Scribble Marks

Observations of every day happenings which that passes me by.

[scribblemrk]

You are you...

Everyone is different in their perspective, in how they handle things, and the more. What one suggests or say others shall do as well; it's a choice others do not have to take. Some of us know ourselves. Some of us are in tune with ourselves. Some of us believe in our convictions. Some of us deny our own existence. Some of us refuse to believe our own decisions are what made us to be. Some of us are afraid to accept ourselves. Some of us continue to keep searching. It's some of us, yet most of us. It's what makes us all uniquely different. Some, not all, will continue to ask: Who am I? What is it do I want? What's my purpose? When will I be complete? Where must I go? Why... Sometimes the answers are there, it's just sitting there idly waiting for us to notice. We'll keep passing them until we finally decide to stop and see it. In the end, we are all our own person. What we feel, think, hear, believe, perceive, put into action--makes us who we are individually. Your opinion is your opinion. I can choose to ignore it or let it affect me. Get in tune with You.

[scribblemrk]

Please read between the _____

For goodness sake, yes! "Please read between the lines!" I've decided to omit the last word. What is the correct word for reading between the signs, body language, demeanor, and the list goes on.

If the person avoids you, does not look at you, and speaks in single words. Isn't that clear enough to know they're not interested in any relations with you.

I do not understand how some fail to see the vial cues of the directed person receiving the communication. It's a persistence of annoyance. Basically, the lady doesn't want to converse with you, nor does she wants to share her personal life. Everything is kept strictly professional. Read the body language.

I don't know if it's a cultural stigma. Or the person does not have observation abilities to see the reality. When the directed person finally have had enough and decidedly concluded the individual has not caught on the vial cues. It's time to directly make such clear. Thus, the person whom fail to see such vial cues becomes enraged and feels the need to blame. Yes, typical.

The point is to read the entire picture not in your perspective. Not in what you want to see. Rather the perspective of the crowd.

[scribblemrk]

Sorrow emptiness

Life feels so empty. I feel nothing when I venture the night or watch flicks after flicks. They're moving, but I'm not. The night life moves in its own rhythm, but I cannot feel the rhythm. I can only watch in the distant, in the corner of my darkness.

The screen plays, flick after flick. Just pictures passing through my vision. I no longer understand. I walk out forgetting what I saw. They're just images.

I feel cold, my skin burns of frost, and my heart frozen. Dissipated in the dept of hollow darkness. Sleep. That's all I want...I'm tired of trying...it's killing me

[scribblemrk]

Race, skin color, reality

Everything is about race, people created such to classify others. It's a fact. Sighs The privilege of skin color, written throughout history and society. People fail to see and needs to re-educate and re-evaluate.

As learned from class, a person from a white family was never told you're going to have it tough to become successful in society. Only the few "real" educated understand where this comes from. People of color tell their children why they will have it tough. Why they must strive harder to get where they want to be.

As they called it, the "privilege white." If you're the white privilege, you get a pass on a lot of things. There's not even a bit of stigma attached to you. The privilege becomes natural. If you're black, the stigma is there. You're automatically critique by the way you dress and do things. They assume you're not trustworthy and attached negatives notions without proof. Their proof is only what they believe. The same for Asians, the stigma of quiet, shy, and hardworker. Then it changes, when they start to judge by your appearance. Oh, I think he's a gangster. Yeah...right?

Our society, and society is billions and thousands away from changing the view of skin color; in the elimination of race. Race created by people. Race is in everything. No matter if you say don't make it a factor. It's a factor in society.

Who are the top CEOs? How many people become CEOs whom are not white males? What's the chance, a dark skin person and women becoming one? Who gets a free pass on a lot of things? Who has the greater chance to the top notch universities? Yes understand that being white has privilege has benefits that people of color do not have. They do not have to work 1000 times as hard as those of color.

I congratulate those who understand because of their skin color, they have such privilege. Yet, they are open to change and to understand the importance of diversity. Even so, they see the true horrifying reality.

[scribblemrk]

The Peak

I've got to the point where I'll say "screw it!" What you say or do, just don't cut it. They become meaningless. The only thing you, yourself can do, is change yourself. Keep fighting to live. Keep living. There's no use looking back and wishing for something that's not willing. You're maybe just their substitute. Live. That one word makes a difference.

