Few days passed and Jay didn’t see her or hear anything from her after their last encounter at his house; he was healing well with the stitches, and he perfectly followed the instructions y/n gave him before leaving. Seeing her and talking with her gave him hope that something could have been repaired, that he may had another chance to make things right.
He waited eagerly to see her again and, every single day he passed at home to rest, he waited for her to come back and tell him what she decided to do. He was nervous, obviously, and two or three time every day he thought that she might have left Chicago without telling him, after all she took back all her belongings and she gave him back the ring.
Three days passed when she knocked at the door; he opened it and he smiled brightly when he saw her at the door frame, waiting him to open the door and to invite her inside.
“Y/N, you’re here…” Jay said, smiling softly; he immediately grabbed the ring she returned, and he tried to offer it back to her, hoping she would have accepted it. “Here, that’s yours…”
You looked at him in the eyes and sighed, shaking your head slightly.
“That’s not mine, Jay…” you said, shaking your head in disagreement and looking at him in the eyes: Jay’s smile faded away, a concern look took place on his face, his hand dropping the ring on the ground for the shock.
What did it mean? Why couldn’t you accept it? Why did you say that it wasn’t yours?
“W-What… y/n…” Jay stammered, trying to stay calm and to breathe regularly. It was like a nightmare for him and he didn’t know what do to, nor what to say. He just couldn’t believe his hears, he couldn’t believe you were really going to throw away years of happiness just for a small mistake, a mistake he did admit and he explained to you the reason he did it. He deserved a second chance, you both deserved a second chance as a couple, but you just wanted to leave him and forget everything that happened between you two.
“I can do that, Jay.” You shook your head, crossing your arms against your chest and looking at him without hesitation; you thought about it for days and you were 100% sure of your choice, you were sure you deserved better, both of you did. What was the matter? Why did you have to pretend that nothing bad happened and that you two were good when you couldn’t even look at him in eyes after what he did?
It wasn’t right for you and It wasn't right for him.
“Why?!” Jay didn’t want to raise his voice, but he couldn’t stop himself; tears filled his eyes and he sobbed slightly at the thought of losing you, again. He lost all his hope when he found out you left your job without saying a word to him or to your boss and now he was losing that hope again after thinking and believing that everything would have gone better between you two. He loved you; he really did, and he was sick with himself for what he did, but he couldn’t accept your leaving, he couldn’t lose you again without at least fight for you one last time.
“Because I don’t trust you anymore.” You simply said, shaking your head and looking at him sadly; you still loved him, after all, and even if you didn’t forgive him for what he had done to you, you couldn’t pretend that seeing him so sad and hurt didn’t affect you at all.
It wasn’t true.
“But trust can be gained again!” Jay tried to point out, trying everything he could to make you change your mind and trying to have another opportunity to make things right with you; you were still the love of his life and he couldn’t give up on you, he didn’t want to. He made a mistake that night when he had sex with Hailey, but he wasn’t going to let you leave without trying to make things right. He had to try, at least, or he wouldn’t have accepted it, he wouldn’t have lived with it.
“Not this time, Jay.” You shook your head. “Trust me, I really tried to find a way to forgive you and to return to be ourselves again, but we can’t, I can’t.” You explained, sighing deeply when you saw his glossy eyes and, after that, tears streaming down his cheeks. He had no rights to cry for you after what he had done, but you couldn’t be angry with him in that moment, you just wanted to tell him what you had in mind and leave Chicago again, forever this time. “Every time I close my eyes, I see you on top of her and I hear you moaning her name and telling her you love her.” You whispered, stepping closer and placing a hand on his cheek, drying off one of his tears. “As much as I love you, I can’t do it, I can’t pretend nothing happened and I can’t marry you, Jay.”
“But… I love you and I can’t live without you…” He tried to reason with you, but you didn’t want to listen to him; you had already taken your choice and you wouldn’t have changed it just because he was crying for you. If only he knew how many nights you spent awake crying for him.
“Well, you should have thought about it before fucking her, Jay.” You pointed out, shaking your head again. “I can’t trust you anymore after what you have done, after what I heard. You made your choice and, even if you’re regretting it now, it doesn’t change the fact that you did it. As much as I love you, I can’t accept this ring again and I can’t marry you nor give you another chance because I’ll always look at you and see you on top of her. That image will persecute me till the end of my days, and I don’t want to live like this and you shouldn’t want it too.”
“B-But…” He really tried to think at something he could have said to make you change your mind, but he saw in your eyes that nothing could have done it. You’d already made your choice and nothing he could say would have changed that.
“I wish you the best, Jay. I really do.” You whispered. “And maybe one day we’ll be able to look at each other and be happy again, maybe we’ll be able to be friends one day, I hope so.”
“Y/n…” He whispered again, sobbing and crying. “Can I hug you one last time?”
You knew that it wasn’t a good idea, but you weren’t able to deny it to him.
You nodded and you let him wrap his arms around you in one last hug, the last one as lovers, the last one for months, maybe years, maybe for forever. You placed your head on his shoulder, and you enjoyed the moment with him, trying to imprint that moment in your mind forever. You would have missed his touch, his scent. His arms around your waist. You would have missed hearing his breath and feeling his delicate touch on you, but you had to leave him, you had to let him go, to let your relationship go.
“I love you and I’ll always do.” He whispered in your ear before letting you go. He turned around, unable to look at you while you were walking out of his life.
Two years later you found yourself in Bolivia, working in an army hospital for few months; you wanted to change something about your life and you decided to leave everything for that opportunity. You knew how hard it was for people like Jay to work in the Army and you always wanted to help them in some way.
You didn’t hear anything from Jay for years, but you didn’t forget him or the beautiful moments you spent together; hearing how hard it was in the army from Jay and Mouse’s stories gave you the idea when you heard that they were searching for a doctor in one of their hospitals. You immediately apply for that job and, when you got accepted, you booked a flight without thinking.
When you moved to New York after your break up with Jay, you tried to make something good from it but you didn’t really have the chance to do it since then, when you arrived at your new hospital in Bolivia; you had to sign an immense quantity of papers to be able to be there, in which you confirmed that you had no military base and that, if something bad happened to you, it wasn’t the State’s fault but only yours. You knew the risks and you accepted them without thinking; you wanted to save lives and nothing else mattered.
Few weeks passed during your new job and you loved it without a doubt; you finally had the feeling that you were doing something good, that you weren’t just saving lives from people who shot at each other for fun: you were saving soldiers’ lives.
You loved everything about the new job and you wouldn’t have changed anything, at least until you saw him being brought inside on a stretcher.
You recognized him immediately and your heart skipped a beat, running towards him after few seconds; you were too shock to understand or process what was happening.
“Ranger Jay Halstead. He’s been shot at the chest twice.”
Jay was still awake when he was bought there and he tried to talk when he recognized you, but he wasn’t able to do it, he just coughed something, spitting blood.
“Y/n…” Hearing your name coming from his lips made you shiver, but you couldn’t think about it; you needed to stay focus and to help him, after all you already did it at Chicago Med at least three times when you still were a couple.
You did him an echography, trying to understand where the bullets hit him, ignoring him and focusing on saving his life; you couldn’t have been able to forget yourself if he died during your shift, under your cure.
“He needs a surgery, now.” You said, preparing yourself to do it there; before that, you lowered yourself onto him and you whispered softly. “I’m going to save you, okay? Stay with me, Jay.”
you watched him losing his consciousness and you immediately ordered to the nurses what you needed, without losing any other time.
After the surgery, you waited for him to wake up, staying by his side and squeezing his hand softly; he needed two hours to wake up and, when he did it, he looked at you for few minutes before speaking, catching your attention.
“I thought I dreamed you.” He whispered. “I thought you were a dream, I thought I saw you because I was dying.”
You looked up and smiled softly, relieved to know that he was okay and that you were able to save his life.
“Well, you were dying.” You said, lifting your eyebrows and smiling softly. “And I saved you ass.”
Jay chuckled, a moan of pain escaping his lips when he did it.
“Stop, you shouldn’t laugh right now… you should rest.” You shook your head, placing a hand on his arm and trying to stop him from laughing.
“I’m sorry…” He said, sighing. “What are you doing here anyway?” He asked you.
“I can ask you the exact same thing.” You replied. “You were the one that convinced Mouse to stay at the Intelligence instead of rejoin the army, and now I find you here in an army hospital.”
“I needed a change after what happened between us. I tried to be happy again, but I lost myself and I needed to come back here to find it again; I needed to understand what is good and what is bad again and I couldn’t do it in the intelligence, where there’s not only black and white but also a big amount of grey.”
You listed to him carefully and nodded. You knew what he meant; you lived with him for years and you knew that Voight had his ways to catch criminals sometimes, something Jay never liked about him.
“And you? Why are you here?”
“I needed a change, something that could give me some happiness… I wanted to do something new and I knew that the army was a possibility after all the stories you told me about; I wanted to do it too, to save the soldiers’ lives and look at where I am now…”
“But you didn’t enter the army, right?” He asked, worried.
“I’m here as doctor, nothing more.” You shook your head. “I signed every type of papers to be here, but I think I did the right choice.”
You both stayed silent for some minutes, embarrassed after all that happened between you two, then you looked at him in the eyes and you noticed something that you missed for so long: that sparkle. When you first met Jay in Chicago you noticed it and you fell in love with him: there was something in his eyes when he used to talk about his work, something that you didn’t see for so long, not even before he cheated on you. You thought again and again at his words and you asked yourself if what happened in the past was something he used to put in the black part but that, after working with Voight, he started to think at it like it was grey.
Seeing that sparkle in his eyes made you think at everything that happened between you and you couldn’t stop thinking that it wasn’t just the cheating.
Jay changed months before the night he spent with Hailey; your Jay left months before that night.
Talking with him after all those years and after what happened didn’t seem strange as you thought it would; on the contrary, it seemed natural and you both felt good, alive.
“I’m happy to see you again…” He whispered, squeezing your hands, and smiling. “I missed you.”
A/N: i didn’t say explicitly if they end up together again or not because i wanted to give you the opportunity to imagine it. There’s still the memories of what happened that night but, at the same time, she saw that sparkle again and she might want to give him another chance. It’s on you how you imagine things to go! I see so many different opinions about this story between Jay and y/n that i couldn’t choose just one of them. I hope you like it! Let me know what you think about it and thanks for your support!
One month passed after you left Chicago and Jay never gave up on you. Every single day, he tried to track your phone with Mouse, he tried to call you, hoping for your answer, and he used his power as a detective of the intelligence to find out if you used one of your credit cards somewhere.
For a month, Jay went home with the hope of finding you there, of discovering that you choose to give him another chance and every day he found himself alone in the house, with all your belongings still there. Sometimes he took out one of your t-shirts to feel your smell again and he discovered that he missed every single part of you. He missed the way you always prepared coffee for him too before leaving for work, he missed hearing your voice, he missed seeing your smile, he missed hugging you and cuddling with you on the bed before going to sleep, he missed your messages during the shift, and he missed searching for you at the Chicago Med every single time he went there for work.
He missed everything of you.
He missed you.
That day, Jay got home earlier after being shot on the job and he wasn’t prepared at all to find suitcases in the Hallway. He looked around and he spotted your ring, the one he gave to you and the one that was his mom’s before, on the kitchen counter, with a note nearby.
He walked towards it, and he lift the note to read it; there were only few words on it.
“Maybe you should give it to Hailey.”
Jay felt his heart skipping a beat, then he looked up when he heard something coming from the bedroom; he silently walked towards it, still shocked by the fact that you were there, you finally came home, and he finally had the chance to talk to you after weeks of silence. He thought he lost you forever and having the opportunity to talk to you was something he dreamed of for four weeks.
When he entered the bedroom, you were trying to grabbed a box that was high in the wardrobe, too high for you to reach for it. You gave up and turned around to grab a chair, but you stopped when you finally saw Jay in front of you, few meters away. He was still at the door frame, looking at you like he was actually looking at a ghost; he was skinnier than you remembered, and he looked like he didn’t sleep well for weeks.
You, on the other hand, looked beautiful as always. You were skinnier too but, besides that, you looked good.
“Y/n…” Jay was the first one to talk, whispering your name and looking at how your body reacted to his voice; you shivered at your name being said by him, the love of your life.
Even if you tried hard to forget him, Jay was still the love of your life and you couldn’t forget him or prevented you from reacting this way, especially when he was in front of you, as good as always. He was skinnier and he looked tired, but he was still beautiful to your eyes, even after what he did to you, even after seeing him having sex with someone else. You wanted to scream at him, you wanted to slap him in the face, and you wanted to go out of the apartment as soon as you could, but you were frozen and it looked like you couldn’t move or talk at all.
Minutes passed and there was silence between you two, then, finally, you found your voice again.
“You should have been at work…” You said, gulping. “Will said you would have been at work and that the apartment would have been empty…”
Jay finally found the courage to make a small step towards you and, when he saw that you stayed where you were, he made another one, stopping right in front of you.
“I got shot on the job…” he said, lifting his shirt to show her a bandage around his abdomen. “I got shot and they sent me home to rest…”
Even after what he did to you, you couldn’t help but being worried for him; you made a step forward and you placed a hand on his abdomen, worried as hell. “W-What? Did you go to the hospital?”
Jay shivered, feeling your hand on his body. God, how he missed your touch.
“It wasn’t necessary… It’s nothing to be worried about, Sylvie looked at it on the ambulance and said that everything should have been good.”
“What? Didn’t you go to the hospital for a full check-up? Are you crazy?!” You exclaimed, pushing him on the bed and looking at him from above. “Take off your shirt, I’m going to check on you.”
You would have preferred to leave him and leave your apartment immediately, but you just couldn’t leave him there without being sure that everything was okay; you lift your sleeves and you took out the first-aid kit.
Jay tried to repress a smile, but he wasn’t able to. He looked at you, happy to see that you were still worried about him, happy to see that you actually cared about him still, even after what he did to you. Besides, having you trying to help him with the wound would have been an excellent excuse to talk to you before you left forever, because he knew that if you would have left that apartment, it would have been for forever.
He couldn’t let you do it, he couldn’t let you leave, not if he didn’t have the chance to explain everything to you.
“As you command…” He whispered, biting his lips and finally taking off his shirt. The bandage Sylvie put on him had a blood stain on the left side of his abdomen, where he was probably hit. Jay moaned in pain when you cut off the bandage, kneeling in front of him to have a better view and placing both your hand at the side of the wound. It still hurt, but nothing he wouldn’t have been able to handle.
“It went through…” You whispered, looking at the wound carefully. “Didn’t Sylvie talked about putting some stitches?”
“Yeah, maybe…” He whispered. “ She said that she recommended them, but I needed to go to the hospital, and I didn’t want to hear Will talking about how reckless I am on the job…”
“Well, Will’s got a point.” You said, shaking your head and grabbing all you needed to put some stiches. “You’re lucky I have everything I need here with me.”
“I’m lucky I fell in love with a doctor…” He corrected you.
Jay knew that he went too far when he saw your face; he wanted to apologize but he was interrupted by a moan of pain when you started to put stitches on him, not in the painless way possible. You had put stitches on him before and he perfectly knew that you were better than that, but he didn’t complain about it, after all he deserved to be punished for what he did to you, he deserved to feel some pain after how he treated you, after how you must have felt.
“Do not say it again.” You said, without looking at him once. “You have no rights to tell me that after what you did to me.”
You stayed focused on what you had to do, trying to not think about him having sex with Hailey, an image that followed you in New York and that persecuted you every time you slept. You remembered him on top of her every night and every night you heard him saying that he loved her again and again.
“I’m sorry…” He whispered looking at you and smiling when he saw you biting your bottom lip, something you always do when you’re focused on something. “I wanted to talk to you and explain everything to you, but I couldn’t call you… I couldn’t find where you were.”
“Because I didn’t want to be found.” You spoke. “And I don’t want to hear anything from you; there’s nothing to explain. You slept with her for God knows how long.”
“That night was the first and the last one.” He immediately said.
“Liar.” You whispered, shaking your head and being rude with the next stich; you heard him moan in pain again, but you didn’t care. You were helping him even after what he did, and he still had the courage to lie to you? you couldn’t accept it. “Kim told me that you left work at 8 pm for weeks and I thought that you stayed at work trying to have a promotion while you were actually sleeping with your partner!”
“It’s true that I lied to you for weeks, but I never slept with Hailey before that night; we used to talk, just talk.” He replied, shaking his head and grabbing your chin gently, trying to look at you in the eyes.
“Do you really think I’m this stupid, Jay?” You spoke, shaking your head and trying to lower your gaze on the wound again. “And leave me, I need to look at the wound if you want to heal properly.”
Jay let go of your chin, sighing heavily and trying to think about what to say. How could he explain you what was happening in his head? How could he explain you for what reason he did what he did?
