore, or something that you must do. manifesting is simple and fun, these are just factors that play into the whole picture.) since you manifest constantly–24/7–this can help control how you manifest consciously to get your desires. mental diets are about what you manifest day to day unconsciously. once you learn about the law, you can begin to manifest consciously.

note: once you have accepted the law of assumption, you accept that your universe is a direct reflection/display of your inner thoughts. believing that “negative thoughts/states/beliefs don’t manifest” is a contradiction of everything. however, knowing this, do not fear your mind and what you can manifest! the 3d is malleable and changeable. anything created by you that you don’t want can be reversed. you always and will always have power over this.

how do i improve/start a mental diet?

1. change your thoughts. this may seem very intimidating at first; let me get this clear: you do not need to force yourself into thinking positive thoughts immediately. do not put pressure on yourself to fix everything instantly; you can take a more gradual approach if you feel more comfortable doing that.

(great example from a reddit user on this topic about changing thoughts gradually, day by day:)

i hate myself -> i am actually a decent person -> i choose to forgive myself -> i choose to heal myself -> i am getting better -> i love and appreciate myself day by day -> i am worthy and deserving -> i am powerful -> i am a god(dess)

you do not need to suppress your emotions. it is okay to cry, feel frustrated, and feel/express any feelings you might feel. just remember that this will all change and you can begin a new life of positivity, fulfillment, and peace.

2. be mindful and aware of your thoughts throughout the day. begin to ask yourself what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling. observe what you are telling to yourself throughout the day. tell yourself that you can change your thoughts, and that you are able to redirect them into what you want. try forming a habit of asking yourself, “what am i thinking/feeling right now? is this beneficial to me?”

3. try using the law to your utmost advantage. what you focus on grows. exactly like how you focus on negativity, the more you focus on positive and desirable states, it will grow and become your reality. before you fall asleep, feel good. you can think a happy thought, a nice memory, really anything that makes you feel good. do not fall asleep feeling angry or upset with yourself, fall asleep feeling happy and with an intention that you are improving every day. because you are!

4. self-love. be kind to yourself and do the things that make you happy. the mental diet is about you and you only. reclaim your power and put yourself on that pedestal. you deserve the world.

if things feel hopeless and bleak, continue to persist! if you repeat a bunch of intentions all day long yet also having thoughts like “i don’t believe this”, “this isn’t working”, “where are my desires?” “when is it going to happen?” “i don’t know if i’m doing it right” then you are still allowing doubts and negative thoughts. you change your beliefs by changing your thoughts, so if you want to get what you desire, then change every single thought that doesn’t benefit you.

in neville goddard’s 1955 lecture about mental diets, he tells the story of a young woman who was extremely frustrated by her employer. she felt like she was not valued and respected by her employer. this caused her to feel agitated and upset towards her work and her boss. 

she then came to neville with this problem, and he asked her if she fights with her employer all day in her head, and if she only thinks negative thoughts about her employer. the woman answers yes. neville then advises her to change the tone of her inner conversations. he advises her to think more positively about her employer for a few days. 

she did as she was told, and her employer became more patient, respectful and understanding. as a result, she started to enjoy her work as well.

if you want to change your outer reality, you must work on changing your internal conversations and your mental diet is an excellent tool for it. i wish everyone luck that is working on a mental diet. my dms are always open if you have questions, concerns, or stories to share.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

“X bodily fluid is just filtered blood!” buddy I hate to break it to you but ALL of the fluids in your body are filtered blood. Your circulatory system is how water gets around your body. It all comes out of the blood (or lymph, which is just filtered blood).

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

“Okay but why is it always so chemically roundabout and unnecessarily complicated” well buddy, that’s because your blood is imitation seawater. See? It’s very simple.

[badwificonnection]

Blood is what now?

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

It’s imitation seawater what part is confusing

[badwificonnection]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#are you telling me#humans are just sentient aquariums? 

Buddy if anything is living in your blood (except for more parts of you) in detectable amounts then you have a serious microbial infection and need to go to the hospital.

Humans are seawater wastelands kept sterile of all but human cells, with microbial mats coating their surfaces.

[badwificonnection]

Thank you that’s…very disturbing

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

It’s not my fault you’re human.

[apatheticshipwreck]

Ok but “It’s not my fault you’re human.” Is the best comeback ever.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

You can use it against anyone except children that you biologically helped to create.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#/blood is imitation seawater/ is the part that’s confusing 

Picture this: you are a Thing That Lives In The Ocean. Some kind of small multicellular animal a long time ago, before proper circulatory systems existed. “Wow,” you think, metaphorically, “it sure is difficult to diffuse chemicals across my whole body. Kinda puts a hard limit on the size and distance of what specialised organs I can have. Good thing I have all this water around me that’s the same salinity as my cells (they have to be that way so I don’t explode or shrivel up) so I can diffuse and filter chemicals with that.”

