i hate everything about you | pt. 1 | pjm
・pairing: ex!jimin x ex!f!reader
・genre: exes to lovers | a lot of angst | a slightly little bit of a love triangle
18+
・word count: 6.7k
・summary: accidentally, you bump into your ex who, mind you, previously cheated on you. so you're 99% sure the only feeling you have left for him is sheer hate. but the 1% leaves you questioning.
・banner: by the amazing @kookdiaries
・A/N: firstly, i want to wish our baby mochi the happiest of birthdays! i really wanted to have something to post on his birthday, since i couldn't do it for any of our other boys this year ):
i also want to say that i'm really happy/surprised with the huge amount of attention the teaser for this fic got! i felt so inspired, thank you all for taking your time to share it and to talk to me about it too !! <3
i hope you enjoy this first part and i promise i won't take too long to put out part 2! here's a playlist for y'all to play as you read it, if you want to hehe also shoutout to the anon who asked for the black haired jimin header back lol this one's for you
as always, thank you to my fave person @primadonnasdream. without her, i would never be able to write any of my stories.
feedback is always appreciated, sweeties 💜
・permanent taglist: @goldenhoney-cas @yuugehn
・taglist: @imluckybitches @bbtsficrecs @minijagiya @jackinthethroat @arckyive @chimchimmarie @bex-92br @rkvi @hoseok666 @joonsytip @callmejimmeo @koreanaestheticc
There are about eighteen thousand bars in Seoul. You know this because you’ve just googled it. Out of curiosity? Not really. Just because you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that out of all the bars in Seoul, all the eighteen thousand bars in Seoul, Jungkook had to pick the one where your ex is currently working.
Not to blame it on Jungkook, poor guy. There was no way in hell he could know this and you’re sure that if you told him, he’d be crushed, since, according to him, he’s been trying to muster up the courage to ask you out for months. To be fair, you didn’t even know Jimin had left his partner, Seokjin, and his own bar to start working behind the counter again. Not that it's any of your business, anyway. He can go to hell for all you care, especially after dumping your ass three days before your four year anniversary for some random girl he met on that stupid fucking bar of his.
That fucking stupid bar he clearly didn’t even own anymore. Joke’s on him.
It broke your heart in a way you’re not sure it’s ever going to heal. He meant the world to you, all that butterfly bullshit and everything. When he left you, it felt like your world was falling to pieces. You shared a life, even shared a home. A small apartment near his stupid fucking bar, you were so happy when you two finally moved in together.
Building intimacy takes time, compromising to someone else’s well being and happiness costs more than only your time. Learning how to share your space, your insecurities, your feelings, your everyday life. That shit takes time. Giving yourself to a person takes more than that. It takes courage.
You gave all of that and much more to Park Jimin. But you regret doing so with every fiber of your being. Learning to live your life again without having him in it was one of the hardest things you’ve had to do so far.
You had your share of revenge after fucking his best friend, Taehyung, and making sure to tell him about it when you went to your apartment to get his stuff back. If you felt like shit, you had to try to make him feel at least one percent of the heartbreak you had been feeling. After that, you heard that he and Taehyung got into a physical fight and had cut ties.
It was definitely not a very peaceful break up experience, both of you were extremely proud people and could not stand losing. It took you a great amount of therapy sessions in order to stop dreaming and thinking about him 24/7.
Do you still believe in love after that? You’re not sure, probably not, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun. Jungkook was a very sweet and flirty distraction in the middle of your heartbreak. Not to mention the guy is hot as fuck, but right now, you swear you could just punch him in the face.
Because out of all the bars in Seoul, here you are. At the one your fucking nasty ex boyfriend works in.
As soon as you walked in, you felt something was off with this one. It felt like the universe itself was trying to spare you from this experience. Of course, you didn’t listen to your intuition, especially because Jungkook told you a friend of his has been talking wonders about the drinks from this specific bar.
