* i'd rather drown

(issa roleplay) 

[walt-media]

i want the answer. i want the cure for dying alone. i thought that i was meant to be a hero, now they’ll all see how much i’ve grown.

[savcire--faire]

“Sing loud and scream and yell and raise your fists and cause an avalanche, if you squeeze him hard enough, God might show the way. But if you’d just grow up and see that there’s little in this world worth screaming for, so fall in love and lie down.” 

[elliotsowen-hasmoved-blog-deact]

[savcire--faire]

"Scuse you are you implin' that I'm loud? Because that's off, I couldn't be more quiet if I tried." Dodger winked, "You're the best, I'll hold ya to that too."

"Why weren't you around when I went out drinkin'?" He said back in a playful manner, watching here reach down and pick the lock. Dodger lifted a brow when she finished and gave her a mocking slow clap.

"Congratulations no that ya picked a level one lock, what do ya plan to do next?" The scruffy drunk man couldn't help it and then he pulled her into a hug. "Ya know you're the best why do I gotta repeat myself?"

[savcire--faire]

“If ya could refrain from yelling and being the loud butt that you are, I’ll be fine.” “He teased, resenting the headache and slight nausea that was to come the next day. 

“Nope.” Dodger responded with a sigh, “I lost my wallet too, I need to drink less more, why’d you let me drink so much?” He said with a false pained look, then he smiled again at the blonde and in that moment he wondered if she knew that her eyes held the moon, the stars and everything else he intended to reach one day. He opened his mouth to ask, then shut it, figuring it was the liquor talking. 

[savcire--faire]

"Shhhhhh," He said then groaned more as they went along and squeezed her hand a little, "I don't want to talk about it."

The answer was very, Dodger had succeeded in consuming his weight in alcohol last night and would be paying handsomely in the morning. The very thought made his stomach hurt but he couldn't think on it now, the damage had been done.

[quote-bucket]

Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.

Kait Rokowski. (via quote-bucket)

[hellorvlk]

[savcire--faire]

Jack’s Relationships || {Walt Academy Task}

[savcire--faire]

There was a small silence between him and he knew that something would have to give in the meantime, though it wasn’t Angel he was thinking about. Everything was complicated, the school, them, the people in their lives--he needed something to fight for it was in his nature, at the end of the day it was no fun to focus on himself. 

He started climbing the stairs when she tugged at his hand groaning lightly in annoyance of having to exert energy, but didn’t mind because it meant he could still hold her hand. 

[savcire--faire]

He made a face at her finger and returned it with his own and rolled his eyes, going for the door. Dodger bumped past her, his eyes went up yet again to the ceiling again at her comment and stumbled a little. No way was she going to kill his buzz. 

“Yeh, I’ll offer some guidance all right George...guide ya straight off a cliff.” He responded drunkenly, the last half being said under his breath and went for the stairs, if he tackled them now he’d be able to get to his room before dawn. 

[savcire--faire]

“Not likely.” He muttered, Dodger didn’t want to push, or twist Angel’s arm when it came to this situation, he couldn’t stop her from thinking what she wanted to think. Even if it wasn’t true. 

Dodger’s eyes flicked down to their hands, he swayed, but perhaps it was because his heart was beating all over the place, with a force to knock him over. “God I hope so.” He said exhaling roughly, looking at the stairs, knowing he’d have to brave them soon enough. The man didn’t feel as sloppy drunk as he did earlier, but he wasn’t entirely sober just yet. 

[savcire--faire]

“I didn’t think so, none of those are legitimate reasons to send someone away,” He insisted, there were far worse things than losing hair or being too noisy. Dodger didn’t speak up on Buster, because it didn’t matter what he thought, you don’t get an opinion on a person if you’re a complete piece of shite. “And I’ll keep saying it until you believe me, I’m not going anywhere, there’s nowhere for me yet.”

He watched her body language closely and decided to hold back everything he wanted to do inside of him, burying it deep down where neither of them could ever reach it. Dodger didn’t know how to act or to be in that moment, but he felt his heart beating out of time again.

 “Yes, lets go.” He nodded quietly, standing up and offering a hand for her, he didn’t feel so drunk anymore, he felt conflicted. 

[songsbysinatra]

Visit Original Link

[outta-the-junkyard-angel]

@streetesavoirefaire

[savcire--faire]

“Consider me held.” 

Dodger chewed the inside of his cheek, he was sobering up a bit, but the nausea and dizziness were still there. He shook his head at her whisper feeling something inside him alight. “Of course it matters Angel, everything matters.”

He didn’t know who Tenderfoot was but since she stated them first they obviously were very important to her so he decided to choose his words carefully. His hand gripped her shoulder a little tighter, he knew what being abandoned felt like just as much, but he never thought about his parents, because they never thought about him. “It has nothin’ to do with ya, don’t even think that, it’s their problem and I feel sorry for them, because honestly, they’re fuckin’ missin’ out.” Dodger paused for a moment trying to choose his next words even more carefully, “And even if ya did mess up, that’s no reason to send someone away, unless ya killed someone?” 

Her comment stung his heart a little bit, but the man didn’t take it personally, he knew what it was like to feel like people were going to abandon him. He was going through it now after all and honestly he felt like it would probably be her to leave before him. 

Dodger lifted her chin lightly so she’d look at him and his tone was the most sincere it had been all night, “In this life and in the next.”  

[savcire--faire]

“’Kay and I’m here for ya too with whatever you need and ya aren’t kicking my ass anywhere, I can do it.” He gave a breathy laugh, adjusting his position ever so slightly. 

There was no controlling the tears, he wanted them to stop, he wanted his emotions to stop, he wanted everything to stop so it wouldn’t hurt anymore. Dodger had let so many people down, it was fresh for him while others had time to move on, it felt like a turning point in his life. From here on out everything would have to be for himself and maybe for Angel he hadn’t begun to work that part out yet. Slowly, he began to pull himself together, it had been an ugly cry, but he silently thanked his stars there was no snot involved. It didn’t make much sense, but the man was now embarrassed, he’d always pegged crying for weakness.

He waited silently, except for the few hiccups that escaped him unexpectedly, it didn’t matter how long she took to talk, they had all the time in the world. Well at least until the first class of the day started. When she finally spoke up, he felt everything in him drop, because he never got this impression of of Angel, which was extraordinary to him. Dodger felt her body shift and he looked up for a moment, then sat up completely, preparing himself for a speech or two. 

“Who’s left ya?” He said, both eyebrows knitted and he kept his eyes on her, then put an arm around her, knowing all to well what it felt like to be alone. 

“You’re neva alone Angel, you have me right?” Dodger said in a low voice, before gently kissing the side of her forehead.

[savcire--faire]

He produced a slow nod, feeling a headache forming, there was still a lot to be worked out and things that needed to be addressed, with himself and with Oliver. There was still the slight pill habit and the not so slight drinking habit. “All right.” 

The last time Dodger had cried was when he was given the news by Fagin that Walt Academy would be there new home and that was nothing compared to this. His head throbbed, the lump in his throat refused to subside and his shoulder shuddered ever now and then. It was ugly and Dodger wasn’t sure if he could stop it, or if he even could stop the cycle. All the worries that occupied his mind seemed to break free at once and when he found himself getting over one issue another would bring on more tears. 

“As long as you need, darlin’,” He said putting his head back down due to dizziness, then he laughed a little in response to her statement. “I feel bad for the janitor.”