Your Daily Horoscoop

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the signs as midnight snacks

Aries: all the ice cream they managed to stop themselves from eating during the day

Taurus: 2 minute noodles or pot brownies

Gemini: pancakes or cupcakes they baked at 12pm

Cancer: a biggg bowl of cereal

Leo: anything and everything in the fridge

Virgo: the flesh of their enemies... jk hot chocolate

Libra: something healthy or waffles. no in between

Scorpio: chicken nuggets

Sagittarius: toast with butter. that shit bangs at 2am

Capricorn: allll of the cookie dough

Aquarius: either leftover sausages or biscuits, but not at the same time.

Pisces: chips, chips, and more chips... m & m's and maybe leftover pasta

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The signs studying for exams

Aries: Has no social life because they're too busy studying and freaking out

Taurus: Needs the perfect studying conditions including available snacks and water

Gemini: Appears productive but is actually trying to make their notes look pretty and doesn't get much done

Cancer: Messages everyone to form a study group... then spends too much time talking to actually study

Leo: Says they're gonna do bad so they study hard-core and are usually rewarded for their effort

Virgo: Says they don't need to study but low-key studies at home

Libra: Complains about needing to study for ages but hardly does any

Scorpio: Is too busy drawing diagrams to actually take in any important information

Sagittarius: Gets up early to study... spends that time on their phone anyways

Capricorn: Will do anything to avoid studying, including baking their friends brownies

Aquarius: Somehow balances studying and their usual shenanigans??

Pisces: Leaves it till the last minute and then panics so much they can't even study

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The signs & Valentines

Aries: thinks it's a gross holiday... but wouldn't object to some chocolates

Taurus: spends it trying to work up the courage to tell their crush they like them

Gemini: wishes they could avoid the holiday but is low-key excited for it

Cancer: throws caution to the wind and confesses their love to one or multiple people

Leo: makes low-key plans with their significant other

Virgo: milks it for all it's worth and takes as many flowers and chocolates as they can get

Libra: goes all out with a dinner and movie date complete with flowers, chocolates and jewellery

Scorpio: too fussy to find someone to actually spend the day with, so ends up watching romance movies instead

Sagittarius: likes to keep it casual and goes on a chill date without all the flashy stuff

Capricorn: forgets it's valentines day and accidentally makes other plans without their significant other

Aquarius: buys their friends valentines gifts because they're the real OGs

Pisces: gets like three bouquets of flowers from whoever is currently obsessed with them

[eleventhhousemoon-deactivated20]

Positivity about the signs

My gemini sun is taking over and so I’m feeling filled with positive things to say!!

Aries: These individuals are so fiery and fun to be around. They’re the friends that’ll volunteer you to do something you would have never done otherwise but have fun doing anyway. They give off these lovely energetic vibes and are some of the most outgoing people you’ll ever meet. Even if they are shy, they still show their amazing lively personalities in one way or another.

Taurus: These people are so down-to-earth and are actually secretly so caring and sweet it’s fantastic. Their the person you want to go out to a movie with and yes they actually will share their popcorn, stop with the stereotyping guys. Their also so level headed they’re just the right people to talk to when you need advice.

Gemini: These guys are so much fun to be around omg they’re always so humorous and playful it’s just great. They’re the best people to hang out with when you need a good distraction from life. They give off such optimistic vibes it’s just great. Even if they’re a shy Gemini you can just tell by their laugh that they are full of fun. And they always have the best topics to chat about! They’re great at keeping awkward silence away. 

Cancer: These people are so sweet and pure omg I love them. I swear they’re even cute when they’re pissed. Sure they can be a bit emotional but that just means you’ll never have to worry about them hiding something from you. They’re some of the most kind people I have ever meet and honestly I really hope my next girlfriend is a Cancer!

Leo: You are so kind and generous and yes you are a bit prideful but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing! It’s lovely to have people around who like themselves, it brings positive vibes. I always find that there is something magnetic about a Leo’s personality which makes everyone just love them which I am super jealous of, you guys are so lucky!