Once you looked over at the bar, you saw him. For a split second, you froze. He looked as gorgeous as ever, dark locks obscuring his eyes from where you could see. You didn't allow yourself to feel any type of way with the sight of him, you were over him, you definitely didn't want to go back to the pit where you recently came out of, thank you very much. He was too busy with whatever he was doing at the moment to notice you, fortunately. You just rushed over to Jungkook, locking your arms out of nervousness, leaving him quite giddy about it.
Did you ask him to leave and look for another place to spend the night? No.
Should you have done so? Maybe.
But you wouldn't deny yourself the satisfaction of showing Jungkook off to him in the place Jimin works. It didn't matter that only looking at him made you miss him more than words can ever say, you know that he’d feel pissed out of his mind. You’d deal with your feelings some other time.
“Looks nice, huh?” Jungkook asks you with a sweet smile hanging on his pierced lips, bringing you back to planet Earth.
You nod faintly, showing him a warm smile.
“There's a balcony back there, do you see it?” He asks again, holding your hand now. You weren’t even able to react to Jungkook’s gestures properly, you were too lost in your thoughts about Jimin. “It’s got a very nice view of the city, if anything, we can take some nice photos here. You look hot, by the way”.
“Oh- I- Thanks, Jungkook. You too, by the way”, you tried smirking. “A-Are we getting a table or what?”
You usually don’t get thrown off by his compliments. You love when it happens, of course, but you’re usually good at flirting, you see he gets slightly puzzled as to why would you react like that all of a sudden.
“Are you okay, Y/n?” He asks you, caressing the back of your hand with his thumb, a little concern can be sensed in his voice tone.
“Of course! Why do you ask?” You reply, tilting your head a bit, trying to sound convincingly confused.
You would not simply ruin your date by mentioning your ex boyfriend is the bartender he’s been listening compliments about.
“Nevermind… Why don’t you go ahead and grab us a spot on the balcony? I’ll do the honors and order our drinks. Any preferences?”
“Surprise me”, you challenge him, squeezing his hand before letting go of it, still trying to hold the confident demeanor he’s used to.
You head over to the balcony, not really looking over at the bar, trying your best to forget about the fact that Jimin was here and could notice you’re here too at any moment. The most annoying thing about this situation is that you’re feeling too nervous about seeing him. Much more than you should be.
So what Jimin is here? You’re over him, remember? Get your shit together. You’re here with Jungkook, enjoy your date.
You try distracting yourself by scrolling on your social media, not really paying attention to anything in particular, just trying to keep your mind away from Jimin. You can’t really understand why you feel almost shaky, maybe that’s how your body reacts to someone you hate.
You only had the courage to look into his direction again when you felt Jungkook was coming back to your table, with a warm expression adorning his beautiful features, holding two drinks in his hands. It would have been the beginning of a nice date, if you couldn’t see Jimin’s eyes shooting daggers in your direction from above Jungkook’s shoulder.
Yes, he’s seen you already. Of course he’s seen you.
Naturally, since you noticed Jimin’s eyes on you, you were simply not able to relax. Jungkook was acting like his normal charming self, completely unaware of what was going on inside your head. You simply nodded whenever it felt like he was waiting for a reply from you.
“Why are you nodding? Did you hear what I said?” He asks you, with an embarrassed half smile, making you feel slightly guilty for not giving him the attention he deserves.
Damn you, Park Jimin.
“Sorry, Kook, I zoned out for a second. What was the question again?”
“I said the restrooms here are amazing and that you should see it”, he repeats himself, pointing to the drink in front of you, he continues. “I need to use the toilet again, by the way, do you want another mimosa?”
“Oh, sure. Thanks”, you reply with a gentle smile, the nicest one you could flash at him.
You honestly liked him. He was a very good person, from what you could tell. Unfortunately, you completely lost the focus on this date, maybe it was your fight or flight instincts taking over your thoughts, but the only thing you could think about was Jimin’s burning gaze on you and how badly you wanted to escape.