“I don’t think you’re stupid, y/n…” He whispered softly, looking at you when you finished putting stitches at him. “It’s true that we only talked for few weeks, I didn’t want to cheat on you, I didn’t plan it. I’m sorry, I really am because you don’t deserve this, you don’t deserve to suffer like you do, but you need to know what happened, so please listen to me…”
You didn’t want to listen to him, you didn't want to pay any attention to his words, you wanted to leave and you wanted to come back to New York City and forget about everything that happened here in Chicago, but you couldn’t leave without having a proper explanation. You spent weeks wondering it you had done something wrong that brought him to cheat on you.
“Talk…” You spoke, while putting back the first-aid kid. “You have five minutes.”
“Working in the Intelligence is not easy as I want everyone to think… what you see on the streets…” He said, sadly. “I needed to talk about it, but I didn’t want to put all of this on you; I didn’t want to add my problems to yours, especially since I know that working at Chicago Med it’s not easy at all. I didn’t want to add all the problems of my job on you, I needed someone to talk and Hailey was there: she worked with me, she was my partner and she saw everything that I saw. I could talk about job with her and I could explain everything that came to my mind, but I never, never actually thought about cheating on you.” He said, looking at you in the eyes and placing a hand on your cheeks.
“Then why did you sleep with her? Why did you tell her that you loved her?” You whispered, not understanding why he slept with her if that was the truth.
“She kissed me and after that I don’t actually know what happened, it happened too fast. I know that I messed up everything and I have no excuses. That night I was with her because I tried to help a little girl that was kidnapped, but she was shot in front of me and she died in my arms. I was too shocked, it was too much, especially when I had to tell her parents that I couldn’t save her.” He said, looking down at the floor. “When I told her that I loved her, I was actually thinking about you and, when we finished I… I couldn’t look at her… I came home and I was actually thinking about telling you everything the next morning, but you weren’t there. I was so worried that something bad happened to you that I was out of my mind.”
You listened to him carefully, then you got up and you cover your face behind your hands, confused. What were you supposed to do? Why didn’t he talk to you? Why did he choose Hailey over you? Was it real that he just talked to her for weeks? Was it real that he cheated on you just that night?
You didn’t know what to think, nor what to do, you just kept walking around the room, again and again.
“y/n…” He whispered softly, getting up and walking towards you. He wrapped his arms around your body and he hugged you gently. “I’m so sorry… please, tell me what I can do to gain your trust again. I still love you, y/n, and I can’t lose you. give me another chance and I will show you that I deserved it. Please.”
“I don’t know, jay… i… I don’t know!” You replied. “Let… let me think about it, okay?”
When Jay got home that night, he went straight to the bedroom, without noticing your absence at once; he was really tired after the intense day at work and after the night he spent with Hailey. He was feeling guilty about it, obviously, but he couldn’t find the courage to tell the truth, he just couldn’t tell his future wife that he completely messed up with everything. He loved her, he really loved y/n and he didn’t want to lose her, even if she would have had all the rights to do it, after all he cheated on her, just few months before the wedding.
Jay was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realise that she wasn’t still at home; he removed the badge and the gun from his belt, placing them silently on the bedside table, then he looked around and he finally noticed that you weren’t sleeping in the bed. He frowned, looking around and trying to understand where you were; he couldn’t hear the noise of the shower and the bathroom’s door was open, so you couldn’t be there either. He searched the entire home, then he took his phone out and he messaged you, hoping that you still were with Kim outside.
He tried to not get worried, but he couldn’t help himself when he saw that the message hadn't been sent successfully; he stayed awake for another hour, before falling asleep on the couch, waiting for your return.
He woke up the next day, feeling pain all over his body because of the position he fell asleep with; he looked around and he got up, searching all the house to find you. The bed was still done, and it didn’t seem like someone slept in it the other night, so it was clear that you didn’t come back home.
He felt his heart skipping a beat because of his worry.
Why didn’t she come back home?
Had something happened last night?
Was she in danger?
He grabbed his phone and called for Kim straight away, walking all around the house while waiting for her to respond. He knew that it was still early in the morning, and he didn’t want to wake her up, but he had no choice. Y/n could have been in danger, something could have happened to her while she was coming back home, and he needed to know at what time Kim and her left the bar.
“Jay, it’s six in the morning, what’s happening?” Kim whispered when she answered the phone, seeing Jay’s name on the screen.
“Is y/n with you? Did something strange happened yesterday? Did she leave the bar after a call from the hospital?” Jay questioned her without taking a single breath. He just wanted to know if you were okay, if you were with her, maybe after drinking too many beers. He couldn’t understand for what reason you didn’t come home last night and he couldn’t believe that something bad happened to you or he would have known by that moment, his brother Will would have advised you.
“What? No, she left around ten pm and she walked away saying that she needed to do something… why? Did something happen?” Kim got up from her bed immediately, especially after hearing his tone of voice and hearing how worried he seemed to be.
“Fuck.” He exclaimed, shaking his head, still walking all around the house; he grabbed his badge and his gun, then he left the apartment without even reaching for his jacket. It wasn’t cold outside, but you definitely needed to have a jacket with you all the time in Chicago, at least till the begin of the summer. “She didn’t come back home last night and she doesn’t respond to my messages or my calls. I’m going to call Mouse and to make him track her phone, after that I’ll call Voight if I notice something strange, okay?”
“Shit…” Kim whispered, worried. “Tell me if you find out something, okay? “
“Sure.” Jay reassured her, then he hung up and he called Mouse instead.
He waited for almost a minute before his friend answered the phone, still in his dreams; Jay could tell just by his voice that he woke up Mouse and that he wasn’t really happy about that, but he just couldn’t wait any longer, especially if something bad happened to you.
How could he have been so stupid?
You were never late, he should have called Mouse and Kim the night before, he should have called them before to make sure that you were okay. What if someone kidnapped you? What if someone hurt you?
It would have been his fault.
It would have been his fault because you went out with Kim alone because he wanted to spend the evening with Hailey, he would have been his fault because he should have called for help immediately, he would have been his fault because he wasn’t by your side.
“Mouse, I need you to track y/n’s phone right now!” Jay said without waiting a minute.
“What do you guys have with tracking each other’s phones, uh?” Mouse replied, mumbling something about last night, when you called him.
Jay froze at his friend’s words; he pulled up and he parked the car before crashing into someone else, then he took a deep breath and he tried to stay focused on Mouse.
“Wait… what does that mean?” He whispered, afraid of what he could have discovered.
“She asked me to track your phone yesterday’s night… she seemed worried about you falling again into ptsd and I immediately tracked your phone. I told her that you were in your older apartment and that’s it, I didn’t hear from her after that.”
In that moment, all the dots connected.
That’s why Kim said you left earlier, that’s why he noticed the backup- key in the wrong position, that’s why she didn’t come back home and that’s why she didn’t respond to his messages or calls.
She knew.
She found out.
He messed up and she knew it.
Jay stayed silent for what looks like hours, even days for him, even if it was probably for just one minute or two. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice he was crying, not until he was brought back to reality from Mouse.
“Uhm… Jay, there’s a problem…” he whispered. “I can’t track y/n’s phone, it’s like it’s dead. Maybe she didn’t have the chance to charge it? But why did you need her location? Isn’t she with you?”
Jay gulped, looking outside of the car, looking at everything and nothing at the same time. he was like a ghost, he felt like a ghost, he felt like he was dead, like he lost all.
And he did.
If she really saw him with Hailey, he knew that he lost the love of his life, and all for what? Some sex with his partner at work? He said he loved Hailey, he always said it when they fucked, but while doing it he always thought about y/n, about the love of his life. It didn’t make sense, it didn’t make sense for him either and he didn’t expect the others to understand, that’s why he never told you or anyone else, even if he really wanted to after the first time he and Hailey had sex together.
“Jay?” Mouse asked again, worried when he didn’t hear anything from his friend for minutes. “Are you okay?”
“I ruined everything, Mouse.” He whispered at the phone, crying silently. “I lost her… I think she broke up with me… I think she left…”
“What?! What does that mean? She couldn’t have done it, couldn’t she? Why?” Mouse didn’t really understand what was happening between his friend and his friend’s fiancé, but it was clear that something bad happened between them since he heard Jay crying on the other line of the call.
“I cheated on her… I cheated on her and I think she found out… she didn’t come home last night, she doesn’t respond to messages and calls… I don’t know where to find her, I don’t know where to find her to talk to her and explain everything to her. She had all the rights to know the truth from me, but I can’t do it if I can’t reach for her.”
Mouse stayed silent for some minutes, then he had an idea.
“She works at the hospital, maybe she’s there, no? It’s seven am and she had to present her resignation letter if she really wants to leave Chicago, no? Maybe she’s at the hospital to do it, maybe you still have time.”
It was one last hope and Jay accepted it; Jay took it immediately.
“I’ll call you from the hospital. Thank you, Mouse.”
He hung up, dried his cheeks from the tears and he drove towards the Chicago Medical Center as soon as he could; when he arrived, he met his brother, Will, but he was too focused on finding y/n, so he ignored him and went straight towards Meggie. Before he could ask her where his fiancé was, Jay got stopped by Will, who pushed him into an empty room.
“Will I don’t have time for this right now!” Jay exclaimed, trying to get out of the room to find you.
“Well, you’ll have to find some time because I want to know why y/n presented her resignation form on a fucking mail!”
And that was when Jay lost his last hope.
“W-What?” he whispered, sitting on an empty chair before falling on the ground. “She left?”
It was too late.
He arrived too late.
Will nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder, and trying to reassure him in any way possible.
“What happened, Jay?”
“I fucked up… I fucked up and I lost her, Will.” He whispered. “I lost her.”
And it was true.
He lost you.
And the best part was that being a detective’s fiancé helped you to find a way to be invisible.
New phone.
Only cash.
Being a ghost.
You didn’t want to be found, especially not by him and, while he was crying on his brother’s shoulder about losing the love of his life, you were landing in New York city, trying to find a way to hang on, trying to start a new life.
You and Jay had been together for three years and everything looked good, at least it was ‘till the end of march. You didn’t know or understand why he changed his behavior when he was with you, especially since it all happened so quickly and unexpectedly that you just couldn’t understand what happened between you two. From one day, he just started to behave differently, coming home later and telling you that he was just too busy at work, doing some paperwork and getting his things ready for the next shift. He made it looked like he was just trying to impress Voight and for a moment you actually believed him.
You knew how much he wanted to become, one day, sergeant and to be on the lead of his own unit and you just wanted to support him in any ways you could; if he wanted to make a good impression in case of a new sergeant, you wouldn’t have stop him. Actually, it looked like Voight was having some issues lately, from how Jay talked about him after work anyway, and you really trusted him and believed him about his story.
Then, one evening, you decided to go talk with Kim, having some times together and trying to explain to her what you had in mind: Jay’s birthday was closer than you thought and you had to find a good gift for him.
“I need you to help me.” You said to Kim, smiling softly. “Jay’s birthday is in two weeks and i want to surprise him with a two-days holiday. I know that he spends a lot of time at the district doing his paperwork and trying to make a good impression in case of a promotion, but i really need your help. Can you please find a good reason to get him home earlier on Friday’s night?”
Kim was surprised by your statement, not because of the surprise you were preparing for him, but for what you said about him staying at the district till late.
“What do you mean that he spends a lot of time at the district to make a good impression? He always leaves before me, actually he arrives earlier to complete the paperwork he usually leaves at the end of the shift.”
You were confused, you were really confused. What did that mean? If he usually left the district early in the evening, why he came home every night after 11 pm, when you were already sleeping?
“Uhm… he usually doesn’t come home before 11 pm.” You whispered, looking at Kim while your mind raced through all the nights you waited for him to come back home, before falling asleep because of the tiredness of the day at work.
“Y/n, i swear to God that he usually leaves at 7 pm, 8 pm if we’re up to something ‘till late.” Kim said, looking sadly at you, while something you didn’t want to admit passed through her mind.
“But… it doesn’t make sense.” You replied, shaking your head slightly. “What does he do between 7 pm and 11 pm then?”
The girl just shook her head, looking at you sadly and placing her hand on yours, trying to reassure you in some ways. “Maybe it’s not something you have to worry about, maybe it’s just some stuff he had to do or, maybe, it’s just a bad moment for him. I remember he was like this when he suffered from PTSD.”
You nodded, but it didn’t make sense anyway. You remembered when Jay suffered from PTSD because you were always by his side, you were always there for him and you followed him step after step, trying to help him find his way out of it. It couldn’t be PTSD that time, you would have noticed immediately.
He wasn’t distressed like he was when he suffered from it, he was actually really happy and he was usually calm when he came back home.
It couldn’t be PTSD, but what was it then?”
“Sorry Kim, i have to go.” You whispered, looking at your phone and finding out it was just 9:30 pm; you had still plenty of time before he could have been home and you wanted to find out what was happening with your boyfriend, actually with your future husband.
“Don’t worry darling, it’s okay.” Kim whispered, smiling at you. “We’ll see each other soon, okay? Maybe you can come at the district one day and we can talk a little? Also Adam and Kevin missed you, you know. With all the preparations of the wedding, we didn’t see you around in a while.”
“Yeah, when i’m not at work at the hospital, i’m around the city trying some white dresses.” You sighed, wearing your jacket and placing some money on the table, paying for your own drink.
“I can imagine that. Don’t worry, really. I hope to see you again soon.” She smiled softly at you.
“I hope that too. Bye Kim, goodnight.”
You left the bar just ten minutes after and you immediately called the one and only that could have tracked Jay’s phone without a word: Mouse.
When he came back from the army, for the second time, you knew that it would have been difficult for him to start a new life again, especially after the first time. Jay helped him and, after some weeks in which he tried to convince him every single day, Mouse accepted to come back at the intelligence as a tech. It wasn’t an easy decision for him and it was strange at first, but he knew he had no better option and working with his friend was something he missed a lot.
He picked up the phone after the second ring.
“Hi! Look who showed up!” He smiled and laughed. “I was actually asking myself when you would have called me to give me the official invite to your wedding, you know? I would have asked Jay, but he i’m pretty sure is not as much involved in the preparations as you are, so…”
“Mouse, i need your favor.” You told him straight away. “I can’t find Jay and I’m worried. Can you please track his phone and tell where he is? And, can you do that without anyone knowing it?”
It was a strange request, especially since it went from you, but Mouse got it immediately and he started to track Jay’s phone straight away. He was actually scared for his friend, he was scared that Jay got into real trouble, maybe with the ptsd or something liked that, but there was no time for questions. He tracked his phone and he gave her the address after only three minutes.
“Thank you, Mouse. Sorry if i interrupted your evening. I have to go now and, don’t worry, I’ll handle the invite in person, okay?” You said, getting inside the car while looking at the address Mouse gave to you. It couldn’t be true, why was he there?
“Don’t worry, no problem at all. I’ll leave you now, i guess you’re busy… just, tell me if anything happened to him, okay?” He replied, making sure that everything was okay, making sure that you would have called him in case of trouble.
“I will, thanks Mouse.”
When he hung up, you started the car and you drove to the location he sent you; why the hell was Jay at his old apartment? Didn’t he sell it?
When you arrived at the location, you parked the car and you got out as soon as you could, going up the stairs and reaching his door just few minutes after. Fortunately, you still knew where he used to hide the key and you went for it, opening the door as silently as you could. The first thing you noticed when you entered was the emptiness of the room: there was nothing there other than some furnishings and still you didn’t understand why Jay was there.
Then, you noticed it.
Then, you noticed them: heels and they weren’t yours.
Your mouth became dry and you stopped breathing properly, trying to find an explanation for what you were seeing. You took some steps forward and your eyes fell on the jeans and t-shirts that were on the floor, all the way up to what it was Jay’s bedroom before he moved out. You took the hallway, starting to hear voices, moans you didn’t want to hear, moans you just wanted to be from your neighbors, even if you knew that they were elderly and it couldn’t have been them. Just at the front of the door, you saw them: panties and Jay’s boxer.
Your brain stopped working, you stopped breathing and your heart almost stopped beating; you just couldn’t understand what was happing, you couldn’t believed it.
You zoned out, like you couldn’t have been there, like you were just in a dream, a bad dream, a really bad one, then you came back to reality when you actually saw and hear them.
“Oh, Jay.” She moaned, begging him. “Please, faster.”
Hailey.
Jay’s partner.
“God, Hails…” Your boyfriend moaned, lowering himself on her to kiss her breast while fucking her. “I… shit… you feel so good around me.”
“Oh, J-Jay!” She moaned louder, unaware of your presence on the frame of the door, where you were watching them, without breathing.
Jay took Hailey’s legs and he put it on his own shoulder, increasing the pace.
“Yes, cum around me, baby. Cum for me, i love you.”
