hadley tried his hardest not to react whenever benny replied. he wasnât sure what to expect, but he had really hoping it would have been a simple yes, or maybe even an enthusiastic maybe. but then again, he didnât feel as though he deserved that. benny had every right to be afraid. his face betrayed him, though, and he couldnât stop it from contorting into a twist of hurt and sadness. he blinked back tears that threatened to fall, and he tensed in bennyâs grip. god, he was a fucking wreck. Â
   but then benny spoke again, and suddenly it didnât hurt so much. that pain, that longing was still there, but as much as it wasnât a yes, it wasnât a no, either. hadley nodded his head as he worried at his lip. gods, benny had every right to be afraid of that. âi know. i know, and youâre right to think that, but. you wonât, i promise.â  but hadley was afraid, too. he tilted his head forward until it was resting in the crook of bennyâs neck.  âi really wanna try this again, ben. i just â iâm scared, too. iâm scared youâll leave again.â it took everything in him not to say leave me again but that felt possessive and wrong. more than anything else, he just wanted benny back in his life. whatever way possible. trying to ease the tension, he placed a gentle kiss along his collarbone. after a second, though, he couldnât contain himself and began sucking lightly on that same spot.  âmiss you so much, ben.â
  benny listened, arms wrapping around hadley and balling into small fists against his t-shirt. he knew he shouldâve bit his tongue but he couldnât stop himself before it slipped out, â you didnât ask me to stay before. â the words feel harsh in the air, not in his tone but rather in the sense of he had just let a secret out and now it was sitting in the air between them showing that benny still wasnât entirely over what had happened. â when i left in the winter. i wanted you to ask me to stay and you never did. i just, i want you to want me here too. â his voice is wavering now and he stares at the ceiling so he doesnât have to look at hadley, so he doesnât see the tears forming in the corners of his eyes.Â
  however, the kiss brings him back down and he canât deny the way it covers him in goosebumps, lifting slightly at the sudden motion against his collarbone. â i missed you too, had. itâs not fair how much i still miss you. â his hands rub up and along hadleyâs back to play with his hair, fingers combing through it with a small smile.  â how can i miss you when youâre right here? i donât get it. â