You were pretty sure you got over him, he’s your past. That’s a fact. He is past, there’s no other way. The idea that he can look at you like you’re doing something wrong by moving on with your life makes you feel livid, that’s all there is to it.
He’s always had the talent to make everything be about him, but this time around it genuinely pisses you off. This whole situation was actually just a coincidence, he’s the one needing to get over himself.
“So, who’s the idol wannabe?” A voice startles you.
A voice you know all too well.
Following the sound of this voice with your eyes, you contemplate the one and only Park Jimin, the man who cheated on you. The once love of your life. You refuse to allow his presence to affect you in any type of way, though.
“Idol wannabe?” You snort, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “Oh, you mean my date? Wow, Mini, you sound so frustrated when you put it like that… Cause, you know, you’re an ex idol wannabe too”.
“Very funny, babe. Who’s the guy?” He jerks his head in the direction Jungkook went, with an authoritative expression on his face.
Like he had any right to be asking you questions about your life.
“What’s that, Mini? A public jealousy display?” You figured the best way to deal with him was by not giving him what he wants.
“Isn't that what you wanted bringing him to the place I work?”
“I can’t believe- Why do you think I care about how you feel or don’t feel, Park Jimin-ssi?” You blurt out, trying to keep your composure as much as possible. The last thing you want is to make a scene. “It’s funny that you think I’d give myself the trouble to make you feel jealous. I didn't even know you left The Wave”.
“And you expect me to believe that?” He cocks his brows, eyes not leaving your face. “You're a character, Y/l/n Y/n-ssi”.
“As I’ve stated before, Park Jimin-ssi, I do not care about anything that’s related to you anymore. I’m sorry if my presence here feels like an insult or whatever, but, you know… You should have moved on with your life by now too”, as you spit these words at him, you see his eyes flickering with an indignation he would not be allowed to lash out the way you know he wants to, because, after all, this is where he works. “So, if you excuse me, my date can come back at any second and I have no interest in letting him know you’re my ex”.
He grimaced, not uttering another word. That is so unlike him, it’s funny... and kind of weird. He has quite the explosive demeanor and you know you were kind of harsh to him right now. You almost feel guilty, but then you remember how humiliating it was finding out about his infidelity.
What he made you go through was way worse.
Placing a Daiquiri glass in front of you on the table, he smirks, but you see his smile does not really meet his eyes, covered by a darker cloak you couldn’t actually explain where it came from.
“Alright, Y/n-ssi. Here’s your drink”, bowing to you, as he takes his leave. “You’re looking as gorgeous as ever. Good luck with your idol boy”.
“Jimin-ssi, that’s not really what we ordered”, you raise your voice tone slightly, just so you made sure he could hear you.
“Oh, I know, babe. But we both know you’re not really much of a mimosa woman”, he answers, the irony lying underneath every single one of the words that came out of his mouth, turning to you again. “I know you very well, unlike your date, apparently. Don’t worry, this one’s a little more expensive, so, it’s on me”.
He blinks at you, turning on his heels again, this time around not taking another glance in your direction again, leaving you with an almost bittersweet taste in your mouth, that only goes away when you see Jungkook’s smile getting near you again.
He sits in front of you again and you honestly don’t understand how you allowed Jimin to get under your skin for even a split second. Jungkook was everything you could ask for a guy to be: stunning, into you and not your complicated ex.
“A daiquiri?” He asks you in a gentle tone, knitting his brows together. “Sorry, I guess the bartender didn't understand what I said”.
“No. It’s fine, I’ve started drinking this one already”, you state.
It’s kind of cute that he paid attention to you to a degree in which he noticed the drink you were having. He’s a sweetheart, but Jimin was right, at the end of the day. You’re not much of a mimosa girl.
