If self-sabotage is a pattern, it means you’ve practiced it. Now we make it conscious.
Over the last 9 years of doing this work—on myself, with clients, through journal pages, rituals, and real-life sh**—there’s one truth I keep returning to: Most people don’t fail because they’re lazy or undisciplined. They fail because they don’t realize they’re following a failure plan.
Not consciously, of course. But in the small decisions. In the perfectly reasonable excuses. In the emotional patterns that feel like personality traits but are really just protection.
I’ve been there. I’ve delayed. Distracted. Decorated my life when I was meant to rebuild it. That’s why I created Plan to Fail™, a free tool that I share with you all as a part of my new upcoming Signature Self™ Challenge (launching this month), because I want you to see how powerful it is.
1. IF I WANTED TO FAIL THIS CHALLENGE…
If I wanted to fail this challenge, ghost myself again, lose trust with myself, and stay stuck, I would:
“I don’t need this challenge. I already know this stuff.”
“Now isn’t the right time.”
“Let me finish this other thing first.”
“I can always restart later.”
“I just need to get through this week first.”
“Other people probably need this more than I do.”
“I don’t want to waste my time again.”
“I’m too behind to catch up.”
“I’ll start once I feel more like myself again.”
“There’s no point until I can be consistent.”
“I’ll get serious after my next paycheck/vacation/birthday/new moon.”
“I don’t want to start if I can’t give 100%.”
“I’ll focus on me after I help everyone else.”
“This isn’t a priority right now... I have too much going on.”
“Once I figure out the perfect routine, then I’ll start.”
“Maybe I’m just not the kind of person who follows through.”
Your beliefs build your behavior. If these scripts are on autopilot, they’re making decisions for you.
Actually scheduling time to do the work
Participating in the WhatsApp group
Asking questions or getting support
Opening the workbook at all
Telling the truth (even to myself)
Writing down what I actually want (not just what I “should” want)
Mapping my energy leaks (because I know what I’ll find)
Reflecting on what my body has been trying to tell me
Admitting how long I’ve actually felt stuck
Making a decision I’ve been postponing out of fear or laziness
Letting someone witness me in my process, mess and all
Avoidance is the root of most self-abandonment. What you delay, you devalue.
"My schedule clears up" (which never actually happens)
The retrograde ends (or starts, or my mood shifts).
"I feel 100% confident in the next step."
I move into the new place/start the new job/lose 10 pounds.
I get one more sign from the universe.
I stop feeling like a fraud.
I figure out the entire plan before taking the first step.
"I’m not so overwhelmed" (but I never actually pause to un-overwhelm myself).
“I feel like myself again”
Delay becomes denial. Waiting is one of the most seductive forms of self-betrayal. Life won’t ever “hand you” a better moment to become who you already are.
Sabotage doesn’t always look like destruction. It often looks like endless tabs open.
If I wanted to keep myself stuck, I’d distract myself with…
Scrolling IG and pretending it’s research
Watching one more episode of that show I’ve already seen
Venting about people I refuse to set boundaries with
Getting involved in other people’s chaos
Downloading more free content I'll never finish
Obsessing over validation from a man, a job, or someone who’s not choosing me
Starting a new self-help book instead of finishing the one on my nightstand
Endless planning instead of execution
Rearranging furniture instead of rearranging my values
“Thinking about it” instead of taking action
Checking my ex’s or a friend’s stories "just for a sec"
Spending hours “researching” healing modalities I never use long enough to work
Journaling around the issue, but never through it
Signing up for new courses instead of integrating the last one.
Being “available” for everyone else 24/7.
Creating mood boards with no action plan.
Watching “just one more” YouTube video on discipline.
Distraction is a decision. Every distraction feels innocent until you measure its cost in dreams deferred.
3. IGNORE ACCOUNTABILITY BY…
Not checking in on WhatsApp (our challenge group)
Saying “I’m just processing” as a cover for avoidance
Only sharing when I feel proud (never when I feel lost)
Saying, “I’m still processing” indefinitely
Thinking I need to have it all figured out before I say anything
Ghosting the group chat after a “bad” day.
Keeping my goals vague so I can’t disappoint myself.
Avoiding the person who believes in me the most.
Saying, “I’ll check in next week” and never circling back.
Overexplaining why I didn’t show up instead of just showing up.
Convincing myself no one noticed, so it doesn’t matter.
Believing that disappearing is less disappointing than trying again.
Your avoidance becomes your absence. This challenge is about building your self-leadership muscle (even when it’s hard).
Like I’m behind everyone else.
Like I’m not healing fast enough.
Like someone I admire doesn’t see me.
Like I made a mistake in my past and can’t outrun it.
Like it’s too late to change.
Like I’m too tired to “start over” again.
Like I’m faking my own growth.
Like everyone else has support and I’m doing it alone.
Like I need to prove I’m strong by doing everything myself.
Like healing requires me to lose people I still want to keep.
These are your emotional relapse cues. Name them now so you don’t mistake them for truth later.
DECODE THE “REASONABLE” EXCUSES
Self-sabotage rarely sounds like “I’m scared to do this.” It sounds like logic. It sounds like alignment. It sounds like “doing it right.”
You cannot heal with language that defends the version of you that’s still hurting.
Use this 3-part filter anytime you feel hesitation, resistance, or “reasonableness” creeping in.
Does this feel like expansion or contraction? (Sabotage feels tight, foggy, and avoidant; while alignment feels clear, honest, even if uncomfortable.)
– Here's a trick: Real rest restores you. False rest numbs you.
What would my Signature Self™ call this? Is this a true pause for recalibration or a recycled excuse?
What if I do this 10 more times? Will I wake up next month with momentum or regret?
– Another trick: Don’t just look at the excuse, but look at its trajectory.
One choice won’t break you. Ten might. And what’s repeated becomes identity.
7. THE TRUE COST OF YOUR PLAN
Self-abandonment isn’t neutral. It has receipts. Here’s how to tally the price:
How many hours have I spent in the last 6 months thinking about change without making it?
How much money have I spent on books, programs, or journals I never used fully?
What opportunities did I delay, cancel, or talk myself out of because I “wasn’t ready?”
What version of me is waiting to be rescued (when I’m the one holding the key)?
8. YOUR TURN: CALL IT OUT
In the meantime, the Signature Self™ Challenge begins on June 25th 2025 :) See you there...
areudirty
yousharknotpass
janainaart
baratheonpilled
annaxmalina
