404

it/ix/he | Trisschizoaffective | Atypical dysphoria vent blog

[secrettransabledblog]

Hello . . . My name is 404.

> it/ix/byte/he / iterfem transmasc / abrosexual

> dx did / bp-1 w psychosis / npd / panic

> dysphoric trisabled individual

> non-radqueer transID

> primarily a vent blog for my dysphoria

> doubles as a schizoposting blog

> no dni, i block freely

[rq-little-babyy]

most anti-transid beings aren't as anti-transid as they think...

beings who dye their hair are transhaircolor

beings who change their name are transname

beings who learn different languages are transdialect

beings who wish to recover from disabilities are transabled

willogenic systems are transplural

adoptive families are transfamily

transids aren't just transrace and transage, they're anything that falls into the category of changing your identity. and yes, transgender is a transid.

[secrettransabledblog]

As an adoptee, please please do not refer to us as transfamily unless someone explicitly identifies that way.

Being transID is about your own internal feelings about your identity. I am transabled because if my desire to have specific symptoms. I did not desire to be adopted, and for many of us, being adopted is an overwhelmingly negative experience. If anything, I would be transfamily for the fact that I have chosen family, not because I was adopted.

I implore you to check out r/adopted. It’s a subreddit specifically for adoptees to talk about our experiences. I’ve noticed many kept individuals do not understand the inherent trauma of adoption. EVERY adoptee has some degree of trauma.

[rq-little-babyy]

thank you for pointing out my mistake! i assumed it was implied that these labels only applied if one chose to identify that way, but unfortunately i wasn't direct enough about it, and i take responsibility for that error.

i will edit the original post to make it clearer, and again, thank you for pointing this out!

[secrettransabledblog]

No worries! Glad it was just a misunderstanding. Text is unfortunately an awful medium for communication at times.

[rq-little-babyy]

most anti-transid beings aren't as anti-transid as they think...

beings who dye their hair are transhaircolor

beings who change their name are transname

beings who learn different languages are transdialect

beings who wish to recover from disabilities are transabled

willogenic systems are transplural

adoptive families are transfamily

transids aren't just transrace and transage, they're anything that falls into the category of changing your identity. and yes, transgender is a transid.

[secrettransabledblog]

As an adoptee, please please do not refer to us as transfamily unless someone explicitly identifies that way.

Being transID is about your own internal feelings about your identity. I am transabled because if my desire to have specific symptoms. I did not desire to be adopted, and for many of us, being adopted is an overwhelmingly negative experience. If anything, I would be transfamily for the fact that I have chosen family, not because I was adopted.

I implore you to check out r/adopted. It’s a subreddit specifically for adoptees to talk about our experiences. I’ve noticed many kept individuals do not understand the inherent trauma of adoption. EVERY adoptee has some degree of trauma.

[secrettransabledblog]

I wish people took my dysphoria more seriously.

I’m not like this because i’m a neurotypical who wants to be quirky. I’m already psychotic, and my psychosis is literally the reason i identify as transabled. It’s the reason I consider myself trisschizoaffective. I’m already like this, i just want it to be worse. I hate that medication has taken my psychosis from me. It feels wrong. Like i’m missing something.

You only care about psychotic people when we’re palatable. The second we do something weird you kick us to the side.

[nulliruma]

You can be autistic (neurodivegent) and psychotic/srs/nm

[secrettransabledblog]

??? Yes??? I know that???

Also psychosis is included in neurodivergence

[secrettransabledblog]

I wish people took my dysphoria more seriously.

I’m not like this because i’m a neurotypical who wants to be quirky. I’m already psychotic, and my psychosis is literally the reason i identify as transabled. It’s the reason I consider myself trisschizoaffective. I’m already like this, i just want it to be worse. I hate that medication has taken my psychosis from me. It feels wrong. Like i’m missing something.

You only care about psychotic people when we’re palatable. The second we do something weird you kick us to the side.

[secrettransabledblog]

bought a cart of a strain i know triggers my episodes. im excited.

[secrettransabledblog]

I’ve been having some symptoms lately.

I’ve feel like god is speaking to me. Through songs and through the art i produce with my own hands. God, existence itself, creation embodied. God gave me purpose.

I feel so scared but so happy. I want to stay like this forever. I feel so full of bliss.

[secrettransabledblog]

The urge to stop taking my antipsychotics so i can experience a modicum of euphoria.

[secrettransabledblog]

I think i might be transintersex too idk. I’m really hesitant to accept my transIDs in general. I feel like i’m taking up space i shouldn’t. Maybe i should stay closeted forever.