“Don't worry, he’s the one who made the mistake… I’m sure he’ll bring you a new one”, Jungkook turns in what you know is Jimin's direction, with his right arm raised, gesturing for him to come over to your table. Then, he turns back to you, with a sweet smile hanging from his pierced lips. “He’s coming”.
Jungkook calling him over was something you simply didn't expect to happen, you didn't have time to react, to think about something to say or for a reason to stop him. You figured you couldn’t have a very strong reaction here, since for all that matters to your date, this guy is just the bartender, not your ex-boyfriend from a relationship that ended really badly.
Naturally, it doesn’t take Jimin more than ten seconds to get to you, and knowing Jimin, he would stop anything he was doing so he could come over and be petty, if possible.
“Can I help you?” You hear his voice, but refuse to turn your head in his direction.
You know he’s looking at you, though.
“We have actually ordered a mimosa, but, maybe there was some confusion, and we ended up getting a daiquiri instead. I was wondering if there’s something we can do about it”, Jungkook had both sides of his mouth turned up in a likeable smile, as he gazed in Jimin’s direction.
You know Jungkook’s niceness would only piss Jimin off even more.
“Oh, yes, the daiquiri. There’s no mistake, actually”, Jimin mimics the smile Jungkook flashed at him, but you know his isn't a heartfelt one. “I think it suits her better than a mimosa. Anything else?”
“I’m sorry?” Your date’s brows snapped together and the niceness in his smile dissolved into disbelief. “How did you come to a conclusion about the type of drink she prefers?”
“Oh, believe me, I know it”, Jimin snapped back, in a controlled tone.
Jungkook’s eyes darted in your direction, kind of looking for some sort of endorsement to what he was saying to Jimin, obviously baffled by the boldness of this guy. He, obviously, didn’t find the same kind of expression on your features. It didn’t take him too long to understand that something was off, in a split second, you saw the realization dawning in his face.
You felt cold to your bones, concentrating on using every single bit of what was left from your self control in order not to run away from this bar and leave both of them bickering over the goddamned daiquiri.
“Well, she seems pleased with your choice of drink”, Jungkook tried, clearing his throat. “Thank you for your service, I guess. Keep up with the good work”.
Jimin bows to Jungkook and then to you.
The atmosphere Jimin leaves behind is so heavy you can almost touch it, you feel the air weighing all around you and Jungkook, who was focused on playing with the napkins on the right side of your table. You open your mouth, but the words just refuse to leave your lips.
You don't even know how to start. What could you possibly say in a situation like that? Most importantly, would you be able to actually explain anything without bursting into tears in front of Jungkook? Not only did you run into your ex for the first time in almost a year, but also he had to come over and make a scene in front of the guy you were seeing.
It was only your second date with Jungkook, after going out for a very nice dinner, in which the two of you couldn’t stop smiling and laughing at each other’s jokes. If only you two had gone two any other of the eighteen thousand bars in this city, you would have never seen Jimin and you’d also not be feeling this terrible uneasiness in your chest.
“So”, Jungkook breaks the silence, but you see he’s still looking at his hands as if those damn napkins were the most amusing thing in the world. “You apparently know each other”.
“We do. But honestly, I don’t really want to get onto this, Jungkook. Sorry”, you confess, not really knowing if you’re angry or simply dejected by this encounter.
Jungkook could have also just not mentioned the fact that it was clear you and Jimin have some kind of history. Why do men have to be so clueless all the time? Honestly, it feels like a curse liking men sometimes. The whole situation was so off putting, you truly just wanted to go home, it didn’t matter Jungkook was hot and the nicest guy ever, Jimin was able to kill the mood for you completely.
You see Jungkook is fighting some sort of internal battle and you feel extremely bad for being the reason behind it.. He had been the sweetest person you had a date with in a very long time. You obviously were not ready to try dating again, Jimin was still all over you, and unfortunately, not only figuratively speaking.
