Hewwo

🙄book 📚keeper⚔️i will kiss 💋your girlfriend🚯

[thebigqueer]

'don't worry, honey. i'll keep the home fires burning' gideon is genuinely pyrrha's daughter thats PYRRHA'S dna .

[makingtrouble]

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

[makingtrouble]

Actually I've decided this is a poem

[thebigqueer]

harrow and gideons entire childhood is so insane to me. absolutely hated each others guts to the point theyd beat each other bloody but they were the only kids around all of drearbruh so they had no choice but to want each other's attention and the only way they knew to get that attention from each other was to literally abuse each other. all that for them to go into adulthood and be all 'i am undone without you.' genuinely the most codependent toxic situation ive ever seen i need them to kiss for real so bad

[valtsv]

i just know there was a weird little girl in the middle ages out there stealing snake's eggs and putting them in her family's chicken coop in the hope of hatching a basilisk

[valtsv]

god i love the internet because if i said shit like this to people irl they'd probably just stare at me blankly but when i post it online everyone in the notes reacts like this

[podcastwizard]

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

[podcastwizard]

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

[podcastwizard]

folks you’re never gonna believe what i did today

[tinmate]

Yeah yeah Andrew is dead inside but he’s also really fucking funny? Saying Neil should go as milk carton with a Have You Seen Me poster for Halloween Looking over his shoulder when Wymack was looking at him to check if there was a third goalkeeper hidden somewhere Watching the ball sail by him without moving when the other team made a bad shot Calling Jean “Jean Valjean” Saying Neil’s learning curve is a horizontal line

Like come on, once this man gets away from his Very Bad Sophomore Year and gets some therapy and stable relationships he’s gonna be so funny

[energyprison]

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

[soapy-birblover]

I was inspired by the black-out poems made by @playing-with-colors and decided to apply it to the locked tomb series!

Palamedes my beloved

[zhoudadudugongjin]

Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.

I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.

[zhoudadudugongjin]

me everytime one of my seemingly non-specific homoerotic text posts breaks containment

[inthefallofasparrow]

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

wear the fuck is all the furry art of Smokey the Bear

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

literally he's a fat outdoorsy anthro bear in jeans who loves nature and has a noble job... this is a fuckable guy. where is his recognition

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

like I don't even want to bang him, that's not my cup of tea, but I'm offended on his behalf. this guy has to be countless peoples gay furry awakening.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

oh my god I used the wrong version of "where" in the first post and didn't even notice. take me out.

[lujinarchive]

Baby monk

[afcroyjamie]

[trigona-necrophaga]

Gideon the Ninth naming system notes appreciation post

[minyard-05]

My favourite aaron minyard fact is that he hates cops so much he's actively supporting neil getting to stay with the foxes and sides with the rest of his team when the fbi threaten to take him into witsec. literally less than 48 hours after this he goads neil into punching him in the face. he isn't mad about any of the mafia shit whatsoever that's not neils fault. aaron minyard is committed to hating neil josten solely because neil is a prick. and he's right

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

Sometimes I think about how one of the few things we know about M— was that she was an ardent supporter of reproductive rights. Even when the investors had already dismissed the possibility, she was insistent on creating a form of cryosleep that would not force anyone to terminate their pregnancies. Even 10,000 years and a memory wipe later, when it became necessary to steal John's genetic material, she still provided her own eggs for the child that would break the wards on the Tomb.

The Eighth House is the house of justice, the house of conviction. The house of a woman who demanded complete bodily autonomy, and another woman who was willing to die to save humanity. But Mercymorn and Cristabel Oct had nothing worth fighting for, just the lies of a would-be God and his endless, pointless quest for revenge. And so the Eighth House, Keepers of the Tome, the Forgiving House, have become empty zealots, fanatics of an empire. Fanatics who use the bodies and souls of their cavaliers as batteries without consideration or consent.

I wonder how Mercymorn feels about soul siphoning. I wonder if sometimes, right before she wakes, she remembers what it was like to believe in something true.

[paleonymy]

reading john’s narration in ntn is INSANE bc he’s talking about how he incited a nuclear war and began consuming the souls of planets just to say some shit like “you and i went full fucking hungry caterpillar” excuse me WHAT

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Abortion is good. Abortion is important. Abortion is a life-saving medical procedure and should be celebrated as much as we celebrate the existence and success of things like surgeries to remove tumors.