[trans--v1]

transschizophrenia transition tips

transschizophrenia transition tips

From a person with schizophrenia

I wanna start this by sayin I don't ever encourage hurtin others in yer pursuit of transitioning, so please be responsible. Won't be usin my usual cadence fer this fer accessibility. Onto the tips

Schizophrenia is a complex disorder that is characterized by delusions, hallucinations, disordered speech, disorganized or catatonic behavior and negative symptoms, and you only need a couple to qualify, but I honestly recommend looking into the less well known symptoms too. I'll be going over what these mean and what they mean for your transition.

First things first: schizophrenia starts manifesting in late teens to early adulthood.

If you're between the ages of around 19-25 you're at the prime age for this, but there's also such things as childhood onset schizophrenia which can manifest before 13, and between 13-18 is considered early onset schizophrenia.

Basically, you can develop it at any time, but it's not nearly as common in minors. Keep this in mind when it comes to transition timing.

Okay onto symptoms!!!

Delusions: delusions are deeply engrained false beliefs that cannot be shaken even when provided proof. I just wanna start this by saying... Many are really fucking mundane.

One of the reasons I didn't notice sooner was because none of them actually impacted my behavior, it was just "oh the world is a simulation, anyways I wonder what I'll do for dinner" or "everyone around me is fake but that's fine I still love them".

This isn't always the case of course, but keep that in mind.

Encourage absurdist or magical thinking, focus on tricking yourself into believing things you would otherwise disregard as irrational. Defend these false beliefs and refuse to change your mind even when others provide evidence contrary.

Some common places to start are: the world is a simulation, someone in my life isn't real (capgras delusion) (make sure the recipient is consenting please), the people in my life want to hurt/kill me and are conspiring against me (persecutory delusions), I have magical powers others don't such as future vision or am being followed by a magical entity (optional: I can't tell others about it because it will endanger them), someone is trying to send me messages through mundane media like the news or online posts, etc.

Hallucinations: hallucinations are simply experiencing sensations through any of the senses that aren't actually there.

Unless paired with delusions, people who experience hallucinations are often able to pick them out as hallucinations. Imagine yourself seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling or tasting things that aren't there.

You can practice with actual sensations like using a feather on your skin while not looking or having someone else do it then taking it away when you look, or using strong scents and imagining the source not being there.

Very common hallucinations are: shadow people (often in the corner of your vision), feeling like bugs are crawling on you, sounds of banging or opening/closing doors when nobody is awake/around, or seeing horrors beyond your imagination doing mundane things (/silly).

Disordered speech: this isn't nearly as talked about when discussing schizophrenia, at least not by name. It's kindly referred to as "word salad" but it can also be classed as a thought disorder. You can practice speaking with different types and seeing what feels most right for you.

There are way too many types to list here, so I really recommend doing your own research, but some common types are: replacing words with similar sounding ones or using incorrect versions of words, loose word association that can sound like regular speech but when listening closely it makes no sense, not being able to speak at all, or talking in extreme abstracts and metaphors that might only make sense to you.

Disorganized or catatonic behavior: there are two extremes here: acting out violently, strangely, or inappropriately- or not acting at all.

Catatonic behavior is self explanatory, it can be things like not moving at all, being very easy to physically move and manipulate during these periods or the opposite of resisting all movement, being unaware of the world around you, etc.

Disorganized behavior is a bit more abstract, though. It consists of aggressive or childlike behavior, pacing or making bizarre facial expressions, having a flat affect which I'll talk about more in a bit, etc.

You can practice any of these on your own and exhibit them around others once you get the hang of it.

Finally, negative symptoms: this one is a bit odd, since it can often be mistaken for depression or ADHD symptoms.

It consists of struggling to manage and keep up with daily tasks, keeping a clean environment, significant changes in sleeping habits, poor hygiene, lack of motivation, and more.

One thing with this is a blunted or flat affect which is the inability to emote physically strongly or at all, like having a monotone voice and not smiling.

You can practice this in a mirror or with someone willing to help you transition and point out when you emote.

You're already there with the rest if you experience depression, honestly.

Uhmm I hope this was helpful! It's based on my experiences for the most part

[secrettransabledblog]

I smoke so much just because my psychotic symptoms get worse when i’m high. Its the only way i can get euphoria.

[secrettransabledblog]

literally cant even have a droplet of community bc it seems like i get harassed in every transid/rq server i join.

[secrettransabledblog]

“*the most aggressive response possible* /nay” yeah. “/nay” bullshit.

[secrettransabledblog]

literally cant even have a droplet of community bc it seems like i get harassed in every transid/rq server i join.

[secrettransabledblog]

I wish I wasn’t created in a way that would make everyone hate me. Why couldn’t i have been normal and likeable?

[secrettransabledblog]

I wish i could express this feeling anywhere other than tumblr. I wish i didn’t have to be closeted for the rest of my life. I just want to feel comfortable. I don’t know why I’m like this or what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to feel this way. Why me why now?