Virgo: Ahhh you guys are so kind and organized I LOVE YOU. I love that while you can be super kind and caring you also can be real and serious and just get to the damn point it’s awesome of you. You’re also such hard workers and I can really appreciate that! 

Libra: I love how kind you guys are and omg may I just say that you are all so pretty! You make such fun, nice, and funny friends. You may not be my favorite sign but I can still find plenty of things I love about you guys. Like you give off such great vibes <333

Scorpio: You guys are so hot and yet so cool and that is awesome. I love your sarcastic sense of humor and your powerful presence. Sure you intimidate me a bit but hey I still think you guys are wicked cool. You’re always like that badass friend that people are always just aspire to be!

Sagittarius: YOU ARE SO MUCH FUN TO BE AROUND OMG. I love adventuring you you guys you are so exciting and yet so chill and omfg I just love how accepting you are of everything. Idk why but I just love your good vibes and your explorative attitude and how you take initiative.

Capricorn: I absolutely love the energy you put towards your work. I mean I absolutely aspire to be like you in that aspect! Sure you can be a bit serious at times but I’ve seen that you can still be really nice! You’re also just so much more level headed than the rest of us plebeian non-Capricorns that like honestly I bow down to you.

Aquarius: Ahh I love how unique you guys are! You groove to your own beat and that is just fantastic, I really wish I could be more like that! You’re also so smart like that is so great. I also always have so much fun when i with you guys like I really appreciate your presence.

Pisces: Oh my you sweet little thing I know you’re really sensitive but you’re so kind and empathetic it’s just so lovable. You’re so caring and your smiles are always just the most heartwarming things. Ah I may not get along with some of you due to your sensitivity but I still really love this sign and your cheerful, calm, caring vibe.

[ahzodiac]

Venus Signs

Aries

Believes love should happen at first sight; likes independent, go-getters; enjoys chasing and being chased

Arguing and friendly competition is an aphrodisiac

Attracts love by inspiring/encouraging suitors to pursue and “win” her/him

Flirts by teasing and picking fights; 

Wants to be #1 in the relationship (and in her/his partner’s life) or will lose interest quickly

Taurus

Believes love should come after a lot of long-term consideration; likes (and is impressed by) wealthy people

Rich, comfort foods, receiving massages, listening to music, and fragrances that smell like something edible (mmm vanilla!) are aphrodisiacs

Attracts love by being emotionally stable and having consistent habits

Flirts by providing physical comfort

Wants to feel secure in relationships and “know where this is going”

Gemini

Believes love should mean never having to say, “I’m bored”; likes quotable, multifaceted people who have lots of diverse interests

Verbal/written expressions of love are aphrodisiacs

Attracts love by being infinitely entertaining

Flirts by sharing thoughts & feelings and assigning pet names

Wants 24/7 communication accessibility in relationships; variety, unpredictability

Cancer

Believes love should be nurturing; likes people who need mothering (or who are mothering) and are appreciative of her efforts

Emotional bonding and cuddling are aphrodisiacs

Attracts love by making people feel cozy and sheltered; 

Flirts by feeding and/or cooking for someone, remembering preferences, giving thoughtful tokens of affection

Wants interdependence in relationships

Leo

Believes love should ALWAYS consist of romance, drama, fun, and loyalty; likes people who stand out in socially acceptable ways 

Receiving awe-inspiring gifts and positive, focused attention from an audience are aphrodisiacs

Attracts love by playing up strengths and downplaying weaknesses, and inspiring chivalry

Flirts by complimenting

Wants emotionally-moving displays of appreciation and gratitude in relationships

Virgo

Believes love should involve making a commitment to take care of someone else; likes hard-workers who pay attention to details (conversely, is also attracted to flawed, disorganized partners that need fixing)

good hygiene, a neat appearance, and an orderly environment are aphrodisiacs 

Attracts love by handling all of the “dirty work” in a partner’s life

Flirts by making analytical observations, self-deprecating humor, or offering self-improvement advice

