Tales of a Holy Fucker

🫢 guardian of secrets 🥝 I will maul your dad🤍 I have many layers, including fruitcake. 🫙been here over 15 years.

[sapper-in-the-wire-old]

[michaelnordeman]

I was inspired to grow sea holly after visiting Kew Gardens last summer, where I saw it absolutely covered in bumblebees. So, when I got home, I sowed some seeds. A few of the plants have done well and are now flowering for the first time. As you can see, they're popular with the bumblebees here too! Värmland, Sweden (10 july 2026).

[hotvampireadjacent]

[gondorrevealparty]

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

[gondorrevealparty]

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

[free-my-mindd]

[crabussy]

-> listening to a jaunty country style song -> hear the lyrics wrong -> pause. frown. go back a few seconds to relisten -> hears the same fucked up lyrics -> check the actual lyrics to see what it ACTUALLY says

-> oh!

[afloweroutofstone]

[animentality]

[holyfucker]

lettuce stand at the farmers market was absolutely packed lol

[bluebell218]

are you telling me.....lestat went to a store, and didn't just buy candy for trick or treaters, he bought one of those plastic imitation cauldrons to PUT the candy in. i'm unwell.

[bluebell218]

UPDATE. are you telling me.....lestat left a NOTE on his DOOR so trick or treaters know he's not home and he left them candy!!?? AND he decorated his porch with a skeleton??? AND he dressed up in costume for an event that clearly no other adults are dressing up for cause he just loves halloween?? lestat is never beating the precious bitch allegations, i fear his whimsy can not be contained. i'm unwell.

[messsssmer]

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

[fireknightqueelign]

thy mother

[messsssmer]

Art thou for fucking real

[heylittletomboy]

They Hacked Women

[bloodclotbitch]

[i-am-the-oyster]

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[paverics]

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

[systlin]

Getting down on my knees and thanking the humans who invented dishwashers and washing machines.

[ihonestlydontknowwhattocallthis]

InsNe that dishwashers are more efficient and easier than just washing them manually but they also use less water. It’s a win win situation

[systlin]

They ALSO sterilize dishes, due to operating at a far higher temperature than human hands could ever tolerate. It's a win every way.

[systlin]

Made this post about 15 minutes after the repair guy who fixed the pump on my dishwasher packed up his tools and left, as the dishwasher was whirring along doing my dishes from that morning.

He said the exact same thing, which I did not know before that, so spreading this knowledge.

[theburialofstrawberries]

really love this beat