martyr

person with NPD, Schizophrenia, & OCD learning to live. sideblog, I can't follow back. #yap is my personal tag

[scunthorpem181]

I don't believe in narcissistic abuse but I also don't appreciate when people act like NPD doesn't negatively affect relationships. I need a lot of conscious effort not to fall back into abusive behavior patterns.

I can hear you angrily tapping away at your keyboards saying it's not because I'm narcissistic or traumatized, it's because I'm an abuser, and I think at least for me those three things are holding hands.

My journey to become a functional person with healthy relationships is nowhere near complete and it's been five years of therapy and introspection and change. I think pushing the potential for abusive behaviors under the rug is what stops people from being able to break cycles of abuse.

It's important to recognize the bad instead of silencing any discussion around it. We deserve recovery too.

[sodi-yum]

aside from all the deadlines, low-key failing to actually finish any wips rn 🐎

[girlmostlikely]

This tweet just kicked me in the twat

[sodi-yum]

cw: blood

still thinking about this game..........

[fre4kcore-b4stard]

“The axe forgets, but the tree remembers” is typically a very true statement. Unless, of course, you have moral ocd, in which case the axe has been haunted for weeks and the tree does not remember or care. In fact, many sources report that the axe, which is actually a plastic butter knife, has never been anywhere near a forest. And also there is no tree.

[linkcharacter]

Tiny

[sodi-yum]

New year, same old Jimmy let’s go 💪

[linkcharacter]

Happy Holidays!

A disaster trio redraw of Holidays outfits from last year

[beemovieerotica]

I feel like I would have been diagnosed with OCD a lot earlier if the vast majority of screening questions (for mental illnesses in general) weren't based on the person's perception of their own behavior, in isolation. and what i mean by that is asking someone with OCD "do you wash your hands excessively?" is not a good question.

a person with OCD believes they are washing their hands the correct number of times. it's not excessive. we believe we're exhibiting best practices and helping to keep everything clean.

better questions might be, "does it seem like you wash your hands a lot more than your friends or family?" "do you get dry patches or cuts on your hands from washing your hands?" "do you find it deeply distressing, more so than how you've seen other people react, when you get something on your hands that you can't clean off right away?"

being asked "are you overly preoccupied with bugs, symmetry, and contamination?" also got "no" responses from me years ago in my life. what they didn't ask for, and didn't know, was what *exactly* I was doing in my day to day life that genuinely ate up my time and mental space to a concerning degree, but I *didn't know* that other people don't do this.

"do you spend a lot of time cleaning?" -> no, it's not a lot. it's a good amount. why?

"do you become frustrated because it seems like no one else meets your organizational and cleanliness standards - do you often 'take over' for other people because they can't do it right - do new friends seem surprised by how strict you can be about your living space?" -> oh. yeah. yeah I get it now.

[ocdheritageposts]

OCD heritage post

[scunthorpem181]

The only thing keeping me from a constant state of panic is Xanax and liquor. Constantly. I can feel myself deteriorating, every few months I find that my mind just worsens.

[scunthorpem181]

Well fuck me I guess

[hakugreenfinch]

breaking my silence

[dogpuppy]

[infernoflorys-deactivated202604]

you like me?? for my personality?? the same thing they named my disorder after...????

[scunthorpem181]

My antipsychotics are causing a noticeable cognitive decline. I struggle to speak a full sentence and use the correct words, I'm jumbling up my words, using opposite adjectives, etc. I feel terrible.

[scunthorpem181]

With a higher dose of zyprexa I'm finally feeling more coherent. I'm gaining noticable weight though. Travesty.

[scunthorpem181]

Narcissistic nepo baby discovers personal merit and rejection. 4000 dead 10000 wounded.

[scunthorpem181]

I'll never get anywhere. Rejection after rejection. I got rejected by my dream job after being strung along as their top candidate. Every time I put myself out there and push myself through my paralyzing fear of imperfection I get rejected. I'm stagnating. It's just a loop and I don't want to try anymore.