Wants to feel needed and useful in relationships

Libra

Believes love should = 50/50 partnership + 24/7 romance; likes attractive, intelligent, and sociable people

The usual romantic clichés (such as rose petals on the bed and long, moonlit walks on the beach) are aphrodisiacs

Attracts love by being charming company, understanding and attentive

Flirts indiscriminately for attention and popularity

Wants equality, romance, and lots of attention in relationships; beauty, making plans as a couple 

Scorpio

Believes love should be passionate, intense, and life-altering; likes to associate with powerful people whose sexuality comes in contradictory layers

A strong sex drive, instant chemistry, intensity, and loyalty are aphrodisiacs

Attracts love by keeping a mate’s secrets, developing an emotional bond, and not wanting to share the partner’s affection

Flirts through seduction

Wants to have control and trust in a relationship

Sagittarius

Believes love should bring happiness, great times, and good luck; likes outgoing, intelligent, independent, adventurous people

Visiting exotic places, meeting foreign people, exploring foreign cultures, and different accents are aphrodisiacs

Attracts love by being friendly, fun-loving, generous, and free-spirited

Flirts through friendly conversation and making someone laugh

Wants freedom, honesty, few expectations, and undefined commitment in a relationship

Capricorn

Believes love should make people keep their word; likes responsible, successful people who can help with achieving aspirations

Knowing what’s coming next is an aphrodisiac

Attracts love by being dependable and loyal; shows affection by honoring commitments and not leaving the relationship; 

Flirts by getting straight to the point, assessing a potential mate’s value, and showing off their dry wit as they feel more comfortable

Wants a solid commitment from the right person in relationships

Aquarius

Believes love should be dessert with friendship as the main entrée; likes free-spirited, eccentric people who aren’t afraid to go against the status quo

Discussing new, inventive ways to have sex is an aphrodisiac

Attracts love by being friendly to everyone

Flirts by sharing unusual ideas and opinions

Wants a best friend, intellectually stimulating company and emotional detachment in relationships

Pisces

Believes love should be a perfect blend of an intuitive, spiritual bond and romance; likes nonjudgmental, creative people who think and communicate in imaginative ways

Dreamy kisses that cause tingles, foot massages, bubble baths, and mind-altering substances or practices are aphrodisiacs

Attracts love by being infinitely compassionate and seeing the best in people

Flirts by developing and acknowledging a special connection

Wants empathy, kindness, and sensitivity in relationships

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The signs right before Christmas

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH: Aries, Libra, Capricorn

SO FUCKING EXCITED: Aquarius, Leo, Cancer

It'll be pretty good, I love food: Gemini, Scorpio, Sagittarius

Wait, it's Christmas on Monday?: Taurus, Virgo, Pisces

[bitchyasstrology]

thoughts the signs have

aries: these flowers,,, are so pretty,,, i wonder,,, what would happen,,, if i,,, crushed them

taurus: this person seems nice maybe i should ignore them for a good two days before talking again

gemini: mm cats, im cold, what if im dying omg, mm cats

cancer: i cant believe they ate my fruit snacks without asking, they’re dead to me

leo: why arent people looking at me, maybe i should talk louder, maybe its my clothes no theyre cute hmm

virgo: theres so much dust everywhere omg ew did he just sneeze in his hand this is disgusting i wanna go home

libra: do i want tea or lemonade hmm no maybe i want chocolate milk instead

scorpio: i know they’re lying to me i just gotta catch them in the act while pretending i have no idea

sagittarius: this button says i probably shouldn’t touch it….. i’ll touch it anyway

capricorn: i really wish people liked me more… nvm thats gay

aquarius: if water is wet then what is air

pisces: aw puppies, i hope they have a good home and that their cute faces eat so many good treats

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The signs as Santa's elves:

Aries: the one who comes in with a sugar hangover.