"I'm so sorry for dragging you into this mess", you finally break the silence, making Jungkook look at you again. "I honestly don't feel so good right now…"
"Yeah, I imagined. All I can do is wholeheartedly tell you that it's alright if you wanna go home or something. I don't really know what happened between the two of you, but I can tell something definitely happened", he sympatized and you could tell he was being genuine, not really knowing why, you just saw it in his eyes.
You feel like going home, for sure. Just laying in bed for a couple of hours and crying your eyes out would be the only medicine for this. Maybe, tomorrow after work, you’d need the “best friend plus romantic sad movies combo”, but you’d be alright. Unfortunately, seeing Jimin after this time apart was not as easy as you thought. You just knew that the lump in your throat wouldn't just disappear after installing itself there once again.
Looking deep into Jungkook's eyes, searching for some sort of judgment or resentment, which you do not find, you muster up the strength to be fully honest. If nothing, he deserved it.
"I do want to go, Jungkook", you confess, taking his hand, that rested upon the table, into yours and squeezing it lightly. "I'm really sorry for being a louzy date tonight. I promise I'll try to make it up to you".
"Hey, don't worry…" He says softly. Jungkook squeezes your hand back, but lets go of it and pulls it back, leaving yours hanging on the table by itself. "I have kind of waited a long time to ask you out, but I can wait some more. Date number one was amazing, but we can’t always win. I just want us to have a good time together. I'll let you make it up to me, it's fine".
“I’m really sorry…”
“It’s fine”, he shakes his head, a soft smile hanging loosely on his pierced lips, sounding convincing enough to you. He is genuinely a good person. “But for out next date, you’re the one who should be asking me out. Deal?”
He extends his tattooed hand to you, still beaming at you.
“Fair enough”, you shake his hand back, feeling a little better for his reassurance. “Deal”.
You must be the most stupid person to ever walk this earth and you know it. Losing your chance with a guy like Jungkook is one of the most ridiculous things you've ever put yourself through. But what can you objectively do? You just ran into your ex and it was awful. You just wanted to cry curled up onto your pillows until you forgot, once again, what the sound of Jimin's voice felt like against your ears. You were in no mood for small talk and flirtation anymore. It was better ending the night like this, than being a statue around him, right? And if he said you could make it up to him later, you could really try to.
You know that if you weren't feeling this blue, you'd be embarassed as fuck. Maybe, tomorrow, you will.
Jungkook insists on paying for your drinks, saying that you could pay on the next time. Good to know that he's really counting on a next time and he didn't say it just to be polite before. Fortunately, he doesn't really offer to take you home and you call yourself a car. All you wanted was to be alone with your thoughts for a while.
This whole situation wouldn't be this awful if you didn't feel Jimin's eyes on you the whole fucking time. You knew he was watching the whole scene unravel in front of his eyes with an indescribable delight.
Indeed, he won this time. But you could only hope that this was the only battle he'd win from now on. You needed to find your way back to yourself.
And you will, it’ll just take you a little bit of time again.
The light breeze gently touches your skin, as you feel the warmness of the rising sun delicately kissing your hair. The star emerges from behind the hills, as you stand in front of them, tall and strong, deeply rooted to the depths of the earth.
Suddenly, you hear a very loud noise, sounding like a distant bell. Looking around you, you’re not able to find the source of it. It’s not possible that it’s coming from one of the trees, is it?
You hear it again, this time, longer and more annoyingly depriving you from enjoying this beautiful day out in the meadows.
But then, you realize this is a dream. And as soon as the realization hits you, you wake up. You hate being an occasional lucid dreamer, who wakes up as soon as you notice you’re in a dream. It has prevented you from fulfilling many of your fantasies with your celebrity crushes because you always feel like the scenarios are too good to be true.
Then you hear the unblessed noise that woke you up one more time, noticing it’s been the sound of your doorbell this whole time. Finally finding your phone, after your hands grop on your bedside table looking for it, you see it’s 3:27 in the morning. Why the hell would anyone ring your doorbell in such an ungodly hour?
