Unravel Me
Liam Mairi x Fem!Reader
Summary: Grief is your constant companion as you struggle to come to terms with losing Liam. You can’t handle the memories, so you ask Imogen to take them away.
Warnings: ‼️18+ (MDNI) explicit content‼️, smut, grief, death, blood, some violence, angst, ALL HURT/no comfort, first person reader pov
Author’s Note: This is probably my fav story I’ve written so far! Liam is my favorite of all of the Fourth Wing men & I’ve been dying to write this for so long. - also, every person who has checked in on me about burnout, thank you, you’re incredibly kind & I appreciate all the love!!
Word Count: 8.6K
AO3 link
Masterlist
• • • •
The stone archway is the only thing keeping me from collapsing to the ground. I lay my back against it, trying to keep myself standing. Breaths saw through my lungs in jagged, sharp inhales. A knife cutting through me from the inside out.
Storm clouds form in the sky above, ominous in the setting sun. The smell of wet stone and soil fills the air as I try to still my racing heart.
It’s been one month.
One month.
Four weeks.
Thirty days.
Seven hundred and twenty-two hours and counting since Liam has been gone.
Knees shaking, I close my eyes, breathing deeply. But the breaths come quicker and faster. The image of Liam’s broken, bloody face surfacing unbidden. The way his blue eyes frosted over before closing, his skin cracked and pale as he slumped against Deigh’s red scales.
Rough, uneven breaths escape me. Thunder rumbles the ground beneath my feet, the summer air chilled by the cool of rain. Each breath clouds around me as I stand beneath an arch, facing the open courtyard.
The very courtyard where I first met Liam.
I remember the way his eyes lit with a teasing gleam when they first met mine. He was playful, flirtatious, but his eyes captured me. Like crystal glass, filled with murky seawater shining in the sunlight. I’d never seen such a blue.
The memory stings, sharp and insistent with its presence. Since his death, I’ve been left with nothing but every memory I have of him. Each one imprinted upon me, unique and shining. How he smiled, fully and entirely intoxicating, when I entered the room. The way his skin glided against mine between sheets. The feel of his calloused hand gripping my own. His lips coasting mine, teasing, before claiming them for his own, stealing the breath in my lungs.
Every day since his death has been my own personal hell. Waking up, alone, forms a hollow ache within my chest that grows with every second. I never want to leave my bed.
For the first week, everyone grieved alongside me. But we’re in the middle of a war. We can’t waste any time.
Only the pestering of my squad mates and the force behind my dragon’s insistent encouragement force me out of my room now. Although they try to hide it, they’re concerned for me. I act like I can’t feel their penetrating gazes, but it’s suffocating.
Every day is suffocating.
Distantly, I hear someone call my name. With my eyes closed, I can pretend I’m not here. I can pretend he’s alive. I can pretend I will find him standing before me, smiling, when I open my eyes. That he’ll tell me I worry too much and he’ll kiss the rain from my cheeks and lips.
When I open my eyes, it’s not him standing there. It’s Imogen.
Concern lines her face as she stares at me. “I’m so sorry. I can’t.”
Tears burn my eyes as the rain begins to fall harder. Overcome by a heaviness crushing my ribs, my knees start to shake. I can’t tell if I’m holding on to the wall or if it’s the one keeping me up.
“Please,” I beg, voice cracking. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t wake up tomorrow with this pain,” I grip my chest, swallowing the grief threatening to choke me. “It’s like a living, breathing thing inside of me. It’s poisoning me. I…I can’t do it anymore.”
Sobs escape from my lips, gasping and heaving. I must sound like a tortured animal as I collapse to the ground, cracking my knees against the stone. The pain grounds me as I slump against the wall.
This pressure on my chest, the one that settled there as I watched Liam limp towards Deigh a month ago, is stifling me. It’s growing more and more, crushing my lungs, severing my breaths as I cling to the stone beneath my fingers.
I completely forget Imogen until she’s stepping towards me. She watches the tears fall from my eyes, shared sorrow evident in her posture. She, too, knew Liam well. They all did. It wasn’t just me who lost him.
But she knows what he was to me. What I was to him.
I don’t know what convinces her. Maybe it’s the tears. Maybe it’s my pathetic whimpers. Or maybe it’s the hollow look in my eyes as grief consumes me. All I know is she’s staring at me with concern and hesitant understanding. And I cling to that like a lifeline.
“Okay,” her voice sobers me from my tears.
A shaky breath. Another.
“Really?” My whisper is broken in the space between us.
She nods slowly. “I’ll do it. But you have to know what you’re asking me to do.”
I nod back, aware of her hands as they clench and unclench at her sides.
The idea came to me last week when a cadet mocked Violet about losing her “guard dog”. Violet flinched and, suddenly, there he was. Xaden was a feral, untamed thing as he hurled himself at the cadet.
It should’ve been me. I should’ve hurt that dumbass cadet. I wish it had been me as I watched Xaden deliver blow after blow on the cadet before being thrown back by Garrick. My knees and hands were shaking as I watched him be crowded against the wall, restrained as the injured cadet ran down the hall like a fucking coward.
Grief is something that’s different for everyone. I think the only person who knew an ounce of what I felt was Xaden. He lost not only a friend but a brother. He loved him.
