On "proper" vocabulary (pun intended)
Last week, I attended a "LGBT Safe Space Training" Basically, an intro into how to how not to offend people, how to support and empower the LGBTQIA (lesbian-gay-bisexual-transgender-questioning or queer-intersex-ally) community, acknowledge diversity within the community, etc., with a few medical/clinical situation specific scenarios included. (Relatedly, see this take on the use of the word 'ally'- again, getting into vocabularly lesson territory with her proposal of alternate terms, but right on target with reminding us all that 'ally' is not a term we assign ourselves, or a status, but a daily practice of being"
One of the first places to start, in any meeting involving diverse groups, is with a vocabulary lesson. Make sure everyone is on the same page and "blue" is "blue" to each person. After going over some of the basic vocab to attune ourselves, the presenter launched into a discussion of pronoun usage, specifically with regard to transgender and gender-queer populations. He even had an example from such two weeks ago when an ED nurse referred to a male--> female transgender patient as "it," and had called him as a psychiatrist to diagnose "it' because obviously the hx of epilepsy and schizophrenia were the main concerns and why the patient was not cooperating (actually, the patient had been having a seizure for several hours and needed a neuro consult, but the pervasive levels of stigma operating here impeded quality care until this psychiatrist was called). we won't unpack the levels of stigma here, but instead focus on the vocab- "it" being used for reference to a human being. While this is (hopefully obviously) offensive, some find it less obvious to understand why using proper pronouns and proper Proper nouns, for that matter, is an important show of respect, dignity, and understanding.
Imagine if someone constantly called you the wrong name ( I have a 'weird' name so this is not unusual for me). Once or twice, even three times, you let it go. If it is a person with whom you have daily or some type of regular contact, and after correction they continue to ignore (this is not forgetting, but choosing to ignore at this point), it is a sign of disrespect.
Proper pronoun usage gets at this, and even deeper. As I am not a transgender person I do not propose to speak for them or know the depth of this insult, but if you're still not convinced, a few searches and reading should turn up some much more qualified perspectives.
One elderly white woman in the class challenged whether "vocabulary was the problem and could really address what is wrong with mankind" After all, she had graduated as one woman alongside 50 (almost assuredly white) men from medical school, and found solace in God. While the presenting panel applauded her participation, acknowledged her personal struggle, and were genuinely glad that she found a way to cope, they redirected her to remind her that this is more than vocabulary- it's a sign of respect. I am guessing, though uncertain, that part of what this woman was searching for when she sought God was a sign of acceptance and respect, withheld from her by her male counterparts. And that's where the vocabulary lesson comes in.
As a final story along these same lines, I was at dinner last night with a friend at an Eritrean restaurant. As we were served, he clarified the pronunciation of Eritrea with the very sweet waitress, and the chef was standing nearby. The chef nodded her head enthusiastically and vigorously when he pronounced it correctly (on the first try, too), and made sure we liked everything, offering us more if we needed it. While she seemed concerned and really wanted to make sure we like the food, it was no problem being effusive over her amazing cooking. Later, she let us smell some fresh roasted coffee beans, and then served us some coffee. We are pretty sure this was an honor, as her demeanor became very serious when she poured the coffee at a special seated area, which looked like a shrine of sorts, and then shared the coffee with us. A quick look shows we were right, though we didn't get three rounds, but there was popcorn available. While we can't be sure, we think that my friend's momentary, small effort at acknowledging attempting to show basic respect, through proper pronunciation, was at the corner of this extra bit hospitality.