āI want everything!ā
Yenneferās ambition is also a mask.Ā
Itās so easy to look at her ambition and thinkĀ āoh, typical dark character/villain motivation! that never ends well!ā and put her in this little box, looking at her like a two-dimensional character, which Iāve seen people do. Ambition is, after all, so unattractive in women. [imagine my eye twitching right here]
Yenneferās arch in season 1 is actually incredibly well written within the remarkably short time we are given to get to meet her.Ā
Letās start with the Yennefer who didnāt really wantĀ anything, because she didnāt think herself deserving of want.
Thereās this incredible subtext to Tissaiaās treatment of Yennefer that goes beyond obvious cruelty. PigletĀ is what she calls her, not only because she plucked her from a literal pigsty, but because Yennefer had accepted that her place was among her stepfatherās pigs. She slept with the pigs and was worth less than them. The height of Yenneferās rebellion at that stage, was to try and actually help tending to them. I can do it! Even after she comes to Aretuza, Yennefer still thinks her place is in that pigsty, that sheās some sort of animal herself.Just look at the way she carries herself, the way she sits, even, and youāll see.
When Yennefer tells Istredd she wants to be good at somethingĀ - she doesnāt entirely mean it yet. Sheās still living in that pigsty. She doesnāt believe her own power. The only moments she is able to perform magic, is under duress. When sheās threatened and portals out and then when, Tissaia shames her in front of her peers and her anger causes her release the lightning she had trapped within the bottle (sheĀ is the bottle). But she is never able to perform when sheās not angry or threatened.Ā
Anya Chalotra says this in Yenneferās character featurette:
āShe longs for this connection but that fear, that insecurity feeds this chaos and this magic that makes her incredibly powerful.ā
This is a universe in which we are learning magic users are incredibly dangerous, whether they know what theyāre doing, or not. Which is why Tissaia is more than an educator, sheās a purger too. If youāre not deemed fit, youāre going to be turned into an eel, your uncontrolled magical power is too dangerous to be allowed.Ā
She sees the potential in Yennefer, sees much of herself in her too, she sees the danger in her. She works a bit like an army sergeant. Sheās not kind, or motherly, sheās not there to comfort anyone. So itās pigletĀ until Yennefer is ready to leave the pigsty.Ā
Though Yennefer tried to attack Sabrina, it is clear it was also the moment she realized her power and believed it. Felt pretty powerful to me. She also, of course, understood her responsibility, and Tissaiaās. I spoke about this conversation in another ramble. About how Tissaia is finally able to connect with Yennefer by pointing out how they are the same. I stand by that, but I also believe this moment was the moment where Yennefer beleived her power and believed she could be good at something.
So this is how we get to a Yennefer who wants everything. But, again, that is a mask to an extent. She spent most of her life until then, not believing herself worthy of anything. Like Anya Chalotra herself puts it, sheĀ āpresents a certain version of herself, someoneās who direct and in control, dangerous.ā What Yennefer wants is no different than what anyone else wants. She wants to be loved. She wants to be important to someone. But how does one ask for such a thing? So she wants more, she wants it all, everything. Why shouldnāt she?Ā
The world is in debt with Yennefer, for all the pain it put her through (hey, relatable, OK?). A few people see through Yennefer well: Tissaia, Istredd and Geralt among them.
The tragedy of Istredd, though, is that even if he loves her, he believes he has the key to her happiness, which is frankly quite presumptuous of him. How could he expect her to want the things he wants when they had such different life experiences so far? Yes, she loved Istredd, but at that point, a life living in the shadow of someone else instead of being the protagonist of her own story was far from happiness, it was stifling, it was small, even cruel. Yennefer wanted to go out into the world and show everyone everything she could be. She wasnāt a pig in her stepfatherās pigsty and she would never be one again.
Still, Istreddās parting words are prophetic, because Yennefer would never have what she wanted. There was far too much that was out of her control in the world. Kings and their own ambitions, proved immune to what good she could do that didnāt entail enabling the worst in them. She was such a valuable asset, in the end, her king sends her off to get killed with his wife and daughter - no wonder she bailed.
We come to Yennefer wanting a child, or, more importantly, the choice to have a child - the thing that was taken from her. The thing that not everyone seems to understand is that choosing to give up her womb wasnāt much of a choice, at all. Just like enrolling in Aretuza wasnāt a choice. Yennefer tried to refuse to go, Tissaia forced her. Anica, Yenneferās friend, said she wanted to go home, Tissaia told her she was home now. Choices arenāt really a thing once your magical abilities become known. Your power means youāre dangerous, and it means the Brotherhood will control everything you are, whether you want it, or not.Ā
You are not fit to control the power within you? Youāre too dangerous. Youāre now an eel, swimming in the pond beneath Aretuza. I have no idea what would have happened to Yennefer had she not forced things the way she did. Istredd seemed to believe he could be her protector, but could he? What would have been the price? Why would she have wanted it? When she abandons her place in court she is on the run. Tissaia warns her her carelessness will bring the Brotherhood to her and they are not happy with her. So there doesnāt seem to be an alternative, a choice, anywhere, where Yennefer, or any other female mage could forego the hysterectomy and transformation - because beauty is a job requirement, as is sterility. And if youāve been training your whole life to do this one thing what really is the alternative here?
Taking away her womb meant controlling Yenneferās loyalty. She says as much to the pupils (who will all most likely become eels if they have magic in them at all). The Brotherhood traps you, shapes your entire identity to serve them. This is what Yennefer wants back. Her autonomy, her personhood, and good golly, yes, maybe sheāll want a child too someday.
Like I said, Geralt is one of the people who can see through her. Though Mr Cruel pants here isnāt entirely fair, there is an element of healing a wound by having a child to love her. Truth is, Geralt has his own personal feelings about mages having children they can abandon - we blame Visenna.
There is a little selfishness to parenthood though, if weāre really honest about it. Which is why so often parents hurt their children - wanting to shape them into what theyĀ could have been. Which I think makes this little family all the more beautiful in the long run. Ciri is not their birth child, and their love for her is still unconditional and theyāll fight to protect Ciri and her own personhood, putting her first. [this section is more speculative regarding the show as Iām thinking about the books]
Yenneferās ambitions donāt make her evil, though, Iāve seen a few try to put her in that box. She was a girl so unloved and who thought so little of herself she had to set the highest bar to drag herself out of it. What she ultimately wants is what anyone with a beating heart wants, but in her struggle to make herself relevant in the world she will absolutely strive to be the best she can be. Itās what makes her fearless, to her own detriment. Luckily, at the worst of times, there has been someone there to save her from herself, someone who already is what she wants, if only she could believe it.Ā
