me at 15: when Iām 25 Iāll have my life together!!! me now: atā¦..45ā¦..maybe Iāll be doingā¦kind of ok by then

blake kathryn

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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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@sans-mots
me at 15: when Iām 25 Iāll have my life together!!! me now: atā¦..45ā¦..maybe Iāll be doingā¦kind of ok by then
i really donāt want to do any of this⦠i want to move into a cabin in the forest and chop wood and make soup like thatās it honestly
i donāt know why this is so fucking funny but IT IS
Tumblr is like a public space where I could just lie on the ground and take a nap and nobody would bat an eye
Therapists are justā¦. Common sense filters
Me: yeah so I just donāt have the energy to get up and make myself a sandwich or wait for something to cook so I just. Donāt
Her: why donāt you just eat the sandwich components without putting them together
Me:
Her: you can just eat a handful of cheese and some sandwich meat. You donāt have to make a sandwich.
Me:
Me: what
You dont have to make the sandwitch
Shoutout to the people who donāt think double texts seem clingy or uncool text me all day spam me Iām into that kinda shit.
my budget is a fucking mess. iāve got the spending habits of a victorian dandy on the salary of a medieval serf. iām living like post-incarceration oscar wilde with prime 2-day shipping
itās wild how my face/my perception of my face changes so much on a daily basis. like some days I look in the mirror & am like ādamn bitch youāre gonna start a warā & other days are like ādamn bitch not one (1) single ship would sail to Troy for youā
Hands down my favorite part of Night At The Museum is that itās low key the plot of The Mummy (1999) but like, chill.
Like Rami Malekās character isnāt like a mannequin come to life like the rest of them. Heās 100% a 3000 year old reanimated corpse. And everyoneās just fine with it.
He could just take the tablet and fully walk out of the museum and just live his life but heās a bro and would rather be a glorified docent.
my first attempt at a creepypasta (beginner here; go easy on me)
carpeted kitchen
not gonna lie chief if your stance on incest shipping isnt an automatic āew thats fucking abhorrentā then you will get these hands
āBut X is adopted so technically-ā
iām so in love with domestic sweetness.
cooking dinner with the one you love while they wrap their arms around you. taking quick kiss breaks in between folding fresh laundry. washing each otherās hair in the shower. giggling and rolling around in the fresh sheets you both just finished putting on. dusting while showing off your latest dance moves and having your sweetheart show off their vocals.
itās so comforting to have someone that you just enjoy making a home with. because chores done with someone you love isnāt such a chore after all.
when jeff goldblum understands makeup criticisms better than anyone iāve ever seen defending makeup in the name of self empowerment all in a stupid over/under interview
scottish twitter strikes again
me: tries to sign into my google account
google: this UGLY bitch just tried to HACK into your account. destroy all your electronic devices to prevent this
Sandra Oh in The Princess Diaries (2001)