HELLOOOO i finished once a villain. im officially the no. 1 vanessa len stan omg. WHAT WAS IT U WANTED TO POST WITH YOURS x AARON
Hi! Sorry for the delayed response I just got off of work 😭 but I did listen to Yours for most of my shift and have been thinking lots of thoughts, going to add a spoiler just in anyone else reads this.
Ok you didn't ask for a character analysis but I've had 8 hours on my own and this is basically all I've been thinking about.
So Aaron is very insecure, he puts on a mask throughout the books and you can see through that sometimes (mainly around Joan) but one major time is after they sleep together. He is always putting himself second to Nick and even though Joan says she loves him he doesn't believe her, "This time, there was a hint of misery in his expression, he didn't think she felt the same about him" and "Even standing here with her, Aaron believed he'd always come second in her heart" (pg 303) are some examples of that. No matter how many times Joan reassures him he just doesn't believer her because in his mind he will never be someone first priority. Does this stem from his shitty childhood with a shitty dad? Probably but who am I to say. Another thing to add here, toward the end of the book when they're discussing the true timeline and the topic of them he continues with his negative self view (pg 406) and how he thinks he is a "piece of shit".
In Yours by Conan Gray the pre chorus and the chorus really speak to me about Aaron and who he is. Specifically:
Oh, all I really wanted was that look in your eyes
Like you already know that I'm the love of your life
Like you already know you're nеver saying goodbye
But I'm not yours
and then ending out the chorus with
But I'm not yours
I'm not yours, I'm not yours
I want more
I want morе, but I'm not yours
And I can't change your mind
But you're still mine
I think its the ending that really seals it in. He wants this relationship with Joan and its right there in front of him, doing all of these things that typically you do with someone you love but in his eyes at the end of the day it will always be Nick for Joan and again he's coming in second place. The But I'm not yours/But you're still mine is so important, he will never be hers but she will always be his. (I just realized how long this will be IM SORRY). At the end of the book this song doesn't fit him as well but just because he grew as a person in that time, likely is still insecure but he has gotten over that at least romantically.
In a similar time in the book I think brining up these lyrics are important as well
The only thing that's harder than sleepin' alone
Is sleepin' with your ghost
mainly the sleeping with your ghost part, just because she was so hurt leading up to it, describing it as "...worse than any fade out..."(pg 296). She was an active participant in the events that followed but it seems like part of her is not there, just 2 pages before she says that to Aaron she thinks "In her mind's eye, he fell and fell, and she was falling too, as if they'd tumbled into the void itself. Maybe she'd fall with Nick forever"(pg 294) which is a wild thing to think before hooking up with someone else. Anyway it's not Joan who we're talking about I'm getting distracted.
I think it might be a bit of a stretch but when considering the very first verse
I know I'm not the one you really love
I guess that's why I've never given up
reminds me of after Nick is back from the dead (yay) (i have been looking for one sentence for 30 minutes and I can't find it)(FOUND IT)
page 406 when Nick, Joan, and Aaron are talking about the true timeline Joan makes a comment on how there was no way Aaron loved either of them when he says "'I think I was'...'I saw the way I looked at you Joan- in that scene in the true timeline. I don't look at people like that.'" it screams that first verse. Like, he was in love with Joan (and Nick) in the true timeline and in every other timeline the three of them somehow found each other but it was always said that Nick and Joan were meant to be, no mention of Aaron. and the one timeline where Joan dies then Nick and Aaron are together, I guess that's why I've never given up.
Anyway, that was a lot. sorry. Uh if you don't agree with any of it thats cool, lmk if you have any thoughts 😎 sorry for any typos (this is 798 words not including this bit at the end)
I keep forgetting to post about it but I graduated college in May, had to include one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite episodes @kingfallsam
“i never see you at the club” ok well i never see you on ao3 at 2am reading about the same two bitches falling in love for the 1000th time in the 500th way
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