[scribblemrk]

Misery

Misery needs company. It's the truth. They cannot adapt, nor find solutions, or even decide for themselves. They become aggravated and seek to sweep those around them into their misery. Selfish beings who only see for themselves; think only of themselves. They'll instigated and constantly disrupt the happiness in others. The mentality of "if I cannot be happy, then you should not be happy." It's a shame, for they can only see within the box which enclose them. Unable to move forward, because they cut off all opportunities for themselves. Any advice given that calls for change, they cannot accept. Narrowly thinking their way is the only way.

Just like the old saying, "crabs in a bucket." They pull each other down from escaping the swallowing hole of death.

[scribblemrk]

I guess I'm just a fool. Why? I worry about stupid things, over paranoid. I'm kinda thinking, but then what am I thinking? I know. When you keep asking yourself why? Why? The answer just seem not quite there? Why do I feel this way? Why tears? Why the pain? Why everything? In the end, I just come up with nothing.

[scribblemrk]

Flaw Silence

I'm not the goody two shoes, top notch, nor much of a decent person. Or what ever the next person definition of a decent/ good person.

I'm ruthless, rude, and have an unapproachable attitude. At times, how I feel reflects on my face--what's to hide? I got tired playing nice, giving face, and being decent to the few. Even behind that decency face, there hold demeaning words. Such rude words interwoven into fancy words which facade its true meaning.

You know when you're tired, when you decide to not speak and associate with others. You cannot change others, pointing things out, only irks them. They refuse to believe; delusional. It's tiresome-so it's best to live for yourself, reflect yourself, improve yourself. In the end it is yourself.

No, it's not selfish to think of oneself first before others. Selfish is when it's all you and others are not in the picture.

There are flaws; to utter words - they've become useless. Silence and distance becomes a choice.

[scribblemrk]

Life, college, textbooks, and money

What irks me? The things people say.

I'm not complaining about how expensive my textbooks are. "Damn. $500+.," << that is not me complaining, it's me in shocked and thinking I have to sacrifice for the purpose/goal of why I am going to college. I should be complaining, but complaining does not get you anywhere. It doesn't make the price drop.

The thing which irks me, is how some college students say things without even thinking of the circumstances:

"Why are you stressing out? My books comes out to be $1000+..."

I'm thinking in my head, "Are you serious? You got financial aid to cover you. What do I got? Blood, sweat-hard working money. I don't have any one to give me 'free' money."

Before you say some imbecile dumb remark; think first, your life isn't as bad as you think.

[scribblemrk]

Relationship, Friendship, -ships

My observation of yesterdays' encounters of today's bygones: miscommunications, mistreatments, wrongful anger, devalued, and ungratefulness. People, we don't change our habits easily. They seem to cling to us as we progress through our lives. Nonetheless, our emotions are first to surface, first to rear its ugly head toward the person we feel easy to ravage upon. We allow minor disputes and irritation get the best of us. Only later do we regret of such act; an endless cycle. Why? Why do we easily place our anger on those whom care, but towards people whom continuously treat us wrongly--we do nothing? Pathetic and sad. Is it because our mind has registered the people whom value us will always forgive us? Or are we too comfortable with them, in which effort is no longer necessary? Seems the best solution is to not feel comfortable; not become the fool which loses those whom values them as important in their lives.

The tiresomeness of day to day of people continuously putting up with others making them feel worthless. No one is less than any other, unless one allows. If you keep thinking such, then it will only make you appear less than any one else. As observed--you can be an absolute imbecile towards your family and close friends, yet toward strangers you cringe in fear. Stupidity? Yes. Is it even necessary to cater to strangers? So what if they do not like you off the start? Move on. Why waste time on people who does not enjoy your company? Shouldn't you build on the current healthy relations-ship?

I'm not perfect, did not claim to be. I at times inflict anger at those whom I care. This is a learning process, to control this madness overtime; the feeling of the first stirring of rage--such compulsion forces distance; entering the white empty space, closed off from the human senses. In order to better one, I find the necessity to discover the flaws in one. I do not take the effort to know people, why give effort when the connection clashed to begin with? I rather be unapproachable to weed out unnecessary acquaintances. Harsh, but it's my truth. Cherish, value, and be grateful of those whom put up with your imbecile behaviors.