And as I stood there, staring as Violet calmed Xaden, I had known this grief would pass for him. It would haunt him forever, but it would scar over. He would heal because he had Violet. He had Garrick and Imogen and Bodhi.
I had Liam.
A steadiness settles in me as I meet her gaze. “I know what I’m asking.”
She closes her eyes, briefly, as if debating if this is worth the risk, before raising her hands towards me.
“You need to stay perfectly still,” she instructs, kneeling before me. “I’m not going to lie to you. This will hurt like hell, but the pain won’t last long. It should fade, along with the memories you want me to erase.”
I nod as trepidation and nerves slowly creep up my spine, causing my hands to shake. I clench them, steeling myself. Forcing determination to settle on my shoulders.
Imogen settles herself before me, waiting for my signal before touching the skin of my temples. The pink of her hair is darker in the low lighting, thunder gradually fading in the distance as rain continues to fall.
“Are you sure?” She asks, voice hesitant.
A flash of Liam’s smile has my gut twisting. Liam used to say that love was something he never thought would happen to him. That love was a fairytale.
After almost a year of being together, he whispered with shaky breaths, “I’ve never loved someone like I love you. You’re the other half of something I didn’t know was missing. Something so tied within me, I feel you always.”
I’d gripped him tightly, clinging to him as I kissed his collarbone, neck, all the way up to his jaw. “I feel you, too.”
He shook his head, lips brushing my ear. “Don’t you think it’s terrifying that at any moment, it could be gone? I could lose you?”
I’d given him reassurances. False promises.
I didn’t know I’d lose him so soon. I didn’t know loving him would become a curse.
Wanting something I can’t ever have again will kill me. I can’t do it anymore.
“Yes,” I answer Imogen. “I’m sure.”
She hesitates, only for a moment, before closing her eyes. I close my own, letting the rain wash my doubts away.
Pressure builds behind my eyes, steady and gradual at her fingertips. I can feel her presence in my mind.
“Start from your most recent memory,” she says. “And slowly go further and further until you reach the oldest one.”
I pause, my heart racing frantically in my chest as I immediately recall the last time I saw Liam.
“No!” I scream, but it’s too late.
Deigh slumps to the ground, motionless.
Blood drips from my hands as I run towards Liam, whose eyes meet mine in wide panic. I watch him stagger forward, limping, before collapsing to the dirt.
I’m there, holding him up as his body begins to slump. Xaden appears, helping me, but I barely glance at him. My entire focus is on Liam’s shallow breathing.
“Take me to him,” he whispers roughly, chest rising and falling jaggedly.
We help bring Liam to Deigh. My shaking hands cling to him as we settle him against the red scales of his dragon. Xaden lingers beside me as we both kneel before Liam, whose gaze is fixed on his friend.
“You’re the brother I’ve always wanted,” he smiles. “Don’t forget where you came from. Who you are, and who you’ll become.”
Tears well in Xaden’s eyes as he nods.
I feel like I’m intruding on a moment between them, but I can’t bring myself to leave Liam’s side.
“I-“ he swallows, gaze fixated on Violet behind us. “I hope I did enough-“
“You did,” Xaden smiles, tears now falling down his cheeks. “You did everything you could and more.”
Liam nods, tears in his own eyes. Xaden leans forward to hold him, one last time.
Liam mumbles something to him I can’t hear before Xaden backs away, back towards Violet. I catch Xaden looking at me, guilt written across his features, but I don’t acknowledge it. I can’t waste any second we have left.
Liam finally, finally, meets my gaze. His jaw clenches as he watches the tears streaming down my skin. His fingers reach up, wiping them away. I lean into his hand on instinct, forcing myself to memorize the way his calloused skin feels against mine.
“I don’t know how to say goodbye,” I whisper.
Liam’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “Then don’t.”
He pulls me forward, kissing me with his last breaths. I don’t hesitate. I kiss him with every fiber of my being, knowing I won’t have this for much longer. The feel of his lips will stay with me until I, too, meet Malek at the end of this life. Where I hope he waits for me.
When we part, I lean my forehead against his, breaths sawing through me like a serrated knife’s edge.
“I-I can’t lose you,” I gasp.
His skin is pale, almost gray-tinted, as his fingers softly touch my cheek. “You won’t lose me forever. I’ll see you again.”
A sob escapes my lips before I kiss him again. “I love you. Always.”
Liam’s smile is full of sorrow as he kisses me back. “I’ll love you beyond my last breath,” he whispers against my lips.
His fingers suddenly caress the back of my head, tilting my face to look up at him. There’s a severity in his eyes as he stares down at me. “Every moment we have had is something I’ll cherish long after I’m gone. I’ve never felt so lucky,” he kisses the tip of my nose, the top of my cheeks. “Whatever becomes of me, my soul,” a tear falls from his eye as his gaze holds me captive. “I’ll always be with you.”
I turn my head to kiss the palm of his hand. “I’ll always need you.”
“Not always,” he shakes his head. “I need you to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“Live,” his smile is beaming as blood trickles down the side of his head from an open cut, staining his blonde hair. “Live and forget me.”
“But-“
“I want you to grow old, live a full life. Fight to live beyond whatever this war will bring.”
I shake my head. “How am I supposed to forget you? You’re all I have.”
