Diary Of An Almost 30 Something

The truth is in the title. Except for the fact I recently turned 30 and I love it! Im navigating through life as a single girl living in her hometown.

[saraen87]

Welcome to the family sweet Kali!

[saraen87]

Kit Gets a Sister

So I've had my cat, Kit, since he was a few weeks old. He's been the one constant thing in my life for the last 9 years. And for the last few months I've been debating getting him a friend. He's slightly antisocial and I worry about him when I'm gone. I wonder if he is lonely and whatnot. So as I was cutting a gals hair the other day, she mentioned she fosters cats and had some who were up for adoption. I had always wanted a grey kitty. Mine was orange and he was amazing but I said the next one was gonna be grey. She told me she was getting one of her fosters back because the family couldn't keep her. Her name was Kali. I loved it! I thought Kit and Kali! How cute is that. I instantly wanted her and knew she had to be part of our family. I went and picked her up today and fell instantly in love. She's very affectionate and vocal. She so wants to be friends with Kit but he's not having it at all. She really has pushed the limits today getting ever so close to him. She seems fearless! Gosh I've fallen in love with her. I just hope her brother does too! I feel slightly bad though. I sat up last night thinking that Kit might hate me for bringing this other cat into the apartment. Like I was replacing him. How silly is that of me to think that!? It makes me sound a little crazy cat cat lady like. But in all reality they are my kids. It's just like if I had kids. I would feel my older children would hate me if I had another. Here's hoping tomorrow is easier. I work so I hope no one dies while I'm away.

[saraen87]

A few days ago one of my best friends had her second baby! I am still so over the moon for her! I made the 80 mile trip to go snuggle her squishy newborn and immediately fell in love! She looked just like her older sister! She was beautiful! As I sat there holding her I was immediately filled will sadness and almost regret. I was 30 and had no kids or a husband. Not even a prospect for a date. And that had always been perfectly fine for me. Except in that moment. I wanted a husband and a squished faced newborn baby girl. Sitting here now I realized how ridiculous that seems. Most days I'm lucky I keep myself and my cat alive let alone another human. I mean really though! I really enjoy going with the flow. Going to work and being happy with my life. I feel like a husband and family would cramp my style if you will. I know one day I'll meet the right guy and it will just click. But until then, I will settle for 80 mile drives to snuggle one of my favorite new girls!

[saraen87]

I mean…. how sweet is he!?!?💙💙💙😻

[saraen87]

On the eve of my 30th birthday this is a perfect picture!!!!

[saraen87]

30

I can’t believe I’m one day away from turning 30. This always seemed like such a far off number. I mean I don’t feel old enough to be 30. How can I really be that old?!

There are so many things that I thought I would have accomplished by now that I haven’t. Normally I would feel like a failure, but after years of therapy and learning to love the woman I have become, I can safely say that that’s ok. It’s not about the things I’ve done and haven’t. I’ve experienced so much and I’ve loved with all my heart. Those are things that no one can take away.

So many amazing things have happened to me in my 30 years. Not to mention so much has happened in my 20s. I look back at what I was doing when I turned 20. I actually just went and got my old journal and read what was happening the week of my 20th birthday! What a trip. I literally got my first kiss the week before I turned 20! Oh to go back to being that innocent. Good lord!

Here’s my limited time in my 20s!

[saraen87]

I've literally been in the worst mood ever today! Nothing could go right and everything was going wrong. Now all I want to do is end this shitty day but I can't even do that because I'm wide fucking awake! Someone shoot me already! I'm gonna loose it pretty fucking soon!

[saraen87]

The Three Loves

So I was scrolling through Facebook today and I stumbled upon this beautiful explanation on the love of people's lives. I had to share. This is to great to keep a secret. Enjoy. Thank to Kate Rose for her wonderful words! ~s It's been said that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime. Yet, it's said that we need each of these loves for a different reason. Often our first is when we are young, high school even. It's the idealistic love; the one that seems like the fairytales we are all read as children. It's a love that looks right. The second is supposed to be our hard love; the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. Sometimes it's unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. It's the love that we wished was right. And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually comes dressed as all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. It's the love that just feels right. Maybe we don't all experience these loves in this lifetime; but perhaps that's just because we aren't ready to. Possibly maybe we need a whole lifetime to learn or maybe if we're lucky it only takes a few years. And there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath. Someone once told me they are the lucky ones; and perhaps they are. But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones. They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love. But there's not; it's just a matter of if someone loves in the same way that they do or not. And maybe there's something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second...but there's also just something about our third. The one we never see coming. The one that actually lasts. The one that shows us why it never worked out before. And it's that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you'll stumble into love. #thethreeloves #katerose #mayitbeofbenefit

[saraen87]

Lazy Saturdays

So I’ve literally sat around my apartment doing absolutely nothing all day today. I seriously haven't had a day like that in so long.  It was much needed.  I know there is nothing pressing in my house that has to be done today so why should i force myself to get up and do things when I know rest and relaxation are what is best for me.   On a different note, my sweet cousin told my about this amazing blog that she has read forwards and backwards and said I had to check it out and boy was she right! Check our Jess’s amazing blog about her life and her sweet family here.  She’s got some amazing posts about everything! She is on my list of how I want to shape my blog.  I love that she posts about real life stuff. Here’s to hoping one day i can have a blog like hers!