[scribblemrk]

It's my choice

I just don't get why people like to make choices for you as if they know what's good for you. Even when you say you don't want to--they still go and do it anyway. I'm not an excuse for such. Hoping for a return to feel special? spit Pathetic.

Yet, people continue to make choices for others when they cannot make their own choices for themselves. Pity the fool, right?

[scribblemrk]

Goal vs Plan

Why is possible to achieve goals than plans? Is it because setting a goal doesn't require a set date? Whereas setting a plan requires a set date? I oft wonder why plans usually don't fall through, there's always some circumstances preventing the plans to be possible. They way the universe works is quite intriguing - how goals can be met because we think it, focus it, and desire it.

[scribblemrk]

Love Definition

Love, I seem not to understand. My perception apparently is not logical to many--I find love as companionship, trust, loyalty, a friend, happiness, bitterness, an equal, a hand of comfort, a hand to grasp when you fall, hatred, stupid and dumb fights, disputes, connection; numerous of emotions you cannot have complete control over. Is this not what love means? Such can blind you, blind your priorities, blind the necessaries needed to be taken to live, to be alive and moving. Though in that same instance, such can bring empowerment; justify the will to live, to give release, acceptance of the pains which comes along with love, and fearless.

The living, they saddened me in which they allow dissipated love to desecrate their time away. Waiting, lost, and not letting go of the withering love; they have forgotten the person they were, before another had intertwine into their path in life. Where are your ambitions? Where are your dreams and raw passion? What happen to such fierce hearts? You have a choice, either let go or let time wither either away. I'm not asking you to forget, but to become alive once more, stronger and fiercer.

I do love, it's just not apparent. It's a strong love, a love of compassion, a love of valuing time and living. It's not pure infatuation, neither pure lust, nor love consumption. Yes, you own a piece of my heart and mind--an important piece in my life. I may not see love as the top of all priorities but as an equal to many parts of the soul; love does not feed a starving stomach, love does not fuel the mental state, nor does love provide physical health. Love, is the strongest emotion, which one cannot have complete control. Attaining such emotion is a blessing, but we shall not be consumed by love, for consequences will leave our soul into shatter pieces.

[scribblemrk]

Centerpiece surrounded with gifts. One highlight of the evening dinner.

[scribblemrk]

These flowers, so delicate, so fragile. A single touch and their petals are sever from the sweet honey which holds them together. Laying a gentle kiss on the warmth earth, never returning to what they were. Only the hand of the moody wind, drifting them forever until time has dissipated.

[scribblemrk]

Smiling girl

I watch the smiling girl; she twirls in the wind as if the air has become her dance partner. Blissful years pass through. Words whispers through the gust of wind, has she lose herself completely? How much of her wall has crumbled? Isn't she afraid? Afraid of the pain and the sorrow of such bliss? How much has she been affected by such delighted feelings? I fear for her, this gut-wrenching feeling which encompasses the stomach to knots; unable to shake off. Fear will make one stronger, they say. Then again, in the mist of fear, the pain will imprint. Fear will stick to you, it will own a piece of your mind.

The blissful girl held a sheath below her waist with the glistening blade intact. She has not lost herself completely. Hold fast to thy sharp blade. Protect, it will bid. Hurt, it will do. Even if the blade bleeds you, no matter the excruciating pain, grip for the determination of living. For life is a continuous cycle of mental, physical, and emotional pain. Time is short. Accept and live.

[scribblemrk]

Sleepless Wakes

A thousands questions, a million words, repeated or not. Even under the speed of light, thoughts moves in speed of collections. Data after data. Information after information. The mind continuously work to decipher or transcribe the hidden language and demeanor. Expect the unexpected. Relaying information for reaction of the senses. Information for a stronger barrier, a wall to disable attacks. Yet, weakness will be hit, but the courage and strength is needed to hold such barrier. Barrier of tears and happiness, but all life ends its story. Why the pain, why the worry, why the suffering, why the joy? They're irrelevant, aren't they? When the mind continue to cease to work? Time, life, living, and death. Why the excess? Wouldn't they be forgotten?

A state of mind. So rest dear mind, all will return to whence they came from.