Surprisingly. It wasn’t watching him fucking her that destroyed you: it was his last three words, the same three words he said to you every morning before going to work, the same three words he said to you on the phone when he was too busy at work to come home, even if he was actually heading to his old apartment, when he was able to fuck his partner whenever he wanted to.
You stepped back silently, too broken to face the truth, too heart broken to face him.
You stepped back and you left without saying a word, without making a noise; you went back inside your car and only then, when Hailey’s and Jay’s moans were far away from you, you started breathing again.
Tears were streaming down your cheeks from minutes probably, but you couldn’t notice it before and you were too shocked to dry off your tears: you just wanted to add as much distance as you could between you and the man you thought was the love of your life.
You didn’t even went back to your apartment, you couldn’t have handle being again in the house that would have been yours,the house in which you hoped you would have started a family with Jay. You didn’t go back to your apartment to collect all your belongings, you just left.
You left a message to your boss’ office regarding your resignation and you drove away.
Jannik was the one person who would have done everything he could to make everyone around him feeling good and happy; he was the one person who would have done everything to make everyone smiles around him. He was always so kind and gentle, he was always open to help everyone who needed it and it was like that even with you. Everyone would have noticed the good person he was just seeing him on the tv, how respectful he was with his opponents and with the referee, even if they weren’t respectful as he was.
One thing, however, that no one else except you knew, was that he was a jealous person, really jealous. Not in a bad way, he never tried to impose himself on you, he never told you what to do, what to wear or how to behave; he was respectful with you, and he let you choose for yourself, even if, sometimes, he did not agree.
Sometimes you just messed around with him on purpose, trying to make him jealous just for the fun of it; you loved seeing him jealous when someone else tried to flirt with you, you loved the way he just reached you as soon as he noticed, marking his territory, and making clear that you were his. You just loved that because you knew that he was jealous in a good way, in a cute way. He wasn’t like he didn’t trust you or anything like that, he just wanted to be sure that everyone else knew that you were his girlfriend, he wanted to make sure that everyone knew that they didn’t stand a chance with you, since you were taken.
When you argued, even for the smallest thing, you used to make him jealous on purpose, just to messed around with him, that day, was one of those occasions.
You argued just few hours before, when he refused to show you what he was actually hiding from you; you discovered that when you exited the bathroom after the shower, and you saw him hiding something in his pocket immediately. You tried to ask what it was, but he didn’t tell and that made you curious about it. What was he hiding from you? Why was he hiding something in the first place? You were together for four years after all and he never hidanything from you, like you did with him after all. You were always sincere to each other, and you just couldn’t understand for what reason he was starting to hide things from you now, after all those years together.
You tried to discovered what’s that all about, but he didn’t tell you, he just kept saying that it wasn’t nothing important and he ended the discussion like that, telling you to get ready. You sighed, but you had no time to argue with him any longer, that’s why you got ready, wearing your dress and fixing you hair and your make up.
There was this dinner with most of the Italian tennis player and you just couldn’t miss it, even if you lost all the desire to accompany your boyfriend after the discussion you had, especially since you were left with no explanations. When you arrived at the dinner, that was obviously formal, you were by Jannik’s side, and you stayed with him while he greeted everyone he knew. You kept biting your lips, smiling softly at people you didn’t know, trying to see if someone you knew arrived.
Then, finally, you saw Lorenzo Musetti with his girlfriend, Veronica.
“I’ll be right back, Jan.” You said, leaving him alone with a man you didn’t know. He followed you with his eyes all the way towards Veronica and Lorenzo and he immediately sighed in relief, worried that you were still angry at him and that you weren’t feeling good about it. He was relieved to know that you went to talk to Veronica, since he perfectly knew that she was one of your closest friends.
He looked again at the person he was talking to, while you greeted Lorenzo and Veronica with a smile.
“Hi beautiful!” Veronica said, smiling and hugging you at once. You smiled back, hugging her and also Lorenzo with a warm smile.
“Hi, how are you, guys?” You smiled back, looking at them. “Parenthood suits you.”
“Thank you, Y/n.” Lorenzo smiled, taking his girlfriend’s hand, and caressing it gently.
“How’s Ludovico?” You asked, smiling even more when Veronica took out her phone and showed you some photos of their child, that was growing faster then expected. “God, he’s beautiful.”
“Thank you, y/n.” They both smiled back, then Lorenzo looked around, trying to find Jannik. “Where’s Jan?”
“He’s talking with someone back there.” You pointed him, watching as Lorenzo kissed his girlfriend’s cheeks before walking towards your boyfriend. You sighed when you met Jannik’s gaze, looking immediately away and catching Veronica’s attention.
“Are you guys okay?” She asked politely, looking at you and placing a hand on your arm when she noticed how sad and concerned you looked. “Hey, what happened, y/n?”
“We argued.” You whispered, shaking your head slightly. “It’s nothing bad but... I don’t know. It’s strange for us to argue about something this stupid. I saw him hiding something from me, but he didn’t want to tell me what that was and… I don’t know, Veronica. It’s not usual for us to hide something from each other.”
She listened to you, trying to reassure you as much as she could. She didn’t know what to say to you since she didn’t know Jannik as well as you, but she tried to make you feel better.
“Don’t worry, Y/n, I’m pretty sure that’s something stupid. If you’re worried, though, I can try to ask Lorenzo if he knows something.”
You nodded and gave her a small smile. “Thank you, I would really appreciate it.”
Veronica and you kept talking about everything for a few minutes, before Lorenzo called her; she smiled at you, apologising, then she walked towards his boyfriend to greet one of his friends; you stayed there, watching Jannik talking with another man you didn’t meet before, then you looked around and you recognized Matteo Berrettini few feet away. You looked back at your boyfriend, then you walked towards the brown man, still angry with Jannik to just pretend that nothing happened. You were still too upset to pretend that everything was okay, that’s why you reached Matteo, that was alone.
“Hi Matteo, what are you doing here all alone?” You asked, smiling when he offered you a glass of wine he took from one of the waiters that were walking around the room between the guests. You accepted it, thanking him and drinking it.
“Hi y/n.” He smiled, taking a sip of wine. “I’m drowning my sorrows in the wine, it’s not obvious?” He chuckled.
“Oh, well we can do that together if you want.” You whispered, looking at Jannik for just a moment. You met his gaze and you knew at once that he was starting to get jealous, seeing you by Matteo’s side and not his own.
“Problems in paradise?” Matteo asked, following your gaze and looking at Jannik too.
“Yeah…” you whispered. “And you? Why are you so sad?”
“Oh, I still have to elaborate the end of my relationships with… well my ex-girlfriend now.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” You whispered, placing a hand on his shoulders and trying to reassure him as well as you could. “If you need someone to talk to, count on me.”
Matteo smiled immediately and lean out to place a kiss on your cheeks, in a friend way. You definitely knew that he was just trying to thank you, but Jannik didn’t appreciate it at all, especially when you placed your hands on his shoulder, trying to reassure him. When you saw Matteo with his eyes glossy, you leaned out and you hugged him.
“Do you want to go out for a minute?” You whispered, knowing that, probably, he didn’t want to cry in front of people he didn’t know very well, in front of people that weren’t his friends.
“Yeah, maybe it’s better.” He said, drinking the last sip of wine before following you outside, where he hided his face between his hands, trying not to cry.
When Jannik saw you hugging him that way and when he saw you two going out together, he just couldn’t repress his jealousy anymore; he apologized with the people he was talking to, then he followed you outside, trying to find you in the dark of the night.
You were by Matteo’s side when Jannik found you; he looked at you from afar, while you trying to reassure Matteo with some hugs and caresses. You kept caressing his back, consoling him while he cried silently; he was broken inside and he needed someone by his side, he needed a friend and you wanted to be helpful for him. You didn’t notice Jannik at first, but you couldn’t care less about it while Matteo was crying.
Jannik didn’t understood at first what was happening between you two: he definitely knew that you weren’t cheating on him or anything like that, but he couldn’t help but be jealous of Matteo, because you preferred to be by his side instead of your boyfriend’s. He knew you were still upset about what happened between you two and he thought that you were just messing around with him on purpose, to make him feeling jealous. And, if that was the case, it was definitely working.
Jannik wrapped an arm around your shoulder, leaving a kiss on your head and catching both your and Matteo’s attention.
“Are you okay, love?” He asked at first. Then, when he noticed Matteo’s state, he got worried at once. “What happened, man?”
Matteo dried his own tears, trying to stop crying. He looked up at Jannik and tried his best to smile at him.
“Don’t worry, Jan… it’s nothing important.” He said, noticing Jannik’s gaze and his arms around your shoulders; he wasn’t stupid, nor blind, he knew that Jannik must have been jealous of him and that’s why he just smiled at both you and Jannik. “Thank you for your help, y/n. I really appreciate it. I’ll leave you alone now. Thanks again.”
Before you could even stop him from getting inside, Matteo was gone and only you and Jannik left.
“You’re a dick, Jan.” you whispered, adding some distance between you two. “You don’t have the right to be jealous this time, especially since you’re hiding something from me.”
“Y/n, please…” Jannik tried to explain himself, but you were right. You didn’t know the reason why he lied to you, and you have all the rights to be angry at him after all he did. He didn’t want to tell it to you like that, but he had no choice, he didn’t like to see you like that.
He put his hand inside the pocket, looking around to be sure that no one was nearby. When you were still arguing about everything that happened, Jannik knelt in front of you, with a small red box in his hand. He waited till you noticed what was happening and, when you did, you were left speechless.
“W-What… Jan?”
“I wanted to tell you after this stupid dinner, but I can’t wait, and I can’t deal with you being angry at me. I know that I had no rights to be jealous, but I’m jealous because I love you with all my heart. I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you, I just wanted to prepare a surprise, I wanted to surprise you. I can’t live another day without you being by my side. I want you to be my wife, I want you to be the love of my life permanently. I love you with all my heart, y/n. Do you want to marry me? Do you want to be my wife?”
You looked at him, tears streaming down your cheeks.
You were too shocked to answer him, and it made Jannik more nervous after every second. He looked at you, fear in his eyes, then you practically jumped on him, wrapping your arms around his neck.
“Yes!” You exclaimed, smiling through tears. “Yes, I’d love to be your wife.”
He put the ring on your finger, smiling when he saw that he got the size right.
“Thank God I got the size right.” He smiled, placing a kiss on your lips. “Veronica helped me with that.”
“What? She didn’t say anything when I told her that we argued!” You replied.
“Well, I asked her not to… it would have ruined the surprise, don’t you think?”
You nodded slightly, kissing him again and caressing his hair gently. “You’re right, but don’t you dare to hide anything from me ever again. I thought you didn’t trust me anymore…”
Jannik smiled again, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, babe. I won’t hide anything again from you, okay?
“You better not.” You smiled looking down at the ring with glossy eyes. “I can’t believe I’m becoming Mrs. Sinner.”
Jannik smiled again. “I can’t believe I’ll be your husband. I’m the luckiest man in the world.”
“I love you, Jan.”
“I love you too, my future wife.”
“Oh, shut up.” You laughed when he called you like that, even if you loved hearing that.
“What? I’ve only started. Wait ‘till be come back inside, I’ll present you as my fiancé and I can’t wait to make sure that everyone knows it.”
You smiled again. “So, you’ll stop to be jealous? Because I actually love to mess around with you and your jealousy.”
“Oh, trust me I know it. And don’t worry, I won’t stop to be jealous of my woman, even if she’s my wife.”
I don't know if this is something you would write about? But could I request a Jay Halstead x female reader where the reader uses a wheelchair but sometimes she feels insecure when having to use it and Jay reassures her that it's nothing to worry about.
Insecurites
pairing: jay halstead x reader
summary: y/n doesn't like using a wheelchair and his boyfriend reassures her.
Warnings: none a guess
A/N: i really hope you like it! Thanks for the request!!
When your boyfriend was a detective in one of the most dangerous units in Chicago, you spent a lot of time thinking about his job, thinking about how risky it was, hoping with all your heart that he would come home to you again, praying that nobody would hurt him while he was trying to protect all the citizens. Every single day you prayed for it, you prayed for him to come back to you in one piece, you prayed for him to be by your side for many years again.
When you’re just a normal waitress, you can’t really imagine that you would have been the first, between you and your boyfriend, to be seriously hurt. He was the one on the streets, shooting at offenders, murderers, rapists, and serial killer; he was the one that got involved in shootings twenty-four hours a day, he was the one that risked his own life, not you. However, that day it was him who received a call from his brother Will, that was hyperventilating because of what happened to you.
When he heard the news, he rushed to the hospital immediately, without even asking for Voight’s permission: it would have been a waste of time for both of them, that’s why he just got out of the district, running towards his car, and using the lights and the sirens to get to you as soon as he could. When he arrived, he didn’t know too much about what had happened, he just knew that you had a car accident and that you were brought to Med, where Will discovered it was you.
When Jay discovered that you lost all your capacity to move your legs, he was broken. You were alive at least, but he just couldn’t be fully happy about that either because he knew that it wouldn’t have been easy for you to go through all of that. How could he help you? How could he tell you the truth? How could he watch you in your eyes and tell you that you would have never walked again?
It was too much for him, it was too much to handle. He was overwhelmed and he couldn’t think straight; he was happy to know that you were still alive, but he was really sorry and broken after the news. What happened really? Why did you got involved in a car accident in the first time?
“She was moved by a paramedic without the proper collar and the proper security.” Will explained when you got out of surgery: alive but as a paraplegic. “It was his first day and, when he saw her bleeding inside the car, he just pulled her out to be able to apply some pressure, but doing that he caused bad damage to her spine. I don’t want to give you hope, Jay, I want you to know everything clearly: there’s no possibility for her to walk again on her feet. I’m really sorry.”
Jay couldn’t believe his ears, he couldn’t believe what happened, but he had to. He needed to be strong for you, he needed to keep himself together for you, he needed to be your anchor from that time on and he would have done everything to make you feel better. He was so angry with the paramedic that moved you without the proper securities, but he just couldn’t be angry all the time: he needed to put aside all his angriness and he needed to be there for his girlfriend, for the love of his life.
Nothing between you two would have change, nothing would have changed the way Jay always looked at you, nothing would have changed the love he felt for you, nothing would have changed how lucky he felt for having you by his side. You were the best thing that ever happened to him: you were there when he had PTSD, you were there when he needed support after a bad day at work, as for example the day in which he killed a little girl while shooting at one offender, you were there when his best friend left Chicago to go back to be a Ranger and you were there for him any time he needed you to be.
It was his time to be by your side and he wanted to. He sat by your side, waiting for you to wake up, waiting for you to open your eyes again. He was the one that wanted to give you the news about your condition, he was the one that wanted to tell you the truth, being b your side while doing it. He was afraid of your reaction, and he wanted to make sure that you would have been good, that you would have accepted in the best way possible, even if it was hard to.
At first you couldn’t believe that.
You looked at Jay, shocked, speechless, hoping that he would have laughed and told you that it was all a joke, that he was just messing around with you, but you knew that it was the truth. Jay would have never joked about something like that, it had to be true because he was the one giving you the news and you knew that he was serious. You just pretended to accept it in the best way possible, trying to let Jay thinks that you were feeling good after all, even if you weren’t.
He had so much to be worried about that you dind't want to add anything else, you didn’t want to make him worried about you and that’s why you pretended to be good, as good as a person that discovered to have lost the capacity to walk just few weeks before. Jay was worried about that; he perfectly knew that you weren’t feeling good as much as you wanted everyone to believe. He knew that you were trying to hide from him all the pain that you were feeling for that, and he saw it every night when he came back home after work, seeing you on the bed, working at something on your computer.
He loved when you used to greet him at the door, giving him a sweet kiss on his lips and asking him everything that happened at work; he missed the evenings you used to spend together, sitting on the couch watching tv or getting ready to go out for dinner or for a drink. He loved when, coming back home, he saw the surprise look on your face when he told you to get ready to go out together and he missed it a lot. He missed his girlfriend, the one that was always excited to hear everything about his day at work, the one that was always happy to spend time with him, the one that was always excited to go out together.
When he saw you still in your bed, working on something ion your computer, he stopped by the door frame and looked at you closely. He was sick of that. He was sick of the new version of his girlfriend, and he wasn’t referring to the one that couldn’t walk, he was sick of seeing the love of his life emotionless. Because that’s what you seemed to be for all those weeks. It seemed like you weren’t happy, sad, or angry about anything, it seemed like you were just focused on the everything you were working on, and he was sick about the way you used to close the laptop every time he walked inside the room. Why were you hiding something from him? Why were you actually hiding your feelings from him?
He was sick of that and, that night, he didn’t let you be like that anymore.
“Okay, that’s enough.” He said, gaining your full attention and going on with his speech. “What’s that all about? Why are you behaving like that? I’m sick of seeing you like that every single time I come back from home: you’re always in bed working on your computer, you always close it before I could even take a look at it, you always seem so distant, and I hate it. The only time I can actually touch you is when you let me shower you. I brought you the wheelchair and I never saw you on that, like you hate it, like you hate me for buying it.”