Well, a burglar wouldn’t ring the doorbell, right? You reason, trying not to freak the fuck out.
The doorbell rings one more time, then you hear what seems to be a muffled attempt at verbal communication. Should you go to the door? Should you call the cops? You have no idea.
It could be one of your neighbors looking for help. What if it was an emergency?
“Mrs. Hong? Is that you?” You blurted, voice a bit shaky from the anticipation.
You hear another muffled response, not really understanding anything this person is saying, but you know it definitely isn’t Mrs. Hong.
Fuck, Y/n, are you stupid? Whoever this is, now they know you’re inside!
You feel your whole body starting to tremble, heartbeat racing as the worst images possible flash through your mind. You want to go back to your bedroom, call the cops and hide under your bed until someone comes to save you from whoever is this weirdo at your doorstep. The sound of your parents’ voice saying you were crazy for moving out of their house to live by yourself echo through your brain and you can feel the tears start brewing in the corners of your eyes when you’re able to distinguish a word from the muffled bumbling from outside your door.
You are positive you heard the person finishing their sentence with a “babe”. Instantly, you feel a warm wave of relaxation invading your body, in contrast with the uneasy feeling you had a minute ago. You know exactly who it is on the other side of your door. Looking at the peephole, you find the exact person you expected to see leaning against your door frame. Park Jimin. A very, very drunk Park Jimin, from what you can see.
Your hand goes straight to the door handle, opening the door with a blunt movement. When he realizes what’s happening, his eyes land on yours and you see them turning into the shapes of small crescent moons, as a smile rests on his plumpy lips.
“You almost gave me a fucking heart attack, Jimin-ssi! What the fuck are you doing here?” you bark, watching the smile disappear from his face.
“Sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to scare you! I just want to talk to you and if I’m here, it’s your fault! I could have just called, but you fucking blocked me everywhere”, he pants in a high pitched voice, one he uses when he’s allowing his irritating to take control over him.
“It’s almost four in the morning… You’re clearly drunk… I really don’t want to do this, Jimin”, you state, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Please, get the fuck out of here before you disturb my neighbors too”.
Slamming the door on his face, you turn on your heels towards your bedroom, but before you’re able to walk four steps in its direction, Jimin’s voice can be heard from the inside again. Only this time, he didn’t have his face buried on your door and he was shouting in front of your house.
“Y/n-ssi! I just want to talk to you, pleaseee”, and the there was a knock on your door. “Y/n-ssi! Let me in, Y/n-ssi!”
You feel your blood boiling like magma in your veins, knowing you gave him the perfect weapon to use against you when you mentioned your neighbors. He knows you wouldn’t want these people to talk about you, to talk about the guy who was making a fuss by yelling your name for the whole street to hear in front of your house. You know him and you know that he knows how he plays his games, even when he’s drunk. In a blunt movement, you open the door and grab Jimin by his coat, this time, dragging him inside.
For a second, the two of you just stare at each other. Due to the closeness, you’re able to sense the scent of his cologne, the musky one you gave him on the last Valentine’s day the two of you have spent as a couple. You hate him even more for not getting rid of what’s left of you in him.
“You wanted to talk, didn’t you? So, talk!” You hiss, crossing your arms in front of your chest, feeling the need to break the silence before you did something you’d end up regretting.
He blinks, clearly still mesmerized by the fact that his lousy strategy to get you to do what he wanted worked.
“I saw you left not even five minutes later from that… Well, awkward moment”, he wiggles his eyebrows exaggeratedly as he speaks. “You got yourself a nice suitor, huh?”
“The moment was awkward all thanks to you!” You fumed, unconsciously raising your pointer finger in his direction. “You asshole!”
“Why am I the asshole here? I just told him the truth!” He stated emphatically, with a flicker in his eyes you were just not able to identify precisely.
