conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 87 (masterpost here)
Jason: -cause i remember being really argumentative when i first came back. even after i started joining the bats for patrol stuff.
Dick: to be fair, it’s not like you aren’t argumentative now,
Jason: no- shut up, you know what i mean. like, angry argumentative. especially with B, i wanted to fight with him on everything.
Tim: i remember the first case you joined us on, you started yelling at him over whether or not he was pronouncing ‘rendezvous’ correctly, and Damian got so sick of you both he brought out a spray bottle.
Jason: when the fuck did you join this line?
Tim: … *incredulous* like half an hour ago????
Dick, casually: …shit man, we were not paying attention.
Jason: what are you up to?
Tim: uh, well i was doing a solo case—that string of robberies in the Narrows? but that’s about finished so just gonna head back to the cave now. what about you two? are you together?
*a couple seconds of silence*
Jason: c’mon, he’s seventeen. it’s not like he doesn’t drink anyway,
Dick: yeah but we’re not supposed to encourage it.
Jason: oh boo, you whore. stop babying him, it’s boring.
Tim: what the hell is happening right now?
Dick, sighing: come to Jason’s apartment, we’re on his balcony with a bottle of whiskey i stole from Bruce’s collection.
Jason: mid-patrol drinking break, get your ass over here Timmers.
Dick: *snicker* yeah, come on, you’re close by anyway.
Tim: um. ok? i’m- i’ll be there in a minute or two.
Jason: it’s like granting a make-a-wish.
Dick: just nobody tell Damian. if he’s the only Wayne kid not allowed to drink with us, he’ll be pissed.
Tim: that’s like, a main reason to tell him. and i’m surprised Jason hasn’t given him beer already, considering he let him try weed.
Dick, softly: Jason, come on.
Jason: oh, grow up. i let him sip from my glass if i drink around him, fuck off. he’s my kid, mind your business.
Tim: i don't care; he's not the one invited to the older brothers' balcony time. fuck him.
Jason: *wheeze* this is- this is what it was all about, huh?
Tim: if you think little eleven year old Tim wasn't daydreaming about one day sharing a bottle of whiskey with Nightwing and Robin then you're an idiot.
Dick, snickering: your dreams were so weird, man.
Dick: jesus that was quick- you are eager.
Tim: you got fuckin- deck chairs here and everything. is it not a security risk to hang out on your civilian balcony as Red Hood and Nightwing?
Jason: no, it's an intimidation tactic. Carol from the HOA finally cornered Red Hood to talk about 'Todd Peters, the prick from apartment 3B that should be run out of the alley' and Red Hood told her that Todd was an old school mate of his that was under his protection. so this is really just to rub it in.
Dick: *cackles* no he's- he's being serious. he told me yesterday that apparently she now believes that Todd Peters is bribing Red Hood for protection and is spreading conspiracy theories that he's robbing people for money in his spare time in order to pay off his debt.
Jason, casual: if i see her on patrol she always tells me 'you don't have to do this, Hood' and i tell her 'leave my frat bro alone' and then she scowls and storms in the opposite direction.
Dick: also Damian made her cry once,
Tim: *wheeze* and this is why i forced my way into being Robin.
Jason: *laughs loudly* *glass clinks*
Tim: *sipping noise* *instant choking coughs*
Dick: *loud, long wheeze* that's- yeah this is stronger than the usual stuff buddy,
Tim: -jesus?? *more coughing*
Jason: you know- talking about you forcing your way into being Robin, that was the one thing i couldn't successfully argue with Bruce about when i first came back.
Tim: what, *cough* *slightly strained* the fact that i was Robin?
Jason: yeah, 'cause i didn't know that you forced your way in, did i? Talia told me that Bruce had replaced me, so i assumed he'd picked you. and i kept- *wheeze* when i came back, i kept trying to be all bitter and snide about how he'd fuckin- that he'd let another kid wear the suit when it had gone so badly for me, and it never worked.
Tim: yeah, i can't imagine that kind of argument lasting very long.
Jason: well no, because i would be all like 'do you know how dangerous this is?! he's just a kid, he could DIE'. and B would just be like 'YEAH NO FUCKING SHIT JASON, I KNOW.'
Dick and Tim: *twin wheezes*
Dick: *cackling* fuck, that's right, he didn't want Tim to be Robin either-!
Jason: i tried so hard to make him the villain in that whole situation, and it was just just completely ruined by the fact that he was just as devastated about Tim being Robin as i was.
Tim, still laughing: fuuuck, right, he did not want me there! i genuinely- i had to sneak in half the time because he wouldn't let me in the front door.
Jason: every time i tried to be mad at him it was just like 'this is a horrible idea!' 'fully agree with you.' 'what.'
Jason: i had nowhere to go, it was horrible.
Tim: he was like... really scared of me being hurt in the beginning. i never knew whether to be offended or to find it sweet how much he cared.
Dick: yeah, cause' like, on one hand if it's offensive that he didn't trust you to stay safe, then it's great to see how much his trust in you has grown now,
Tim: -but on the other hand, if it was sweet that he cared that much in the beginning, then that man's affection for me must have died out so much over the years.
Jason: i remember- i remember confronting him in the batcave one time, and i was like 'if you agree with me then why did you let him become Robin?' and Bruce looked at me like he wanted to kill himself and just went 'because Alfred wouldn't stop letting him in here and i didn't know how to keep him safe without helping him'.
Tim: me and Alfred were the original partners in crime; he had my back.
Jason: yeah he was down there, and i turned to him all accusatory asking if B was telling the truth, and Alfie just looked me straight in the eye and dead-faced went 'and what are you gonna do about it?' and i was genuinely fucking speechless.
Dick: that man... he's awesome, and i love him. but sometimes i do think he might be slightly evil.
Tim: to be fair, Jason, you weren't gonna win any arguments about me being Robin regardless; because every argument you make against making another kid Robin is ever-so-slightly undermined by the fact that Bruce knew full well at that point that you were the one who had delivered Damian to Gotham 'so he could train under Batman and claim his inheritance'. so anything you said against me being Robin was completely hypocritical on your end.
Dick: *starts giggling again*
Jason: if you ever point that out to Bruce i am telling you right now we'll be doing Titans Tower two; electric boogaloo, and i am being completely serious.
Tim: damn, you guys get mean when you drink.
Jason: yeah keep it up and you wont be invited back to the balcony.
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