“Wait a minute,” you say a couple of generations later, because you’re not actually a small animal but an evolutionary process personified and simplified to the point of dangerous inaccuracy for the purposes of a Tumblr post, “instead of losing all these important chemicals to the water around me, how about I put it in tubes? I can keep MY water separate from the rest of the world’s water! Anything I want to keep goes in my water! Anything I don’t, I dump back into the outside water! I’m a genius! An unthinking natural trial-and-error process that’s a GENIUS!”

“Wow,” you think a great many generations later, “being able to have such control over such high concentrations of important chemicals is so great. Look how big I’m getting. I even have a special pump to move my seawater around, and these cool filter systems to keep the chemicals in it right, and that control and chemical concentration has let me grow so many energy-intensive, highly specialised organs! Being big is so hard. I need special cells just to carry my oxygen around now, to make sure my enormous, constantly-operating body has enough of it.”

At this point you are embodying a fish, and eventually, fish start straying into water with different pressures and salinity levels. (I mean, they do that since befor ehty’er fish, but… look, I’m trying to keep things simple here.) “What the FUCK,” you think. “My inside water is at a different salinity and pressure to the outside water?? How am I supposed to deal with that? I can’t have freshwater inside my seawater tubes! My cells have a set salinity and they would explode! I need to start beefing up my regulatory and filter systems so that my inside seawater STAYS SEAWATER OF THE CORRECT SALINITY even if the outside water is different! Fortunately, adding salt to my seawater is a lot easier than removing it, and I want to be saltier than this weird outside water.” At this point you beef up your liver and urinary systems to compensate for different salinities. (Note: the majority of fish, freshwater and saltwater, have a fairly narrow band of salinities they can live in. Every fish doesn’t get to deal with every level of salinity; they are evolved to regulate within specific bands.)

You also, at some point, go out on land. This is new and weird because you have to carry all of your water inside. “It’s a good thing I turned myself into a giant bag of seawater,” you think. “If I wasn’t carrying my seawater inside, how would I transport all these important chemicals between my organs and the environment?” As you specialise to live entirely outside of the water, you realise (once again) that it’s a lot easier to add salt to water than to remove it in great quantities. Drinking seawater in large amounts becomes toxic; your body isn’t specialised for removing that amount of salt. Instead, you drink freshwater, and add salts to that. The majority of your organs are, at this point, specialised for moving your seawater around, protecting it, adding stuff to it, or taking stuff out. You have turned yourself into an intelligent bag for carrying and regulating a small amount of imitation seawater, and its salinity (and your commitment to maintaining that salinity) is based entirely on the seawater that some early animals started to build tubes around a long time ago.

And that’s what a human is!

[elodieunderglass]

Well, there’s another few steps, of course.

Because at some point, operating along lines of logic that worked out perfectly so far, you did decide to be a mammal.

A mammal is a machine for adapting to Circumstances. A mammal is a tremendously resilient all-terrain life-support system, with built-in heating, cooling, respiration, and incubators for reproduction. Mammals internalise everything (grudges, eggs) and furthermore are excessively, flamboyantly wet internally. Sure, everyone’s a bag of chemicals; but mammals slosh. Mammals took the concept of an internal ocean and took it in an unnecessarily splashy direction, added aftermarket mods and a climate-control system,

and just to show off, you leaned across the metaphorical gambling table and said: “my internal ocean is so good-“

“Bullshit,” said the shark, keeping it salty (ha)

“My internal ocean is so brilliantly resilient, more so than any of YOURS,” you said, holding their attention with a digit held aloft, “that for my next trick, I shall artistically recreate the ballad of evolution as a performance. I shall craft a complex chemical ballet depicting the origin of multicellular life - using some of my own material, of course-”

“Oh, ANYONE can lay an egg,” yodel the fish, and the ray adds: “ontogeny does NOT recapitulate phylogeny!!”

And you’re like, “yeah no, it’s an artistic rendition, not a literal thing. Basically I’m going to take some cells and brew them up-“

“Like an egg.”

“Like an egg. An egg but internally.”

“Yeah,” said the viviparous reptile, “yeah, like, that can work really well. I’ve always said it’s the highest test of one’s chemical know-how. It’s a lot of work. And forget about support from your family - forget about support from your PHYLUM - all you get is criticism.”

“I’m gonna do it on purpose forever,” you said. “The highest chemical, thermoregulatory, immunological, everything-logical challenge. It’s gonna be my thing.”

“I’m with you,” said a viviparous fish, stoutly. “Representation.”

You kindly don’t point out, once again, that you’re planning to do this outside the ocean, in a range of temperatures; carrying the dividing cells in a perfect 37.5• solution of saline broth in all terrains, breathing oxygen in a complicated matter, you know, bit more difficult; but you need your allies.