“No, I’m not. You have so much to live for, don’t let me stand in the way of something greater ahead of you.” I try to refute, but Liam silences me with another kiss. “You’re the one thing in my life that’s made all of this worth it. For that, I’m grateful for the time I was given with you.”
A whimper escapes me and Liam holds me, breathing me in.
“I kept my promise.” He kisses me once, twice.
In the space between us, we breathe together. I hold my hand to his chest, feeling the rise and fall. One long, deep, shaky breath, a whisper of my name, and he stills.
Silence crowds around me, choking the air as I weep into the skin of his neck, holding him close. A scream builds in my throat as his body grows cold beneath me. Rage rises like a tidal wave within me, numbing the pain.
They’ll pay. Every last Venin will die for this. For what they took from me.
I’m covered in sweat, blood, and dried tears by the time the sun sets and the Venin are defeated in Athebyne. For now.
Flames reach towards the sky, flickering and grasping for the stars. I grip my sword, Liam’s sword, tightly in my hand. Blood trickles down my skin across the blade as I stare into the fire.
Liam’s body burns atop the pyre. Ashes scatter in the breeze as everyone stands to watch. We all lived, and it sickens me. We survived, and Liam, the best of us, didn’t.
Bitterness settles next to the grief. It burns like acid in my gut. The last thing I remember is Violet’s hand gripping my own in comfort.
“You’re not alone,” she whispers.
But I am. I’m entirely alone.
The memory is ripped from my grasp, leaving me gasping, heaving, as the ache in my chest burns.
Before I can steady myself, I’m thrown into another.
Arms wrap around my torso, pulling me close to a firm chest as dim light filters through the arched windows.
“Good morning to you, too,” I whisper, groggily.
A breathy chuckle against my spine has my skin prickling. “Morning, love.”
I bask in the warmth of his arms, the feel of his muscles flexing against my skin as he kisses my shoulder. He hums, continuing kissing up my shoulder to my neck, shifting my hair to kiss up my jaw. I shiver, as his fingers trail down my torso to my hips, pulling the hem of my nightdress up my thighs.
“Liam,” I breathe.
I feel him smile against my ear as he nips at it. “Yes, love? Need something?”
His fingers trail up my thighs, leaving goosebumps in their wake. When his calloused hand reaches the edge of my underwear, Liam’s lips caress my bottom lip.
I whisper against him, “I need you.”
“Whatever you want, I’ll give you,” he smirks before his lips collide with mine.
He kisses me with a lazy, unhurried pace. As if we have all the time in the world.
I shift in his arms, gaining better access to his mouth as I tangle my tongue with his. My fingers dive through his hair as his own slip beneath the lace of my underwear. His skin is warm and rough against me as the tips of his fingers glide across where I want him most.
“Already wet for me, darling?” He growls into my mouth.
I moan as his fingers sink inside me, pumping agonizingly slow. He continues to tease and caress as I melt in his arms. When his thumb rubs smooth circles around my clit, heat begins to prickle at the base of my core. I’m already climbing to my peak, heaving and gasping breaths as he pumps his long, thick fingers in and out, gaining speed the more I moan his name.
“You’re intoxicating,” he groans as he bites my lip. “I fucking love waking up to you like this. Soaked and ready for me.”
A gasp falls from my lips just before he pinches my clit. Light flashes beneath my lids as I cry out, fire blazing up my body as I fall into the rhythm of his fingers. I pulse and squeeze around him as my hands grip onto him tightly. When I come down from my climax, a pounding on the door has me jolting.
“Don’t make me break this fucking door down!” I hear Xaden’s voice yell.
Liam groans, slumping against me. “Shit.”
The bed shifts as he rolls off the bed, covering me with the blankets before throwing open the door.
“What?”
There’s a pause before I hear Xaden’s low chuckle. “Sorry to disrupt your morning, but we have to leave.”
Liam’s shoulders tense. “Now? What happened?”
People are running in the hall, shouts echoing off the walls that force me to sit up, staring in confusion at the chaos.
“Get dressed,” Xaden commands, all amusement gone.
“What’s going on?” Liam asks again.
I can see Xaden’s jaw clench as he stares at his foster brother. “They’re calling us down to the flight field. War Games.”
Liam’s grip on the doorframe whitens his knuckles. “How many minutes do we have?”
Xaden hesitates. “Less than ten, but you need-“
“We’ll meet you on the field.” Liam slams the door shut.
When he turns to me, his eyes are blazing like blue fire. He stalks forward, standing at the edge of our bed. His hands shoot out and drag me to the edge, making me squeal. His fingers tear the lace from me, leaving me bare before him before forcing my legs open. He’s kneeling as I sit up, watching him as he leans forward to lick up my slit in one swift, precise movement. I groan, head falling back as I buck against his unyielding grip.
“But we have to go,” I gasp when he does it once more.
His voice is rough and gravelly as his lips caress my heat. “Guess I have to make every second count.”
The memory fades, like the burning of paper. Ashes scattering in my mind as pain radiates up my spine, throbbing at my temples. I bite my lip to keep myself from screaming as the pressure builds.
My head pounds as I’m thrown further, another memory crashing over me.
“Fuck, baby, that’s it,” Liam groans against my ear, pumping deep into me. “You’re taking me so well.”
I whine, shifting my hips to meet him with every thrust. He hits inside of me deliciously, stars dancing across my vision as his hands hold my waist, pressing me into the sheets.