You were able to smell the alcohol in his breath, due to the closeness, and you felt even more disgusted to be in his presence.
“After cheating on me, you think you have the right to come back and interfere in my love life?” You whisper, angrily. It feels like the temperature in your house is rising, but you know it’s just your anger making you feel hot on the inside. “What did I do to you, Jimin-ssi? Why do you feel like destroying my life every chance you get? Just leave me alone!”
You see your words have an effect on him and whatever he was about to say, you feel like your words have just stopped him from going on. He sighs loudly and when you were about to kick him out of your house, he starts again.
“Who… Who is he, babe?” He looked down as the question finally left his lips.
You almost missed him, his arms around you, his voice whispering soft words in your ears. You almost allow his vulnerable demeanor to get to you.
Almost, but you know better.
Sighing, just like he did seconds ago, you voiced.
“Why do you even care, Jimin? You have nothing to do with my life anymore, you know?” You run your hands through your hair, nervously, looking away from him for a second. “As I’ve told you earlier today, you should’ve moved on by now, after all, you were the one who chatead. Own up to your mistakes, dear, you’re a grown ass man. And stop calling me babe!”
He looks at you, wide eyed after you snap at him. The fact that after all these months without seeing him, you were finally able to say everything you wanted to say to his face brought you some sort of relief.
“When I saw you today, after all the time we’ve been apart, I realized that's the problem… I have nothing to do with your life anymore. I miss you, Y/n”.
It's so hard to hear him saying those things. Mostly, because, deep down you know you miss him too. It hurts so bad to know that you can never have him back, despite loving him. You'd never be able to truly let go of what he did to you. Acknowledging it was the hardest part, it felt like the lump in your throat just got bigger.
“You can't change that unless you have a time machine”, you said under your breath, more to yourself than to him.
“I can't believe he took this away from me too… Fuck…", he snorts, rubbing his face harshly with both of his hands.”
“What are you trying to say? Who is he?", you ask him impatiently. You would not have him just throwing crazy and riddled information at you at this point. "Are you talking about Taehyung?
“No. It's not about Taehyung. Nevermind", his eyelids drop as he mumbles.
“Really? Is that how shit’s gonna go down? You come to my house to pester me in the middle of the night like you had the right to still be in my life after what you did? And you talk in riddles, like, if there's something I still need to know, now's the only time!” You stop, trying to find the right words to try to get to him as much as he did to you. He didn't move, his eyes were still closed as you spoke. As he made no move, you felt like you could continue. “You know what’s funny, though? I guess if things had worked out with miss thing, you wouldn’t be here right now. So, thank you for showing me you’re just a lonely piece of shit. It's good to know you're in pain too”.
“You still have no idea, do you?” He snorts, mouth agape as he eyed you.
“Oh well, I don't know if I do. Please, enlighten me, Jimin-ssi. Did the illuminati make you cheat on me or something?"” Scorn spewing out of your words.
He looks at you once more, his eyes burning with longing. It just made your blood boil even more inside of your veins.
“I’m sorry, Y/n. I can’t even say how all of that broke my heart in, like, one million pieces”, he whimpered lowly, his head down as the words left his lips, not really entertaining your mockery.
You snort.
“How all of that broke your heart? Have you considered that if you had not cheated, we’d still be together? Have you thought about how all of that broke my heart?” You poke him angrily on his chest, feeling the unwelcome misery settling once more in your chest once you heard Jimin’s words. “It was all your fault, Jimin! If we’re not together right now, it's your fault! You broke my heart!”
You vomit all those words at him, holding back the years with every single bit of strength left in you. His eyes travel up to meet yours as you spoke, Jimin’s features are clouded by something you can’t quite name. Is it regret? It must be, it’s the only thing that makes sense. Maybe he’s genuinely sad about it too, but it honestly doesn’t matter. Or maybe there was really something he was trying to tell.