You finally looked up at him, feeling tears in your eyes and trying to stop yourself from crying in front of him. Why were you like that? Since when you were afraid of being seen crying in front of him? Why were you so distant? Why couldn’t you be able to tell him the truth about how you felt? Why were you so afraid of telling the truth about all that?
He was the love of your life, and you didn’t want to push him away from you but, at the same time, you just couldn’t let him see you like that, you didn’t want to be seen like a victim or, worse, like a little puppy that needs help and that can’t do anything without help. Because that what you were after all, someone who couldn’t even wash yourself without help and, being unable to walk, left you without a job. You didn’t want for Jay to become your babysitter, because that how you felt after the incident, like a child that needs to be looked after every hour of every day.
And what about the wheelchair he brought you? Well at first you loved the idea to be able to move again in some way, you loved the idea to be able to go out from that house alone, to be able to have a normal life again but, when you saw your reflection on the mirror, you just felt sick. You wanted to scream, cry, yell. You wanted to break the mirror and you almost did it.
That’s why you never used that wheelchair when he was around, you used it just to be able to go to the bathroom alone while he was at work, and learning how to get on it alone was something you did hardly. You didn’t know how strong you have to be in your arms to be able to sit on a chair when you can’t move your legs.
“You can’t understand, Jay.” You said, trying not to cry in front of him.
“Then help me understanding it, y/n!” He replied, walking towards you, and looking at your eyes. “Because I can’t understand why you look at me like that, why you don’t even kiss me anymore. I’m your boyfriend and I love you, so why are you trying to let me think that everything is fine If it’s not? Why are you trying to add distance between me and you? Do you hate me?”
“What? No!” you said, shaking your head again. “It’s not that, I just hate being unable to walk on my own, I hate being unable to have a shower alone, I hate being unable to be sexy again for you!”
Jay frowned, confused. He looked at you, sitting on the bed just by your side and taking your hand in his, caressing it gently. “What are you talking about, my love? You’re fucking beautiful and you’ll always be.”
“That’s not true Jay! When you’re not here I use that fucking wheelchair and I fucking hate it, okay? I’m ridiculous on it, I’m pathetic!”
“What? No!” He replied, squeezing you hand gently. “You’re not pathetic, y/n. You’re beautiful and you’ll always looked gorgeous, even on that chair.”
“No, I don’t! I tried wearing your favourite dress, the one you loved on me and I fucking hate it, I fucking hate myself on that chair! I’m… I’m not good enough, I’m not beautiful enough for you… I can’t even look good for a night out… I tried, I really did because your birthday is in weeks, and I wanted to go out together but… now I can’t. I can’t go out with you like that.”
“Oh baby…” He whispered, finally understanding why you looked so sad. “You know what? Wear it. I’ll help you.”
“No!” you shook your head. “I don’t want your help only because you think I can’t wear it on my own.”
“Babe, it’s not because of that. I want to help you wearing it because I fucking love you and every part of you. Don’t you remembered I used to help you with that dress even before the car crash? I just wanted an excuse to do it, to see you babe. Because I really love how you look, especially in that dress you’re talking about.”
You looked at him, reddening.
Was he serious? Did he really wanted to help you just because of that?
When you looked at him and saw his eyes, you knew that he was damn serious and you immediately blushed; you sat, getting on the wheelchair that was always near the bed, ready for you to be used. You got on hit and you pushed yourself towards the wardrobe, feeling jay’s gaze on you. it was the first time he saw you on the wheelchair and you were nervous about it.
“You’re beautiful.” He whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Do you really think that this wheelchair makes you seem pathetic? Because I’m actually think that, instead of wearing that dress, I should take off the one you’re wearing right now, babe.”
You blushed and looked at him, then you notice his eyes and you stopped, feeling good at once. You knew that look and you couldn’t help but recognize it at once: it was the same look you used to see before the wheelchair and before the car crash.
You smiled, then you closed the wardrobe again, smiling.
“Then do it.” You whispered, looking at his uncertain gaze. You nodded and smile. “I’m sorry and I love you.”
“You don’t have to be sorry at all.” He whispered, walking towards you, and placing his hands on your cheeks. “And I love you too.”
He kissed you and finally, after weeks and weeks, you both found yourselves again. Clothes were left on the floor, and you felt loved and beautiful again, all thanks to jay, all thanks to the love of your life.
And God, you were so damn lucky to have him by your side.
Could I request a Jay Halstead x Female Reader fic. Where Jay and reader are married and they are chasing after a suspect when reader gets shot in the stomach. After surgery to take the bullets out, she feels like she's let Jay down and worries they will never start a family. But Jay reassures her they will have a baby one day.
Healing Process
Summary: y/n got shot in front of Jay and discovered that she might not be able to have children
Pairing: jay halstead x wife! reader
Warning: shooting, guns, blood, and angst. There’s also some fluff
A/N: I really hope you’ll like that! Thank you for your request because i really love writing this. Let me know if you like it, i hope it’s like you imagined it.
“Can you help me with the vest?” You asked to your husband, Jay Halstead, holding your hair to the side to make it easier for him.
“Of course, babe.” He reassured you, smiling softly and walking towards you; when he was right behind you, he adjusted your vest and he secured it, leaving a kiss on your neck when no one else was watching you. “The best part is taking that off, but i appreciate this too.” He whispered to your ear, making you blush.
“Jay!” You whispered back, looking at him with wide eyes. “You can’t say that at work, it’s forbidden! We both agreed to keep it as much professional as we could at work, no references to sex!”
Jay chucked, placing a kiss on your forehead and stepping back; he adjusted is own vest and positioned his gun in the holster placed on his right thigh.
He loved when you were angry and, first of all, he loved when he made you embarrassed because of his words. He perfectly knew the effect he had on you and he took advantage of that; when you reached him and tried to hit him slightly on his chest, he stepped back again.
“Come on babe, i’m just kidding!” He laughed, wrapping his arms around your waist and stopping you from hurting him; he hid his face between your hair and he sighed. “Anyway, tonight i’m gonna take that off for sure… we still have to try to have a baby, right?” He said, smiling softly and caressing your hips with his hands. He paid so much attention when he was with you, always trying to make you feel good, always trying to make you feel comfortable. Sometimes he messed around with you, mostly because he wanted to tease you and make you angry, but he always paid attention to your feelings and needs.
“Right.” You whispered, nodding slightly. You smiled again and you relaxed in his arms, even if talking about baby was difficult for you. It was three months now that you tried to get pregnant and it wasn’t easy to take those tests and, every time, discovered that you weren’t able to do it, you weren’t able to get pregnant. You really wanted to start a family with Jay, you just couldn’t stop thinking about a mini Jay running around the house pretending to be a cop like his father and his mother. It was a dream for you both, probably the biggest dream you had: starting a family with the love of your life.
“Yeah, i know. I always like, you know, the process…” you whispered, reddening. “But i’m also tired. I just want to got pregnant and i can’t understand why it hadn’t happen yet. I mean, the gynecologist said that there’s nothing wrong with my body, so… i wish that tonight will be the night.”
“It will, love.” He kissed your head again, then he let you go and he added some distance between you two, hearing Voight’s steps on the stairs. “I promise you that we’ll have a family together, but first of all we have to catch that guy, okay?”
You nodded , becoming serious at once. He was right after all, you were at work and you needed to be focused on the job, in the guy that you had to catch for murder. It was a member of a gang that decided to got revenge alone, avenging his sister that was raped by one of the rival gang. It was not an easy case at all, especially when you found the guy’s sister at the entrance, crying. She knew that her brother had took revenge on his own and she knew that it wasn’t right, that’s why she accused her own brother for murder.
It wasn’t easy to speak with her because she was the victim after all. She suffered two times: when she was raped and when she discovered that her brother killed her raper.
“I still can’t understand how strong she was to accuse his own brother for the murder of her raper. She was broken inside and, still, she chose to be by the justice’s side. It’s remarkable.”
Jay nodded, sighing.
“Yeah, i know. It’s not an easy case but we have to pay attention. Even if she asked us to not hurt her brother, we have to be careful: he’s in a gang, he already killed once and he can do it again. Don’t think about her till we got him, alright?”
You nodded again, looking at your Sergeant and the others, that were just waiting for you two; you adjusted your hair in a ponytail and you walked towards them, ready to go.
“Okay. First of all i want to remember you that we’ll have to be careful. I want you all alive at the end of the shift, am i clear?”
You all nodded, paying attention to his speech, that was never the same. Sometimes he just recommended caution and told them to came back in one piece, sometimes he remembered them that they’re all a family and that they had to be united. You knew that those were just words, but you always appreciated them, especially because they came from Voight, that always seemed cold and strict at first sight, but was also sweet and kind with everyone he cared of.
The address that the sister gave you was actually a good hint; you separated and you went to the back of the house with Jay and Kevin while Adam, Kim and Voight entered from the front.
“CPD!” You heard Adam’s voice from the other side of the house and you immediately approached the back door to open it with Jay and Kevin by your side. You busted it open and you entered with your gun pointing in front of you, then you started to check the house to verify if he was there or not.
“Clear!”
“Clear!”
“Clear!”
“Clear!”
It was actually very obvious that the offender wasn’t in the house when you entered, but the beer on the table was still cold and you immediately understood that he was near.
“It’s still cold, he must have left some minutes before our arrival.” You pointed out, looking out of the window with your gun still in your hand, even if it was pointing at the floor. When you saw a figure outside the window, you got closer to identify him, but he started running away after dropping a box of pizza.
“Shit, he’s outside! He’s heading north!” You exclaimed, running after him with Jay at your side. The others got back to the cars, trying to stop him from the road while you two kept chasing him by foot.
“CPD, stop!” You screamed, running faster with your gun still in your hands. You tightened the grip in it, not sure about using it.
Before you could even think about that, the guy, after hiding behind a car on the road, pointed a gun at you both and started shooting at you.
“Gun!” You screamed, turning around towards Jay and throwing yourself on him, trying to took him down with you, where you both would have been covered.
“Are You okay?” You asked him, worried. He nodded and you both started to respond to fire.
“10-1, 10-1. Shots fired at the police. We need backup at our location. Black male, blue jeans and green hoodie.” You said at the radio, letting the rest of the unit know where you were. You took a deep breath, then you looked at Jay.
“Cover me!”
“What? No!” He screamed, trying to hold you from changing position. “It’s too far from here, he will shoot at us. We’re safe here and the unit’s coming. Just stay here and help me, we have just to resist.”
You looked at him, at how he responded to fire again and again but it never stopped; you didn’t know how many chargers the offender had, but he had many since it didn’t stop shooting , not yet. You had to do something about it, you just couldn’t stay there, responding to fire in a very bad position. You looked at Jay and you knew that at least you had to try; you didn’t tell him what you wanted to do because you were sure it wouldn’t have approved, you just did it.
You run towards another car that was at the other side of the road and you almost made it, you would have if Jay’s hadn’t finish on of his chargers. There was just few moments when Jay took his new charger from his pocket; he didn’t know that you were in the middle of the road when it happened, he just turned around to ask you how many chargers you still had and, when he didn’t see you there, he knew.
The first thing you heard was actually Jay screaming your name, then you heard the shot. You fell on the ground feeling a sharp pain in your abdominal area and, after that, all over your body. You knew that you were hit right under the vest and you knew that you were bleeding, you knew that because it was too much pain for just a bullet stopped by the vest. It wasn’t that, you had already felt that and the pain you were feeling was much worse.
Jay finally shot at the offender and he took him right in the chest; he fell on the ground without moving the same moment the rest of the unit arrived; Kevin ran towards the offender, discovering that he was dead, while the others ran towards you.
Jay was the first by your side while the others called an ambulance for you.
“Babe, shhh… you’re good, you will be good, okay? The ambulance is on its way” Jay applied as much pressure as he could, ignoring the moan of pain that escaped your lips. He could not let you die, not between his hands, not because of the fucking charger.
“Helps is seven minutes away.” Told a woman in the radio some moments after.
“It’s too much, we have to bring her to the hospital now!” Voight said, looking at Jay and the other. “Jay, can you took her into my car? I’ll drive you two to the hospital. Advise that we’re coming with an officer being shot.”
Jay didn’t wait a second: he took you in his arms and he got you inside Voight’s car, with him by your side. Your husband never left your side, he stayed with you all the time, applying pressure to your belly, where you were hit.
“I’m sorry, i’m sorry but i have to do it, babe.” Jay whispered when you moaned in pain again, feeling his pressure just on the wound. You knew that he was just saving your life and that you would have done the same for him, but all you could think was: “please, make it stop.”
You didn’t talk, especially since you were afraid you wouldn’t have been able to do it; you were really tired and you felt the darkness falling on you. Jay’s words seemed so distant and you just wanted to sleep, just for few hours.
“No, no! Don’t sleep!”
You mumbled something with your eyes closed, hearing doors being closed hardly and feeling your body so light in your husband arms that you immediately noticed the difference when he placed you on the stretcher.
“We got her, Jay. We got her, okay?”
Will.
That was Will, Jay’s brother.
That was the last thing you remembered before the darkness won against you.
When you woke up the next day, you heard someone talking just outside your room; they seemed nervous and anxious but you couldn’t understand why. You tried to open your eyes but the light was too bright for you, so you shut them again, trying to hear your husband talking with his own brother.
“They had to remove one of her ovaries, Jay. The bullet hit her there and they couldn’t repair the damage; besides that, the uterus is still intact and the same is for the other ovary.”
Jay was just shocked. He couldn’t believe his ears, he couldn’t believe that your chance of becoming parents was fading away slowly.
“We were trying to have a baby, Will.” Your husband said, his voice broken.
“I know, i know but look, I already told you that. You can still ha-“
Before he could continue, you finally open your eyes and you looked at them, both didn’t know what to do or what to say. It seemed like Jay and Will saw you, that’s why they entered the room without finished the sentence. It was weird but you couldn’t blame them for that, especially since you just lost your chances of becoming a mother with Jay.
How could you deny him a family? Was it the best for him? Will he be happy with you even without your own kids?
It was all your fault: you should have listened to him and stayed right where he said to, you should have told him that you wanted to go again and you shouldn’t have just done it without consulting not only your partner in work, but also your partner in life.
“Babe, you’re awake finally.” Jay sighed in relief, taking your hand in his and caressing it gently. “I was so worried about you, love. Please next time just advise me before doing something so stupid, okay?”
Jay was really trying to postpone the time of the bad news, you knew that because Jay was so obvious, especially with you. He just couldn’t lie, he was too good for it, even for small lies.
“Did they really remove my ovary?” You whispered, hoping that everything you heard was just a dream.
Please, God, tell me it’s just a nightmare.
Jay got pale in seconds, looking at you with wide eyes and trying to think about something that could have helped you with that, that could have helped you feeling less worried about everything.
“Yes, they… they did.” He whispered, gulping.
You looked at him and cried, looking up at the ceiling. When he noticed how broken you looked, he squeezed your hand gently and he tried to reassure you.
“It’s all my fault, it’s my fault. Now we won’t be able to have a family together and it’s all my fault.” You cried harder, ignoring the pain that you felt when you sobbed. The stitches didn’t help you with that and it made the pain worse, but it didn’t hurt as much as the news about your ovaries.
“Babe, no, no.” He took both your hands and he obliged you to look at him in the eyes, shaking his head and looking at you, concerned. “It’s not your fault and we’ll have a family together, okay? It’s just one of the ovaries, it will be difficult to get you pregnant but we’ll do it, okay? We’ll have a family and, if we won’t we can still adopt.”
He was right, but you were too shocked to hear him; all you thought was how bad Jay wanted a family, you knew that the moment he asked you to be his wife and you knew that he always dreamed about being a dad. How could you deny him that dream?
“Maybe we should divorce.” You whispered, without fully thinking straight. “You always dream of having a family and you can’t with me. You know how many times we tried and i didn’t get pregnant; with only one ovary will be extremely difficult. You deserve a woman that can give you your own children, not someone like me…”
Jay shook his head, astounded. He couldn’t believe his ears, he could believe what you just said . Were you serious? How could you even think about that?
“What?! No!” He exclaimed, tightening your hand. “Look at me, babe. I do not care about having my own children, i just want a family WITH YOU. It won’t be the same with someone else, they’ll not be you and i only want to become a dad with you, my love. Besides, Will told that you still can become a mother, we’ll just have to rely on some specialist, maybe, that can help us with that, but we’ll have our baby, okay? You don’t have to be worried, we’ll be parents, i promise you that.”
You listened to him carefully and, slowly, you started to feel better. He was always able to help you calm down when you were panicking, and it was one of those moments. He was so sweet and calm with you, even when you said things like that, like a divorce.