An urgency fills us as we stop pacing ourselves and chase that fire slowly burning beneath our skin. It races in our blood as our skin slicks with sweat, breaths gasping.
Liam shifts his hips upward on the next thrust, making me moan into his collarbone.
“Gods, do that again.”
Liam smirks, blue eyes glittering when they meet mine. “As you wish.”
The memory warps, lost to time, as I’m thrown further, again and again, into one memory after another and another.
The mat presses against my cheek as Liam holds me down. I can tell he’s holding back since his weight isn’t entirely crushing me.
That’s a mistake he’ll surely regret.
I twist my legs, elbowing him in the face as I throw my weight onto him. He rolls, falling to the mat as I climb atop him, my elbow pressing into his throat to cut off his air supply. My legs hold his arms down to keep him from moving.
He struggles for a moment, but the shining pride in his eyes is what causes butterflies to flutter in my stomach.
“I love it when you throw me around,” he chokes out. I raise my elbow slightly to lessen the pressure on his throat.
I chuckle, leaning forward until we’re inches apart. “You like it when I make you do what I want?”
He smiles. “Keep looking at me like that and I’ll beg for it.”
Paper crumples in his hand, frustration steeling his jaw as he throws it at the wall.
“Stop,” I say, reaching for his clenched fingers. “Stop blaming yourself. It won’t do anything good.”
His hard eyes meet mine, immediately softening. “I don’t know what to do,” his voice is broken, hushed. “I wish I could find her, hide her, take her as far from this as possible.” He shakes his head, closing his eyes. “Sloane doesn’t deserve this life.”
Bringing my hand to his cheek, I force him to open his eyes. “You can’t change the future just as you can’t change the past,” I give him a small smile. “She’ll be okay, Liam. She’ll have us.”
Liam’s gaze holds mine as he breathes deeply. We sit there, suspended in time, as he grips me with shaking hands. I know he’s fighting tears as much as he’s fighting the urge to throw a punch at the wall. But with me here, he slowly begins to calm.
When he grabs my hand laying on his cheek, he kisses it. “I guess I should be grateful she’ll finally meet you.”
I smile at the idea. “I hope she likes me.”
He grips me tighter. “She’ll love you. Besides,” he leans forward, inches from me. “She’ll have to since she’ll be putting up with you for a very, very long time.”
I raise a teasing brow. “How long will that be for?”
“If it’s up to me,” he breathes against my lips. “For the rest of our lives.”
The sunset flickers across the horizon over the distant mountains, casting the room in a dim, fading gold light. It refracts off Liam’s eyes, making the blue iridescent, as he smiles against my lips.
“Will you stay?”
I smile back, nipping his bottom lip. “Always.”
“I-I don’t want to wake up alone anymore.” He hesitates, swallowing. “Move in here with me. Share my bed and steal my blankets. Get dressed with me every morning. I don’t want to waste a moment without you next to me. Make this room both of ours.”
Tears gather in my eyes as warmth fills me, settling in my chest.
I kiss him recklessly, leaving us both breathless as I whisper, “Gods, I love you.”
He laughs, shaking his head. “You have no idea.”
Two cadets with fowl breath and malice in their eyes crowd around me. My heart beats wildly in my throat as I back away. Their hands sharp and insistent as they push me to the corner of the hall. Their hands locked on my wrists to keep me from running.
“Get. Your. Fucking. Hands. Off. Her.”
The words cut through the air like a knife laced with venom. It startles the men, who bolt upright to turn and see who spoke.
Liam’s face is a mask of fury as he strides down the hall. The second our gazes collide, he unleashes himself on them. He throws a punch at one of their faces, knocking them against the wall. The other, he tackles into the brick, cracking the back of the cadet’s skull. He groans as Liam throws punch after punch, blood spraying, before throwing the man to the ground. The other cadet is there, stumbling forward and hurling himself at Liam.
I scream when I see the flash of a dagger. Liam catches it within seconds. Being the best of our year has its benefits as he twists the blade out of the cadet’s grip and stabs it to the hilt into his arm. The cadet’s eyes widen, blood trickling from his mouth as he screams, falling to the ground.
The other cadet bleeds next to him, panting.
“What the fuck?” He groans.
Liam stands, blood soaking his clenched fists at his sides as he stares them down. “You touched her, tried to hurt her, you even scared her.” He shakes his head. “You don’t get to live after that.”
The cadet Liam punched over and over again is now trying to crawl away, but it’s too late. Liam is there, hauling him to his feet and holding him against the wall by his throat.
“Liam,” I whisper, fear rattling my voice.
He stops. Everything stops as he lets go of the cadet and turns to me. He’s there, holding me as he quickly examines every inch of exposed skin.
“Yes, love? Did they hurt you?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m f-fine,” I step closer to him, cradling his bleeding hands in mine. “Just please get me out of here.”
He nods, not even sparing them a second glance as he whisks me out of the corridor. We walk quickly until we’re outside in a courtyard. Under a stone arch he stops, pressing me against the wall as he holds me close.
“You looked so afraid,” he whispers in my hair. “I-I couldn’t handle it. Did-“ he hesitates. “Did I scare you?”
“You could never scare me,” I hold him tighter as the lingering fear begins to fade. A warmth settling in me from his close proximity. A sense of rightness at the feel of his arms around me.