Whatever it is, hee deserves to deal with it on his own. You don’t have to allow him to drag you back to the hole of pain you were able to come out of, very recently, by the way.
“You’re right, Y/n-ssi. It was all my fault. I shouldn’t have come here, I don’t know what I was thinking.” He sighs, running his hands through his dark locks that fell to the sides, looking partially messed, in a very attractive way. “Again, I’m sorry. For everything. Maybe, someday-”.
“Yeah, sure. It doesn’t matter anymore”, you cut him short. You just can’t do this anymore, you can’t listen to him whining. Not without bursting into tears and you definitely didn't want to cry in front of him.
On the other hand, the attraction you feel for him, right now, standing before your front door, his features barely lit by the only source of light coming from your bedroom behind you. You hate him for still looking great, for still messing with you, for still being the most handsome man you’ve ever seen. You hate yourself too for feeling like that about him, after all this time.
“Is… This guy. Is he nice to you?” He breaks the silence, his voice as soft as feather touch against your ears.
“He’s just a guy, Jimin. But just stop… Stop asking”, you mutter. “Please, just go”.
He nods, still gazing at you with his magnetic dark eyes.
“I hope you know this”, he points to himself and to you, as he jerks his head in your direction. “Us. Me being here. It means I still have very strong feelings for you. Very strong feelings I can’t control, I guess”.
“I don’t wanna know, Jimin-ssi. Really”.
“I’m sorry, but by the way you still look at me… I’m sure there's still something there. Maybe you’ve done a nice job locking it away, but I know it’s still there”.
“I don’t-”, you stop yourself, and turn to him with a louder tone. “Just fucking go!”
The control you had over yourself so far was gone, you just want him out of your sight. Hopefully, out of your mind too.
When it finally seemed like he was ready to leave, he turned to you once more, gazing intensely into your eyes. Before you had the chance to tell him the get the fuck out for the last time, he had his arms around your waist and his lips found yours; hungrily.
His kiss was exactly the way you remembered. Intense. Passionate. Breathtaking. Right. It just felt like home. His tongue pursues yours in a fervent twirl and your tongue corresponds in the same intensity. His hand travels upwards, resting on the nape of your neck, spreading a pleasurable warm sensation where it touched.
He pins you up against the wall, his lips not leaving yours for a split second. He pressed his body against yours and you wrapped your arms around his neck, enclosing any space that could be left between your body and his. He felt so warm against you and the way his touch felt against your skin made it impossible for your brain to think about anything other than the right now and how much you longed for him.
“I’ve missed this”, he said softly, his plumpy lips against yours. “So much”.
He presses his lips against yours once more, but now you realize you can taste the soju on his tongue. Then, you come to your senses.
You’re missing your drunk ex-boyfriend in the middle of the night. This is the man who cheated on you. The man who made a fool out of you and didn’t give a fuck about your feelings. You swore you wouldn't allow him to touch ever again. Here you are, breaking your own promise. Worse part is, maybe he won’t even remember anything that was said or done when we wakes up tomorrow.
In an instinctive impulse, you push him as hard as you can, trying to create as much distance as possible from Jimin. You don't face him long enough to know what happens to him, besides the confused look on his face after forcing him away from you.
“Jimin-ssi… Just get the fuck out of my house”, you start babbling, but trying to control the wobbliness in your voice.
You hate yourself for being so weak, all it took him was a kiss and you almost dropped all the defenses you’d worked so hard to build up.
“Y/n, just hear me out, please… I wanna tell you everything”, he cried out, his somewhat wobbly voice coming from behind you.
“Jimin, please!” You murmur, imploring. “Just leave me alone.
And there was silence. It felt like time had stopped, you just focused on not allowing the weight on your chest to take over you. You don’t know how long it takes, but you hear your front door being slammed, then all you could do was allow yourself the tears you were holding back to roll down your cheeks in an attempt to release this pain from your chest.
part 2