Probably you would have panicked on his side, that’s why you thought that having Jay by your side as your husband was the best thing in your life.
He didn’t want to give up on having a family with you and you shouldn’t have too.
“Okay.” You whispered, nodding slowly. “I’m sorry Jay, i love you and I shouldn’t have said that.”
He sighed deeply, then he lowered down on your bed and placed a kiss on your forehead, stroking your hair gently. “Don’t worry babe, i know that you didn’t expect it and i can understand why you reacted this way, but you don’t have to give up on our family because I won’t. I love you so much, babe and we’ll be parents together.”
You nodded and relaxed, closing your eyes and taking deep breaths.
He was right.
“I love you too, Jay, i really do.” You whispered back, squeezing his hand in yours and smiling softly. “And I can’t wait to become a mother with you.”
“You’ll be the best mom in the world.” He smiled again. “And I can’t wait to see you with a belly, my love. You’ll be amazing, you already are after all.”
You blushed and chuckled, hiding your face behind your hand.
“Have the doctor said when we’ll be able to try again with the pregnancy?” You asked, after some minutes.
“Not yet baby, but you have to heal before that. When you’ll be fine, we’ll try again and trust me, i can’t wait.”
“Jay!” You chuckled, shaking your head slightly. You smiled at him and you bit your bottom lip. “You’re incredible, but i love you so much.”
Dating a detective from the Intelligence wasn’t something you had planned of when you took the job in the 21st district; you needed a change, you needed a new place where to start a new life with new opportunities and the 21st was the best place for that, for you. You dreamed of becoming a detective for years, after all it was your dream when you entered the police academy, and meeting the Intelligence Unit and Sergeant Voight was the best for you because all your dreams seemed to be more realistic. Dating a detective from the unit was risky, it really was, especially since sergeant Voight didn’t like in-house romances. You heard of Kim, that got rejected for the job the first time because of her new relationship with Adam Ruzek, one of the detectives, and you didn’t want it to happen to you too.
Everything with Jay happened so fast that you didn’t even realize at the beginning; you found yourself in his bed one time, two times and after that almost every night. It was beautiful, it really was, you just couldn’t end it because you really started to feel something for him. You didn’t know if it was the same for him, but you hoped so because you were really falling for him. Everything was done in secret: you never called him by his name at work but jus “Detective Halstead” as well as his colleagues, you never looked at him too much, afraid that someone would have noticed, and you always kept it professional. Sometimes you were both seen at the Molly’s, but every time you were seen together, your partner Roman and his colleagues were there too, so that it didn’t sound suspicious.
It was difficult, it really was, especially when you saw him with his vest on; it looked so damn hot, and it was difficult for you to resist him. The same was for him though, especially since the uniform you wore during all your shifts looked so good on you; sometimes Jay just wanted to take you in an empty room and kissed you for hours.
That day it was just a normal one: you kissed Jay on the lips before going back to your apartments before the start of the shifts, you arrived at the station at different times as usual and you just wished to each other good luck before starting your shifts. Roman was already waiting for you when you arrived there, and you immediately smiled at him.
“Good morning sergeant, hi Sean.” You smiled at your sergeant Trudy Platt, behind the desk, and at your partner, that already had the keys in his hands.
“y/l/m, Roman, be careful.” Trudy recommended as always, not looking at you and trying to sound like she didn’t care at all; you knew Trudy very well after almost three months in the district and you really loved her. She was strict but also very sweet, even if she didn’t want anyone to notice that part of her character.
“Thanks Sergeant.” You smiled and you turned around, ready to leave the district to start your shift as a patrolman. Your eyes met Jay’s, that was entering in that moment. You smiled softly at him, then you looked away and you passed him, saying “Good morning, Detective Halstead.”
“Good morning, Roman, Y/l/n.” He smiled back, then he walked towards the stairs to go upstairs, where the rest of the Intelligence worked.
“You know, you don’t have to pretend when you’re with me.” Said Roman when you both entered the car; you looked up at him with a confused look. “I mean, you and Halstead. I Know that you’re dating. You don’t have to pretend to be professional when you’re with me: I won’t judge you, any of you.”
You didn’t think that someone discovered about your secret relationship, and you were shocked when Roman told you so; you were speechless, you just looked at him.
“I won’t tell anybody, y/n.” He reassured you, smiling softly. “I know that you’re not sleeping your way upstairs and I know that you are both good at keeping it professional, so it doesn’t bother me at all. Besides, I also think that you shouldn’t be ashamed about it because I don’t think Voight will actually care. I mean, he offered the job to Kim when she was still with Adam.”
He was right, but you just couldn’t lose the chance to realize your dream job just because of a relationship that wasn’t even official. You saw each other every day at work and at night after shifts, but you didn’t know if he felt the same for you, you didn't know how serious it was because you never actually talked about it before.
“it’s just… I still don’t know what we are right now. I... I think I’m actually falling for him, but I don’t know if it’s the same for him, you know. I just don’t want to ruin things between us and keeping it a secret is easier.” You told him, sighing and watching outside the window, paying attention to the street and to everyone, in case something wrong was happing.
“I can understand that… keeping it a secret gives you a reason not to tell him the truth and at the same time you avoid the possibility of being rejected, but you have to tell him the truth. He deserved that; don’t you think?”
Before you could even think about it, someone called for you at the radio.
“To all units, we registered a silent alarmed at 2058 W. 22nd Place.”
You looked at Roman and you both nodded, he turned on the sirens and you answered the radio immediately. “2116 squad, we’re just two blocks aways; we’re responding.”
“Copy that 2116 squad.”
When you arrived at the scene, you both noticed three guys wearing black balaclavas exiting the bar with three black duffle bags. You exited the car, and you pointed your gun at them, while Roman did the same.
“CPD, stop!” You screamed.
Everything happened so fast that you couldn’t even hide behind the car: all three of them took three semiautomatic rifles from the duffle bags and pointed them at you.
“Gun!” Roman screamed, hiding behind the car just in time; you tried to do the same, but you were in a worst position, and you had to do all the way around the car to hide. You really tried to do it in time, but you found yourself on the ground before you could do it.
Roman didn’t noticed it at the beginning, he called for help on the radio and he returned fire.
“10-1, 10-1, shots fired at the police! Three offender wearing black balaclava. We need backup!” He said, turning around to make sure that you were okay; when he didn’t see you, he became pale, and you screamed your name. “Y/n! Where are you?”
He looked around and he finally saw you on the ground, on the other side of the car, breathing hardly and with blood all over you. “Y/n!” He grabbed you from your vest and he dragged you behind the car, grabbing the radio. “Officer down! Officer Down! I need an ambo at my location right now, my partner had been shot!”
You looked at him, pain all over your body. You saw how worried he looked, and you immediately understood that it was bad, really bad.
“Y/n, stay with me please, stay with me!” He took of your vest, applying pressure on your chest where the bullet hit you somehow. “Help is on its way, stay with me please. No, no, no…” He said, seeing that you were losing consciousness; you wanted to say something, but you didn’t have the strength to do that. You passed after some minutes and all you remembered after that was darkness.
At the district, in the meantime, Jay was coming down the stairs when he was stopped by Sergeant Platt, who looked worried as hell; she almost looked like she aged ten years in just few minutes and it wasn’t a good sign, not at all.
“Halstead!” She screamed in panic. “Go upstairs and call down the whole Unit now!”
Jay, confused, began to buzzed himself up with his handprint. “What happened?”
“Y/n’s been shot. Now get Voight!”
Jay thought that the world went down; it was like a nightmare. He rushed upstairs, catching everyone’s attention. “Voight! Y/n’s been shot!”
He was desperate, he couldn’t think straight and all he was doing was hoping that you would have been alright, that it wouldn’t have been too much bad. He let Hailey drive, knowing that he wasn’t in the right mood to do it; Hailey was the only one that knew everything about you and Jay, she knew that Jay was falling in love with you, and she knew that he must had been difficult for him. She drove as fast as she could, arriving at the scene just few minutes after. Jay got out of the car immediately and he ran towards Roman and you.
When he saw you on the ground covered with blood, he almost passed out too. It was too much to handle, it was too much heartbreaking seeing you in that state and, worst of all, the ambulance hadn’t arrived yet.
“What the hell happened?!” He asked Roman, taking off his own jacket and pushing him aside to be able to apply pressure on her wound with his jacket. A towel would have been better but that was the best he had with him.
“There were three guys! We didn’t know they were armed; I hid behind the car, and I returned fire, then I looked for her and I found her on the ground. The bullet went through her vest. The offenders ran away in a black SUV with no plate when I stopped shooting at them… I needed to help her.”
Jay looked at your face and cried; he didn’t notice that at the beginning, but he did when he saw you being brought on the ambulance, with Roman at your side. He wanted to come with you, he really wanted to follow you inside the ambulance, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to let Voight know that he was to much invested: he wanted to catch the guys that shot you and he would have at any costs.
“You’re crying, Jay. Hide your tears if you want to work on this case.” Hailey told him, whispering to his ear when she saw Hank Voight arriving at the scene too. Jay wiped away his tears, took a deep breath, smiled softly at Hailey as a thank you, and he turned around to face his sergeant.
“What happened?” Hank asked, looking at them and at the stain of blood that there was on the road, where you were till few minutes earlier.
“Three guys, wearing black hoodies and black balaclavas, they robbed the bar and shot at Roman and y/l/n when they arrived. Roman responded to fire but he let them go when he discovered that y/l/n got shot. He covered her and saw the guy running away in a black SUV. No plate.”
“The bullet got trough her vest.” Added Hailey. “She was hit in the chest, and she didn’t look great.”
Voight looked away from the blood stain and looked at his detectives.
“I want everyone in the unit to look after these bastards, am I clear? They hit one of us and they’ll regret it.” He said, firmly. He looked at Jay and Hailey, then at Kim, Adam and Kevin that went to ask some questions to the bar clients in case they heard or saw anything important. “I want the videos of all the security camera in this block. Find the SUV, find them. They must have left a trace behind themselves. And let me know everything about Y/n state, okay? Now let’s go, we have three offenders to catch.”
Jay really wanted to catch the guys that shot you, but he also wanted to be by your side, he wanted to go to the hospital and make sure that you would have been fine, he wanted to be there for you. He just couldn’t forget you on the ground, covered with your own blood, unconscious. It shouldn’t have happened to you, and he should have been by your side, not in the district doing some paperwork.
“We can stop at the hospital for a moment if you want to.” Hailey whispered while Jay and her were walking towards the car. “Just ask me and I will bring you to see her.”
Jay nodded, sitting in the passenger seat and looking out of the window; he really wanted to know how you were, he really wanted to see you, hoping that there will have been good news for him. He just couldn’t lose you, not since he hadn’t told you yet that he loves you, not since he needed you by his side, he needed to see you smile at him, he needed to hug you and kiss you.
Why that happened to you? Why you of all people?
At the hospital the only thing you discovered was that you were still having a surgery and that your conditions were critical; he also found Will his brother, in the hallways and he immediately stopped him, asking him to let him know if anything changed. He wanted to be the first one to now if something happened to you, he wanted to know about the surgery and about your condition as soon as it was possible. Will reassured him, but Jay was still worried as hell.
Back at the district, everyone was working hard on the case, trying to identify the offenders, and trying to understand what really happened. Why they robbed a normal bar? Why they used guns for just some cash?
Something wasn’t right about it and Jay was sure about that.
“Okay, we found some bullets on the road and ballistic identify them. They used Armor-piercing bullets, that’s why the vest didn’t stop them.” Kim said, placing a pic of you on the with board as well as the photo of the bullets found on the scene.
“What? Who were these guys? Armor-piercing bullets are not that easy to find.” Adam noted, looking at the photo from his desk. “Why bring those kind of weapons just for a robbery in a normal bar?”
“It can be just that.” Pointed out Jay, shaking his head. “Are we sure that they only robbed the money from the register?”
Voight nodded slightly and looked at them. “Burgess, Atwater, go get the owner of the bar, they have to know something. Bring them here and put them in the interview room. Ruzek search everything that you can found about the owner, everything. Halstead, Upton, i want you two focused on the black SUV.”
“Copy that Sarge”
They worked on the case for hours and hours and finally they identified the offenders and the reason why they choose to rob that bar, which was just a good cover for diamonds trafficking. When Jay caught the guys that shoot at you, he felt angrier. He really wanted to kick him, to beat him up, to put a gun to his head. He wanted revenge, he wanted revenge because you were still fighting for your life inside the hospital.
“Jay, Jay stop!” Hailey tried to stop him, she really did, but Jay didn’t listen to her. He broke down him and he started to hit him in the face again, and again, and again till someone stopped him.
“Stop it, Jay!” Adam kept him away, while Voight looked at him from distance; he noticed that Jay was different during that case but he didn’t think about that possibility, he didn’t think that one of his detective dated one of his patrolmen without him knowing. He immediately recognized the signs with Ruzek and Burgess at the time but he didn’t with Jay and you.
Before he could even try to talk to him, Jay got a call from his brother and he immediately answered.
“Will, how’s she?” He asked, feeling his heart beating hard and fast. He couldn’t even breathe normally, he just couldn’t think normally. He was so scared and the only thing he wanted was to see your eyes open again, your smiled on your face.
“She woke up, Jay.” Will told him. “And she asked for you.” He added.
Jay’s smile spread all over his face, happy to hear that. He was really worried and he was scared for you, but knowing that you would have been okay made him feel better again, made him feel alive again.
“I’m coming.”
He didn’t ask for permission, nor he asked Hailey to drive, he just told Kevin to bring Hailey back at the district and he ran outside, towards the car; arriving at the hospital was probably the longest drive he ever did, with all the anticipation of being by her side again.
He ran towards your room and, when he saw Roman in front of it, Jay immediately gulped and looked at him. “I’m here for y/l/n.” He said, using your last name to be discreet and to still hide your relationship, knowing how much you wanted to become a detective of the intelligence.
“Don’t worry Halstead… I already know about you. Just get in there, you are the first think she asked about after she woke up.”
Jay felt his heart beating fast, nodding slightly and thanking Roman for what he said and what he did, stating with by your side all the time. “Thank you, Sean.”
The police officer just nodded, then he walked away towards the vendine machine while Jay entered your room. You were there: laying down on the bed, pale but with a small smile on your lips.
“I heard you were worried about me.” You said, smiling softly and taking his hands in yours; Jay smiled in response and he took a seat next to your bed. “Maybe I should got shoot more often.” You joked, caressing his hand softly.
Jay chuckled and shook his head, then he kissed your hand and he smiled wider.
“That’s my detective chuckles!” You said, making him laugh and smile even more.
God, that’s why he loved you.
“Don’t you dare to do such a joke anymore, okay?” He whispered, caressing your hand. “I can’t have an heart attack every time you got shot.”
“And why not? I love to see you worried about me, you know?” You really was somehow relieved knowing that he was worry about you, because you hoped that it was a sign of his feelings for you.
“Oh yeah? Seeing the love of your life covered with her own blood isn’t that good, you know.”
You froze, looking at him with tears in your eyes; he didn’t even think about what he said and, at first, he didn’t realize it till he saw tour face. He tried to apologize, thinking that you didn’t love him back, but he was interrupted by your hand on his mouth.
“Don’t you dare to say anything.” You whispered, afraid that he would have took it back. “I love you too and know please get up and kiss me because I can’t bend over to you.”
Jay didn’t make you repeat again, he smiled, got on his feet and he bent on your bed, placing his lips on yours in a deep and sweet kiss.
You both dis it without thinking, you were just too happy, too involve in the moment that you didn’t notice the rest of the unit, as well as Voight, outside of your room.
But you didn’t care about it, you didn’t care about his “No in-house romance”, you didn’t care about it.
All that matters for you both was to be together, as a couple.
“Secret revealed.” You whispered to his ear, seeing all his colleagues outside the room.
“I don’t care. I won’t stop loving you just for his stupid rule. I don’t care about anything but you, babe.”
“I love you, Jay.” You whispered. “But next time, tell me about your feelings before getting shot, okay?”
When you hoped of Jay’s comeback during his eight months in the Army, you were not expecting that; you wanted to spend some time with your husband, talking about the baby with him, telling him everything that happened during those months while he was away. You wanted to have time for all of that, but you had not.
Jay was driving you to the hospital, hands tightened around the steering wheel, eyes fixed on the road, arms tense. He was so much nervous, and you could feel it from distance, everyone that knew Jay could have felt it too; you wanted to reassure him in some way, but you were to focused in not losing your mind, taking deep breaths, and trying to stay as much calm as possible.
“How are you?” He asked, turning his head towards you when he stopped at one of the red lights; you watched him closely and you tried to smiled at him sincerely; it wasn’t easy though, you started to feel pain because of the labour and all you wanted to do was seeing your doctor.