“It’s solid,” says the coelacanth.

“But is it metal?” says the deep-vent organism.

“Oh, it’s metal. I will feed the young,” you say, magnificently, “on an echo of the mother ocean. The first rich feast of cellular matter, the first hunt for sustenance, the first bite they sip of our liquid planet-”

Everyone waits.

“Will be a blood byproduct. My own blood byproduct.”

Everyone looks uncomfortable.

“But,” a hagfish says carefully, “don’t you outdoorsy guys still need your blood?”

You cough and explain that if you stay wet enough internally and hydrate frequently, you should be able to produce enough blood byproduct to sustain your hellish new invention until they can eat your peers.

The outrage that follows includes questions like “is this some furry shit?” And: “milk has WATER in it?”

And you won the bet. “My inner ocean is such a perfect homage to the primordial soup that I can personally cook up an entire live hairy mammal in it. And then generate excess blood byproduct from my body and give it to the small mammal until it gets big.”

That is an absolutely bonkers pitch, by the way, and everyone thought you were a showoff, even before the opposable thumbs. When the winter came, and the winter of winters, and the rain was acid and the air was poison on the tender shells of their eggs and choked the children in the shells; when the plants turned to poison, and the ocean turned against you all; when the climate changed, and the world’s children fell to shadow; your internal ocean was it that held true. A bet laid against the changing fates, a bet laid by a small beast against climate and geography and the forces of outer space, that you won. The dinosaurs fell and the pterosaurs fell and the marine reptiles dwindled, and you, furthest-child, least-looked-for, long-range-spaceship, held hope internally at 37.5 degrees. Which is another thing that humans do, sometimes.

[sanjweech]

The best thread I’ve read in centuries

[edsrich]

ask away ♥

what’s your favourite memory?

what song(s) describe your mood right now?

tea or coffee?

sunsets or sunrises?

vanilla, chocolate or strawberry?

rain or sun?

is your first language english? if not, what is it?

do you like your ice crushed or in big blocks?

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

who are you closest to, your father or mother?

what time period would you like to live in other than your own?

is it hot or cold right now?

what is your accent?

has anyone ever saved you from a situation? if so, what happened?

who did you last hug?

who are your top 5 fictional characters?

how have you changed in the past year or two?

biggest regret(s)?

biggest fear(s)?

is your room messy or clean?

have you ever had a near death experience?

favourite scent?

would you survive a zombie apocalypse?

what lyric(s) do you love?

what do you like about yourself?

what would you change about yourself?

do you like your handwriting?

how do you like to style your hair?

what time is it?

what time did you wake up today?

what are your bad habits?

what was your first fandom?

burger or pizza?

do you have any unusual talents?

when did you last feel infinite?

when did you last cry?

who was the latest person to see you cry?

best movie?

best tv series?

have you ever wrote fanfiction?

are you happy?

do you really relate to your zodiac?

what year was you born in?

do you often find yourself jealous?

are you a fan of 80′s music?

what has been your most vivid nightmare?

what has been your most vivid dream?

have you ever had your first kiss?

what has been your most intimate moment?

do you usually start conversations?

are you superstitious?

what do you believe in most, ghosts or aliens?

what song(s) do you hate?

turn ons?

turn offs?

are you comfortable with talking about your flaws?

what are your otp’s?

do you have any bizarre experiences?

do you have a night/morning routine?

do you have a bittersweet memory?

are there any friends that you miss?

do you have an enemy?

are you a night owl or an early bird?

what is your dream job?

if you had to pick a fictional universe to live in forever, which one would you pick and why?

do you know any form of self-defence?

favourite planet?

do you consider yourself to be more masculine, feminine or a mixture?

do you rely on others or do others rely on you?

what do you think happens once someone dies?

are you a leader?

what question do you hate answering?

do you believe in guardian angels?

can you rap?

how do you stay warm?

do you want to be in a relationship?

how was your day?

are there any fictional universes you would not want to be in?

what fictional character do you relate to the most?

who hurt you last?

[sanjweech]

Reposting so that I do this here lmao

[sanjweech]

My parents will never know how many times they were very very close to losing a child but didn’t. They’ll never know that they were the reason for their child to be dead in the washroom with wrist spilt, or head smashed by jumping off the building. They’ll never know because the guilt in me would never let them. If I tell them that they are the reason I have no mental peace, no mental stability, depression, anxiety and every possible problem in the universe, then they’ll get hurt. And something in me can never live with that.

I don’t even know why I am living anymore. Yeah sure I want to get out of this abusive household but then do what? Earn good money and then eventually I will have to come back here to take care of my parents. They’ll never know that being good parents doesn’t mean giving their kid all the materialistic good and expecting them to be happy forever. Yeah sure this tactic would have worked if I were 5 years old but I’m not. And they aren’t in a place to realize that.