Taurus: the one who has a secret early office Christmas party in one of the supply closets.

Gemini: the one who who gets all the other elves coffee so they don't have to work.

Cancer: the one who is so precise making their toy that they hold all the other presents up.

Leo: the one who protests that the elves don't get paid enough, therefore leaving kids disappointed around the world until the 26th.

Virgo: the one who falls asleep in the back under all the presents.

Libra: the one who is the most enthusiastic and makes the toys perfectly.

Scorpio: the one who half asses making every toy.

Sagittarius: the one who comes in with the wrong work clothes and has to go back home and change.

Capricorn: the one who buys all the other elves presents, because their just 'that kind of elf'

Aquarius: the one who tries to put maple syrup on EVERYTHING.

Pisces: the one who likes to decorate the boxes and tie the bows.

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The Signs as: Christmas Movies

Aries: Bad Santa

Taurus: A Christmas Carol

Gemini: Elf

Cancer: Miracle on 34th St

Leo: A Christmas Story

Virgo: Frosty the Snowman

Libra: A Year Without a Santa Claus

Scorpio: The Grinch

Sagittarius: The Santa Clause

Capricorn: The Nightmare Before Christmas

Aquarius: Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

Pisces: The Polar Express

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how the signs unwrap presents

opens it like an five year old: pisces, leo, scorpio, taurus

tries not to rip the wrapping paper: capricorn, libra, cancer, virgo

opens the gift with a chainsaw: sagittarius, aries, gemini

punches a hole through package to get the gift out: aquarius

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The signs at the park:

Aries: Busy attacking people with bark

Taurus: Can’t be bothered moving so sits and watches everyone else

Cancer: Thinks they're more skilled than they are and climbs on top of everything

Gemini: Fits in the baby swing

Leo: Only goes to the park at midnight

Virgo: Stares at hot people running

Libra: Finds a tree to climb

Scorpio: Challenges everyone to contests

Sagittarius: Judges everyone by the way they climb and falls off of stuff

Capricorn: Brings their dog who then tries to attack everyone

Aquarius: Runs/rolls down a hill for run

Pisces: Hangs off monkey bars upside down and tries to impress everyone

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Infusions

Aries: Sultriness, Spring Burst Ether, Ferocity, Baby's Breath, Bounce, The Cosmic Dawn, Firelight, Conception, Detonation, Blast, Toddler giggles, Exploding Nebulas

Taurus: Cinnamon, Composure, Music notes, Entrenchment, Resolve, Saccharine, Rich, Fawn, Petals in the Dawn, Natural remedies, Aroma, Bouquet, Silk, Caressing, All four Seasons

Gemini: Splitting Bubbles, Freshly printed pages, The Sound of the Typewriter, Vocal chords, Childhood Giggles, Citrus Sorbet, The Winds of Change, Acidic Wit, Musical dialogue

Cancer: Caramel Photographs, Calligraphy, Nostalgia, Black and White Film, Ocean breath, The rabbit in the Moon, Lunar Love Notes, Psychic Moondrops, Heart swelling Newborn Cuddles

Leo: Mango Skyline, Delight, Rapture, Broadway Lights, Royal Glow, Cosmic Throne, Childhood Euphoria, Intuitive Jewels, Solar Kisses, Beating Heart, Spirit and Smiles, Sun Drench Haze

Virgo: Stitches, Herbal Aroma, Green Tea and Chai, Musical Tapping, Healing Honey, Cleansing, Crystal Lenses, Eco Villages, Intellectual Ingenuity, Fresh Paint

Libra: Whipped cream Piano Keys, Blossom Fragrance, Glass Bubbles, Held Hands, Lyrical Thinking, Rainbow Marbles, Flower Pastels, Dream weaved Intellect, Midday Sunshine

Scorpio: Morning Sex, Incense, Underworld Crystals, Crackling Charms, Musky Spellbooks, Crop Circles, Undying Devotion, Imbibed Immortality, Passion Pain and Pleasure, Stars at Dusk