“I’m goo, Jay… it’s just…” You couldn’t avoid to moan in pain, feeling another contraction; you were just hoping to arrive at the hospital in time since there was so much traffic. “It hurts when the contraction kicks in, but I have endured worse pain after being shot at work, you know.”
Jay nodded and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, watching at the lights to be sure that they were still red; he just wanted to push the accelerator, arriving at the hospital as early as possible. “I wish I have the police lights right now; I could use them to bring you to the hospital in just few minutes.”
You smiled a little and, after taking a deep breath, you took his hand in yours, smiling a little bit and looking at his eyes.
“Jay, don’t worry, okay? Me and the baby are still good, our child just wants to meet his father as soon as he can.” You smiled softly, caressing his hand, and letting it go just when the green lights appeared, letting him drive again towards the hospital.
“Is it a boy or a girl?” He at once asked you, smiling softly and relaxing a bit.
“I don’t know. I didn’t want to discover it without you, so I wait you and here you are. I guess we will find out the baby gender after I gave birth and, well… we still need to find a name for him or for her. What do you think?”
He smiled softly, driving towards the hospital, and thinking about everything that was happening to him; he came home eager to see you again, to hug you and kiss you, to kiss the love of his life. He wanted to tell you that he came back and that he would have stayed with you forever, that he wouldn’t leave you anymore, but he wasn’t expecting that. He didn’t know that he would have become father and, driving you to the hospital, he started to get nervous.
He kept asking himself if he was ready for that, if he would have been a good father.
You notice that something was wrong because you recognise at one the frowning expression he usually had when something was not right. Was he still angry with you? Was he nervous about something?
“What’s going on, Jay?” you asked him, breathing heavily because of the pain of the labour. “Why are you so strange? Are you still mad at me?”
He turned his face towards you after parking in front of the hospital, then he shook his head and he took your hand between his own, smiling softly at you and sighing. “I’m not mad at you. I was angry because I wanted to know it, but right now I’m just worried about you both and I’m nervous. I just wonder if I will be a good father for him, because I really want to.”
You smiled, shaking your head, and leaning forward; you placed a soft kiss on his lips for the first time after all those months and you smiled wider. God, you missed him so much. You would have kiss him for hours and hours if it wasn’t for the baby that was kicking its way out.
“I love you, Jay, and I know for sure that you will be the best father in the world, I already knew that the time I discovered I was pregnant.” You smiled, trying to reassure him somehow. You really wanted him to live the labour in the best way possible, especially since he didn’t have the chance to live the pregnancy as you did. “I never doubted it and I will never do.”
He ran one of his hands through his hair, taking deep breaths and trying to calm down. He needed to be strong for you, he needed to be calm for you; after all you were the one in labour, not him.
“Thank you, babe.” He whispered, nodding slightly, and looking at you with a smile on his lips. He was much calmer after your words, and he was now ready to become a dad. “Let’s go now, I’ll call Will to let him know that you’re pregnant and that you’re in labour.”
You reassured him, exiting the car and thanking him for his help when he got you in his arms, trying to help you walking toward the enter of the hospital. “Will knows that I’m pregnant. I asked him not to tell you because you were in Boliva and because was afraid that you would have done something stupid, that you would have become less focused on your job. He tried to convince me to tell you the truth so many times but, in the end, I always won.”
Jay was angry at the beginning, to discover that also his brother knew about the pregnancy, as well as his friends and everyone in the unit. He was the only one that left in the dark for so many months and he was also the first that should have known about it in the first place. He really wanted to scream, to yell, to let go all of his frustrations, but he didn’t want to do it now; he didn't want to scare you or to make you worried since you were in labour: he needed to stay calm and to be there for you both. It was difficult, he really was, but he did what was the best for his wife and for his future child.
“Okay, don’t worry.” He simply said, sighing. You both finally entered the hospital, and, after that, you were brought up into the obstetrics department of the hospital, were you will have been monitored till the right moment.
You started to become more nervous after every second; you just wanted to take the baby in your arms, to cuddle him and to show him to his father, the man of your life. You hoped and dreamed of that moment for months and, when it came, it wasn’t as you expected. The first visit you made with your doctor showed that there was something wrong. You and Jay immediately understood that when you saw their faces and you started panicking at once.
“What’s happening? Something’s wrong right?”
Jay tried to reassure you, stroking your hair, placing small kisses on your forehead, on your cheeks, trying to make you feeling better, trying to calm you down. The doctor and the nurses started to talk quietly and only after some minutes they talked to you.
“The umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck.” He said, the exact moment Will entered the room after being told of what was happening. Jay’s heart skipped a beat as soon as he heard the doctor, he looked up and he found Will’s gaze. Before the doctor could have said everything else, you started crying while Jay walked toward his brother.
“Will, tell me that everything is going to be fine.” He immediately asked his brother, not paying attention to the doctor that gave you the news; he tried to answer instead of Will, but Jay stopped him before he could. “I’m asking my brother’s opinion, not yours.” He pointed out.
Will shook his head and placed his hand on Jay’s shoulder, trying to reassure him. “Jay.. I’m not y/n’s doctor and you should listen to him. He knows what the best for the baby is and for her too, okay?”
Jay calmed down a little bit and he sighed deeply; he looked up at the doctor and he nodded at him to let him know that he had his full attention.
“I’ll have to move that from the baby’s neck during the childbirth. It may be painful, but we have to do it for the baby’s sake. It won’t be difficult, okay? It’s nothing to be worried about, I made it so may times and everything went as expected. I need you to stay calm, you both.”
Jay went back to your side, and he took your hand in his, trying to be there for you; he saw how nervous and worried you were and he needed to be strong for you, he needed to be calm for you and the baby. “You heard the doctor, love. The baby is gonna be alright, okay? We need to be positive right now. Maybe we can think about some names, what do you think?”
You nodded, trying to take deep breaths, and trying to be as calm as you could. Having Jay by your side made it so much easier and you were grateful for having him there with you. You both started to say names for the baby and, one hour later, when the contractions were very close to each other and painful, they brought you to the birth room. Jay followed back, keeping telling you that everything would have been alright, that the baby would have been healthy and that you just needed to be calm for him. He was always by your side. He didn’t leave you, he kept reassuring you with soft and sweet words, he kept stroking your head and kissing your forehead. He was with you every second, he never left. Even when the doctor used his hand to move away the umbilical cord from the baby’s neck, that was very painful, Jay was there.
“Hold on, love. Hold on for me, y/n, everything is gonna be alright after that, okay?” he kept telling you, caressing your hand while you screamed in pain. When, finally, the doctor gave you the permission to push again, you did it, hoping that everything would have ended as soon as it was possible. He was just too much to handle, and you just wanted to cry and to rest a little bit.
“Just one more push and you will meet your children!” the doctor encouraged you, and you did it. You squeezed Jay’s hand as strong as you could, screaming in pain and pushing again for the last time. you could even describe how it felt when you heard the baby crying. Your heart stopped beating and tears ran down your cheeks but, this time, those were not tears of pain. Jay, on his side, just couldn’t believe it, nor even when he heard the baby crying. He just couldn’t believe that he was a dad.
A nurse immediately placed the baby on your chest, wrapped around a pink towel. She smiled at you and Jay. “Congratulations. Mom and Dad, it’s a baby girl.”
You looked down at your baby and you cried again and again, looking at her baby face and at her hands. She was so small and beautiful at the same time. you just couldn't believe that such a beaty came out of you, you just couldn't believe that you were finally see the baby that you felt growing inside of you. You never felt so good, you never felt so alive.
“Do you want to take her?” You asked Jay, softly.
All the pain you felt just vanished when you took her between your arms, and, when you passed her to your husband, you were even more happy.
The way Jay’s eyes lit up when he took her in his arms was something you would have never forgotten.
“Hi, sweetheart.” He said softly, crying when the baby squeezed one of his fingers in her small hand. “God, she’s beautiful.”
He just couldn’t look away; she was too beautiful. He could have stayed there, cuddling, all the time, even for years. He just looked away from her when the nurse asked them about her name, that needed to be written down on her bracelet.
“Halstead, Kate Halstead.” Both of you said, smiling at each other.
summary: y/n is a police officer that had a situationship with Jay Halstead, but after him there's another one and he discovered it in the worst way possible.
pairing: jay halstead x reader
warning: i don't know actually, maybe some angst(?) and swearing? mention of sec, just mention.
i don't really like this but i spent so much time on it, that's why i want to share it with you. tell me what you think guys and if you like it i can write a part 2, maybe.
Being a female cop was not easy at all, and you knew that even before entering the police academy; you knew that you would have to demonstrate your value, to demonstrate that you deserved that badge, you deserved to be a cop. It was clear to you since the first moment you decided to be a police officer and you tried to show your value since the first day into the academy.
When you were assigned at the 17th district, you were happy to start your career as a police officer and you just wanted to do your job in the right way, but it wasn’t like you expected. Since the first day you felt judge by everyone in the district, expect for the other female police officers, even if there were few of them. Your partner wasn’t happy about having you by his side, but he accepted that, and he just tried to keep as much distance as he could between him and you, like you were an alien or something to avoid.
Besides that, the first two year in that district went very well; you did your job well and you saved lives, even your partner’s live when he got shot during one shift. Even if you saved him, covering him and applying pressure on his chest, he never really thanked you for what you did; you weren’t angry at all, you knew how it worked and you knew that it was too early to be considered a good agent on the field, especially since you were one of the few women in a men’s world, because that’s what police was considered: a job only for men.
Someone maybe thought that it wasn’t true, there would have been at least someone who thought that women in police was an amazing thing, but surely it wasn’t like that in the 17th.
The only thing you could have done to making thing worse would have been sleeping with someone that worked in the same district as you. You tried to avoid that, you really tried to keep things separated between your private life and your job, but you lost. One night, you met one of the detectives that worked in the 17th district, and you took a beer with him, thinking that there wasn’t nothing bad about it; after some beers, anyway, he kissed you and everything changed.
The next day, everyone knew about it inside the district, and everyone thought that were trying to get a promotion sleeping with one of the detectives. You were fucked.
Asking for a transfer was the only choice for you and that’s how you met him, Jay Halstead. He was just a man sitting in a bar when you first met him, you didn’t know he was a detective and he didn’t know that you were a police officer; you were just two people in a bar, having a drink together. That night you slept at his home and the next morning you were gone, thinking that you wouldn’t have met him again.
Obviously, you were wrong. God, you were definitely wrong.
When you discovered, on your first day at the 21st, that he was a detective in your new district, you both tried to keep that a secret and you also tried to pretend that nothing happened between you two, but you just couldn’t deny the attraction that there was between you and him. And after few weeks you both lost.
You tried to keep it a secret as long as you kept sleeping together, and, when you ended it weeks after, you were relieved to discovered that he protected you without telling anybody what happened between you two. You were grateful for that because you wouldn’t have been able to deal with it another time.
Even if you were still working hard to become one of sergeant Voight’s detectives, you couldn’t deny that some kind of attraction formed between you and your partner, Sean Roman, after some months. Maybe it was because he was always so kind with you, maybe because you spent so much time together, maybe because you went through difficult moments together, but you ended up dating each other in secret. You weren’t sure if you started dating him trying to forget Jay, since you were pretty sure to have fallen in love with the detective, but you just tried to enjoy that moment, you tried to live it without making to yourself too many questions. You were confused about your feelings, you really were, and you needed time alone to think about it, especially since you started dating Roman right after you heard that Jay dated one of his CI.
It then something happened when you didn’t expect it.
You and Roman were just kissing each other on a night shift, taking just few minutes for yourselves, when it happened. It was a calm night, nothing happened ‘till that moment and you didn’t think that things could have gone worse in less than a minute. You were too much focused in kissing him that you didn’t hear the footsteps, nor you saw him approaching the car were you and Roman were into. The first things you heard were the gunshots fired against you; you didn’t catch a single bullet but Roman did, he caught every single shot and you screamed.
“Sean!”
You got out of the car, seeing a man running away in the dark of the night, picked up your gun and followed him at once, asking for backup and for an ambulance at the radio. You really hoped that Sean was okay, you really hoped that he was still alive and that he would have survived; he took at least three bullet and that all because you both were too focused on kissing than in everything else. You shout at the offender to stop, but he didn’t and, knowing that he had a gun, you just shot him, hitting him in his back; he fell on the ground, you handcuffed him immediately, bringing him with you to your car. You needed to be sure that Sean was still alive.
That night was like hell for you: Sean got a surgery and, fortunately, he survived, the offender was brought to the hospital as well but no-one found the gun on him and that’s why you were there, one month later, sitting in a court to testimony your version against the man who almost killed your partner. Everyone from the district was there with you, trying to give you, their support. There was Platt, Voight, Upton, Burgess, Ruzek, Atwater, few of the other patrol officers and even Jay, in all his beauty.
When the defence lawyer got up to ask you some question, you didn’t expect this.
“So, miss y/l/n, I heard that you usually date your colleagues, isn’t it?”
You at once got tense on your chair, looking at Jay and Sean, nervous. Sean knew everything about your “relationship” with Jay, but no-one else did so you should have been relaxed about that. Maybe he was just talking about the thing you had with the detective from your previous district, after all.
But it was not like that, not at all.
Before your lawyer could have even protested, the defence talked to the judge, explaining to him why he did that question.
“Before I got interrupt, I just want to understand if anything happened in that car that could have bring the test to us violence against an innocence without even considering that he wasn’t the offender. I’m pretty sure that the jury would want to see what I found. She had her reasons to react badly, without thinking and I just wanted to expose that.”
You froze, gulping; you really hoped that the judge would have refused, but he let him continue.
“Miss y/l/n, did you have a relationship with one of the detectives back at your previous district?”
“It wasn’t a relationship.” You responded, tense.
“What was it, so?”
“I slept with one of the detectives, yes. It was just for one night and I was drunk.”
The layer chuckled, like he had you in his fist, under his control, and maybe he really did.
“But it wasn’t the last colleagues that you dated, right?”
Before you could have answered, your lawyer protested again, but he was stop by the judge for the second time in a row; you were fucked, you wouldn’t have been able to avoid that, you couldn’t lie under oath, you had to tell the truth.
But how did he know?
“No, it wasn’t the last.” You answered, quietly. You looked at him, trying to avoid Jay’s gaze, trying to be relaxed, trying to be strong; you didn’t want to give up, you would have fought again and again if it was necessary. You had to tell the truth and you really didn’t want to, but since you had no choice, you wanted to do it with your dignity.
“Who was the next? And remember that you’re testifying under oath.”
You looked at him in the eyes, biting your bottom lip.
“It was Detective Halstead.” You answered. “But I met him the night before my new job at the 21st so-.”
Before you could have even finished the sentence, he stopped you, smiling widely; you felt Jay’s and every other’s gaze on you, and you felt embarrassed for the first time after you entered the police. Why was he asking you that? Why was he trying to make you lose your job? Why were your love stories important to the case? That man almost killed your partner, and he was torturing you now.
“You just have to answer my question, miss y/l/n. Now, was Detective Halstead the last police officer that you dated so far?”
And that was it.
You finally understood why he was asking you so many questions about your private life; he was trying to make the jury thinks that you shot that guy without thinking at it lucidly just because you were dating Sean. He was trying to blame you, to make everyone think that you confounded him and that because you were shocked not only because Sean was your partner but also because you were in love with him.
Were you, though?
“No.” you answered, feeling Jay’s gaze still on you; you didn’t have the courage to look at him or to look at the others, especially not to sergeant Voight, knowing that you probably have just lost the opportunity to enter the team since you slept with Jay. You lost your career, you lost your dignity, since your private and sec life was put on public, and you were now accused of being a bad police officer.
Beautiful day, wasn’t it?
“Evidence number seventeen, I just got it this morning and I couldn’t inform the accuse before the process. Now …” he got near you and handed you one pic, the same that he just gave to your lawyer and to the jury. “Was that you kissing your partner Sean Roman the night of the attack?”
You gulped, then you looked up and finally you ended up meeting his gaze, Jay’s gaze. He looked hurt and furious at the same time, even if you knew that he had no right to be; you stopped sleeping together almost two months before and he even had a thing with one of his CI, which was illegal, so he had no right to look at you that way. You were the one that would have lost his job, not him, not Roman, you. You were the one that would have been called bitch and slut just because you ended up in the same bed with some of your colleagues and you were affronting that trial, exposing yourself like you hadn’t done before.
“Yes, that was me.” You answered, trying to sound as much calm as you could.
“Now tell me. Were you shooting at my client because you really thought that he was the offender, even if he hadn’t a gun with himself, or were you just trying to revenge your boyfriend without thinking at all? Were you just trying to get revenge? Were you sure about the gun that you think he had? Were you lucid enough to arrest the same man that you thought shot your boyfriend? Was the woman that pulled that trigger the police officer or just a girlfriend trying to protect his partner?”
