AU where YJ is together at the same time Tim's dating Bernard, but instead of Kon trying to steal away Tim, they're all just trying to take Bernard.
Tim, through gritted teeth: What the fuck are you doing.
Kon, literally sweeping Bernard off his feet with his super strength: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Bernard: Tim wtf your friend is literally a male model.
Tim: ?? You've met my friend that's ACTUALLY a model? Why's Kon different?
Kon: Shush, Tim, you're pretty too. Anyway, Bernard, you said you like conspiracy theories? I'm a cl-
Tim, hasn't told Bernard he's a vigilante: OH MY GOD SHUT UP-
Cassie, twirling her hair: So what do you like about Tim? Is it his money?
Cassie: It's fine if it's his money. That's the reason half of us stay around him anyway. But if you go out with me, you get all of the money and none of the Tim.
Tim, in Ancient Greek: May Zeus strike you down where you stand.
Bernard: What was that? Was that Ancient Greek?
Cassie, interested for real now: You know what Ancient Greek sounds like?
Bernard: Yeah, I love dead languages.
Cassie: Tim I'm in love with our boyfriend.
Bernard: I think Tim's an alien, but he won't let me explore his anatomy.
Bart: I'm a meta, and you can explore my anatomy anytime.
Bart, completely serious: Go out with me.
Bernard, curious: Sure. I've got nothing better to do.
Tim, who he's literally on a date with: Come on, guys.
When Tim calls a team meeting, incredibly frustrated, Bart claims he thought they were all dating and Bernard was free game. Tim believes him because Bart's genuinely just like that.
Cassie says she just thought it was funny then realized he was actually a pretty cool guy.
Kon, unapologetic, says that Bernard's hot and he enjoys messing with Tim.
Tim considers killing them.
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