Sagittarius: Passport Photos, Longitude and Latitude, Graduation Hats, Jet Fuel, Inflamed Intuition, Bursts of Consciousness, Running through the Woods, Scriptures, Rapture

Capricorn: Ice Sculptures, Saturn Rings, Cosmic Crowns, Success Sound waves, Starry Stepladders, Almond Hour Glasses, Snowglobe Cities, Appetite for Ambition, Wrinkled Hands of Wisdom, Grandparent's Love

Aquarius: Cloud breath, Low Riders, Lime Snow Cones, Psychedelic Ingenuity, Wifi Connection, Splashing Mermaids, Electric Air Bubbles, One World Government, Radical Protests

Pisces: Cerebral Symphonies, Uncorked Wine Bottles, Moisture Beads, Sea salt Window Panes, Poetry in the Sand, Winter Blankets, Meditation, The Moment between Awake and Asleep

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The signs and Christmas (in November)

Aries: Doesn't have time to get excited for Christmas yet because they're on house arrest too busy studying

Taurus: Too busy thinking about Thanksgiving feasts to care about Christmas

Gemini: SCHOOLS ALMOST OVER LETS GO TO THE BEACH AND GET ICE CREAM AND LIVE

Cancer: Trying to get everyone hyped for the holidays, buying presents and costumes for their pets

Leo: Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle bell fuck - not ready for Christmas

Virgo: Wrote their wishlist ages ago

Libra: Blasting Christmas music or getting ready for New Years - no in between

Scorpio: guys no. not yet. IT'S NOVEMBER

Sagittarius: Get the decorations out... we about to get festive on this bitch

Capricorn: Ice cream and ice cream and ice cream and gingerbread men and ice cream

Aquarius: So confused as to how Christmas is already here... like actually

Pisces: Already planning Christmas gifts for people and getting so excited to see their faces when they open them

[horoskippy]

Signs having an existential

Sits with their head in their hand, staring off into space, their life plays on rewind behind their eyes: Virgo, Cancer, Libra, Gemini

Has deep revelations as they think about why they’re eating ice cream at 2am on a school night: Sagittarius, Leo, Aquarius, Taurus, Capricorn

Screams into the void while running around in the dark and questions all their life decisions: Pisces, Scorpio, Aries

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What "this bitch I know" dislikes about the signs:

Aries: Worries about the little things too much

Taurus: Could take a chill pill

Gemini: Chooses to ignore negativity too often

Cancer: Doesn't know their limit

Leo: "I either love you or hate you"

Virgo: Attention seeking

Libra: Either over or under the top, no in between

Scorpio: Makes inappropriate comments more than they should

Sagittarius: Thinks they're all that ("clearly mistaken")

Capricorn: Their toughness is a facade

Aquarius: Easily influenced

Pisces: Too emotional and possessive

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Where the signs spend most of their money:

Aries: Doesn't spend her money

Taurus: Foooooood

Gemini: On dumb stuff like bouncy balls and cool hair ties

Cancer: Stationery

Leo: Petrol (always going places)

Virgo: Makeup

Libra: Ticketmaster (Concert Tickets)

Scorpio: Kmart/JB Hi-fi

Sagittarius: Maccas

Capricorn: Ice creams

Aquarius: Bonsai Trees and book depository

Pisces: OTHER PEOPLE

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Songs I associate with the signs:

Aries: Havana - Camilla Cabello

Taurus: Do re mi - Blackbear

Gemini: Uptown Funk - Bruno Mars

Cancer: Malibu - Miley Cyrus

Leo: Glorious - Macklemore

Virgo: Another Man - Itch

Libra: Mr Brightside - The Killers

Scorpio: Can't Hold us - Macklemore

Sagittarius: Straightjacket - Quinn XCII

Capricorn: Whatcha say - Jason Derulo

Aquarius: Naive - The Kooks

Pisces: Oh My - Gin Wigmore