“Your Honor! That were not questions, he was trying to induce the jury to think his way!” Protested your Lawyer before you could have responded.
The judge, this time, agreed with the accuse and tried to induce the jury to not consider his last questions when it would have come to a verdict. Anyways, you ended up leaving the court knowing that everything you’d done in the past to prove how much you deserved to become a detective, simply wasn’t nothing anymore. You would have been remembered as the female cop that ended up in the same bed with three colleagues, not as the police officer that saved a child, not as the police officer that almost risked her life to save his partner and Jay, not as the police officer that got undercover with the Intelligence to help them with a serial killer.
Your image was fucked.
You were nothing now.
You lost everything.
You lost your dignity.
And even after that, all you could think about was Jay’s expression after he heard about you and Sean; that was when you finally discovered that you really fell in love with him: when you worried about him while your career, dignity and future were crumbling all around you. All you need to be happy again was just one of his hugs. That was what you needed.
Summary: Jay is y/n husband and he left her for eight months to go to Bolivia. When he came back, he couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw his wife again
Warning: none i guess, maybe a little bit of angst
English is not my first language, sorry if there’s some mistakes!
When your husband came home that day asking you to sit down on the couch, you didn’t think that he was going to say what he actually said. You two worked at Intelligence for four years and you didn’t think possible for him to change the way he did. When you first met him you immediately knew that he was kind, gentle and a good cop: you knew that he would have done everything to help innocents and to stop criminals, you knew that he was a good person.
And then something changed.
You didn’t know if that was because of his partner, Hailey Upton, or because of Voight; you just knew that you didn’t recognize him anymore. You even talked about it with Adam, your partner, but you weren’t able to find a way to help him get through that.
You just wanted him to be happy again, you just wanted him to be himself again.
That’s why you let him go.
When he told you that he accepted the job in Bolivia you couldn’t believe it, you just couldn’t.
Was he running away from the unit or was he running away from you?
You didn’t know what was true, but you couldn’t just deny him to be happy again: if he needed to go, you would have let him go.
And that’s exactly what you did.
“It will be for eight months maybe a little longer, okay? I will be back home soon.” He said that day, kissing your forehead with glossy eyes. “I love you… i really do but i need to do this. Please don’t be angry with me, i’ll come back to you, i promise. You’re the love of my life, y/n.”
When he left some minutes later to take his flight, you fell on the ground, crying; you needed him near you, you needed him there with you but you just couldn’t deny him to be himself again.
That’s why you didn’t tell him the truth.
That’s why you hid it from him.
When Kim knocked at your door that night after having heard about Jay, you let her in and you just walked back to the couch, where you cried all day.
“Y/n…” she whispered, walking towards you and hugging you tightly. “It’s okay. It’s temporary, right? He will come back, okay?”
You didn’t say anything, you didn’t nod or shook your head in response, you just kept crying again and again and then, after some minutes, you spoke.
“We perfectly know that he can die there.” You said, finally telling the truth, finally admitting out loud what you had in your mind all day since he talked to you.
“Oh, y/n…” she kept hugging you and she also placed her hand on your shoulder, trying to reassure you in some way. She wanted to say something, she wanted to help you go through all of that but her eyes fell on it.
It was on the table in front of the couch, exactly where you placed it after Jay left.
“What’s that?” She asked, keeping her eyes on the small object; she reached it and she looked at the result when you didn’t complain about it, then she looked up at you, shocked. “You’re pregnant?”
You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream, you wanted be alone in your thoughts, but Kim was there trying to help you and you really appreciated that, that’s why you just nodded, answering her.
“Does Jay know about it? Did He really leave you here alone knowing that you’re pregnant?”
Kim knew the answer deep down, she knew that Jay wouldn’t have left you there knowing that you were pregnant but she needed to know it for sure; when you shook your head saying “no”, she hugged you tighter.
“Oh, darling.” She whispered, caressing your back slowly and gently. “You should’ve told him, Y/n, i’m sure he wouldn’t have left knowing that.”
You sobbed, then you looked up at her and you shook your head again.
“T-That’s why i-i d-din’t tell him. He needed t-to go Kim, i c-couldn’t stop him.”
“But he had the rights to know the truth before taking such a decision!” She replied, shaking her head in disagreement.
“When he came here telling me about the job in Bolivia he already took it, he accepted it without even talking about it with me. I would have told him if he hadn’t already accepted it. He told me that he had a flight in few hours, how could i have told him? I know, after all, that he’s lost. He’s not himself anymore and, if taking that job is going to help him, then i will accept it. He said, after all, that’s only for eight months.” You said, even if he said that there was the possibility that he needed to stay a little longer. “When he will be back home, i will still be pregnant and he will be able to be here when our baby is born.”
Kim didn’t agree with you but you was still shocked, that’s why she didn’t say anything: she just hugged you, promising you that she would have help you.
And she did, as all your unit.
Kim, Adam, Hailey, Kevin, Hank and also Trudy helped how they could.
In the next months they helped you, they came to your house to keep you company and they accompanied you to the hospital every time you needed to do a visit.
You were never alone after all, but you knew, however, that the most important person for you wasn’t there. You couldn’t blame him since you didn’t tell him the truth, but still you missed him so much.
Your baby was healthy but he, or she, wasn’t ready to be born yet, even if one week passed since the due date.
In some ways you were relieved because you really wanted Jay to be there when you would’ve become a mother. Every single time someone knocked at your door or every single time your phone rang, you panicked, afraid that something happened to your husband while he was still in Bolivia. You didn’t talked to him in the last few months, mostly because you didn’t want to distract him during a mission and because you were always afraid of blowing his cover.
That’s why you hardly talked to him or contacted him on the phone, and he did the same thing for the same reasons.
Until you didn’t hear anything about him from the army, you knew that he was okay, you knew that he was still alive. And every day you kept going on, holding on this thought, holding on the fact that no one called you, so he had to be safe, he had to be alive.
You didn’t know when he would’ve returned home, but you just hoped that it was soon; you couldn’t get through labor without him by your side.
That day you was ready to go to the hospital for another visit with your gynecologist. You asked Adam to come with you and he immediately accepted; that’s why, when you heard someone knocking at your door, you thought it was him.
“C-Coming.” You said, trying to get up from the couch where you were waiting for him. Your belly was so big that it was difficult for you to get up easily. “Just give me one minute, i’m trying to get up from the couch.”
At the other side of the door there was not at all Adam, there was Jay with his bag on the shoulder, happy to be home again, happy to be able to see his wife again. But when he heard you saying that she was having difficulties getting up from the couch, he froze, thinking that you might have been hurt at work.
Before he could say anything, the door opened in front of him and he immediately looked at his wife; he was left speechless, standing in front of the door frame, looking at his wife that was definitely pregnant.
“J-Jay?” You whispered, shocked. You didn’t expect him to be there, you thought that he would have informed you before coming home, but he was there, in front of you in all his beauty. Being so far from him for almost nine months was hard for you: you went through hell alone, especially when you almost lost your baby, and having him in front of you was like a dream. You definitely thought that you were still dreaming.
“You’re pregnant.” He said, unable to look away from your belly. He let go the bag that he had on his shoulder, letting it fall to the ground. He couldn’t believe his eyes, he just couldn’t believe it. “Am i the father?”
That was the first thing that popped into his mind when he saw you and he immediately regretted saying that out loud when he saw your face.
“What do you mean? Are you really thinking that i slept with someone else just right after your departure? You’re my fucking husband, of course you’re the father.”
You were so angry.
You didn’t even realize it till that moment.
You were so angry because he left you alone with a baby in your belly, even if he didn’t know it, even if it wasn’t his fault since you decided not to tell him the truth. But you were definitely angry: he stayed away for so long and the first thing that he asked you is if you got pregnant with someone else?
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have come back!” He said after few moments, still standing in front of the door, still shocked by the news.
“You took the job before asking me what i thought about it, what did i have to do? You didn’t even took one day to talked with me! You came here, saying that you were going to Bolivia and that you had a flight that same day!“
Jay knew that coming back home wouldn’t have been easy, he knew that you would’ve been upset and you had all the rights to be angry with him, but he definitely didn’t expect to come home and find you pregnant.
“Wait, did you know you were pregnant when i left?!”
You froze, then you stepped back and you invited him to enter the apartment, to talk about it privately.
Jay immediately came in, leaving the bag on the ground, completely focused on his wife. You closed the door behind you two and you leaned against the kitchen counter, sighing.
Jay, even if he was mad at you, immediately walked towards you and helped you; then he took a chair and he invited you to sit down, placing an hand on your shoulder and caressing you gently. You appreciated it but you perfectly knew that you two have still to talk about it.
“Yes.” You answered after that, placing an hand on your own belly, caressing it gently and feeling the baby kicking you hard. “I discovered it the same morning you accepted the job. I wanted to tell you when you came home but you talked first and I couldn’t tell you after that.”
Jay couldn’t believe his ears, he couldn’t believe that his wife hid something important like a baby from him for almost nine months. You should have told him, you should have told him the truth because he wouldn’t have left knowing that you were pregnant with his baby.
“You should have told me, Y/n!” He wasn’t able to control himself, he just yelled at you and, after that, he regretted it. You slightly jumped on the chair, with tears running down your cheeks. You knew that, you knew that he had all the rights to be angry with you but you weren’t prepared for this. You just wanted him to be home because you needed him but you never thought about how he would’ve reacted at the news. You had time to prepare yourself to become a mother and then he came home and discovered that he’s going to become a father in what, few days?
“I’m sorry.” He immediately told you, kneeling in front of you and placing his hands on your arms. “I’m sorry i yelled, it’s just that…. I wanted to know, I wanted to be here with you.”
You sobbed and cried, especially when his hands touched you after all that time. You missed him so much.
“I know.” You sobbed, looking at him. “I’m sorry, i wanted to tell you but I know that you wouldn’t left and… you said you needed it, I couldn’t stop you from that. I just wanted you to be happy again, I couldn’t see you so sad here. And… when you came here saying that you accept the job in Bolivia… i just couldn’t take it away from you. You were right saying that i had to let you go, i saw it in your eyes.”
Jay caressed your arms slowly and gently, then he leaned closer and he kissed your forehead.
“I’m sorry i left you alone.” He said, softly. And it was true. All the time, when he was in Bolivia for his new job, he thought about you and he felt guilty because he knew that you were alone, he knew that you would probably have been hurt. That’s why he asked Kim, Adam, Kevin and Hailey to be near you in case you needed them.
“Well, i wasn’t alone, was i?” You smiled softly through your tears; you took his hands and placed them on your belly the moment you felt your baby kicking. “He, or she, was with me all the time.”
Jay felt the kick against his palms and his eyes immediately filled with tears.
“Say hi to your daddy.” You whispered, apparently talking to your baby while looking at Jay in the eyes.
Jay wanted to say something, wanted to kiss your belly and whispered something to it like he was talking to your baby, but before he could say something, you moaned in pain.
“What’s wrong?” He immediately asked, concerned. “Is everything okay, babe?”
You looked down at yourself when you felt your legs wet.
“Oh no.” You whispered.
Jay looked at you, confused. “What’s happening?”
You looked at him and moaned in pain.
“ i think I’m in labor.”
“Fuck.” He said, placing an hand on his mouth after that. “I’m sorry, i swore in front of the baby!”
You giggled and shook your head but you were interrupted by the first contraction; you moaned in pain and you looked up at him.
“Hospital.” You whispered and he nodded.
“Hospital.” He agreed. “Holy shit, I’m going to be a father.”
“Jay.” You said while he took the car keys and the labor bag you prepared some weeks ago; he came back to you and he helped you get to your feet.
“I’m sorry!” He said, referring to his previous words.
After being brought to the hospital by Detective Jay Halstead, you were healed and they made the rape test on you.
Some days after, you were called by the police to help them finding other evidence to be able to find the guy who did that to you. You were happy the help them, especially if that meant seeing the guy who raped you multiple times behind the bars.
You passed those days without sleeping well and every night you woke up because of a nightmare; you were so done with that, you just wanted to move on and be happy again but it was not easy at all.
When you entered the police station again that day, you immediately remembered the first day you went there and how you felt when you read “police” outside. You were so relieved, you were relieved because you felt like you were safe.
Being surrounded by police officers were helping you feeling safe and you were grateful for what they were making for you, for how they kept searching for your attacker.
“Hi, i’m here to meet Detective Halstead.” You said to the same woman who welcomed you the first time; she didn’t recognized you though, maybe because the last time she saw you, you were bleeding, with all your clothes ripped. “I’m y/n y/l/n, he told me to come here and to make an official statement about what happened to me some days ago.”
Trudy Platt was looking at something on his computer, then she raised his head to look up at you, listening to you carefully. “You have to meet Detective Halstead, uh?”
You just nodded, feeling a little bit nervous.
“Y-Yes.” You repeated again, looking at her. “He told me to come here and…”
“Y/n! It’s okay Trudy, she’s with me.” Jay said, getting down the stairs and walking towards you. “I’m sorry, i forgot to tell you.”
Trudy Platt shook his head slightly, then sighed. “Well, if that’s so… but next time make sure to inform me, Detective Chuckles.”
Jay laughed at the nickname, then he invited you to follow him upstairs; you followed his instructions and got upstairs with him at your side.
“I’m happy to see you better.” He said, smiling softly. “Come with me, we can have a coffee in the meantime. You just have to sign some papers where i reported all your words about what happened to you. You have to read it and tell me if something is wrong, then we can add something if you remembered anything else in these days.”
Jay took you into the break room, where there was a fridge and a coffee machine; he took two cups and he filled them with some coffee, offering you one. You accepted, smiling softly at him and drinking some of it.
“Did you find out something about the man? Do you have some clues?” You asked, hoping for some news. You tried to understand something about it when you got upstairs, but you couldn’t see something useful on the white board. You just saw some pics of a few women and others about some dead bodies.
“We think he’s not just a rapist.” Jay said, inviting you to sit down at the table and placing an hand on your shoulder. “We think, actually, that you escaped from a serial killer we’re looking for in these days.”
You were shocked.
You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t know how to act, maybe because you just couldn’t believe it, maybe because it was easier to think that all he said to you was fake, that he was not really going to kill you.
“W-What?”
Jay sighed, caressing your shoulder and trying to reassure you; he perfectly knew that it was difficult for you to accept that, he knew that you gone through hell and that you were still hurt, but you also needed to know all the truth.
“We found three women dead in the last three weeks. They were kidnapped on Friday’s night and found dead on Monday night. The time of the assaults coincides with your kidnapping. We don’t know much more about that guy, no one saw him kidnapping them and there was no DNA or trace of him on their bodies: he cleaned them before killing them. The DNA we got with your rape test was the most important evidence we’ve got so far. That’s why you’re here. We have to catch him at all costs, we think he’s searching for his next victim and we don’t have time to wait.”
You looked at him, trembling with fear. How could it be true? How could someone rape and kill women for no reasons at all?
“What do i have to do?” You asked, wanting at all costs to help them finding him.
“First of all we want you to help us knowing every single thing he did to you before kidnapping you, it’s very important because we can use that information to understand if someone else is in danger. Second of all we should stepped back again on what he did to you. How long did he take to bring you to his place? There ware some rumors you can recognize? Maybe some cars or a train?”
Your minds kept running to that days but you were still confused about some things; you didn’t slept, you didn’t eat or drink and you still couldn’t say if everything you remembered was true of you were just imagining it.
“Okay, we can start with that if you’re okay.”
You imm nodded, sighing heavily and watching Jay get up to take a notebook and a pencil. Before he could even ask you the first question, you were interrupted by three men that were standing at the door frane. One of them wore a badge at his belt while the other two were just wearing nice suits.
“Jay, there’s the lawyer here with his assistant. I told them that’s not the right moment but they want to make sure that she’s reliable.”
Reliable? Why shouldn’t you be reliable?
Even Jay was pissed; he was about to say something but the other detective just shook his head, whispering to him that he was sorry but that there was no escaping from that.
“I’m sorry.” Jay whispered to you, then he sighed heavily. “Thank you Adam, i’ll deal with it.”
You were still on your chair, confused.
Why should they think you weren’t reliable? You were the victim there and you did nothing wrong, you were raped for days and now they were thinking that you lied?
What the hell was happening? Why the lawyers were there?
You watched Jay exiting the room and closing the door behind him; he spoke with the lawyer and his assistant animatedly, trying to convince them to go away and let him deal with it alone, trying to explain them that you were still shocked and that you didn’t need any more pressure, but they didn’t seem to change their ideas so easily.
Jay shook his head, disappointed and against it; he wanted to protect you from all of that and he just couldn’t.
When he opened the door again, he looked at you with a soft smile: you knew that something was wrong but you trusted him. As long as he was with him, you could have accepted everything, even being accused of not being reliable.