Here’s hoping your rocking out your saturday like i am ! 

~s

[saraen87]

One Year Later

One year ago I was a mess.  My life was a mess.  I was at rock bottom.  I Literally picked up my entire life and just left.  Left my problems, left my friends, left my job.  I took a leap of faith.  I was scared shitless.  What was I thinking leaving everything I had known for the last almost nine years? Was I stupid? 

What I didn’t know was that my life was going to change so hugely in the next year.  I couldn’t have imagined such a shitty situation would become this wonderful thing I call my life.  I know that I was meant to be right where I am today.  Ive always heard people say that “if its meant to be it will all work out in it’s own way.” This was exactly that.  There is a verse from the song Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin.  It says “I’ve seen many searching for answers far and wide, but I know we’re all searching for answers only you provide, cause you know just what we need before we say a word,” I mean how true is this? God knew I needed to leave the toxic situation I was in and made a way for that to happen.  

That’s why i know that I was meant to be exactly where and who i am right now.  I suffered through some tough shit just to be this strong, confident woman i am today! Thank goodness I stuck with it! 

~s

[saraen87]

29 and Dating

So I’m gonna be real with you, I haven’t dated in a while! Like i know a year or so isn’t a long time but seriously it’s a while.  And i mean i had a fling this summer but that was stupid and doesn’t count cuz i was drunk and high for most of those few days.  Anyway, I seriously just went on a great date with a super nice guy and I can’t believe it.  It was perfect and chill.  I mean who doesn’t like to just sit and relax with someone and just talk and get to know them? I loved it.  I felt like I could be myself with him and I wasn’t afraid of it.  I was always fell like I have to measure what I say on a first date to try and feel them out, but because this guy and I have been messaging back and forth for the last 3ish months, I felt at ease.  I felt like things went well. I really hope things progress but understand if they don’t.  I do think it’s a good thing that I got a text from him just now saying he made it home ok and to have a good night, but what do i know?:) 

~s

[saraen87]

Needing Direction

I honestly feel like i come on my blog and look at it like “what am i gonna do with you now?” But for real.  I have no idea where I want to go with this.  I like having an outlet to just put down my thoughts and feelings but I feel like I need more.  I don’t like having so much structure though because I don’t have the dedication to sit down the same time every week or everyday and blog.  I like to blog when I feel it or have something I need to get off my chest.  I could never be a pro blogger, unless its all i did.  I am way too ADD(no offense to anyone who really has been diagnosed with ADD) to blog daily.  I will be looking at a few directions on where to go with this lovely thing.  But until then smoke on.  

~s

[saraen87]

Pet Peeve

Last year I moved about 80 miles away to my hometown. I have found how it's very hard to maintain friendships this far away but my good friends stay the same. I still have a few friends who see to think they can't come visit me and expect me to always come see them. I don't understand why now our friendship suddenly became one sided. Why is it ok to expect me to spend my money and drive my happy ass up to see you but you won't do the same. And honestly weather isn't a factor. Use a road map and a weather app on your damn phone and you will be fucking fine. Grow up you over 35 these are things you do as an adult. Rant over. Happy New Year!!!!

[saraen87]

2016

Where do I begin? At the beginning I suppose. This year had a very rocky start for me. I completely uprooted my life, quit a job I loved and moved home to live with my parents. I was severely depressed and just wanted to die. This was my saving grace. A month after moving home and landing a great job at a local salon my twin nieces were born! They are pretty freaking great! They are teaching me to be a better human being! 2016 also saw North Dakota legalizing medical marijuana! Thank goodness! Finally people who are suffering will have relief. It's been a slow process but we are hoping that early 2017 the industry in nd will be operational. 2016 showed me many things about myself. Things like, that I am a strong woman and I don't need a man regardless what people say. Or that I don't care about your opinion I'm still gonna do what I want when I want. Last but not least I got my own apartment! I've literally never been happier! I know people have been saying this year was horrible but I gotta say 2016 has been great!!! I only have a few weeks left of my 20s and I truly don't want it to end. I really don't know how 30 is gonna top 29! Bring it on 2017!!!

[wowsohigh]

[saraen87]

Christmas 2016

Merry Christmas!!!!! It’s been quite the weekend of family, presents and food for this girl! I can safely say it’s the best Christmas to date for this girl! I didn’t know I could be this happy! Simple life is great! We got a super awesome snow storm so I’ve been straight chilling and baking! Its been fantastic! Hope you all are enjoying your christmas as much as i am.  

Peace and Love 

[saraen87]

I sweat to you that Timehop is a blessing and a curse.  It’s great when 3 years ago i pooped but last year i broke up with so and so and wanted to die.  Thanks Timehop.  But seriously.  Looking at it this morning I came to realize how grateful i am for Timehop.  I mean for real.  I love that I can look back and see what i was doing or how i looked a year or however long ago on this day.  Its really nice that i can see how much happier I am now than i was a year ago! Ive grown so much in the last year.  I never thought I would be the strong independent woman I am today! Ive never been happier or luckier! I am truly blessed! So on this Christmas morning 2016, I look at my life and this last year and realize just how good life really is! Here’s hoping you have a wonderful Christmas and an even better New Year!!!!