He pulls back, looking me over once more. “If those fuckers laid a finger on you-“
I smile softly. “You stopped them before it got worse. I’m alright.”
He nods, forehead touching mine in defeat as his shoulders sag, releasing all the pent-up tension inside of him. “If I wasn’t there, if things were worse, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. Who I’d become.”
I burrow into him, letting his warmth chase every horrible thought away. “But you didn’t lose me. You won’t.”
Liam shakes his head. “I need you to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“Promise me you’ll fight. You’ll fight till your last breath to stay alive, to see the next day. I can’t-“ he swallows. “I couldn’t live knowing I could’ve saved you. But I can’t always be there.”
“You don’t need to be, but I’m grateful you were there today,” I press closer. “I promise to fight and not give up.”
He nods, satisfied. Silence envelops us as the night breeze whistles through the courtyard.
The moon shines on his blue eyes, making them almost silver as he says, “And I promise to fight for you, too. To love you and keep you safe. Till my last breath. You can hold me to that.”
Music floats through the air as Liam holds me close, hands intertwining as he guides me to an alcove covered in shadows. I stifle a laugh as we race through the corridor. We ignore the shouting taunts from Ridoc and Sawyer down the hall as they head back to the party.
Once we’re out of earshot and covered by the dark, Liam presses me against the stone of the alcove. He doesn’t waste a second. His lips are on mine, holding me captive. He’s insistent and intoxicating as he consumes me with just a kiss. He smells of liquor and desire, making me feel lightheaded.
His rough fingers drag the fabric of my dress up as his lips begin to trail down my jaw, neck, and chest. Before I can protest, he’s kneeling, throwing the fabric up to expose my legs to the cool night air.
“Liam!” I whisper-shout. “Someone will see!”
Liam raises a brow. “Then you better keep quiet.”
He grips the back of my leg, tossing it over his shoulder as he disappears beneath my dress. His breath is hot against my skin as he licks up my inner thighs.
I bite back a squeal as he moves my underwear out of the way, fingers toying with my skin.
“Don’t worry, baby, I’ve got you.”
“Liam-“ I’m cut off by the feel of his mouth kissing my heat. His tongue diving deep inside me, causing me to throw a hand over my mouth, stifling a moan. My knees begin to buckle but he holds me in his firm grip, keeping me standing as he continues to twist his tongue deep inside, feasting on me.
I’m delirious with want as he continues to eat me out, thumb caressing my clit lazily. Pleasure spreads up my body, curling around my spine. My hips rock against him, pressure building and building before-
“Liam,” I gasp against my hand as my climax hits me, hard and fast. His fingers and tongue prolong my pulsing as I come all over his mouth. It feels like an eternity before my body gives out, sliding against the stone.
“Gods, I love the way you say my name,” he groans against me. “Especially when I fuck you.”
Liam stands, shifting his hands as I hear the sound of a buckle. Before I can calm my racing heart, he grips my thighs and holds up my legs to wrap firmly around his waist. I obey and immediately suck in a breath. The head of his cock is poised at my soaked entrance.
He suddenly leans forward, surprising me with a kiss on the tip of my nose. My heart swells before he finds my lips, kissing me. It’s consuming, claiming. Leaving me breathless and wanting.
“I love you so much, baby,” he says before pushing into me, stretching me. We moan together, breaths intermixing, as he bottoms out.
Using the wall as leverage, Liam adjusts me so my hips are at the perfect angle, his hands holding my ass firmly before he begins to thrust. My nails dig into his shirt as he hits me just right. This angle allows him to sink deeper and deeper, causing gasps to fall from my lips like whispered secrets.
He stops the sound with his mouth on my own, swallowing my moans. I taste myself on his lips and tongue. It’s incredibly erotic and fills me with immense pleasure as he thrusts harder and harder. I bounce against the stone, clinging to him for dear life as he begins chasing his own pleasure. I’m already climbing with him, breaths sawing through my lungs as I feel myself chasing another orgasm.
“That’s it, baby,” he coos. “You’re incredible.” He hisses as his cock hits me just right. My inner walls fluttering around him as he pumps faster. “Fuck, that feels-“
He groans just as his hips piston into me, wild and untamed as he releases inside of me. I’m right there with him. Like a flower bursting open in the sun, warmth burns through my body at the sensation. I don’t even care if anyone hears us anymore, I’m moaning his name loud enough to echo off the walls as I gyrate against him.
When we both finally come down, we’re twitching and panting, giving one another tired, lazy smiles. Liam towers above me, breathing heavily as he kisses my forehead, my temple, the corner of my mouth.
“Gods, you’re insatiable.”
I laugh before wiggling in his arms, causing his still-hard cock to sink further into me. He moans at the sensation.
“Another round?”
He laughs with me. “You don’t have to ask me twice,” his hands are firm on my wrists as he holds them above my head, trapping them against the cool stone. “As you wish.”
The stars are bright above the flight field as Liam and I lay back in the grass. It prickles the skin of my hands as a breeze flutters over us. The distant sounds of crickets and a nearby river fill the quiet. Both of our dragons lie close by, their sulfuric breathing filling the silence. We’re far away enough from them to feel as though we’re entirely alone.
Liam’s arm is close to mine as we lay, looking up at the constellations.