“We have to move to the interrogation room with the layers and you’ll have to explain everything to them; they have to understand if we can legally connect your rape with the victims we found dead. It’s okay for you?”
You just nodded and got up, then you followed them into the same room you were when you talked with detective Halstead the first time; you sat down and you looked up at them.
“Where do i have to start?” You asked without any problem. You were relaxed after all: Jay was with you and you just had to repeat everything again, nothing to worry about. After all you kept dreaming about that in the previous night and everything was still clear in your mind, you just needed to talk about it with them too, right?
What should have gone wrong?
“I’m Chicago Personal injury lawyer and i’m here just to confirm if we can legally assume that your rapist is related to the bodies the detectives found in the previous weeks, okay? My assistant here pointed out that the Defense could have work on the fact that, when you were found, you were not healthy. You didn’t sleep, eat or drink for what the detectives told me and in these cases is normal to just… confuse some details.” The layer spoke calmly and, after that, he made a quick nod to his assistant, that took a notebook and started writing, mumbling something.
“Yes, i’m writing it down, sir.” The assistant said.
When you heard that voice you just froze; your body reacted before your mind could have elaborated it; you started to tremble in fear and you eyes immediately went to his hands, the only part of him that you were able to see before he blindfolded you.
“Can you tell me what happened before being kidnapped?” Asked the lawyer while his assistant kept writing something on the notebook, just giving you a rapid look; you didn’t see his eyes before but you were perfectly sure that he was just telling you to keep your mouth shut. You knew that, you knew that he was silently threatening you to stay silent.
You didn’t know what to do.
You didn’t know what to say.
You felt safe in there when you were with detective Halstead and then he was just letting you in the same room you your assaulter?
You thought you could have trusted him and the rest of his unit.
You thought you could have trusted every single cop in that building and then they just let your assaulter entering the same building, sitting right in front of you after he raped you multiple times.
Why?
Why you?
You wanted to scream, to yell, to tell Jay that it was him, that the killer they were searching for was in that same room with you all but you couldn’t. You just couldn’t.
How could you?
You were terrified.
“I wasn’t kidnapped.” You finally said, lying. You heard detective Halstead whispering something to himself but you kept going, without letting him saying anything. “I wasn’t kidnapped or raped. I’m sorry. I just made it all up to cover my absence from work, that’s it.”
You didn’t look at him, you didn’t look at the guy that raped you but you could steel feel his gaze on you and you were still shaking because of it.
It was a living nightmare, a nightmare you thought you had escaped from.
“Y/n… what are you saying now? That’s not true! I saw you on Monday! You were shocked, hurt and covered with your own blood!”
You shook your head and you got up, stepping back and trying to add as many distance as you could from him. You just wanted to go home and forget everything.
“It was part of the show okay?! I needed to look credible!” You lied again, stepping back when he walked towards you to understand what was happening.
Jay didn’t understand why you changed your version, you were still on the same page before the arrival of the lawyer and then you just changed it, you just admitted you lied. But how could you really have lied about it? Jay saw you, jay knew that something bad happened to you the exact moment he saw you inside that room.
When you stepped back, away from him, Jay stopped in the middle of the room, still confused.
“Just look at me, y/n… you can trust them, just tell them the truth and everything is gonna be alright, okay?”
He was so gentle and kind with you, you just couldn’t ignore him; that’s why you looked at him and, when you did it, he knew that something was wrong, again.
He looked at your hands, that were shaking, then at the way your body was acting; there was something in there that made you feel uncomfortable and he wanted to know what, or who, it was.
“I lied, just let me go!” You begged, your voice trembling with you; you were going to cry but you didn’t want to in front of him.
“You didn’t lie.” Jay said, softly. He made another step towards you and placed his hand on your cheek, looking at you in the eyes. “Tell me the truth, I will help you. Trust me, y/n.”
How couldn’t you?
His eyes.
It was them.
It was him.
You trusted him.
You did.
Your eyes fell on the figure of the lawyer’s assistant and Jay immediately understood.
“It’s him?” He didn’t say that out loud, he just whispered in your ear to be sure that he wasn’t going to understand that something was wrong, to be sure that he wasn’t going to understand that she recognized him.
Jay was grateful to have forgotten to left his gun outside; he immediately pulled it out and pointed it to the lawyer’s assistant.
“Put your hands in the air now!” Jay yelled, while the Lawyer flinched, surprised.
“What’s happening here?” He asked, confused.
“I said put your hands up in the air!” Jay repeated while the others of the unit opened the door after having heard Jay yelling.
Hailey and Adam went inside, seeing Jay with his gun pointed ad the man in front of him while you were in a corner, still trembling.
“You, little bitch.” He said when he understood that he was fucked. “I should have killed you when i had the chance!” He didn’t put his hands in the air as he was said but he jumped straight towards you, making you scream. Before he could even touch you, Jay pulled the trigger and he shoot him in the chest twice.
He fell on the floor, gasping and moaning in pain.
And while the others tried to help him, Jay went straight to you, he took you in his arms and he brought you outside, hugging you.
“You’re safe now.” He said, caressing your back gently. “He won’t hurt you. You’re safe now.”
And you felt safe.
After that day you felt safe every single day.
Detective Halstead helped you and you would have been forever grateful for what he did for you.
“Come on, darling. How much time do you need to change clothes?” Jannik asked through the closed door; you two decided to play a quick game on the court even if you had never played tennis before. It was Jannik’s idea and you immediately agreed, deciding that you needed a proper outfit.
For that reason you bought a tennis uniform without his knowledge.
“I’m coming, just give me one more minute!” You said, smiling a little bit and looking at the mirror: you liked how the uniform was on you but you were also tense because you didn’t know if Jannik would have appreciated.
You sighed, then you took a deep breath and you opened the door, exiting the bathroom and looking at him.
Jan looked at you, speechless for some minutes.
“Y/n” he whispered your name, lookin at you in the new uniform. “Holy shit, you’re amazing in that uniform.”
You blushed at hsi compliment but you really appreciated it; you smiled and walked towards him.
“Do you like it?” You asked, smiling softly.
He put his hands on your hips and he smiled, leaving some kisses on your cheeks and after that on your neck.
“Do i like it? I fucking love it. God, you’re so beautiful darling, i’m the luckiest man in the world.” He said, hugging you and finally kissing you on the lips; you kissed him back and smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck.
“Now i’m properly ready for our little match.” You whispered to his ear, smiling.
The Italian smiled and kissed you again, then he took his bag and wrap the other arm on your shoulders, smiling.
“C’mon, let’s go to the court” he smiled, placing a kiss on your head before opening the door to let you pass. “Girls first.” He added, smiling.
“Are you letting me pass first just because you’re a gentleman or because you want to look at my ass?” You chuckled, biting your bottom lip.
“Maybe… you’ll never know.” He joked, taking your hand and smiling.
You two reached the court in just seven minutes by foot and you smiled when you two entered the court together, hand in hand.
“Okay, now… you never played tennis before, haven’t you?” He asked, giving you one of his rackets; you immediately took it and your eyes widened when you felt how heavy it was, more than you were expecting it to be.
“No, i never played tennis so you have to teach me everything.”
Jannik smiles at you and he gently hit the ball to pass it to you; you tried to stop it with your racket but you failed miserably. He laughed while you blushed, embarrassed by your skill in NOT hitting the ball.
“Try again love, you just have to gain some confidence with the racket. It’s like an extension of your arm and it’s difficult to train your mind in understanding it. Just keep trying and you will improve okay? Let me put my hat on and i will help you doing that.”
The Italian shook his head a little bit, then he used both his hands to adjust the hat on his head; he had so many hair that he needed some minutes to adjust everything, being sure to have a good view of the entire court. After that, he walked towards his girlfriend that was some meters away, trying to hit the ball with the racket he gave her. He perfectly knew that it was too big for her but he didn’t have any other racket, so they had to adapt to it.
“Okay, let me help you with the service.” He said, walking towards you. He put his hands on your hips, positioning you in the right place, then he helped you with the posture. “Okay, that’s better. Normally you have to hit the square that’s diagonally opposite you but this time we’ll make an exception, okay? Just try to hit the ball, we should start with that.”
You was so nervous even if you knew that the only person that could have seen your incapacity of playing tennis was your boyfriend; you knew that he wouldn’t have made fun of you, but you were nervous anyway.
You really wanted to playing tennis decently for him, you wanted to do that to make him happy. It was your boyfriend’s biggest passion and you wanted to live that too, because you wanted to know everything that could make your boyfriend happy.
Somehow you were able to hit the ball, even if it was not hard enough; the ball bounced in your side of the field but Jannik didn’t say anything, he wanted for the ball to bounce again in his side and he hit it gently, aiming at your right to be sure that you would have been able to hit it with your forehand.
Somehow you did it and you both cheered, even if the ball stopped against the net.
“Good job love! You’re doing amazing! Honestly i thought you would have missed every single ball.” He jokes, smiling at you. You looked at him and put your hands on your hips, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh yeah? It’s that so?” You joked, smiling darkly at him. “If that’s the case i think that tonight i will undress myself and I would not ask your help at all!”
Jannik widened his eyes and look at you, speechless.
He couldn’t believe you just said that in a public place, even if you two were the only ones on the court and even if no one was on the stands. He didn’t expect it but he immediately regretted making that comment.
“I’m sorry! Y/n you know that i was only joking! You’re the best tennis player i ever met in my career and i will definitely lose this game because you’re too much stronger!” He immediately said, biting his lip while saying that. “But can i took that uniform away this night? I swear that’s the only thing I thought about since i saw you with that!”
You laughed and you recovered the ball, coming back into position and trying to hit it as hard as you could while Jannik was still talking. He was so focused in trying to be forgiven about what he said that he didn’t realize you just made your service.
The ball didn’t bounce in the right square so it would definitely have been a fault in a normal match, but since he said the rules would have been different for their match, you made a point.
Jannik really tried to save the ball to the last but he couldn’t, that’s why you rejoiced, happy about the point you just made.
“That’s not fair! I was still talking!” He immediately replied, putting his hands on his hips, pouting.
“It’s not my fault if you weren’t paying any attention!” You replied, smiling. “I made a point! Ha! What were you saying, mh?” You teased him, smiling.
“Oh, you’re in so much trouble.” You said, waking towards you with an evil smile; you immediately started running away but he was much more trained than you and he immediately stopped you, wrapping his arms around you. “Where are you going darling?”
When Jannik started to tickled you, you immediately started laughing. “No, please stop!” You begged him to stop, still laughing and trying to escape from his grip. You kept laughing and laughing for minutes that seemed like hours, then he finally stopped and he just put his hands in your hips, bringing you closer to his body. He was definitely taller than you and you had to looked up to meet his eyes.
You stayed silent for some minutes, trying to catch your breath while looking at him, smiling softly.
He caressed your cheeks and smiled, then he lowered himself and left a kiss on your forehead.
“I love you so much.” He said, giving you shivers.
There’s something about his eyes that always made you feel special; you knew that you would have fallen in love with those eyes the second you saw them and the second you felt their effects on you.
“I love you too, loser.” You said, kissing him before he could reply
Summary: y/n is Charles Leclerc’s little sister and also Jannik Sinner’s girlfriend. She went to Jannik Final in Rome, when he has the opportunity to become Number One in the ATP rankings
Warnings: none I guess. Maybe just bad English since it’s not my first language
Being Charles Leclerc little sister wasn’t easy at all and you hated everything that was related to your brother’s fame or job. You loved him with all your heart but sometimes it was difficult being his sister, especially if everyone around you tries to be your friend just to have a chance to meet your brother.
At the same time, however, you were able to meet your current boyfriend thanks to your brother and you were grateful for that. When Charles invited you and your brothers to the Montecarlo Master 1000 final in 2024 you were excited, especially when Jannik Sinner won the semifinal.
You watched tennis since you were only six or seven years old, especially because your father and your brothers loved it. Even after your father’s death you kept watching tennis, maybe also because you wanted to feel him again, maybe because watching tennis helped you remembering him.
And that’s how you knew Jannik Sinner: you watched one of his game when he was still young but you knew that something was different about him, you knew that he would have become someone important one day.
When you met him after the final you were almost shaking and your brother Arthur didn’t help you neither: he embarrassed you even more, telling Jannik that you were his biggest fan.
You didn’t knew when you met him, nor did he. It just happened. It wasn’t planned at all.
You two met again some days after, and again and again till you started dating in secret. You both wanted to keep it a secret, to keep it private from all the fans, the journalists and the world: only your families and Jannik’s team knew about your relationship. You just wanted to live yourselves, you just wanted to know each other better before telling everyone that you were a couple. You still didn’t even admit that you loved each other when you decided to leave Imola and not to watch your brother’s race on 19th of May. It was race day for Charles but it was also Jannik’s match day and you perfectly knew that, if he would have won, he would’ve become first in the ATP rankings. And you couldn’t miss it.
You drove for hours and you were able to arrived just few minutes before the start of the match, when Jannik was still doing some warmup. He didn’t know you were there, he thought that you would have been at your brother’s race and he understood that, he wasn’t even mad at you when you told him that your brother invited you to his race. And then, that morning, Charles told you that you should have gone and that he wouldn’t have been angry with you.
You thanked him and you immediately left to reach Jannik in Rome.
You were able to enter thanks to his coach Cahill, that let you pass the security and found you a place near them, even if you didn’t want to be seen by Jannik.
“What do you mean, y/n? Why you didn’t want to be seen?” Asked his physiotherapist, Giacomo, looking at you with a confused look.
“I don’t want to distract him. He doesn’t know i’m here and there’s no time to tell him; he needs to stay focused on the game, especially today, especially when there’s being the number one in the rankings on the plate.”
They knew that you only wanted Jannik’s best and they agreed with you, that’s why Jannik didn’t know about you being there till the end of the match, when he reached his team on the stands after his victory.
At the beginning he didn’t see you, he just hugged his team, smiling, incredulous.
“Let’s go Jan!”
“Bravo!”
“Olé, Olé, Olé! Sinner! Sinner!”
The fans were crazy, they were screaming, singing and they were crying. Some kids were literally in tears, some fans were hugging each other screaming: “Sinner numero uno al mondo!” (“Sinner number one in the world!”)
It was the first time that an Italian reached the first place in the ATP rankings and Italians were going crazy, especially because he became number one in Rome, at home.
“Sei fantastico Jan! Ottimo lavoro!” Said Simone Vagnozzi, smiling at him. (“You’re amazing Jan! Good job!”)
He was too much shocked to notice you were just few feet away from him. You couldn’t stop smiling, especially watching him being so happy. He deserved all of this and even more.
Before he could see you, you stepped forward, smiling.
“So, do i have to call you champion from now on?” You whispered to his ear, gaining his full attention. He immediately wrapped his hands around your waist and he hugged you, smiling.
“Y/n! W-what… what are you doing here?!” He asked, smiling even more. “I thought you were at your brother’s race! When did you arrived here?”
You smiled, passing an hand through his hair and caressing him gently. You smiled, looking at him and feeling goosebumps under his touch.
“I couldn’t miss it, right? I wanted to be here with you and my brother understood. I arrived only few minutes before the start that’s why I didn’t tell you: I didn’t want to disturb you. I know how important it’s for you and i didn’t want to distract you.”
He was speechless: he wanted to thank you, to say something but he couldn’t. He wanted to say how he felt, he wanted to say that you were amazing and that he felt so fucking lucky to have you, but he couldn’t. He didn’t find the right words, that’s why he just kissed you.
You didn’t expect him to do that in front of everyone, in front of the fans, journalists and the tv. You knew that all the world was watching you two kissing, you knew that your secret was not a secret anymore after that kiss, but you didn’t mind. You just let him do it and you immediately kissed him back.
You loved him.
God, you loved him so much.
But you weren’t prepared for that, you weren’t prepared for what he told next. You couldn’t believe it, you just couldn’t.
“I love you, y/n.” He told you, whispering it while watching you in the eyes. He would have passed all the time there, kissing you and hugging you. There was no-one else in there except you. It was only you and him.
You didn’t know what to say or what to do, you loved him so much and you waited to hear that for weeks, but you couldn’t still believe it.
Was it true?
Was it real?
You immediately hugged him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and hiding your face on his chest.
“I love you too, my little champion” you whispered, smiling. “And I would kiss you all the time right now, but i think you should go now. I’ll wait here for you, okay?”
Jannik smiled and nodded, caressing your cheek gently.
“Okay babe, i will come back to you as soon as i can, okay?” He said, giving you one last kiss before going back on the court to be interviewed. You smiled at him and nodded, still looking at him from distance.
“I love you and i will always do.” You whispered to yourself, since he was way too far to hear you.
And when he raised the cup to the sky you just smiled seeing how happy he was, seeing the smile he had on his face, how emotional he looked in that moment.
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