I could spend every dollar I had on you, and you'd still say I've never given you anything
I could bend over backwards and push myself past limits for you so you would be happy and you'd say I never want to do anything with you
I try to set boundaries so I don't make myself sick and you'd say you're an after thought
And that I never cared about you
I spend time trying to think of what you'd like
What would make you happy
And yet even tho it's something you've mentioned you loved before
You find a way to use it against me and say I never listened
But how can I listen to something you've never said until now?
I push myself to the point of exhaustion
Yet anytime you're upset, you say I never cared or loved you, you clearly don't matter, you do everything for everyone and no one ever says thank you or tries to do the same for you
But what about that time I knew you were upset so I surprised you with your favorite candy?
What about that time you didn't tell anyone what you wanted until the night before your birthday, and I stayed up well into the night finding ways for the camera you wanted to get there by the morning?
What about the times I made myself silent and let you yell and blame me for everything wrong in your day and life, just because I didn't want you to be upset anymore, even if it made me feel like the worst person inside and like a little kid again?
We're sisters, but we're also adults
I can't spend every second with you
And you can't keep blaming me for having friends and wanting to do things with them
I try to be there for you, I ask you about things in advance and say no to things that interfere with our plans
Yet you say I always prioritize them and do what I want to, and in the same breath you say I'm allowed to do that but I can't be upset when you lash out at me over it
I pick up the trash you leave behind, I collect your dishes, I make sure to spend time with you when you're sad and try to make you smile, I don't have to do these things, but I choose to because I love you and hope it helps you. But you never notice, and you're the one who always accuses me of not caring, just because I can't go to a concert with you
I'm sorry I'm disabled and limited in my energy
I'm sorry I can't go with you to bars and large crowds
I'm sorry I can't do something when you never told me about it in the first place
And I'm sorry that I can't be the sister you seem to want.
I can't be your only person, I can't be your therapist or verbal punching bag. You may have trauma from childhood but you're well into your late twenties now, and you're responsible for how to go about your life and emotions.
I'm 23, and I just want to be me.