“What did Ridoc say to you earlier when we were leaving the gym?” I ask quietly. “You seemed annoyed.”
Liam’s breath hitches, his chest stilling. I feel his arm tense as he tries to slowly breathe out, almost like he’s calming himself.
“He, uh, just wanted to know about something.”
That piques my interest. I raise a brow. “About?”
Liam is quiet for a moment. “He wanted to know if you were single.”
“Oh.”
The silence is suddenly suffocating. The presence of our dragons makes this feel incredibly awkward, as if we have an audience. I can feel the weight of my dragon peering at us, like the gossip she is. I ignore her.
I don’t turn to look at Liam as I bite my lower lip. It’s been months of this constant flirtation. Months of tension that’s been building and building but I can’t tell if he’s just incredibly friendly with everyone or actually wanting a relationship with me. It’s driving me crazy.
Liam’s the type of guy who anyone can love and I hate how I’m one of them. How I’ve completely fallen for someone who probably only views me as nothing more than a friend.
A shaky exhale escapes me as I try and compose myself. “What did you say?”
Liam scoffs. “I told him to go ahead and ask you out.”
I startle, eyes wide and heart beating out of my chest as I turn to look over at him only to find he’s already staring at me. There’s a gleam of satisfaction in his eye as he watches my reaction.
Anger rises, sudden and quick. “Did you just say that to see what I’d do?!”
Liam shrugs before winking. “Just making sure you’re not interested in him.”
The anger dies as quick as it arrived. But my heart continues to pound, nerves sparking in my gut. “Why?”
Liam is suddenly leaning close, breath fanning over my face. He smells of mint, earth, and something so familiar, I ache to be closer to him. “I told him to go fuck himself. That you’re mine and he’d end up with a broken nose on that pretty-boy face of his as soon as he even spoke to you.”
My breath catches in my throat, a squeak escaping my lips. Liam’s mouth twitches at the sound.
“Who said I’m yours?” I whisper, unsure and entirely too hopeful for my own good.
Liam’s smile is beaming and brilliant. “You were mine the second you punched Jack in the throat after parapet.”
A laugh bursts out of me, startling the quiet of the night. Liam joins in, but his gaze is heavy and insistent on me.
“He deserved it,” I huff.
“He did,” Liam’s smile is contagious as his fingers move a piece of hair behind my ear, lingering next to my cheek. “But I also knew when you told me I’m just another big asshole at Basgiath,” he winks.
I roll my eyes playfully. “You came on too strong from the second you met me.”
He shrugs. “Didn’t want anyone to steal you away from me before I got the chance to sweep you off your feet.”
I raise a brow. “And did you?”
He lays his hand against my cheek, no more hesitating. “Depends on if you’re truly mine or not.”
I lean into him, eyes closing. “I’ve been yours for a long time, Liam.”
The nighttime breeze wraps us tighter together as he leans in and kisses me. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt his lips on mine and it sends a spark of fire down my body, lighting every nerve like a firework. I’m electrified, lighting up the night sky as he kisses me like something fragile and precious. Something worth having.
“I love you,” I whisper against his lips.
He startles, pushing himself away before he’s suddenly hovering above me. A smile that rivals the brightness of the stars shines on me as he leans down, our noses touching.
“You love me?”
I nod, my nerves fluttering as he reaches out to caress my cheek. I’ve never seen him so soft, so gentle. No one would believe how trusting, caring, and loving he can be. But only I see it. Only with me does he let down his walls.
He’s kissing me again, but this time, he’s no longer holding back. He’s not gentle as he bites my bottom lip, sucking it between his teeth. I moan as his tongue surges into my mouth, claiming me. I’m lost to the feel of him as his hands tangle in my hair, pulling my head back to gain access to my throat.
Against my skin, he whispers. “Gods, I’ve been wanting to hear you say that for so long.” He licks a strip of my skin, biting my pulse, before sucking my clavicle. “Fuck, I love you so damn much, I’ve been going insane with wanting you.”
My breath hitches as his fingers trail beneath my leathers, finding the skin of my hip. He presses me into the grass as he finds his way back to my lips. Kissing me once more.
Time seems to hold its breath as we kiss under the stars, uncaring of what the next day may bring. All we have is this moment, clinging to one another and sighing with relief. I’ve never felt so happy in my entire life as Liam looks down on me with such adoration.
When he suddenly sits back on his knees, I pout up at him. He shakes his head, laughing as he holds his hand out.
“Come with me.”
He pulls me up with him off the grass and starts racing towards the school.
“Where are we going?” I huff, trying to keep up.
Liam’s grip is unwavering as he turns back to look at me. “We only have a few hours till sunrise and I need all the time I can get to show you just how much I love you,” he winks.
Warmth rises up my neck to my cheeks, making him smile wider as he pulls me after him towards Basgiath.
“Is something going on between you and Liam?” Violet asks.
I startle, choking on my drink. Rhiannon snickers as she pats my back, helping me. Once I can breathe, my eyes betray me. I automatically find Liam across the dining hall, talking with Xaden and Garrick. His face is tight with tension and concern as his hands clench beside his plate. When his eyes meet mine, as if he can sense me, the tension is immediately gone. He softens. A smile playing on his mouth as he nods to me, saying good morning.
I nod back, warmth filling my gut before I avoid Violet’s inquisitive stare and go back to eating. “Nothing’s going on.”