I don’t understand this basic thing, if they weren’t ready to be parents, if they didn’t plan this out, why did they even decide to have kids?? Just getting them toys and books and giving them good education doesn’t mean they’ll be good parents. They have done literally nothing other than give me materialistic things in life. Yeah I know they love me but love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship, whatever sort that may be.

When I was in my first year college, my super senior suicided. There were many rumors as to what could have been the reason. One of the most popular ones was that her family was abusive and she couldn’t take it anymore. Right now I really resonate with her and understand what she must have gone through. The pain must have been too much that she couldn’t keep going any longer. Perhaps I’ll be her one day, because I don’t know how much longer I can hold on to life.

In class our professor told us that just because your parents gave you shelter, education and food doesn’t mean you have to love them. Love and respect is a two way street. And now that I have said it to myself that yes, just because they gave me materialistic things doesn’t mean I SHOULD love them. I don’t. Yes, I do love them because they gave me all those things but as parents they have failed to raise a child properly. I’m not boasting, but if I wasn’t the way I am, I would have been dead years ago.

My only concern right now is, my life is over. The damage that had to be done to me is already done. I can’t be saved anymore. But, my brother, he is young. He is growing up in the exact same abusive household as I did. Watching him go through the very same shit that I did is just killing me. But I’m not able to do anything to help him. I tried to talk my mother into understanding that what is going on in this house is not correct and my brother will be having very serious mental and psychological consequences, but she never understands. I know he’ll be okay just like I am. I know he’ll survive this because he’s my brother, but he will be just as broken as I am, if not more.

Sometimes I think of running away. Moving out of this family and start fresh. But I alway stop that thought because at least now me and my brother, we have each other. If I go away, he’ll have to suffer alone. Right now even thinking about myself feels guilty. But I always have to forgive my parents because they are my PARENTS. If I don’t, then the guilt, the values and morals in me will not let me be. I think I just have to work with that because I kept forgiving my parents all these years, I don’t think I can anymore.

This, my mother, is the reason I don’t want kids. No matter how much I deny, no matter how far I run away, the fact that I’m her blood, will always remain. Which means there is always a chance that I will be a mother like her and even the thought of my child going through the trauma that I have been through is terrifying me to an extent that I made a promise to myself that I’ll never give birth or adopt. This is a punishment I give myself for being born in this family.

I kept pushing myself to get up every time I fell in the past years, just a few more and maybe everything will be alright. I hope so.

J.

[sanjweech]

So I’m reading this drama, “The Glass Menagerie” by Tennessee Williams and I’m actually liking it so far even though I’m still at the start.

The one quote I really really liked up until now is:

The apartment faces an alley and is entered by a fire escape, a structure whose name is a touch of accidental poetic truth, for all these huge buildings are always burning with the slow and implacable fires of human desperation.

This line somehow speaks to me. I’m looking forward to reading more!

[sanjweech]

RP CALLS

I wanna know if there are any rp accounts on here. I’ve been meaning to get back into Instagram rp but that’s been a little slow and I’m really in a mood to play right now. It feels so relaxed to be someone else even for a short period of time and just experience the mystical magical stuff of their lives. So yeah… if this post reaches to any rp hosting person then please hmu!

[sanjweech]

I wanna come home to roses

And dirty little notes on Post-its

And when my hair starts turning gray

He'll say I'm like a fine wine, better with age

I guess I learned it from my parents

That true love starts with friendship

A kiss on the forehead, a date night

Fake an apology after a fight

I need a man who's patient and kind

Gets out of the car and holds the door

I wanna slow dance in the living room like

We're 18 at senior prom and grow

Old with someone who makes me feel young

I need a man who loves me like

My father loves my mom

I want a road trip in the summers

I wanna make fun of each other

I wanna rock out to Billy Joel

And flip our kids off when they call us old

He'll accidentally burn our dinner

And let me be the scrabble winner

And when my body changes shapes

He'll say, "Oh my God, you look hot today"

I need a man who's patient and kind

Gets out of the car and holds the door

I wanna slow dance in the living room like

We're 18 at senior prom and grow

Old with someone who makes me feel young

I need a man who loves me like

My father loves my mom

And if he lives up to my father

Maybe he could teach our daughter

What it takes to love a queen

She should know she's royalty

I need a man who's patient and kind

Gets out of the car and holds the door

I wanna slow dance in the living room like

We're 18 at senior prom and grow

Old with someone who makes me feel young

I need a man who loves me like

My father loves my mom

I need a man who loves me like

My father loves my mom

[transenbyconfessions]

Pretty interesting how a lot of people came out / realized they were nonbinary during quarantine. To me I think it indicates how much of gender is about performance, and when there's no "audience" to perform to, it just goes away.

Or at least, examining how much / what parts of gender expression are really for YOU and how much is for what other people expect of you.