WARNING THIS IS ABOUT TO GET DEPRESSING
It’s been a while since I made an life update on here. And for now, I might use this as my online journal.
My mom passed away unexpectedly less than a month ago.
At first, I truly, whole heartedly thought she was going to be fine. That there was nothing that we could not work or surpass.
When she complained about a headache, I didn’t think it was bad initially. Then a minute later I thought she was having a migraine, so I wanted to give her Tylenol and have her lye down. But she didn’t want that so we compromised and got her an ice pack for her head.
She still looked terrible as the minutes passed by, so I got my blood pressure machine and started to take her pressure.
I never got to find out what her number was.
While waiting for the numbers, my mom started to feel nauseous and through up in the dinning room. She then went to the bathroom. I immediately followed her asking her if she need paper towels, water or anything.
After I left her and was going to start cleaning the throw up. But my mom in her typical, amazing and selfless way came out and told me to not worry about the throw up to leave it alone and that she will clean it up later.
When I didn’t listen and was still cleaning it, my mom helped me cleaned it. She unfortunately got sick again and threw up on the kitchen sink before going back to my bathroom.
At this moment I thought she had a stomach flu. Which is not uncommon, my mom had food poisoning just 2 months previously. So I left her alone in the bathroom as she threw up. I kept checking in, but didn’t want to bother her. 15 minutes later I went to check on her and I see her leaving her head against the wall of my shower glass door. She looked like she was taking a breather.
I decide to leave her alone and come back in 10 minutes. When I do she’s still in the same position, but I decided I want to start cleaning around my bathroom. I start picking up the paper towels and I decided I was also going to help clean her up. Because she had some throw up on her hands and mouth.
But as I clean her hands I had this chilling feeling. My mom is not responding or moving as I clean her hands or her face. She’s still breathing and sounds like she’s a sleep. But I start seeing foam forming on her mouth.
I start panicking and freaking out. My first thought was she fainted and she wants to throw up but she’s now choking. I pick her up and put her body over the toilet while I try to call her name.
Once I realize this is futile, I go and get my step dad, and tell him there’s something wrong with my mom. We then move my mom from the bathroom to the living room and call emergency number.
While on the phone with them, they have me to cpr. The fire department/ ambulance shows up 10 minutes later. They see her and tell me she probably had a stroke and will take her to the hospital.
When they said she had a stroke, I thought, ok, she’s going to be fine. People don’t die from strokes, it might be a long recovery for her, but she’s going to be ok. Because my mom is incredibly healthy, had no medical problems, exercise daily and she’s just so strong that she came back from anything.
My step dad went to the hospital following the ambulance and I stayed cleaning and making sure my dog was going to be fine.
30 minutes later I get a text from him saying the doctor says I need to see my mom. That it’s not looking good. Even when my step dad picks me up and is crying. I refused to believe that she couldn’t come back. That there was no other options or alternatives for her. Because my mom is super woman. She can get through anything.
When I finally make it to the hospital and talk to a doctor I find out that my mom’s stroke was massive and turn into a giant bleed. The most positive outcome was that if she wakes up her quality of life after was going to be in a nursing home with feed tubes, breathing tubes, and no recognition of anyone, she would be brain damage. She would need to be hooked up to life support 24/7 to keep her body working.
That’s not my mom. That’s not who she is. She’s amazing and strong. She’s not a lifeless body who goes through the motions but has no perception.
Though my family was not ready to accept it at that moment and was hoping for a miracle. I was starting to get a sense that my mom was not coming home with me.
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