Rhiannon snorts. “Sure. And nothing is going on with Violet and Xaden.”
Violet stiffens next to me. “There’s nothing-“
Rhiannon holds up a hand, stopping her. “Don’t fight it, Violet. It’s way too obvious.”
Violet glares at her best friend, causing me to laugh. I catch Liam glancing at us from the sound.
“It’s just as obvious with you two,” Rhiannon presses.
I prickle at their interrogation. “What do you want me to say? We’re just friends.”
Violet shakes her head. “Friends don’t look at each other the way he looks at you.”
I stare at her, brows pinched. “What do you mean?”
Violet glances at Xaden’s table and smiles. “Like that.”
I whip my gaze back to Liam to find him staring. He doesn’t look away when I meet his blue eyes. There’s an underlying intensity in his stare, something heavy and wanting. It leaves me breathless and trapped, wanting more than anything for us to be alone. To finally tell him how I feel. To see if maybe, just maybe, the lingering stares and touches and late-night talks are more than just friendship.
I break away first, staring down at the broccoli on my plate with sorrow climbing its way up my sternum. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Violet throws her hands in the air, clearly exasperated. “Gods, can’t you guys just shut up and make-out already!”
Her voice echoes around the table and I freeze. Closing my eyes, I hope he didn’t just hear her. I hope to every god that can hear me that he isn’t the one whose chair screeched against the floor. That it’s not his booted feet coming towards our table.
“Ladies,” Liam’s deep octave vibrates against my already rattled nerves.
“Oh fuck,” I mumble. I open my eyes to find Liam hovering above me, leaning his hands on the table.
“Morning, gorgeous,” he winks.
I fight the blush rising to my cheeks by curving my nails into my palms. The pain is sharp and helps clear my head.
“Morning,” my voice catches, sounding winded. “Did, uh, you need something?”
I catch Rhiannon smiling at the exchange in my peripheral.
Liam’s hand reaches back to wrap around his neck, showing off the rippling muscles in his bicep as he shrugs. “I was about to head to Battle Brief and wanted to see if you would join me. I mean, since you’re already heading there anyway.”
I nod, butterflies threatening to rise from my gut and fall out of my mouth as I clench my fists beneath the table. His stupid biceps are all I can focus on as his bright blue eyes burn into me.
FOCUS!
I smile. “Yeah, sure,” I turn to Violet and Rhiannon, who are smiling so big and taunting, I want to throw them off the bench. “Are you guys done? Want to head over with us?”
Violet shakes her head. “Oh no, don’t wait up for us. As a matter of fact, I think you’re looking a little chilly though,” she raises a concerned brow. “Do you need my coat or-“
Liam is draping his jacket over my shoulders before she can finish her sentence. I’m startled and staring as his cheeks redden from the attention.
“Ok, we’ll see you guys there,” he holds a hand out to me, waiting.
I turn back to Violet to see a satisfied gleam in her eyes. I glare.
Rhiannon chokes on a laugh as I take his hand, quickly making our way out of the dining hall.
We shove our way through the crowded halls, Liam close by my side as I hold on to his jacket. It’s warm and smells so much like him that I try and resist burrowing my nose into it. Would he think it’s weird if I keep it?
I shrug out of it, not trusting myself or this sudden burst of kleptomania to keep from me stealing it. “Here, I’m not super cold. It’s okay.”
Liam stops me, shoving it back onto my shoulders. “No, I want you to. Besides,” he winks. “You look good in it.”
I hide my blush as we make our way through the crowd once more.
It’s only when we’re at the door to Battle Brief that I realize I’m still holding his hand and he never let go.
Like knotted string, Imogen unravels my mind. Every knot a memory. She pulls and yanks until I’m fraying at the edges. Pain shoots through my veins, burning me from the inside out. A scream slowly builds in my throat as the pain increases to an all-consuming fire.
Just as the pain rises, it falls, like a cresting wave crashing against the shore. And a strange numbing sensation takes over.
A strange hollow throbbing begins to pulse inside of my head. As if something, or many things, are missing. I can’t place it and as soon as I try to recall what’s gone, it whisks away like a leaf in the breeze.
Imogen’s hands are steady on me as another memory, this one golden and bright, surfaces.
“I could show you a thing or two with those pretty long legs of yours wrapped around my-“
A crunching sound echoes in the courtyard as my fist collides with Jack Barlowe’s nose. His head whips back, harsh and startling. I keep my stance, watching and waiting as he whips back around, fury lighting his eyes.
“You fucking bitch!”
My hand shoots out again, this time slamming into his larynx, cutting off the sound in his throat. He chokes, staggering backwards. He falls to the ground, heaving.
The son of a bitch deserves it for pinching my ass and asking me to meet him in the dorms tonight like I’m some sort of whore. I roll my eyes and walk away from him, ignoring the stares that follow in my wake. I didn’t survive the fucking parapet to be groped and manipulated by some jackass.
“Excuse me?”
I whip around, ready to take on another asshole when I hesitate. My eyes widen at the sight of the man before me. He’s incredibly tall and broad. Muscles line his arms, rippling across his skin as if he’s a statue at a gallery. He towers over me with an impish grin on his face. His golden blonde hair a beacon in the sunlight. My heart races in my ears as I stare up at his incredible handsome face.
“You’re in the Fourth Wing, right?” His voice is deep, hypnotic. I could lose myself to the rhythm of it.
I nod, dumbly. “Flame Section.”
He smiles and I feel a strange sense of gravity slipping from beneath my feet at the sight. Gods, he’s beautiful.
But beautiful men often tend to be assholes. Like Jack.
“Me too,” he shrugs. “What’s your name, gorgeous?”
My hackles rise at the compliment. “Why?”
He puts his hands up, showing he’s not a threat. “Hey, I’m just curious. I wanted to know the woman who beat the shit out the biggest asshole at Basgiath.”
I roll my eyes. “All men are assholes here. He just happens to be one of them.”
He cocks his head, leaning forward with a twinkle in his eye. “Am I one of them?”
I step close, glaring up at him. “Most likely, given how you seem to entirely depend on your good looks and charm to get you through your time here. Just like any asshole.”
“You think I’m good looking?” His smirk is intoxicating. “And charming?”
I shake my head. “And apparently brainless.”
He leans closer. “I’ll be whatever you want me to be as long as you keep talking to me.”
My heart gets caught in my throat as I try and swallow. He watches the movement with sharp, knowing eyes. That smirk stretching wider.
“What if I don’t ever speak to you again?”
“You want me to beg, is that it?” His voice is as soft as velvet and it slithers over my skin. “Should I get on my knees for you?”
The image of him on his knees, looking up at me through his lashes, has me jolting away from him. He laughs, which rings through the air like a forgotten melody I only just remembered. It’s frightening how familiar he feels to me.
Annoyance prickles my skin as he continues to laugh at my expense. “You’re just another pompous ass who gets off at the idea of taunting me.”
He shakes his head, his smile never wavering. “Oh gods, you’re entirely wrong. Trust me.” He raises a hand, holding it out to me. “How about we start over, yeah? I’m Liam Mairi and I promise I’m not an asshole. Or,” he shrugs. “Not as big of an asshole as Jack is, at least.”
I can’t help my smile at the words. My annoyance simmers, but something inside of me knows he won’t be like Jack at all. I’ve always been good at reading people and Liam seems like he might actually be the opposite of what I thought he was.
I whisper my name back at him in greeting before reaching out and shanking his hand.
Something golden, like a thread, weaves between us as our skin touches for the first time. Intertwining around the space between our rib cages that has me gasping. It’s familiar, yet frightening. It’s something fragile, but I know it’ll somehow be something glorious. If I let myself curl into it. If I trust it. Trust him.
As I appraise Liam Mairi, I know, deep in the marrow of my bones, that I can trust him. That maybe, just maybe, he’ll become something more. He might be my everything. If I let him.
And that’s the most terrifying thing of all.
As if I’m rising out of water, after drowning for so long and seeking oxygen, I surface from the memories. They fade away with the tide, blinking from existence, as I feel my breath steady me.
Blinking my eyes open, I find Imogen moving back from me. With a quirk of my brow, I stare up at her eyes now brimming with unshed tears.
Why is she crying?
“Imogen?” My voice cracks, roughly, as if I’ve been screaming for hours.
Glancing around, we’re sitting on the stone ground of the courtyard. An arch protects us from the rain. The clouds are dark and ominous above, but I don’t remember coming out here. Weren’t we just having dinner in the dining hall?
Furrowing my brows, I purse my lips. How did we end up here?
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
I whirl to look at Imogen. “What for?”
That’s when I notice the skin of my cheeks are damp. Touching them, I quickly wipe them with my sleeve. Must’ve been from the rain.
“Can we go back inside? It’s cold.”
Imogen is still staring at me as she helps me from the ground. My muscles ache and pinch as if I were sitting for a long time. Strange.
I stretch my limbs and stare up at the dark clouds. “Hopefully we didn’t miss dinner.”
The last thing I remember was heading to the dining hall with Violet. How did I get here without her?
Imogen is silent as she watches me.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
She hesitates. “Nothing. Let’s go back-“
“There you are!”
We both turn to find Violet and Xaden heading towards us. Concern is painted across their faces as they approach.
“Are you alright?” Violet asks, stepping towards me.
I tilt my head. “Yeah, I’m fine, why?”
Imogen flinches in my peripheral, catching Xaden’s eye. He narrows his gaze on her as Violet continues to fret over me.
“I’m sorry, I should’ve been there for you. I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in this. You never will be.”
I furrow my brows, staring at her. “What are you talking about, Vi? Weren’t we heading to dinner?”
She freezes. Suddenly the quiet is stifling as everyone shifts their focus to Imogen.
“What did you do?” Violet asks, her voice piercing.
Imogen stares at the ground, her eyes brimming with tears again. She doesn’t respond.
Xaden’s dark eyes are heavy on me as he steps closer. He whispers my name like I’m a startled animal and it sets my nerves on edge.
Why is everyone being so cryptic and dramatic?
Violet is the one who steps in front of him, taking my hands in hers. “Do you know who Liam Mairi is?”
At the sound of the name, something strange happens. An echo of something deep inside of me leaves me aching and wanting. I search for what it is that has me feeling this way, but I’m left empty. As if a part of me is missing. As if I’ve been cut up and left to figure out how to pull myself back together again. All I can feel are the ashes of something that used to be there and I can’t understand what it was.
“Who’s Liam?”
